' Holding on hopes '
< Flashback >
Prerna was still stiffing her shawl inside the bag when a knock on the door startled her. Taking few steps back she calmed her rapping heart before moving further to unleash the portal. For a moment she stood struck at the spot, not expecting that face to come across after last night's event; when he just dropped her and left for his home owing to the awkwardness that prevailed after their so-called last kiss.
"Anurag, you here?"she asked him, composing herself and towered over the door frame to not give him a space to enter.
With the tension she moved in front, he knew it was intentional and took a doubtful step backwards. Anurag pasted a wry smile of pretense," Erm... yeah! I was-I was planning to drop my friend to airport. Isn't she ready yet?" His eyeballs traced her from tip to toe and he looked at etched in confusion.
Prerna was stunned at phiz he was enacting like some long lost friends catching up after really long. She remembered the way he used to behave when they started dating, initially. He was shy, little broken too but tried his best to act frank when she was around. She knew it too he wasn't open about it yet. She knew, he needed space and gradually they gelled up more than just seeing each other for their friend's sake.
They quite made it a fancy with the idea of two broken souls healing the wounds that past gave them, learning to make a peace with it and that's how they bloomed into togetherness for eternity. But, unfortunately it didn't lasted for long. Eventually, they ended up ripping each other more than they already were. That's how two broken souls love, too selflessly to be selfish for the other.
"I am ready but, I have booked for a cab to drop me there. It would just... just waste your time."she spoke fiddling with her slender fingers, her eyes dwelled towards the floor with the heaviness of tears it held.
"I know, you are still not comfortable in my presence but...but we can still try to be the friends you said about. Like the way we were, before we realized we love each other."he confessed with a low gruff, evaluating every word of his with purity of love he held within for her.
He eyed her features so earnestly that no alzheimer of old age could fade the memory he confined in his being. A part of memories he would tugged on to everytime he felt lost and failed was, the only way resurrecting him to her. She has become his home where he could wander around with his eyes closed, but with the struggles he had in his life, his destiny kept him a homeless wreck.
There was something too captivating about his speech, the way every word rolled out his tongue had an emotion attached which tugged her sharply. She could feel the inner turmoils he was going through. His fear of losing her into a thin air was evident with the way he watched her, unmoved.
"Anurag, we just cannot get back to the time we have passed through.",she mustered up her tears to hide them behind her eyeballs and pushing further she faced him.
"I am not the same, you aren't the same. Somehow, for each other we started making a change in ourselves and now we clearly not stand at that point of time to be the way we were. And...you have to understand this."she breathed in with a sigh, closing her eyes to feel his gentle touch that lingered on her palm. Anurag clutched it, relishing the paddy softness her skin was accustomed to. His thumb traced the curve between her forefinger and thumb and he realised, how wrong everything is going to be.
"Why can't we be back together?"Anurag asked, deeply engrossed in the mire of his thoughts. He leaned forward sniffing her brahama almond scent, trying to draw her closer carefree about their public display of affection in the hotel lobby that was in surveillance of the cameras. Prerna's eyes flinched apart in an instant, his were drenched in tears but there was still a force that kept them trailing down his cheeks.
She freed her palm out of his hold, her lips quivering in an unsaid agony but she held her herself before him. She stretched her palm out, signing with her rotating eyes to comply with and he gave his palm into hers uncertain about what reason she would say. "Because, this is the thing that separated us forever now and linked you with someone else."she said, caressing the diamond studded platinum band that bounded him with someone else's destiny.
"Look, Preu, I can explain."his drew his palm back regretting the moment he was flaunting it before her, yesterday. He realised it now, how important her presence is in his life and now addition of new member to it has just gave him that much needed kick to stand up for.
"I wasn't prepared for this wedding. It's just that Mom asked me to get married, after all I couldn't stayed alone for life. I still needed time to adjust and she didn't hear me. She simply fixed my engagement and announced for a wedding by the end of our divorce case."he blurted exasperatingly. Anurag's hands swam in air trying to prove his point, he wanted to stop her if only he knew he lost the train of time, quite back. There was a fear budding inside, he himself wasn't assured that he won't hurt her this time but letting her go was so skull f**king hard that he felt suffocated to no barrier.
"Anurag, you aren't a kid now...that you do everything what other's say. You know why I give up to put up with you! Why I took the decision to divorce is because you...you can't stick to your decisions. You never do. If anybody comes questioning, you are okay with it and comply according to their choice. You never really looked if it was right, actually. You know because of this habit of yours...this...this habit of making everyone happy actually make you lose the originality you hold being true to people. being true to yourself, first."Prerna wiped off the trailing tears, clenching her lips under teeth to stop moaning for the heartfelt moment she fell prey to.
It felt like there were butterflies fluttering in her body but instead of those jittery sparks she was all the more scared to have him beside her. She knew he won't tolerate a word against his family and all this while, he made her to keep her self respect at stake. For her, he has become spineless and she cannot see a future of them together happy for themselves.
Anurag's eyes gleamed with unshed tears. He didn't know what she said was accurate, if he really became so spineless but hearing it from her all over again; he was beginning to believe it and he was scared for that. He didn't know where he went wrong, all he wanted was his family under one roof . And when he is witnessing it fragmenting into so ugly of a reality, he just want to skim through time and set everything alright.
"Can we still be acquaintance, enough to drop you...to airport?"his vocals heavy with the guilt, his patience was all gone. He wanted to drop her as his responsibility; knowing the fact of little life growing in her. He hasn't talked out to his fianc about Prerna's pregnancy yet and no idea what would he really do if she disagrees. At that moment, he wanted to take in every little bit of her into himself that stays with him forever for he didn't know if he could see her again. He had no idea about what he is going to do nor did he know what he wanted. All he prayed for was for time to stay still till this moment imprints on every minute of his soul.
Prerna stood perplexed, she breathed in sharply watching him turn his back facing her. Anurag's sniffles were audible to her but she hadn't had the strength to hold herself. Unknowingly, her palm rested on her swelled up belly and she wanted to give him the time to get accustomed to the truth of their separation. "You can...drop me to the airport!"she mumbled achingly and walked inside to get her bags packed.
"And we can still form a new bond, a new friendship that cannot be compared to what we had."Prerna spoke zipping up the luggage and pulled on her overcoat before she declined her bookings for the cab online.
< Flashback>
There was a film of tears spread across Anurag's eye when he watch Buddy sniff into Prerna's hair opening her messy bun into free falling curls, with his paws sizzling in air. Something he has been itching to do since long, and missed doing it everytime she would fall asleep before him, like the olden days. It partly reminded him that they aren't together now.
The chocolate box still clutched in his hand, he didn't even realise when did the bouquet of flowers slipped from his hold whilst he admired them.
He saw her tears cascading down her cheeks, mumbling endearments to their first baby, Buddy. He felt relieved to see her breathing the same air that he did, but it still tugged him to stand so close to her and they are still apart. Anurag was lost in the piousness of the bond that bloomed between Buddy and Prerna. With the way Buddy licked her to his content and she tickled his lacy fur with affection like a mother does, he was in mixed feelings with the treaty of past where they decided to break up their eternally sealed love, as they perceived.
The memories he confined in his heart were blooming into a cheerful blessing, he wasn't unsure now and knew what he has to do. Anurag could see a reflection of past in front of his eyes, their bond wasn't broken yet though it fell weak to time when life challenged.
He was still lost in the labyrinth of thoughts, with no door to exit, one leading to another and it goes on till the emotions of gratification seep out. Everything of that moment was serene, he didn't feel insecure about it anymore. His mind subconsciously stuck to the idea of, it going to last for longer now, longer till what they call as always. If not a forever.
Anurag's heart thudded at the melody she chuckled in symphony to Buddy's ticklish nuzzling. He was reminded of the time Prerna would try to crack any lame joke for him, when he was hurt, and she herself was too. But she didn't absorbed herself in that failure completely. She heaved a sigh, pushed back her tears, put on her smile for she knew it's been too long since she's broken. And it was time for her to mend. There was a miniscule smile stretching on his lips, ' Her jokes might not be funny all the time but the way she would grin bearing innocence, was the actual reason my lips had a smile on.'he thought.
"Woof...woof!"his thoughts were broken with the tug on his trousers, stretching him from the ankle while the tiny teeth touched his upper skin. He gasped at the intruder to the beautiful moment, a little surprised looking down to another tiny member of the family, Boo, calling out for Anurag's attention.
"Woof...woof...woof!"
Anurag's eye centrifuged to the jumping puppy who tried to stand on her two feet, wailing her tail to the sides. Prerna and Buddy's actions freezed at the instance, turning their attention to the soon to be friends, in question. Buddy's sharp eyes darting into Anurag's side as he bent on his knees to pick up the fluffy teddy bear pomeranian in his arms.
"Heya little buddy!"Anurag's finger ducked into her fur tickling her neck as he rocked Boo in his hold. The cynophilist in him was awaken, unknown to the fact if it belonged to Prerna or some of her neighbor who dropped it in there for some baby sitting.
"Woof...woof!"mused Buddy, in a low growl. He yawned at the site. His gaze on Prerna, who watched the other duo bond over some alienist gibberish, he sniffled in an attempt to gain her attention back as the pang of jealousy ran down. Buddy advanced further making Prerna roll on her back, her shriek resonated in the chamber. The bumps and boils itched to the burning sensation with an "Ouch!" rolling out of her tongue, gaining Anurag's attention.
"Preu!"Anurag's voice penetrating the air, as he dropped Boo to the floor. His arms stretched out to Prerna, with worry lines prominent, he shoved Buddy to side. With a bit of crawling, he coiled his arms around her, supporting her to upright stature. Her eyes were shut usurping the soreness.
"Preu,are you fine?"Anurag asked worried. His face was flushed in red, in concern and in fury, when he noticed a lone tear sliding down her jowl and he was tempted to wipe it away with the flicker of his fingers. There was a spine chilling shiver that ran to his south when Anurag found her wriggling out of his hold, with her eyes still closed and lips turned dry.
"What are you doing here?"she asked him finally, though in her arid tone, flinching her lashes apart. He expected that question already, and drew himself back, a little. Anurag's one hand still supporting her at the back, subconsciously. Their eyes interlocked to the unsaid tension, her's searching for the treasurable emotion of vulnerability that flashed and dissipated while his darting for the answers to her question. Unknowingly, Prerna leaned to her side, letting her shoulder hit his chest. Their rapping hearts were on a mystical tune, beating in synchrony.
"I am here,to erase the confinements of your solitude."he whispered. Anurag's another arm wound around her waist pulling her closer. She was still in daze, watching his lips moulded into words but nothing slipped into her brain.
"Eh?"
She inhaled his cologne sharply, pulling her out to reality. This time she stayed still, even after knowing how his advances we're affecting her but she chose to feel the moment, feel his touch on herself. Prerna's head dived in air, her wet tongue twirling over her lips before she mustered up to speak still facing the criss cross if her legs, " You shouldn't be here, anymore." Prerna's vocals were sotto voce, the low tone of her was effectual to errupted his lenuga, at the back of his neck.
"I am here,to erase the confinements of your solitude."
He murmured again, drifting to the memory of her wrecked face he had a glimpse of, before she vanished amongst the crowd at the airport.
< Flashback >
Prerna's eyes wandered as the vehicle swam across the traffic, though the highway leading to airport was smooth and wasn't much bubbling but the strain her mind was into didn't lead the route peaceful for her. It was garnished by the silences, that shushed uncertainty into her ears, everytime she blinked her eyes in demand of break.
She realized not everytime the silence meant for peace some are capable of giving rise to violent thoughts in your head too. And this silence was one of them.
The air conditioner intensified, and she turned it low without sparing a glimpse to the controller. Anurag's eyes stayed on the road though he couldn't help it while they trailed periodically over Prerna sitting next to him. An unsettling urge in him was probing to say something to her, hear her out. And he knew by now, what they vent out all this while isn't the whole of it.
With her ardent eyes zoomed in search of something treasurable, something that she has been searching from her within and looking out was just an act for pretense. Her filed nails scratched across her elbow softly while her senses felt heavy with soreness. Her focus zoomed to a little redness there but she shushed the though with the reason of, a mosquito bite.
"Any plan for your birthday, tomorrow?"his husky voice snapped her out in a blink. Prerna started at him from the sides, tucking her free hair strands into a messy ponytail of her sparsely wet hair. With a sharp inhalation, she shut her drowsy eyes for the last night was too eventful for her to have a good nap. He waited for her to say something, few minutes passed by as she knotted her hair into a ponytail and followed the events; counting in her mind the words she won't regret.
"Nothing much of a plan!",her lips stretched into a smile but the gleaming eyes told another tale if sadness she tried to hide, for a moment her wretched self was barely on display till she actually realise and veiled that, ironically. "I mean, like as usual I have been celebrating it... waiting for Mom and Shivi to call up...though still hiding from Dad."she chuckled humourlessly at the latter, her voice hoarse in gripe squeezing her pit.
"I don't know if Dad would wish me this time, after all it happened what he wanted from the start. We aren't together anymore.", he heard the longing her croaky throat tried to cover up for. He could remember how excitedly she awaited for her birthday since last three years; not to celebrate it but to hear her mother and sister's voice for once in a year owing to her father's hatefulness to the guy she chose to marry.
"Anything more?"Anurag tried sounding cheerful not realising she doesn't have people to celebrate with.
"Erm...not really! I would be home, working or may be some binge watching or reading."she spoke amazed, evaluating if there was actually any options for her to celebrate when her gaze fell on the little swell of her belly. There was an instant realisation knowing she still have someone to hold on to, someone that breathed inside her and someone that blessed her with the gift of being an embellished woman now, in true sense.
"You gotta make some now, really!"
She stayed silent listening to him, rubbed her palms in discomfort when in daze she uttered the truth she tried to hide," May be waiting for the phone call wasn't enough. Now, I would wait for someone to erase the confinements of solitude I walked into." That's when she realized, "May be Dad would show up this time. Either with the proud of himself for the notion he had about us, or might support me to deal with the reality checks of life. This is how life has been, always."
He was moved by the intensity she talked about her Dad, today. He already knew, she wasn't much attached with him and all she had were barely a bunch of memories she would remember about them. She was quite distanced with him from the tender of her teenage, and she didn't tell him why yet.
Maybe she didn't know herself.
She has told about her family, in Shimla, many a times when she used to miss them, be it in London or in Chandigarh. And he was there to fill that void, he would embrace her closer listening to her tell-tale until she retires to sleep. That vent out or reminiscence might wearied her to sleep but that longing wasn't put to a stop ever, and it couldn't be either.
There was still a question lingering on Anurag's mind but he still hadn't had the strength to question her now. What transpired between them in the hotel room, this very morning was very heartbreaking for him and it took him tremendous of strain to act nonchalant about it. When all he is oscillating through is, what laid in the past and what lies in the future and carefree about the existing present.
' Does Prerna too thinks that I was a wrong choice for her, now? ', he wondered.
Pulling the car to the side, in the domestic terminal of Chandigarh International Airport he unloaded her luggage constituting a mere travelling bag and her handbag that she carried everywhere.
"Prerna!"Anurag called to her when took a step into the entrance area.
"Bye!"he waved his hands, pressing his quivering lower lip under his teeth. Prerna waved back to him, with a plastic smile stretched evidently before she vanished into the crowd bubbling inside without even sparing him a glance.
Anurag knew she moved on, though not entirely, but the determination she had was compulsive enough to draw it into a reality. Her fading figure still etched in his mind, before he realized it was the time. To leave for a new destination with a new route leading to it.
<Flashback>
*******
Hola peeps!
I am planning to end the book within few more chapters, five-six, most probably. But I was keen to know if you want an ending according :
#1- A realistic ending with Anupre separated apart.
#2- Another realistic ending with Anupre together.
*******
Precap: Anurag and Prerna's ugly brawl. (As mentioned in spoiler on my message board earlier.)
