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EPISODE ONE
Night had fallen fast upon the land, on the grasses... on the concrete and even in her heart. No more than two hours ago the sky was painted with hues of red, orange and pink, but all color had faded leaving only a matt black canvas with no stars to be looked upon. Night time was not supposed to be such for Gauri, once upon a time she was the woman of the house a wife, a mother and a daughter. She loved to take care of her space, she loved to cook and she loved to wait for her husband to come back home from work but now everything is diminished to mere ashes.
Other than the darkness and herself all that seemed to exist was the chilly wind that harsh bite could be felt through her cloak of emotional defense. She could feel the hair on her arm raised and the bite of the wind had left its mark in the form of small bumps that were tingling on her body, but its bite was more than flesh deep. Her blood ran cold through her veins and her bones were chilled. The flames of her heart may have looked as though they burned warm, but their heat did not reach his skin and why because she had to deal with her life on her own. She had become alone in a world full of people.
Through the fall the only problem at night was the blackness, some nights even the stars had been hidden behind a wall of foreboding cloud. As she moved on toward winter those nights drew longer, eager to arrive, reluctant to pass. No longer could she could sleep anywhere carelessly with only her husband to come to her for cover and hold her in his warmth. The nights have now become as ferocious as a dip in the frozen lakes would be, taking her body heat until her lips chilled and teeth chattered. There are times Gauri begins to tremble uncontrollably and she knew how much ever she makes effort ... she has lost the man who loved her the most. She has lost her shelter. A man who is dead is dead and she cannot do anything about it. The only thing she can do is wake up in cold mornings without him holding and kissing her in all appropriate places.
This night came whispering sweet nothings reminding her of him, luring heat from her tired muscles until they could rest no more. It caressed her skin until it stole the pink blush and replaced it with blue. Above was the beauty of the stars, the clear night allowing the meagre heat of the day to leave unhindered. The only notion of brightness came from a moon, and even light of which was a chilled silver beam. She is quietly lying on her bed ... alone in a room without light aimlessly staring at the ceiling.
Darkness according to her is a strange substance, cold as ice it can strangle like something solid ... cause havoc like something liquid and choke like gas. Since it is a sort of mystical material, it doesn't fall under the laws of life... It can just be darkness. All the vibrancy and all the color has its almost completely black aside from a very tiny shade of red at its center, like a candle in the dark, when someone touches it its like getting winded, if hit by a sharp point it will penetrate and quickly infect. It is thick; sticky, and has a pungent smell of ink, it can act like quicksand or just plain coat and suffocate people. its quite strange it is able to pass through solid material with ease, suffocate, and eat away like acid. As a whole Darkness is an odd thing.
In the loneliness the whole world could have blown away in a freak storm. She can smell the earth as if it is wiped clean, as if all the plant life is gone. Her feet are bare, that's the only reason she knows the ground is still there. Everything else has dissolved like it was never there at all, like the universe has not even begun, or perhaps it never was. In the darkness she can't get a sense that anything is important at all life, death, pain. She wants the dawn to come and kiss the land and remind her fickle heart that she is not the only one here - that there is a whole planet of other sentient beings who live and love. But for now all she has is this starless sky, even the moon won't shine tonight. Perhaps she lies frightened, shivering, behind the unseen cloud.
People say the darkness of living without the one she had loved the most "presses in, it does not. The darkness kisses up to her skin closer than her husband used to and whispers excitement into her ears. The darkness is her best friend, it's funny and glib, flattering and cool. The darkness will be her favorite thing right up until her exits are blocked, then it has no reason to hide. If it was easy to spot darkness there would not be a problem, how often can she be confused with day and night? But she is sure about one thing right now, that if she does not understand her own emotions and motivations she cannot help herself. She is a woman and a mother too ... a character, this is her story, she knows that she needs to work hard and improve herself for a better life of her two year old daughter ... but she has her own notions of fear ... but she knows that she needs to muster courage ... unlock her cage and step into light.
Her life partner was a good man ... and ... she misses him ... very much.
When he looked at her it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from her lungs floating into the air like midnight smoke. Every time he kissed her it felt like the world stopped, leaving just the two of them to wander the earth together. Every time he held her face between his hands it felt like he was untying all of her knots. Holding her for eternity in his arms she had grown so accustomed to. This is what falling in love was like, a story she never wanted to end. For so long she had longed for it, and now she cannot bare with the fact that she lost it lost this thing that makes her feel so complete.
She was in love with him.
He never leaves her mind, he is always there; mentally if not physically. It is just incomprehensible. He is her one stable force, her one stability in a world filled with chaos and she so desperately needs that in her life. She loves him so much for that. She is in love with him and she can't believe she has just realized it now. Very correctly they say ... that you realize the value of someone's love when you cannot cherish it anymore.
This feeling is so strange; it stretches throughout her whole body. It is overwhelming, yet makes her feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth; it's just absolute. It feels as though she is in a dangerous fire, yet she is completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone has given her peace. It feels as though her heart is dancing around her chest; and a hole, she was never aware was there, has been filled. She feels so light, like she is on top of the world yet her heart is constricting and it feels as if there is no oxygen in her lungs.
It is strange frightening even how you can go from someone being a complete stranger, to then being completely infatuated by them and wondering how it ever was that you were able to live without them, because you sure as hell could not imagine being without them now. She knows she is only young and she has to spend her whole life ... and she is nave, but it is true when she says that she loves him more than she could ever love herself. He is her best friend and, as cheesy as it sounds, he is her anchor. Her stability in this world filled with chaos.
Her husband, he was the sky and the clouds; he was the gentle river and the birds that sing. She feels him in the air, she longs for hus touch, recalls him in a way that sends electricity to spark her mind, body and soul. He is medicine to the wounds of her heart; he is light to the numbness of her life; he is laughter and hope even if he is not there. She slipped her heart into his pocket four years ago and there it will stay, safe and sound.
She stills remembers the most unfortunate day of her life. The day when he had to board the flight. There was nothing new about him going away from her for work. Traveling was a part of his job, even that day he had taken a flight to go from Mumbai to Kolkata but that flight crashed taking away the lives of almost eighty people and he was one of them. It was three days after their daughter had turned six months old. He died that day and she is dying a little bit everyday because of him. She had dropped him at the airport and he had given her one last kiss on the forehead. She was not able to see him, not even his dead body. He had just become a piece of information in the news.
When the soul has departed, what is a body? When the warmth leaves the blood and the limbs become stiff, it is a ghoulish thing. Everything science can measure is still there - every atom - yet it is not the same at all. The soul had been recalled to the maker and what is left is simply bones and flesh.
Eyes that once danced with light are now vacant and staring. The once rosy complexion is waxy and pale. The mouth that was so quick to smile in life lies stiff and agape. The lips that kissed him as a lover are blue and cold. The arms that held her tight when she was sad or lost, that wrapped her in warmth and security . Even with all this, thinking about his lifeless form she cannot believe he is gone. Something that powerfully alive cannot just disappear. He was not supposed to leave her but he did.
His memories swirled around her curled form on her bed, tendrils of inkling bleak reminders of her solitude. The silence echoing in her ears was the constant white noise that never shut up. Her head swam in the fire burning inside, the only shouldering embers of a time where there had been other presences with her, around her, in her. But now, the void had been slowly filled with a cold, howling storm of fear that refused to ever let up. She was completely and utterly alone in her mind, body, soul, and most of all, entirely alone in the world.
It's like a void. A dark void. A never ending dark void that consumes everything, so now she is left feeling nothing. Empty. Nothing to subside her hollow soul that creeps in the shadows, away from any other human life because it's emptiness is so consuming it cannot bare to pretend that everything is okay. Nothing is okay! People walk around this earth each day and pretend that everything is okay, and it always will be. Why can't she all just admit that she is no porcelain no more ... just a hollow plastic doll with a painted face revealing no regret, sadness, emptiness - emotion.
Grief. Feels like emptiness in her heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds her soul and threatens to kill her entirely. It gives her this heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world is resting on her shoulders and there is nothing she can do to get out from under it. Its like this hole in her heart that is the shape of the one she lost and that makes her feel the need to wipe away any non-existent tears that she wants to form but can't.
"Arohi... Gauri spoke her baby girl's name in a soft sigh. She was sleeping beside her clutching the corner of her soft blue baby blanket. Gauri kept looking at her serene innocent face for a while. The little girl is the only reason that Gauri is able to make an effort to live a life. She is two years old now. Both Arohi's Mumma and Papa had planned a bright future for her and Gauri is going to make sure that Arohi gets every opportunity in life. Gauri wants to send her to a good school ... she wants Arohi to learn music ... Gauri has promised herself that she will be a good mother.
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
