Forced Marriage

Ok, well I have always been curious to see other people's views on forced marriages. Why am I curious? Well because I found out that a friend of my sister-in-laws got an arranged marriage. She was about 18 or 19 when she got married to a guy in her family back home, and the mother wanted this. She tried so hard to get away from her mother's pleading and finally she gave up. she used to be a "wild girl"..like party, more western than traditional. and to get married to some guy from back home was not wat she expected. So she got married, jsut a little nikah thing and mind you, she purposely looked ugly that day. horrible dressing and makeup. lol

But anyways so the guy came here after a while BUt she refuse to accept her forced marriage. Now, she still acts single, does what she wants and does not live with her so-called husband by law. I don't know if they got divorced or not. Kinda messed up her life but more of his because he started to drink alcohol, smoke and is jsut a sore loser. SO is she right on her part? do you think forced marriages are or can be successful? Am i clea, I mean did that make sense? lol

i really feel bad for her. I said to my babhi that she never should've gotten married in the first place if she knew she wasn't going to keep it.

well everyone was talking about marriage, valentines, so why not bring this depressing topic. 😃

Well.. first of all, I don't think anyone should force any relationships on anyone. She had a choice. She didn't have to get married, could've run away or refused or done something about it. It doesn't matter if she purposely looked ugly that day or not she didn't know the guy [I'm assuming] and she ruined his life. (This is like a Namaste London story, btw.) HE's not the one who forced her to marry him, it doesn't look like he's done anything wrong. It's just sad.

^^^ Awesome scene from Namaste London. 👏

In this situation I would blame the family of the girl who forced her to marry. It is their stubbornness that has ruined two lives.

Yes she could have run away, refused the marriage, done whatever. However, doing so is a social stigma to the entire family. I am not defending her actions, she is demeaning her family even now.

But Asian society in general tends to be judgmental. Some communities embarass parents if the child does not marry someone of choice. I have seen so many people happily married outside their race, religion, caste, community etc to some really nice people - but you still here gossip and snide derogatory remarks about the relationship. Some communities ostracize families when their kids are not married in time or married to what the community considers outsiders. Some parents do not care as long as they know their kids find a good spouse. But for many people community acceptance is vital. Specially in the United States where we find ourselves as outsiders of sorts we do not want to lose face in the community.

Many Asian parents use a whole load of emotional blackmail to corner their children or force a marriage decision through emotions. I have a Chinese coworker, her father passed away and she is the only child. Her mom is constantly pressuring her to marry a Chinese man from the homeland. She throws emotional tantrums that if her daughter marries a Chinese American or worse an American she will walk out of the house because no one will want her, will die alone and lonely, never know her grandkids and it will all be her daughters fault for her horrible life and death. There is no logic to the argument, but as a child you are in a fix - do you enter a loveless marriage and ruin someones life or do you prevent your parents from getting hurt.

Namaste London was a beautiful movie about our culture and customs specially in relation to marriage and family. However, it is just a movie. Things do not always work out. Forced marriage is a lose lose situation - do not force anyone into marriage - you will ruin lives.

Parents do not force your kids. Wait till they are ready for marriage. Do not assume that marrying will make them learn about culture, relationship, responsibility and committment. Some people do not learn. Give your kids a chance, they may not uphold all the values you desire - but give them a chance to find a suitable spouse. It will be surprising that many kids do eventually mature finding a suitable spouse. Do not reject a nice respectable guy or girl just because they are different.

Get to know your spouse before marriage. The other family may have forced their children. Try to make sure to have things clear on your end at least. Do not marry someone in hopes of them eventually loving you, or it eventually working. If you feel the prospective spouse is not ready, does not want to marry, is in love with someone else - do not marry. There is no need to be chivalrous and protect someone's honor etc. There maybe a broken marriage in the short run - but you are saving shattered lives in the long run.

great post RTH 👏

i, personally, blame the parents and the girl both. Parents should not have forced that marriage on her. the girl...oh well...if she has the guts to act out the way she is now, where was all this courage when she really needed to put her foot down!!! It doesn't make any sense behaving the way she is behaving now and ruining another person's life as well.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

great post RTH 👏

i, personally, blame the parents and the girl both. Parents should not have forced that marriage on her. the girl...oh well...if she has the guts to act out the way she is now, where was all this courage when she really needed to put her foot down!!! It doesn't make any sense behaving the way she is behaving now and ruining another person's life as well.

Bingo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great post RTH

She has to guts to stand up and go against husband but no guts to stand up to parents and say NO for this marriage?? Why ruin someone else's life?? 😕

yea, i agree. thanks for replies. When i found out i was appalled to hear it. She def. could've looked for other options.

Great video clip. Yea, i saw that movie and it reminded me of her.

Forced Marriage in today's world when silk bedsheets are even of better quality and cheap, also coming with attachments to hang around the patio and slide down for a runaway. Kiddin here, understand the sentiments and feel sorry.

Re: Topic: In any kind of forced marriage assuming the boy/girl has good sense of maturity, I would it's responsibility of boy/girl not parents, imho. Ok, exceptions can be some parents, who blindly trust thier own judgement without hearing out or understanding or visualizing the future of kiddo gonna be... atleast based of some factual predictions.

well the girl's mother is an illiterate and just cared that her sister's son or relative (whoever he was) just marries her daughter and comes to London. It's all of their fault!

Originally posted by: hira_187

well the girl's mother is an illiterate and just cared that her sister's son or relative (whoever he was) just marries her daughter and comes to London. It's all of their fault!

Really didn't meant this particular situation, was talking in general. But yeah I kinna of hear yaa...if girl has no say then I mean you are right, in this case.

I knwo someone who sort of had a forced marriage- her parents toke her family to pakistan and got her sister married and then they said that she had to get married- they gave her the choice of three guys and she picked on 😕 and now that her husband has come over he doesnt trust her and she want to file for divorce soon
I kind of feel bad for her but I think she should have protested strongly in the first place- prehaps her parents would have agreed

Jerri 😃