Addressing the elephant in the room... Note on Pg 21 (24 April) - Page 5

Originally posted by: Srijeeta06

I think 80s and 90s was the golden period of ITV era.

And then came these saas bahu dramas in 2000s and then the competition of ‘how more regressive’ one can be competition started and has been going on forever.

I was born in the wrong era😆

There should be a show which judges shows based on how regressive they are:

100 points for toxicity

-100 points for a progressive ML and FL😆

This time it was mera Paisa

Coming up

Mera ghar

Unfortunately this shit sells. People have pointed out Kabir Singh. Let me point out the most popular and worst low quality offender of all time- 50 shades of gray. Nothing remotely romantic about it, poorly written tripe. Yet it made millions.

The trope of a bodice ripper with a testosterone high hero forcing a poor, young girl into submission is the most popular romance novel plot line since forever. None of this is specific to ITV. It's crap that sells worldwide. I know the show you are referring to.

If you are looking for a sensitive depiction of serious issues, TV soaps aren't the right medium. They are formulaic and made for a certain audience. I'll say this though. The worst offender is colors IMO. That channel normalizes anything in the name of 'being realistic'. There's a show in which there is a kid who is married and now being asked to go through a suhaag raat with her older husband though she doesn't understand what it is. If you ask me, it's abusive to the child actor to be asked to act in such scenes, forget the absolute chills it gives me as a woman to see it on TV. And yet this is shown in the name of 'depicting life as it was in that time.' Let's face it..that's not why they show it. They show it to grab eyeballs. Who knows which pervert gets off on watching it. 🤮

So, Virat's behavior is unacceptable. Of course. That's a given. Luckily I have the judgement to make that call. If young girls are influenced by this, thats too bad. Hopefully they have mothers/other women in their life to tell them what is right and what is wrong. If they take their cues from any TV show, Indian or otherwise, then they are screwing their life up. Life is much more than a daily soap.

This is exactly what im talking about when I say it is not just a show. That even with content meant to entertain, makers should be careful not to spread the wrong message.

I remember reading this somewhere

“Entertainment need not be mindless but continue to inspire people towards growth and progress”

Like you, me and others here, how many young girls out of IF have watched such types of shows, how many of them have been smitten and wanted a relationship like that. The thought that some people going through toxic relationships thinking that it is normal, because that's what they've been constantly fed, it scares me.

But somewhere the conditioning for girls has been such that somewhere they do believe that it’s okay

There was a recent marriage of one of my friend and her mother was telling her ‘a girl is the one who holds the family together, so she should be extremely patient and be like earth who absorbs everything but gives back only love and care.’

And this surprised me to the core because she is extremely educated and an intellectual lady to talk.

But later when I told my mother about it, she said this is all what has come down from generation to generation and it will take at least a century to change.

She also told me that even our marriage vows say that the man will provide for the family and the woman will nurture the family.

So it is overall a cycle which has been going on for years.

Not that it won’t break

But it will be extremely hard before we see the change we would like to.

And Entertainment industry (ITV or film industry) do play a major role in portraying the wrong message around.

The GC wale SaiRat, the SaiRat during the admission drama, the bedroom scenes of SaiRat where they just talked were so so beautiful. It was a revelation, and I enjoyed them because it was wholesome, it made you feel warm. Like even if there were differences in opinion, you saw the scope of them making it work.

The admiration that I have for Sai Joshi is unmatched. There are very few that comes close to how strong she has been portrayed. For me, Virat cannot be redeemed as well.

Unfortunately this is what sells and makers are only concerned with TRPs. And so, such type of content are here to stay.

Maybe this is because, people do get sadistic pleasure watching others suffer when they are going through the same.

Guess it is human psychology.

I was born in the wrong era😆

There should be a show which judges shows based on how regressive they are:

100 points for toxicity

But they should be exactly aware of the toxicity.

If they think pinning a FL, stalking a FL etc.. is romantic, then no show will be toxic for them ever.

-100 points for a progressive ML and FL😆

Originally posted by: Reeltoreal

I wanted to say something similar but thought why waste my time .... we all know toxic normal gets trp so they will change nothing in this show .

That said like there are so many kinds of abuse not just physical sane goes for tears .... why romanticize his tears really ? Why do people think he is crying bcos he does not like using force ? The man himself clarified he does not think he is wrong so those tears could be anything from feeling humiliated to frustrated bcos he failed in controlling her and anything inbetween but nope not i am hurting her tears ..... they could even be she is not seeing me or doesnot care i am hurt tears ....anyway thats it do not want to talk about the chatacter at all .

As I mentioned before my sort of 2nd or 3rd ( if you count in handful of episodes i watched)show in 16 yrs of staying away from TV like the original (old) version of the title song saw these two got curious checked it out Sai retaliating made me think oh this could be different but now i Knowits toxic beyond real

I agree Virat is very human but he is not humane ....this show is not my idea of entertainment , am not into romance either more like i am about how the story is being told . And this show fails miserably in story telling rinse reboot repeat of various forms of abuse and getting innovative about it each day making it worse in each episode and justifying it with a sorry with no real retrospection or regret hits way too close to home for me .

I work with domestic abuse victims , deal with cops lawyers doctors children human trafficking under the guise of marriage etc on a daily basis seeing all being normalized and brushed under the rug and wanting this to go on and even romance to bloom is a definite nono for me

I like this forum bcos you can have / state your pov and not be dubbed as whatever ..... stopped watching long ago except for insta clips here n there in hopes may be just may be there could be a change .... but i guess not so will reduce n then exit bcos the various discussions / opinions am hooked to rather than the show .

@peppermint take care have a wonder Life and may god bless you by strengthening the bonds of friendship you have in your life .... they r my lifeline and i am guessing urs too . Hope we do meet again somewhere someday ❤️

I am extremely annoyed when they show Virat's tears during these moments - not because I believe man should not cry, but because they are trying to use his tears to make people sympathise with him and I've seen people sympathising with him because of his tears. Like no. NO. His tears change nothing when he is perpetuating and inflicting pain on others. He infact said that he was teaching her "tameez" and then blamed her for making him manhandle her. That's low. Absolutely low.

I was intrigued by the storyline - the balance between farz and love was looked riveting. Oh, but, well!

Oh, just wanna say that reading your thoughts, im sure you are doing a good job empowering them. I volunteer with NGOs with children/teens who are victims of abuse and so, I do have a little bit of idea of how tough it is for them, and for you. It pains me that this is so normalised, because the trauma, the pain and hurt - it never goes away. They learn to breathe again, but to live again, its so, so tough.

You take care too and like I said keep on empowering those with whom you work. You are doing a brilliant job❤

Originally posted by: MuguetDScorpion

Really a wonderful post. 👏

I started to watch the show only for SaiRat. But I was so happy to see Sai's strong personality. No matter how she gets verbally abused, she knows how to tackle the family. I was also happy to see Virat was there as a support most of the times. But since the Ladhak trip cancelation, Virat has started lying and getting abusive too. Well the only positive thing is that he stopped on time from hurting her further and realized what he was doing unconsciously. I really wish they didn't copy paste from the original version of the show because as it is copy pasted they will continue to show Sai's mental pressures and probably more small physical abuses. 😕

Sai is the queen❤️

Ill never stop stanning her😎

I hope the writers find the balance between showing proper content which is non-abusive

Originally posted by: scarlett22

I agree with your post. In fact this should be a disclaimer for all of us who make posts in this forum...that we do not support domestic abuse - physical or emotional. What Virat is doing is wrong, whatever be the'provocation'.

I personally feel this is an opportune time for the creatives to show very strongly, how wrong it is. That's why, yesterday's episode left me feeling cold. Abuse cannot be hidden under concern or protectiveness. Virat's realisation was too late. Till that point, he went on and on about Sai being wrong.

I have also written to the PH. Not that it would make a difference.

Even sitara should put a disclaimer - at least people will recognise and be aware that this is not to be condoned.

The PH are busy flying high with the TRPs😆

Thank you for pointing this out and for explaining it so spashtly 😆

The fact that these things keep happening and no one does or says anything about it. Even if Virat apologizes, this is continued behavior. If it’s continued without improvement, it’s not okay.

This show is prime time when so many viewers watch it and people imbibe what they see .. what if kids watch it and ultimately learn from Virat and think all that is normal, as long as you love her, abuse is normal. This show doesn’t even point out that it’s abuse. If it does, everyone is against one female lead so people probably won’t even learn from that bc everyone is always against her. The entire problem of normalizing this behavior is shocking. In a time where we should be changing the regressive mindsets, they are fueling it further for personal agendas. I cannot ever be okay w a show that shows such toxicity and abuse. This stuff in real life is extremely traumatic and unhealthy.
I used to enjoy iss pyaar as well and somehow still like that show present day - just khushi sequences (and later Arnav’s) bc she’s such a cutie. However, I was also a naive 18 year old at that time watching the show that influenced me. I use to think aggression + love is passion and love.. unfortunately, I fell for someone like that bc that’s owhat I had seen in tv and it was cute and passionate to me at the time. Only w experience and years I realized how terribly that show that altered my understanding of relationship and men. You aren’t wrong when you say that shows and what we see impacts us. If you learn from it and imbibe it, you may think someone like the abusive ML who loves you but is toxic is normal. Unfortunately, not everyone has the realization that it is not normal like I did at some point in my early 20s. The reason I did is because I had wonderful friends and family to help me bc my environment is not toxic.. if majority of the people living in toxic conditions don’t have this, then the cycle of normalizing abuse and “sehen” karna will continue ( sai said in her recent promo that no matter how much she is bothered she will continue to bring and say truth in front of CN) . The fact of the matter is, it is up to us to put a stop to it. We don’t have to continue to fight a battle w people that will never change. At one point,we have to choose our life and our sanity - over them! Marriage and love should never be about “sehen” karna. Marriage does pose many challenges as ive heard from my married friends. But those challenges shouldn’t be about helping the environment become less toxic, or making the man be less or not abusive or the family not abusive. The challenge in a marriage should never be about these things. Actually, life! One should have to face such things and situations. In my eyes, it’s a sin to limit someone’s freedom and cause someone harm. We all make mistakes but it’s one thing to not change and be abusive and another to change and improve as a person.

Originally posted by: jhankarbeats87

I'v been in this forum for almost 13 yrs n over the whole time hv seen a lot of serials who hv tried to pass of severe atrocities by the ML as "pyaar". N literally hv been worried to see girls swooning over them. Manhandling girls seems to hv become a sign of macheoism. Thought that over a decade there wd be some vhnages in itv, bt nah. It's still promoting that same regressive content. 🤐

Since I've been there and swooned to the tunes of such MLs once upon a time, I am worried too. Worried that little girls would/have internalised this idea of romance.

Ive been lucky that I was on IF during that time, and we were constantly being protected by the elders of the forum, and then when I went away, I realised the extent to which product I was consuming could harm me. There are so many others who would still consider this kind of thing as romantic tho. :/