Addressing the elephant in the room... Note on Pg 21 (24 April) - Page 7

Originally posted by: jankiraghav

What a beautiful discussion this is and what a heartbreaking last sentence in the main post, Keshni!? You are leaving the show, fine... but don't leave us 😒 humne aisi kaunsi maturity dikha di aapko jo nahi honi chahiye thi...

Im just a PM away😆

And ill keep an tab on the content of the show thru' my IF buddies watching the show😎

Yeh maturity word se aab nafrat si hone lagi hain🤣

I am so busy today that I can't reply a long one but your post is exactly the reason why I stopped watching TV shows altogether at least a decade ago. Even then, I had watched only a handful ones even earlier. I am not in a position to compare the kind of chauvinism, toxicity, violence that other shows promote vis-a-vis this one because I really haven't watched any show in long, long years.

Im not sure with what I should compare this show with as well. However, the content of ITV is as problematic as it was 8 years ago, and that in itself is problematic in my opinion.

I have very high standards for tv dramas, ive spent years wandering thru other countries' drama and so, im kind of surprised that there has been no change whatsoever in this many years.

I got hooked to this show because the lead was an IPS and now, everyday, I almost say once, "Is he an IPS?"

Same😆

Because I actually find this portrayal of an IPS officer offending. Not because there aren't IPS officers who lack morals and who aren't toxic. One in five is like that. But the issue with this character is what Sai described - "Sahi aur galat ka matlab badalta rehta hai"... He tends to waver so much in his loss of control that you wonder which side of him will eventually become his 'normal' nature. I have recently even begun dissociating him as an IPS. It would be wrong to say that all other subordinate police officers are like that because there are gems in officers who are non-IPS policemen but I think if he was shown as a Police Inspector from a state cadre, I would have accepted his split personality and uncertainty about his value system more easily. So, either he should stick by his morals or then he should come across as one who doesn't have the tenacity to stand by his morals - he wants to have the cake and eat it to.

I don't think any one of us here supports 'toxicity' that is actually mirroring the society but of course since it is on TV, it is glorified and allowed to pass, dragged on for months just because the show has to achieve a climax point and earn its TRP brownies. I watched a couple of promos of new shows on the app that were served to be by default when I logged in to watch this one. My patience with TV shows is so thin that I did not even sit through those straight-faced, seemingly macho men going about throwing things, breaking stuff and even burning something. I just can't bring myself to watch these characters who need to be brought to book and not handed over to women as "projects"... But they are also men who exist in real, who cannot be touched by law even.

@red- yes, this exactly. I keep on seeing things like "take a broken guy. Heal him and he will be your forever," lmao, what? No dude. A woman is not some kind of glue that every man should have because she'll fix him eventually. And this kind of show only promote and romanticise that very idea.

When i quit this show -- and I know I eventually will because I couldn't even read the entire synopsis of the original forget watching it 🤣 -- it will be my final bbye to TV 😆 But at the moment, it has the chance to keep me hooked by showing me a compelling reason of why the couple wants to give one another a chance. What happened over Friday-Saturday was uncalled for. If I were Ashwini, I would have slapped Virat in the heat of the moment and then gone and drilled sense into his head. If I were Sai, I would have done exactly what she is doing -- packing her bags. But I also know why she will stay back. I want to see if the reason for her to stay back is that he gave her a compelling apology or because she has actually fallen in love and her heart has found the other end of its attachment -- and then, in that case, even the strongest of women tend to endure a lot more than they normally would.

I hope you find the content that you looking for. But, brace yourself for some I was hangry/i wanted to have some us time/ I was concerned excuse as well😆

You know, in reality -- i meet couples who want to end their marriages. Most of them are actually good people who have, in their moment of loss of control, reached a point of no return. They are unsure if the reason is big enough to move on and not give one another a chance... they are unsure if a second chance would lead to a third. They are also unsure if they will actually find the perfect one by moving out. But they have reasons to give one another a chance in the worst of the moments.

Toxicity, as we call it, crops up even in some of the healthiest relationships if it goes through a phase or circumstances that are getting out of hand because nurturing is a continuous process. I know we have high expectations from the characters who have been introduced as upright. But to me, I always found Virat in the earlier episodes as someone wearing a cloak -- I am not finding it surprising at all to watch him lose control. What I want to see is how they build the story if they intend to and if there will be an eventual growth for both Sai and Virat -- because she also falters as much on many occasions.

I've seen MLs way, way more problematic than Virat - and the moment I see writers romanticising any form of abuse, I back out. There are some that stuck though, mostly due to some impeccable writing (too much to ask for in ITV)...and those that stuck grew into beautiful people along the way.

Sai falters, she does. But, the fact that she falters does not change the fact that there is abuse in the relationship. Personally, denying food, threatening to lock is the absolute worst thing you can do to your partner. There is no redemption for me.

Thanks Janki,

I had an amazing time reading your posts and discussing with you.🤗

Originally posted by: wanderlust-22

Thank you for putting my thoughts in coherent words! I haven't been able to completely ship Sairat since the time Virat yelled at Sai without even knowing the whole story. A simple sorry to Aai alone was supposed to make it all okay? His crying is supposed to make us melt? The toxicity this show is portraying disappoints me so much :( I truly hope young girls aren't hoping for a husband like Virat because I'll be honest - he is probably the most toxic male lead I've seen on ITV. Yes, there's abusive and problematic leads, but Virat is straight up toxic. This show was the reason I returned to ITV after YEARS (think: DMG, MJHT times) but I think I'm done. I kept trying to give him a chance, but its always one step forward, two backwards. I'll miss your posts and drabbles!

Power to you🤗

I'll miss writing on SaiRat too...ughh they were beautiful once upon a time. I in fact started one OS, but haven't been able to continue...

Originally posted by: Chahat_A_Doshi

This time it was mera Paisa

Coming up

Mera ghar

Will it be because of a missed lunch? Will he have tears in his eyes while saying it?

Unfortunately this shit sells. People have pointed out Kabir Singh. Let me point out the most popular and worst low quality offender of all time- 50 shades of gray. Nothing remotely romantic about it, poorly written tripe. Yet it made millions.

I praise the lords that I could not go past the first page of 50 shades of Grey because of the bad writing😆 my low tolerance of low quality writing helped me in skipping that.

The trope of a bodice ripper with a testosterone high hero forcing a poor, young girl into submission is the most popular romance novel plot line since forever. None of this is specific to ITV. It's crap that sells worldwide. I know the show you are referring to.

If you are looking for a sensitive depiction of serious issues, TV soaps aren't the right medium.

Maybe not ITV, but there are other TV dramas out there that does a fabulous job in depicting sensitive topics.

They are formulaic and made for a certain audience. I'll say this though. The worst offender is colors IMO. That channel normalizes anything in the name of 'being realistic'. There's a show in which there is a kid who is married and now being asked to go through a suhaag raat with her older husband though she doesn't understand what it is. If you ask me, it's abusive to the child actor to be asked to act in such scenes, forget the absolute chills it gives me as a woman to see it on TV.

Haven't watched that show. But, this reminds me of comments on people's physical appearance and skin color that is so recurrent - I feel that it is absolutely wrong to the actor playing that role. Ninad made a comment on Aai's appearance during the Alta sequence and it was trivialised - like nobody questioned that.

And yet this is shown in the name of 'depicting life as it was in that time.' Let's face it..that's not why they show it. They show it to grab eyeballs. Who knows which pervert gets off on watching it. 🤮

So, Virat's behavior is unacceptable. Of course. That's a given. Luckily I have the judgement to make that call. If young girls are influenced by this, thats too bad. Hopefully they have mothers/other women in their life to tell them what is right and what is wrong. If they take their cues from any TV show, Indian or otherwise, then they are screwing their life up. Life is much more than a daily soap.

There are many who are not surrounded by people who can guide them. Its a pity💔

[/QUOTE]

Originally posted by: prs_725

Thank you for pointing this out and for explaining it so spashtly 😆

The fact that these things keep happening and no one does or says anything about it. Even if Virat apologizes, this is continued behavior. If it’s continued without improvement, it’s not okay.

This show is prime time when so many viewers watch it and people imbibe what they see .. what if kids watch it and ultimately learn from Virat and think all that is normal, as long as you love her, abuse is normal. This show doesn’t even point out that it’s abuse. If it does, everyone is against one female lead so people probably won’t even learn from that bc everyone is always against her. The entire problem of normalizing this behavior is shocking. In a time where we should be changing the regressive mindsets, they are fueling it further for personal agendas. I cannot ever be okay w a show that shows such toxicity and abuse. This stuff in real life is extremely traumatic and unhealthy.

For sure. This is exactly my problem with the show - since it is lingering on such serious and sensitive issues, it needs to addressed thru' top notch writing. If you cannot guarantee that, do not linger there because what you are showing can be triggering for some.

I used to enjoy iss pyaar as well and somehow still like that show present day - just khushi sequences (and later Arnav’s) bc she’s such a cutie. However, I was also a naive 18 year old at that time watching the show that influenced me. I use to think aggression + love is passion and love.. unfortunately, I fell for someone like that bc that’s owhat I had seen in tv and it was cute and passionate to me at the time. Only w experience and years I realized how terribly that show that altered my understanding of relationship and men. You aren’t wrong when you say that shows and what we see impacts us. If you learn from it and imbibe it, you may think someone like the abusive ML who loves you but is toxic is normal. Unfortunately, not everyone has the realization that it is not normal like I did at some point in my early 20s. The reason I did is because I had wonderful friends and family to help me bc my environment is not toxic.. if majority of the people living in toxic conditions don’t have this, then the cycle of normalizing abuse and “sehen” karna will continue ( sai said in her recent promo that no matter how much she is bothered she will continue to bring and say truth in front of CN) . The fact of the matter is, it is up to us to put a stop to it. We don’t have to continue to fight a battle w people that will never change. At one point,we have to choose our life and our sanity - over them! Marriage and love should never be about “sehen” karna. Marriage does pose many challenges as ive heard from my married friends. But those challenges shouldn’t be about helping the environment become less toxic, or making the man be less or not abusive or the family not abusive.

@purple- true. Toxicity and learning to work out of it should not be part and parcel of coping with your partner when you just got married.

The challenge in a marriage should never be about these things. Actually, life! One should have to face such things and situations. In my eyes, it’s a sin to limit someone’s freedom and cause someone harm. We all make mistakes but it’s one thing to not change and be abusive and another to change and improve as a person.

Cheers for this.

You added much to the initial post🤗

Extremely well written post @TM! 👏 And all the replies to this post is bang on! 👏

I too have virtually cut myself from this show and only following it through IF. In all honesty, this forum is more fascinating and addictive than the show itself. I only give myself a shot at it when I find good reviews for an episode.

Everything that had happened till date in the show, I ignored it in the name of drama and also with this solace that our FL Sai is no doormat and that she would give it back to them sooth sameth ke! This is one such show where the drama is so OTT and at the same time, we have a FL who in real sense does not take shit from anyone. She isn't among those FLs who go by the description of "I will stand strong even if I am mopped around by people.." Digressing from the topic at hand - Is it always necessary to show the ITV FL being a topper and an all-rounder? Would it not be real to show a FL actually studying hard yet coming 3rd or 4th or in top10? What is this obsession with being bright and coming first in studies all the time? What does it exactly imply?

With reference to the ML, the least I say the better. Nuanced characters are great to watch. But these nuances do not make any sense when this character was initially established as someone who respected women and wouldn't even think of hurting them. The minute he physically restrained her, it totally undid all these many episodes of building his character. I might have even ignored that aspect for the sake of my own sanity had he not uttered these words - "mere paise" or denying the basic necessities to his own wife. Whatever be his complaints with Sai, whatever he feels for her - rage, budding love, possessiveness, jealousy etc., no longer matters anymore at this point.

I am more than bothered when he stopped her from having food and even said "you are buying from my money".. that is a huge sore to my senses itself! Because, it is not just a mere insult, but a body blow to anyone who is helpless, who is forced to depend on you for basic necessities and who have trusted you enough to marry and stay with you.

It is not something which anyone can point out even when the said person is experiencing extreme rage. If you at all, remind someone about the help you did for them, it would mean either of the two -

a) You too have expected something in return at some point in time

b) you never did it out of compassion and only helped out of compulsion. You never wanted to help in the first place.

For the first point, even for the sake of reasoning, I cannot be convinced that Virat has 'wifely' expectations from Sai and thus in his extreme insecurity, he keeps reminding her of all the goddamn 'ehsaan' he did for her. No. This isn't any explanation at all.

This leaves me with the second point that I do not want to dwell on simply because, that could not have been the case with him owing to his initial characterization and his ' savior complex'.

So, what exactly was the reason that he used such demeaning and preposterous lines? He was hungry, frustrated, insecure, outraged ?? These are just no excuses for defending his behavior.

I have personally witnessed a few husbands joke around in front of their wives "I am the one earning money and she does nothing. Don't know what she does sitting at home all day". What does that even mean? Even for the sake of joking or teasing, such lines are unacceptable. And in this show, he blatantly states "you cannot buy because this is my money" in front of all.

For the very life of mine, I cannot ever forgive nor forget such people who try to show off their help to me. IMO, Sai should just be walking out on him never to turn back. But of course, TRP aunties will be outraged at the idea of a FL leading her own life and doing well professionally. Hence, she will eventually 'forgive and forget' or shall I say, the CVs (if any for this show) will dust it off. Raat gayi baat gayi! 😵

Ok, I will stop my rant here. Done. 😆

All the new bts of upcoming SaiRat scenes do not even excite me! Feels amiss and I am unable to connect with this type of content.

Originally posted by: I-Am-SherLOCKED

@bold- This!
I am so sick of women having no arc of their own and their only purpose is to 'improve' the guy who has a past that haunts him. Why is it the duty of a woman to sudharofy this man? And how many times have we seen that once the problematic man falls for the goody two shoes woman, he changes but the moment she leaves his life, he's back to his original self. The very reason for him changing his behaviour and attitude is to 'acquire' the lady he's supposedly in love with. He will be good as long as he gets to keep the woman in his life. Even his change is conditional. And yes, Virat is problematic and toxic, albeit to a lesser degree than other MLs but he is and nope, Sai's love shouldn't give him clarity. He needs to realise that he has a problem- maybe due to his upbringing, what he has seen his Baba doing, etc but he needs to work on himself before he is worthy of Sai's love. What we saw on Friday and Saturday wasn't just a mistake he made, it was extremely dangerous behaviour. We can't expect ITV to address issues such as mental health and seeking therapy, alas.

The major problem here is virat is an ips officer whose job is to protect the citizens... Yet he turns a blind eye to the injustice meted out to his wife, mother, brother etc by the other family members... He has no problem in accepting authoritarian nature of kaku and even participates in the wrongdoings at times.... He is a very much problematic person.... Men like him has the potential to be an abusive husband... He needs to get help asap.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

You are so on point.

Like I said, I was somewhat cut off from ITV for a long time and started following GHK because it looked different. However, only the packaging changed, they are promoting the same toxic content that they used to 8 years ago.

Sadly, unlike other of its counterparts, ITV has refused to emancipate and change itself.

Mental health is not going to be acknowledged on ITV. Him getting help and learning to become a better person would have been more realistic than portraying Sai as his safety valve, there to heal him, to absorb all his pain

Mental health is not at all an issue in itv... Don't remember any show which focused on this aspect... Even here, devyani's mental issue will be solved by marrying her off to pulkit.... Just like Sai’s depression was cured by marriage.... Virat may not look like a person with mental issues from outside... But he surely has that abusive tendencies in him which comes out when things dont go his way... This needs to be addressed and treated with time... Otherwise its gonna turn worse in the future.

Peppermint - Firstly Thank you for this post, this was a much needed post. Loved reading all the POVs, reminds me of my school debate competitions. It was relieving to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt insulted as a woman by the male lead’s behavior. ITV has had it’s share of MCP male leads and the competition only seems to be getting more stronger over the years. Will virat take the trophy of all-time worst MCP lead? only time will tell. Sai’s character maybe assassinated too in the future tracks, because it’s ITV and no one is spared from it’s drama. There’s one major problem though with people like virat, especially an ACP officer that they are not only a danger to their spouse but a danger to the society as well.

That being said it’s also sad to see that it took a ML’s physically abusive behavior towards the FL to identify how regressive this show is and to bring this topic on how regressive ITV as a whole is even in this day and century. This show has always been regressive, right from the beginning. What could be more regressive than portraying an ACP officer with no other option of saving an 18yo but that of marrying het, could there be anything more regressive to show? A 30yo man expecting conjugal rights from a 18yo without any concern for her well-being, physical or emotional. A mentally disabled adult like Devi being abused the way she is, literally locked by her own family and even the educated people turning a blind eye? A mother who is wise enough to understand the people responsible for her son’s marriage mess, yet hypocrite enough to admonish only one half of the problem and turning a blind eye to her son’s part in the mess. All these from the supposed positive characters of the story...

There seems to be a serious problem rapidly escalating in ITV and it’s just not the content, it also includes the actors. The number of young actresses (not even out of their teens) being paired against older male actors in recent years is scary as well as worrying. These young girls are being made to act in the most intimate ways possible too without any concern for their mental or physical health. I know it’s common in movies too, a young heroine for a hero twice her age, but the problem arises when people especially youngsters who watch this day in and day out of older men romancing young girls. At least the trp audiences can be forgiven citing they just watch what they are served, but what’s more concerning is the number of youngsters who invest their time on these shows on social media. They are at such an impressionable age. This sends a whole new disturbing message that it’s okay for an older man to expect intimacy from a young girl, because they are mature and more romantic? That’s a scary picture. The lack of censorship in ITV is a major problem too when the show is being watched by people of all age. Wish there was some way to regulate the contents shown in ITV....

In a nutshell, ITV has and will continue to be regressive as long as people continue to watch it, as long as people still continue to promote them in social medias with hashtags for the couple, and as long as people keep hoping there’s light at the end of the tunnel after each regressive plot.

My apologies if I was brutally honest, but meant no offense to anyone.

Goodbye...