Addressing the elephant in the room... Note on Pg 21 (24 April) - Page 6

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

When watching a ipknd scene in passing my bro commented that such a relationship is toxic and one must always stand up. People may expect u as a women to suffer certain things but rem u have me and u are not a silly gal u are my strong anji and u will stand up for this promise me.

This promise helped when my life became bad due to my first marriage going haywire due to abuse and just as he promised he helped me walk away despite no other support

Sometimes it is the environment ..women are brought up to believe u need to adjust and compromise..some are lucky to have support and guidance some are not

It makes me so happy to hear that you were able to walk away with support and guidance. ❤

The environment plays a major role and if that is coupled with toxic content on media, then it can only be harmful.

Love your post. This is one of the reasons why I stopped ITV shows.

People don't realize how internet, social media, TV shows and movies have normalized this behavior over the years. It hasn't come overnight, the first time it was shown there should have been shock factor and outrage, but if every other shows have same personality of ML over past 15 years, they are saying men are like this, which is not true at all. Also by making FL doormat, being superwoman who does so much for in laws and sudarifys ML, forgiving years of abuse in 1 last episode of the show, they are setting very high unrealistic expectations from women, whereas for male, doing the basic decent behavior will make everyone drool. Also the fact being ML are usually attractive. Replace them with any regular looking guy, and see how easily it will be rejected.

Being possessive, jealous, suspecting of spouse is not romantic, I have couple of friends who are in such relationships and i can tell you its one cycle. The abuser gets a high, when he is eventually able to manao and make up, so they end up abusing them again and again.

How can the thought of physically hurting a person even come to your mind, esp when its a loved one?

This was shown so well in the movie Thappad. Yes it was just one slap, but she fought for herself.

Sai should do that, but we know she wont.

Originally posted by: india-tv

Wonderful post!

For me, Virat is excellent professionally.. He worked on Jagtap case...harassment case...was good. Uska brain sirf isme work karta hai...

Your personal beliefs and attitude tend to reflect a lot on your professional life. So, I cant say much about that because frankly we did not have the opportunity to see a lot of him in that aspect. However, I did like the the ACP I saw in GC.

Personally, he has not done well till now...Right from the start...Pakhi ko aisa bewakoofi bhara promise dena?? Is this maturity?? And you sort of emotionally blackmail her to marry your brother??? Apne bhai ke saath dhokha jaisa hi hai na??? I can't find this as sacrifice??? It's foolishness..

on what basis does he say: Virat chavan..pakki juban?? thode dinon mein he married Sai after that Bhishm pratigya?? and on what basis does he say he loves his family more than anything??? For his wedding he invited his friend and Pakhi???

His mother has been sufferings and he as the chaheeta beta did not do anything about it? is it because he will not be chaheeta anymore???

Him not standing up for his mom was a turn off, seriously. They say it nah, judge a man by how he treats his mother. So, there you go😆

For Amay and Aniket case, what sort of jealousy or passiveness is this?? You can tell Sai ki ummed mat rakhna and walk into pakhi's room at night, let her talk all rubbish about your marriage and tana maro to sai all the time...Sai muh kholti hai to Pakhi ki insult ho jaati hai....

Alta incident ne Virat ke character ko bilkul neeche gira diya...Virat did not even listen to Sai's side of story and spoke such harsh words.... When his mom talked about this in the kitchen that night, he was not even sorry for his behavior, bas kaha kya karta Aai sab sai ko galat bol rahe the??? wth???

Since the Alta episode, I kinda distance myself from the show. I could not longer ship a couple wherein the ML is okay in using force towards the FL and then completely melts when she looks gorgeous.

Aai ko sorry tab bola when Aai was feeding him and again next time fir se unki beizzati kar di...How can a person be a good person when he cannot even respect his mom...and that too a mom like Ashwani!!!!

For the Ladakh trip, wasn't it his duty to question Pakhi and Kaku why they did not want Sai to come along???

🙄🙄 too much to ask of him, i guess

For the recent incident, it was inhumane totally....isse neeche kitna girega koi??? and he is responsible for mahila suraksha???? why did the makers have to include this???

God bless those women under his protection.

He was supportive of Sai's admission...and that was the main clause of the deal...usse back out nahi kar sakta tha...

Originally posted by: VioletOrchid123

Thank you so much for this post

You said everything which has been the norm of itv.... Like others, know the show you referred to... I've seen girls swooning over the guy in that show and even wishing for a man like him as husband😕

Now even after 10 years things are pretty much the same or maybe turned worser than it was before... Even today, manhandling, pushing and shoving of FL is considered as romatic... Not surprisingly, movies like kabir singh which promotes toxic masculinity is a big hit.... At same time movies like thappad which clearly sent the message that not even one slap is okay suffered in box office.

No matter what anyone says, but virat is an extremely toxic and problematic person... If the makers are intending to say that its the toxic environment which makes him behave the way he does, then they need to show him getting help... Therappy, counselling etc can help him a lot... Instead they will show him continuing with his behaviour and sai forgiving him... Women are treated as rehabilitation centres for problematic men.

You are so on point.

Like I said, I was somewhat cut off from ITV for a long time and started following GHK because it looked different. However, only the packaging changed, they are promoting the same toxic content that they used to 8 years ago.

Sadly, unlike other of its counterparts, ITV has refused to emancipate and change itself.

Mental health is not going to be acknowledged on ITV. Him getting help and learning to become a better person would have been more realistic than portraying Sai as his safety valve, there to heal him, to absorb all his pain

Originally posted by: CookiesNCream

Wow!! You have mirrored your thoughts beautifully!! Couldn't agree more.

People accept apologies because they are lead to a belief that there will not be an occurance of the same in the future. The hope that this is going to be the last time that they are even having a talk about this.

The tone and the body language used when a person is apologetic wires your mind into feeling bad for the person. It is easier said to not give second chances or more chances to a person. Sometimes people genuinely need a chance while sometimes it is a temporary fix to a problem.

It all lies in the equation that is shared by two people. There rarely lies a shortcut way to leave people then and there and get going. One hurts the other, one gets hurt and then through a series of experiences they face is how they make a final call to their relationship.

I believe a lot in the concept of second chances. I've seen a lot of people become a much better version than their previous selves when given a second chance. But, i've also seen abusers turning more abusive when given second chances and ive seen the impact that second chances have on little girls. I guess this is why im more sensitive towards this issue.

I believe that as long as your partner does not challenge your dignity your self-respect, you can work on that relationship. The moment they question that is the moment you need to make a decision.

This is ITV and with a knowledge of the type of content that sells, I do know that there is not going to be any redemption track whatsoever.

Originally posted by: Fruitcustard_9

👏👏

Very well written

Yes ITV glorifying physical⁰ violence to romance which I found always illogical coz kissi ko harm karke uspe aap pyar ka sticker nhi chipka sakte .

Its indeed very problematic.

Very true👍🏼

Mujhe aaj tak samaj nhi aaya Kabir singh ko romantic movie kyu kehte hain usme romance se related hai hi nhi phir bhi I saw craze for that movie .

Tell me about it. I had an absolute argument with one of my friends who said that Kabir Singh was an intense romance😕

Bhai, aisey romance se door rakho mujhey

Being virat Jabra fan I don't support his this week behaviour it was totally inhuman , mera bas chale to khud uske khilaf FIR kar doon , sai ke bas badi badi baatein hoti hain.

Jab virat sai ka hath nhi chhod raha tha tab I wanted sai to bite him or scratch his wrist with her nails or ye main kissi romantic or funny way nhi bol rahi , aapne aap ko free karane ke liye sai kuch bho kar sakti thi usse sab allowed tha .

Aap bilkul sahi kaha virat toxic personality hain bahut bada wala kameena hain par ye likhna bhul Gaye sai bhi toxic personality hi hain.

ITV kr d angry young men ka female version hain sai , FL hain to glorify ki jaati hai to no end, uski har galti ko justify kar diya jayega .

I'm happy makers showed a glimpse of real world in GC when people were no ready to be part of sai 's life after KJ death , Vittal mane to bhana tha asli vajah to sai chutkara pana tha . Virat question how KJ tolerate sai , C gang questioned how virat tolerate sai . People don't like to get related to problematic people ,sai ko khud puchna pad tha kya sabke liye problems create karti hoon , kissi answer nhi diya, kyu 3 saal mein sai se connect nhi ho paye ? Real life mein rishtey matlab ke ho hote hain .

Sai jaise log aapko real life mein mil jayenge aur aap unke muh pe bol ke jaoge ki tum badtameez ho tumko tameez nhi baat karne ki etc sadly real life kissi ko glorify nhi karti. Sai jaise insaan ko duniya boycott kar deti hain , duniya to kissi ki bakwas tolerate karti nhi phir vo sai , ho virat ya chavan parivar , sai follow tit4tat policy , duniya bhi issi policy follow karti hain vo bhi interest ke saath .

Sai ki toxic personality aapko dikh jayegi agar aap 18 saal carpet remove karoke to. Sai ka toxic isiliye nhi kaha jata ko vo FL hai aur FL kabhi galat nhi hoti.

Sandeep nahar actor committed suicide recently before that he described his wife's character ke baare mein bataya hai Aap vo video dekh lijiye .aapne toxicity ka mentioned kiya isiliye Sandeep nahar ka mentioned kiya , toxicity men ke saath bhi hoti hain unki wives ki taraf se.

Emon chatterjee was an emotional blackmailer of suicide from originals twice blackmailed chatterjee family of suicide to get her ways ab FL ne kiya to galat hoga nhi but it doesn't come in some mahan action

I regret not having video where I can prove how real world treat a person like sai . Aise character sirf tv pe hi glorify kiya ja sakta hain .

Yahi vajah hai I don't relate with this character coz I know d reality of these kind of characters as I did has encounter with such character.

Kya kare ye pura serial ho toxicity se bhara hua hain.

Sorry for my rant

Maybe because im much like Sai in real life that I can see no drastic wrong in her. Yes, she is flawed. But, toxic. I don't know.

On second thoughts, maybe Im wearing a feminist lens that is not allowing me to see how Sai is toxic, so maybe you could make a post and show us some aspects of her toxic behaviour.

I focused this post on Virat's abusive behaviour, if you plan to make another to show that Sai is toxic as well kindly PM me the link since I will not visit the forum daily. I would be very much gald to be proven wrong that Sai is one of the of the best FLs ive seen in recent times.

Excellent post.

I am really thrilled reading the replies and the discussions that’s happening in this thread. Your post was on the top in the forum for sometime in the morning. I don’t know how they rank it but I was really happy.

The engagement in the thread proves lot of us agree the content shown in the serial romanticises physical and emotional abuse and it’s not ok. Ten years before the show you mentioned if we discussed against the male lead people would have pounced on us and all you care thread would have gotten closed 😉😉 (between I was watching it too!!)

I won’t agree it’s just tv serial and it doesn’t influence the society line. IMO it does majorly.


Initial days of YRKKH one of the scene Akshara was asked to remove the ghunghat from her head by her father-in-law (I think) and was told respect comes from the heart not from the way the dil dresses.

This one scene was so influential in rural Rajasthan and Haryana few houses asked their dil to remove the ghunghat. One family came for the star parivar awards mentioning the same. I am not sure if it was marketing gimmick but in real life I knew at least 7 families changed. Chances are there were more.

So my point being itv influences the rural population even some hifi urban households.

I come from a state where cinema stars were chief ministers, and still cinema and tv serial holds major influence in people’s lives.

My major grouse with the ongoing track is CV’s are showing an IPS officer, an Army officer misbehaving with women. Its just appalling on so many levels and puts me off.

I just hope the PH does some research and proceeds with the story.

thanks once again for the post and wishing you the best in life.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

Maybe because im much like Sai in real life that I can see no drastic wrong in her. Yes, she is flawed. But, toxic. I don't know.

On second thoughts, maybe Im wearing a feminist lens that is not allowing me to see how Sai is toxic, so maybe you could make a post and show us some aspects of her toxic behaviour.

I focused this post on Virat's abusive behaviour, if you plan to make another to show that Sai is toxic as well kindly PM me the link since I will not visit the forum daily. I would be very much gald to be proven wrong that Sai is one of the of the best FLs ive seen in recent times.

Bilkul main aap ko PM kar dungi sure, thoda time de dijiye .

Great post! Agreed with each and every word. Channels are in the race to provide the regressive content. Sony shows different content but due to lack of TRP, they get axed.

Coming to Virat, as per his characterization it would have been best if makers skipped the physical abuse. They could have taken different route.

For starters, they could have shown Virat's shock on realizing that he can be emotionally abusive to someone, understand the reason behind it-- which could be easily his family's toxic environment and then his redemption. Similarly for Sai, her realization that she is becoming a victim of an emotional abuse as she may have never faced it in the loving environment provided by her father. She would have questioned her own intelligence and understanding of the situation. Then both Virat and Sai as a team could work on their relationship.

The emotional part at least gives a scope for their relationship to improve, to work upon but with physical violence, it is pack the bag and leave.

I am against both physical and emotional abuse but the reason I said above point is because it is really tricky to identify and tackle the emotional abuse. Most of the time, both the genders doesn't even know that they are becoming an abuser or a victim in a relationship. In such cases, people question their decisions.. even their own sanity.

Thank you for the post. It is thought provoking and I am glad to read various replies for the post.👍

I am firm believer that a story is just a story and not a vessel for a message. It can be gory, regressive, misogynistic, and all types of ugly – even though it is not the type of content I watch. A writer creates a fictional world and populates it with characters – what type of it is his/her choice. But the writer should be honest about its characters’ traits/values from the beginning. He/She should not tell me on page 100 or post 100 episodes that the male protagonist do not mind the use of force on a woman to make her submit to the rules of house. I should not feel cheated. Virat’s dialogues in the Alta episode came out of nowhere and made me remember again, why I don’t watch Indian television shows. The inconsistency, making a character mouth dialogues just to amplify the drama, no proper follow-up scenes, never-ending tamasha, and poor writing – I have no patience for them. Everything gets forgotten next episode or in a new track.

I didn’t watch the show you hinted at in the beginning of your post, as I have had enough of Gul’s type of romance after watching a few months of “Geet ….” For me, this show’s main attractions are Neil Bhatt’s acting and Sai’s instant replies and fighting attitude. But I know I’ll not be a long-time viewer. I’ll stop watching soon and go back to watching Korean dramas.

You have amazing clarity of thoughts and you express them beautifully. I loved reading your posts. All the Best!