1st Oct Discussion - Ajao Saray - Page 22

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

That's because Irfan never stayed with his mother. Agar saath rehta toh thodi si akal aa jaati.

What I really want to see is HS with his head in Naeem Bi's lap and the two just talking. HS about how much Naeem Bi means to him in the absence of his own mother, and perhaps reminisce on the olden days. I just want her to be cloaked in unconditional love right now. <3

And NB in her usual tone goes like..

haa pata hai. Tujhe nanga nehlaya hai. 🤣

That makes HS so red. She should say this in front of Babes. Sharma Sharma ke dono lal hone hai.

Originally posted by: tk2015

I agree. But I also don't want to live in a world where basic compassion has to be asked for or acquired. If we keep painting the picture that in-laws almost never treat DIL as daughter, will anything ever change? Shouldn't we fight now for our haq to be accepted equally into our new "home" as the son or their daughter is? Maybe then in our future generations we'll see improvement? I don't know, maybe I'm a bit naive in this manner. I know how my mother has lived, but can't we change that?

I understand what you mean. It's gotta start somewhere, right? I am a product of 3-4 generations of this because back then my great-great-great grandmother led by example in being a very open-minded and warm MIL. Every single daughter-in-law of hers ended up being the same kind of MIL and it continued all the way to my mother's generation and mine too. So what I am saying is that it is possible and in some families but someone has to bring in that change. As I said, growing up this was my normal so when I got older and first started hearing about other people's horrible stories I couldn't understand why and how that could happen, but eventually learned that in a huge percentage of cases it is unfortunately like that.

Why am I sharing this personal info? Because I want to encourage women out there to be the kind of MIL that they would want to see: someone who is kind and generous and wise, and even if you can't always understand other women, just show basic respect - it goes a long way. You don't have to be a doormat just because you're nice. You can be polite and helpful but still be firm about your principles and not let anyone mistreat you. It provides a great example to young girls who observe you but also to boys, so that they become the kind of fathers that raise strong girls too.

Originally posted by: inlieu

HS is not going to tolerate this behavior and I wonder if there will be another countdown with her or if he talks to her about not misbehaving with Babita.

She will get into trouble and I fear that one day when HS will try to discipline her, she will tell ask him who he was to be so strict with her, he wasn't her father!

Mini needs strict Hs back. She needs it pronto.

Coz babita ki toh woh sunegi nahi.

She is going out of control with her temper and tantrums.

Originally posted by: inlieu

They failed to parent both their kids properly. Nateeja saamne hai.

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

Yup!

I've learnt that being financially independent is the most important thing. If you're not that, then you're going to have a really hard time when troubles arise. Also, it makes it easier for you not to be taken advantage of. At least, that's how I feel.

I agree completely. I feel people do relate respect with financial status. I don't agree with this, but I feel this happens. So I don't want to be manipulated into anything just because I am not independent financially. I don't want to have any kind of fear that someone can do something wrong with me and get away with it just because I don't have a monetary safety net.

Originally posted by: Mishti_Dahi

Ofcourse it ain't evident or all the time. But the slips in between hurt hard.

Lmao, here it's like everything the females have to do. My father or grandfather can barely boil water and don't step into kitchen.

Dressing ka chodo, I wanted to say something else but let it be. Marriage perspective nahi tha, just general 'girl' restrictions.

They are because in a way the entire pressure is on us. If we slip up then our parents will have to hear of it. And by gosh, if anyone even dares to say anything about my mom and dad, I will lose it on them. 😳

Loll, no. In my fam, everyone helps out. There's more emphasis on mil kar kaam karna aur pyaar se rehna. But that's the thing. The family has one mindset and want us to behave in one way, we have our own way of doing things and then the in-laws will have another. Our entire life is basically spent in adapting and compromising to one another. 🤔

I think I kinda know what you were trying to get at with the dressing now. But it's okay if you don't want to talk about it.

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

My mom doesn't even need to share those facts. I've seen it all happen before my own eyes. Ironically, while my mom and my grandma had a MIL & DIL relationship, they were still always cordial with each other. Not too friendly and not too bad either. They were always at that respectful distance. My grandpa on the other hand was a pure vamp. Pata ni kis baat ko lekar problem thi mom ke saath. 🤔 Baat baat par taane maar na aur bura keh na. 😵

The difference between Babes and my mom is that my mom never took it down silently all the time. Yes, there were some times when she let it go because she didn't want things to escalate, but there were times when she would reach her limit and blast right back at him. She's very staunch when it comes to her self-respect. She won't let anyone mistreat her for any reason. The times when she let things slide was purely for my dad because she didn't want him to stress over it. But it's not like he was blinded by the love for his father. He knew exactly the kind of man he is and the kind of things he'll put my mom through.

If in-laws want to stay as in-laws, then that's fine. But that doesn't give them the license to mistreat their DILs. That's when things get out of hand and they need to be taught a lesson. It's the same thing with the Khuranas. If they wanted to keep Babita as a DIL, fine. But that doesn't mean that they should've silently watched on as Lovely talked shit about Babes. I mean, they come from an era where a DIL's izzat is the same as their own. So is this how they maintain their reputation?

Society aisi hai doesn't mean that's how they should always be. Society needs to change and learn how to be fricking civil and respectful towards one another.

Haha, yes! 🤗

@bold

Word, agree with everything you said. Basic courtesy is not too much to ask, is it?

Originally posted by: inlieu

I understand what you mean. It's gotta start somewhere, right? I am a product of 3-4 generations of this because back then my great-great-great grandmother led by example in being a very open-minded and warm MIL. Every single daughter-in-law of hers ended up being the same kind of MIL and it continued all the way to my mother's generation and mine too. So what I am saying is that it is possible and in some families but someone has to bring in that change. As I said, growing up this was my normal so when I got older and first started hearing about other people's horrible stories I couldn't understand why and how that could happen, but eventually learned that in a huge percentage of cases it is unfortunately like that.

Why am I sharing this personal info? Because I want to encourage women out there to be the kind of MIL that they would want to see: someone who is kind and generous and wise, and even if you can't always understand other women, just show basic respect - it goes a long way. You don't have to be a doormat just because you're nice. You can be polite and helpful but still be firm about your principles and not let anyone mistreat you. It provides a great example to young girls who observe you but also to boys, so that they become the kind of fathers that raise strong girls too.

Thank you for this post! The cycle of injustice should end somewhere. Why not make it end with us? Lead by example.

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

I know! She yearned to see her child and grandson for years aur jab aaye bhi toh kaise aaye. Not to see their pyaari Ammi but for their own selfish needs. 😒

And to think Imran might end up learning all this rubbish from his dad instead of growing up to be a good man under his dadi's influence. His innocent mind is already being corrupted!

Originally posted by: Mishti_Dahi

You said it.l

And its really tough. Gawwwd I can't even share what I've seen in the name of this shit. And I always have this fear of me meeting the same bloody fate.

In many cases, the husbands don't support their wives or they stay out of it all and let the battles continue. Such a man is not worth being your life partner. The first time someone dares to do this, whether it's your husband or your in-laws, you should say no or put your foot down.

As they say, if you don't respect yourself, no one else will.