Forced Marriage - Page 2

^^ you know jerri, i have heard such cases too where the gal's family took her to pakistan on pretext of visiting family/vacation and forced them to get married there!!! i have actually heard numerous such cases by now...most happening with families settled in the UK. if the gal mentioned by Hira was forced in to a marriage this way, then i really do not blame her then.

there's only so much a girl can do once she is in pakistan surrounded by relatives, her passport etc confiscated by the parents and no permission to go out or use the phone. i feel for girls who have to go thru such harrowing experience at the hands of their own parents!!!

i have heard that some of these gilrs, when they get back to states/uk or which ever western country they r resident of, approach the authorities there and try getting out of such marriages as they feel protected in these countries due to better law enforcement etc.

if this is what this girl went thru, then i would suggest she shd try to reassess the situation and see whether her marriage is workable or not. if not, then she shd try getting a divorce and move on with her life.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

^^ you know jerri, i have heard such cases too where the gal's family took her to pakistan on pretext of visiting family/vacation and forced them to get married there!!! i have actually heard numerous such cases by now...most happening with families settled in the UK. if the gal mentioned by Hira was forced in to a marriage this way, then i really do not blame her then.

there's only so much a girl can do once she is in pakistan surrounded by relatives, her passport etc confiscated by the parents and no permission to go out or use the phone. i feel for girls who have to go thru such harrowing experience at the hands of their own parents!!!

i have heard that some of these gilrs, when they get back to states/uk or which ever western country they r resident of, approach the authorities there and try getting out of such marriages as they feel protected in these countries due to better law enforcement etc.

if this is what this girl went thru, then i would suggest she shd try to reassess the situation and see whether her marriage is workable or not. if not, then she shd try getting a divorce and move on with her life.

This whole post is hitting me hard....it's like parents are no parents but *...I cannot really bring myself to terms to accept it..may be some exceptional case where parents are blah..otherwise...really cann't ...again really cann't this would have happened.

I know on situations where friends were forced to marry...but based on thier level of maturation ...even tho presure from community etc etc ..always had hard arguement with them...I mean come on...

No gals can do much much more..when they know and understand such thing can happen...plan a life of independency while being in US/UK...if there is fear revolt...parents seek best interests but still you as an individual have to educate them and built that confidence...in order to seek one's interest... recently heard about such thing happening...have rebellious POV on it... will hold for now...on final note..bring oneself in a position to not taken for granted...communicate the same to folks/world...seek independence...never bend on something which you don't believe in at a tender age...no one is gonna come for you...you urself has to make a difference and make sure you prove it ...all the best!!

hope that speech was inpiring...and would help some.... 😃 baki it's life and circumstance driven...challenges/struggle / dukh is thy name life...with pinch of fun time...enjoy!

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

if this is what this girl went thru, then i would suggest she shd try to reassess the situation and see whether her marriage is workable or not. if not, then she shd try getting a divorce and move on with her life.

See that is very good advice I said the same to the girl but you know asian ppl and family politics! Her husband is her distant cousin as well so she has the added pressure of having uncles and aunties and her dad telling her to not give him a divorce But it's a case of her life and she needs to learn to speak up

Jerri😃

This sounds idealistic, but talk the situation with the husband. I believe in this case both are unhappy with the marriage. He would rather have a loyal committed wife than a farcial marriage and she would like to be free. Perhaps even he was forced into the marriage due to family duress. They could support each other till each of them gets settled into the life they want and then divorce and remarry to people of their choice.

Now this is just an option assuming he is unhappy too and wants out of the marriage. No situation is fool proof. A fool will always break it.

Parents are wierd. They care and do the best for you, but don't always give you what you want, which makes you think twice about their intentions lol. When it comes to drinking, going out fine parents should try not to restrict the child but just teach them what is right, place certain restrictions, and let the child be independent so they learn teh ways of life.

But when it comes to marriage...the parents can fault equally as much as teh child when deciding who the child should marry.

I have an aunt who had an arranged marriage....it came to be known after the marriage that the guy had a criminal record....and it wasnt a serious crime...but he did have one... now they're settled together...happy....but i'm jus saying like parents can fault....I had another aunt who had an arranged marriage...whose husbad strangled her to death jus a month after she had her first child....soooo disgusting... Evidently, parents can fault.

I mean why not allow the child to make this important decisions....this decisions is SOOO important....YOU're going to spend your ENTIRE LIFE...with this person....you BEST choose someone good lol...trust your child to make the right choice...and if u do think they made the wrong choice ...EXPLAIN to them... don't give pretexts of religion or cast or w.e...good reasons like u know the guy's family deals in drugs or u've seen the guy sleeping around or w.e lol.... but u know what i mean...

parents need to be realistic... in today's world... you force your kid into marriage...next day your kid can go get a divorce or run away... and hate you forever...i mean i know ppl who have become rebels cuz they're parents enforce tooo much control upon their lives...they've started drinking or hiding stuff from their parents cuz their parents aren't letting them lead even a somewhat independent life...

In this case...I feel really bad for the guy but I think the girl needs to do what she is doing to prove to her parents that their decision wasn't necessarily the best...the idea of forcing her into it that too at such a tender age was WRONG WRONG WRONG!...

once her parents admit that they were wrong and repent....then she should talk it out with her husband....maybe they are soul mates 😳

Anyways, parents need to become more understanding of their children and realize the implications of being too easy-going or too conservative and controlling.

Beats me why the girl just didnt pull the guy aside, sit him down, look him in the eye and tell him "Look here, I'm not interested in marrying you. So we can either ruin both our lives or you can simply refuse, like I'm refusing, to get married." If her own parents were acting extremely unreasonable, perhaps a refusal from her would-be husband might have fixed the problem.

And I agree with everyone else...relationships should NEVER be forced upon anyone. And while I think both the girl and her parents are to be blamed here, I also think the other guy and his parents are equally faulty for going ahead with the marriage with someone who doesnt even want to get married. They're ALL to blame.

Originally posted by: ~globetrotter~

Beats me why the girl just didnt pull the guy aside, sit him down, look him in the eye and tell him "Look here, I'm not interested in marrying you. So we can either ruin both our lives or you can simply refuse, like I'm refusing, to get married." If her own parents were acting extremely unreasonable, perhaps a refusal from her would-be husband might have fixed the problem.

I was just thinking, sometimes people know that their future wife/husband are being forced with the marriage and go through anyway for Visas, dowries or their own family pressure. So if both parties married for the wrong reasons then the blame for failure rests equally on the shoulders of both.

Originally posted by: hira_187

Ok, well I have always been curious to see other people's views on forced marriages. Why am I curious? Well because I found out that a friend of my sister-in-laws got an arranged marriage. She was about 18 or 19 when she got married to a guy in her family back home, and the mother wanted this. She tried so hard to get away from her mother's pleading and finally she gave up. she used to be a "wild girl"..like party, more western than traditional. and to get married to some guy from back home was not wat she expected. So she got married, jsut a little nikah thing and mind you, she purposely looked ugly that day. horrible dressing and makeup. lol

But anyways so the guy came here after a while BUt she refuse to accept her forced marriage. Now, she still acts single, does what she wants and does not live with her so-called husband by law. I don't know if they got divorced or not. Kinda messed up her life but more of his because he started to drink alcohol, smoke and is jsut a sore loser. SO is she right on her part? do you think forced marriages are or can be successful? Am i clea, I mean did that make sense? lol

i really feel bad for her. I said to my babhi that she never should've gotten married in the first place if she knew she wasn't going to keep it.

well everyone was talking about marriage, valentines, so why not bring this depressing topic. 😃

Gosh, that reminds me an aweful lot of my cousins marriage except his new wife had a boyfriend that wanted to beat him up. Under threat of his life he was forced to work for wages that went to his wife and her boyfriend. He managed to escape and now seems content with how his life is going.

What I'd like to know is what exactly was her mother's coercion methods that caused her to choose a path that ruined her own, as well as another persons life?

Anywho. To answer your question, forced marriages don't work. period. Arranged marriages are fine as long as the parties involved (and I mean the two that have to live under the same roof and raise a family together, not the parents who arranged it) actually want it that way.