1st Oct Discussion - Ajao Saray - Page 27

Originally posted by: divyadaya13

inlaws will be inlaws bolke beeji aur lovely ko white wash karna is absolutely incorrect. Completely wrong msg to the next generation.

There are two things I want to say:

1. Yes, in-laws are in-laws so don't get your hopes up and disappoint yourself. Don't put up with bad behavior in the name of "proving your worth" or working hard to get accepted by everyone. Not worth it. Be yourself.

2. Be the kind of in-law that you would want to have. What goes round comes round.

Originally posted by: tk2015

I agree completely. I feel people do relate respect with financial status. I don't agree with this, but I feel this happens. So I don't want to be manipulated into anything just because I am not independent financially. I don't want to have any kind of fear that someone can do something wrong with me and get away with it just because I don't have a monetary safety net.

Sahi jaa rahi ho aap. I learned this the hard way.

Originally posted by: tk2015

Thank you for this post! The cycle of injustice should end somewhere. Why not make it end with us? Lead by example.

Exactly, so please ladies do what you know is right and not what people tell you. Also, the way you bring about change is important. Revolutions don't always work, sometimes you have to use a naram or garam approach depending on the situation. Sometimes when you lead by example, others follow automatically because you show them that there is an alternative that they had no idea about.

Originally posted by: inlieu

There are two thing I want to say:

1. Yes, in-laws are in-laws so don't get your hopes up and disappoint yourself. Don't put up with bad behavior in the name of "proving your worth" or working hard to get accepted by everyone. Not worth it. Be yourself.

2. Be the kind of in-law that you would want to have. What goes round comes round.

Originally posted by: inlieu

I understand what you mean. It's gotta start somewhere, right? I am a product of 3-4 generations of this because back then my great-great-great grandmother led by example in being a very open-minded and warm MIL. Every single daughter-in-law of hers ended up being the same kind of MIL and it continued all the way to my mother's generation and mine too. So what I am saying is that it is possible and in some families but someone has to bring in that change. As I said, growing up this was my normal so when I got older and first started hearing about other people's horrible stories I couldn't understand why and how that could happen, but eventually learned that in a huge percentage of cases it is unfortunately like that.

Why am I sharing this personal info? Because I want to encourage women out there to be the kind of MIL that they would want to see: someone who is kind and generous and wise, and even if you can't always understand other women, just show basic respect - it goes a long way. You don't have to be a doormat just because you're nice. You can be polite and helpful but still be firm about your principles and not let anyone mistreat you. It provides a great example to young girls who observe you but also to boys, so that they become the kind of fathers that raise strong girls too.

very well said !

Originally posted by: silvermoonlight

So many peeps angry with Minnie

So I just had a random thot

What if CV did all this to prove Minnie wrong ??

Let’s say Sr Ks move in and we now see them interfering in Babes life too much again

Then Minnie has to be the one to tell her grandparents to leave

Wouldn’t that be an interesting twist !

I wish, but I don't see that once buzurg enter your house you let them leave.

Originally posted by: inlieu

Exactly, so please ladies do what you know is right and not what people tell you. Also, the way you bring about change. Revolutions don't always work, sometimes you have to use a naram or garam approach depending on the situation. Sometimes when you lead by example, others follow automatically because you show them that there is an alternative that they had no idea about.

I guess PB showed this. At least initially. Kammo-Madhu followed when Babes led by example. Lovely had to be taught to not cross her limits.

Originally posted by: divyadaya13

i have a cordial relationship with my MIL. as soon as i got engaged she put forward a list of unreasonable donts through my would be husband. I was a working independent girl and this really pissed me. I just asked one question to my fiancee was it his wish or his moms. He replied i am ok with the way you are. My hubby was a very nice kind person who really loved and respected me (he passed away at an young age) so for his sake i just gave in for a few months till i got married. My jethani who is some what like babita used to meekly follow the rules put forward by my MIL. After one month of my marriage i slowly started saying no to many rules along with the reason and took my stand. And also told my husband i am not ekta kapoor bahu nor i want mahaan bahu certificate. Give me respect i will give double of that. My MiL stays with me but she also knows that i am not the one who can be manipulated. Even my sister in law to some extent has learned a lesson however hard ahe tries she can never live upto other peoples standard.

a strong mind & brave heart........

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

Understand completely. I had learnt this in a really shocking way where in a fight, my dad had told me that if I wanted to live in the house then I either had to find a job or do the chores. To hear that coming from my own dad broke me and really messed with me for a long time. If I'm not safe in my own home, then where am I safe?

Prior to this, I knew I had to become financially independent but this fight just jolted something in me. It was as if I had to do this, even if it is for my own protection.

I'm sorry you had to hear that.

My jolt came when people started talking about marriage when I'm absolutely not ready for it. I put my foot down and it stopped to an extent. But, I realised that if I truly want to be able to throw my weight behind my own decisions, I need to have financial independence.

Originally posted by: inlieu

Oh yes, I remembered that scene where she had said that and how she had hurt him by making him paraya as just their landlord. She can't do that now.

I agree, what she says is important, but the how is also important. HS was trying to explain that to her, that when she went out in the world people wouldn't put up with this behavior from her. I know this is going to be addressed and am looking forward to it.

Regarding HS' behavior with NB, it is exemplary! Contrast Babita's behavior with her though, she's been rude a couple of times but it's there under the surface. Babita doesn't see NB as a mother or mother-in-law. Not that she has to, but Minnie does treat her as a Dadi and I hope she learns some good things from NB.

Given her anger, I don't really know what to expect from her. But what HS said was true. She can't get what she wants via violence or being angry all the time. She needs to learn how to approach things calmly. I get that all her buttons were being pressed and she lost it, but she can't get violent. It'll only do her more harm in the end. As we saw, her violent approach did nothing to Khatri. He laughed it off as if it was nothing because those few punches were painless given the pleasure he got from riling her up.

Naeem Bi is HS' mother but Babita has her own equation with her. She has her own rishta that's stands independent of HS and I think that's the most important thing for her. It's not a zabardasti ka rishta that was thrown upon her when she married HS. Whatever it is, however it is, it's all on her.