Dear Twinkle, Shut the F*** up [anonymous public letter]

High time you shut your fortunate mouth and keep your deranged logics from my religion and my culture. You may think of yourself as a groundbreaking author on account of your high profile contacts but allow me to burst the bubble for you you ain't $h*t. There, I said it. You were an unsuccessful actress and failed miserably at being a wife too. If you were at all the strong woman you project yourself to be, you would have left Akshay Kumar way back you didn't, because you are weak and are bereft of any self-respect. You knew you would only be in news as long as you are Mrs. Akshay Kumar and hence you held on to the man who slapped you with a very public adultery.

You, in the guise of feminism, want to dissuade me from Karwachauth why don't you talk your old hag of a mother, battling her post menopause depression by sabotaging another woman's home, out of this extra marital affair instead. If I saw picture of my mother, flirting with a married man at 60, I'd hang my head in shame. But my mother is busy preparing for her Karwachauth, grateful for her blissful matrimony, a thing that bestowed neither upon you nor your mother. Again, I do not blame you for taking that huge dump on Karwachauth, for I know you don't know the first thing about family and the myriad emotions it entails. Didn't your father abandon your mother for Tina Munim and then choose to spend the remainder of his life with a different woman? Wasn't your mother playing peek-a-boo with Sunny Deol when you and your sister were younger? Damn, even your husband cheats on you with Priyanka Chopra, who, I have to be honest, is not one bit prettier than you. Clearly, you are clueless of how a functional family works, the traditions it revers and the values it holds close to heart.

But I love how you try your best to be a woman's woman the empowered kind. But why this lopsided love only for the Hindu women, Twinkle? Why not show some support for my Muslim sisters too, my Muslim sisters who are not allowed to fashion their hair or visit the beauty parlor, my Muslim sisters who have had their c***oris chopped off, my Muslim sisters who don't get to walk the street in an outfit of their choice and get a hijab draped around their heads at the age of three, my Muslims sisters who had to share their husbands with three other wives, my Muslim sisters who are sold like cattle to rich sheikhs thrice their age in Hyderabad why no love, no support, no outrage, no nothing for them, Mrs. Funnybones? Oh, is it because it's religious and off limits? And squatting over Hinduism every now and then and smearing our rituals with your verbal diarrhea is progressive?

While we are at it, let me brush up on another tangent. Remember how you took a dig at Yogi Adityanath's Anti-Romeo Squad initiative? Let me tell you, you privileged princess living a life miles away from reality I, as an ordinary woman living in regular India, approve of that initiative. As a college student, I couldn't walk to the bus stop without my brother or father accompanying me on account of gangs of "romeos hanging about the Pan Shops by the lanes of our regular neighborhood. You have never walked those streets you wouldn't know, you ignorant, far-from-ground-reality, entitled Bollywood elite! Didn't your husband make a video on the Bangalore Mass Molestation last year? I am guessing you don't know much about that either. Sharing life with your husband is a little different from sharing on twitter what he did when he forgot the anniversary.

Yes, Karwachauth doesn't add to a mortal's life but it brings that little yet much needed glitter in the dull lives of a regular middle class woman. She doesn't get invited to red carpet events, so Karwachauth allows her to reach for those forgotten jewelries and get dolled up like a bride again. And ask your good friend Karan Johar, how a Karwachauth sequence contributes to his oh-so-typical movies. #BoleyChuriyaBoleKangana

Anyway, I know you don't have the guts to call out social evils that are screaming for help, go back to your palace and author another good for nothing book.

Yours not-so-sincerely

Regular Indian Woman, from regular neighborhood