Lessons in patriachy

I found the conversation between Sai and Ashwini interesting, sai asked all the right questions but Ashwini unfortunately gave all the wrong answers.

Yes, Ashwini's point on how all these rules that women are meant to follow has been made by men is true however the explanation she follows it up with is wrong on so many levels. Talking about sehen shakthi and only women being capable of holding a family together is so wrong. One gender need not be put down to elevate another or feel validated. This is such a wrong message to put across when everyone is trying to overcome gender disparity and fight against traditional gender roles.

If we look at Ashwini's points then even Kaku is holding the family together but is she doing it the right way? Now just imagine someone like Aaba as the head of the family of Chavans and think what kind of progressive difference it would have made to the family!

And what is this increased emphasis on endurance? I mean no offence to all the people who endure difficulties because they are not in a position to do so or have never been encouraged to voice their concerns but why are we trying to romanticise it?

What has Ashwini's endurance got her? She had to endure because she had no choice but why ask Sai to do the same? Asking her to pick her battles or way of dealing with issues is different but this lesson on endurance is quite unnecessary.

And why is Sai being guilt tripped for not taking food for Virat? This is a grown man who reaches around 11 at night because of his work and his wife is an 18 year old medical student who is also expected to fulfill the household chores! Is he the only one who is going to feel "Thakaan"? I am sorry but this is once again a typical advice that many Indian women get

"look pretty for your husband"

"make sure that he has tasty meals"

"Don't bother him with domestic issues"

At this point I don't want even Ashwini to advice these two even for their betterment let them figure out their expectations from each other. Sorry about the rant but the latter half of the conversation got me annoyed!

sorry meant to put this on the discussion thread.

I felt like it was more along the lines of Sai asking questions and retorting w new questions on Ashwini's beliefs. Unfortunately, many manypeople think like Ashwini and to her thought process, Sai remarked and questioned those "old" beliefs. It was like having a conversation between "purane khayalat"and "naye" to get people to see the other side and perspective via Sai. So ashwini was the samaj and Sai was questioning the samaj. to me it was beautifully done and such a wonderful message they sent to viewers via Sai. Although, not saying ashwini is right and that mindset is too sour for my taste "get dinner for ur husband" "look pretty for your husband"

Completely agree! These things are just fed to women and sometimes get ingrained in us unconsciously. For example about balancing work-life, fulfiling household responsibilities etc. Why? Its ok if a woman cant balance everything and be superwoman. Its ok if she needs help or just chooses to not do certain things because she doesn't want to or does not have the time to! And this logic of endurance is crap. Just coz women "can" endure doesn't mean they have to!

Obviously its not wrong to care for each other, bring each other food/water etc when someone comes home tired but projecting it as a "duty" or "basic requirement" and making it seem like its a "gross negligence" if a wife does not serve her husband food is rubbish. He's a grown man. Surely he can help himself to warming prepared food in a plate. If not, he better learn to! Its not rocket science.

Its equally wrong to expect that it's only the mans responsibility to buy things for the wife/house. And that if he loses his job/ he doesn't earn enough hes not "man" enough. Who created all these rules?!

I fully agree with whatever you said. If men can’t help in household chores, the least they can do is take their own food from kitchen. It is ridiculous to expect women of house to do that.

This age old excuse that women can endure more is stupid and has been used to exploit women even more. Women in India are so mentally stressed because along with their job they are forced to do cooking cleaning whereas men work and after coming home get food on plate without doing anything. It is so wrong. Why can’t these Chavans get cook. They seem rich.

All your points were spot on. Bravo 👏!!!. How dare the CVs try to drill such a message to young girls? 😡 Have seen many educated women get brainwashed into submission by the same nonsense of 'women are stronger, more caring'.

Sai Ashwini conversation was interesting. Each of them gave their points from their perspective. Sai has been brought up to be a free spirit with a solid backbone whereas Aswini has always been subservient to her in-laws because of lack of education. Probably if she had been educated she could have walked out of the house rather than put up with all this crap. So I really don’t blame her for her opinions but we can see that slowly Sai is bringing about a change in her.

The point about getting food for Virat is so tedious but it’s true in a lot of Indian families. The women is always burdened with all ghar ka kaam & bahar ka kaam. So I’m not surprised that Ashwini is suggesting it.

Originally posted by: jane_austen

All your points were spot on. Bravo 👏!!!. How dare the CVs try to drill such a message to young girls? 😡 Have seen many educated women get brainwashed into submission by the same nonsense of 'women are stronger, more caring'.

Unfortunately ITV is not for sending any social message. They are only showing what people want to see. If the drama in the CN drops I’m sure even the trps will drop which the makers will never let happen.

I have seen some nice serials either shut down or show unbelievable drama.

Originally posted by: prs_725

I felt like it was more along the lines of Sai asking questions and retorting w new questions on Ashwini's beliefs. Unfortunately, many manypeople think like Ashwini and to her thought process, Sai remarked and questioned those "old" beliefs. It was like having a conversation between "purane khayalat"and "naye" to get people to see the other side and perspective via Sai. So ashwini was the samaj and Sai was questioning the samaj. to me it was beautifully done and such a wonderful message they sent to viewers via Sai. Although, not saying ashwini is right and that mindset is too sour for my taste "get dinner for ur husband" "look pretty for your husband"

@Bold that's true, I think this is the first time an ITV bahu has raised such questions (or has it been done before?)

however I am not sure if its the execution of the scene or my perception because it started with Sai's questions and Ashwini's explanation with Sai nodding and accepting the same which is why I was not comfortable with the tangent the discussion took.

Originally posted by: neeraja91

Completely agree! These things are just fed to women and sometimes get ingrained in us unconsciously. For example about balancing work-life, fulfiling household responsibilities etc. Why? Its ok if a woman cant balance everything and be superwoman. Its ok if she needs help or just chooses to not do certain things because she doesn't want to or does not have the time to! And this logic of endurance is crap. Just coz women "can" endure doesn't mean they have to!

Obviously its not wrong to care for each other, bring each other food/water etc when someone comes home tired but projecting it as a "duty" or "basic requirement" and making it seem like its a "gross negligence" if a wife does not serve her husband food is rubbish. He's a grown man. Surely he can help himself to warming prepared food in a plate. If not, he better learn to! Its not rocket science.

Its equally wrong to expect that it's only the mans responsibility to buy things for the wife/house. And that if he loses his job/ he doesn't earn enough hes not "man" enough. Who created all these rules?!

Bang on! Bringing food is being projected as a duty than something done out of care and yes financial responsibility shouldn't fall on the man alone too.