"Nahin Jane de sakta... Aru's diary entry
Is this all you want to say Mukhiji? I had just said the words I'd never said to anyone else. Nor did ever think that I would say so to anybody as love had had no space in my life, yet today I said those magical words to the man I love most,...and you did not utter a word! This is not how it happens in those romantic fairy tales; This is not what Romeo had replied to Juliet or Ranjha confessed to Heer...but you Mukhiji, you only have to say this! The man for whom I in all my ignorance thought, no girl would ever like him; to a man for whom I thought, I never would give a second thought to go away from, to a man who God knows when overpowered all my emotions, all my dreams and all the purposes of my life and became my utmost priority; to such a man, to you, my Mukhiji, I poured my heart out...and you only have this in reply? "Apne shayad samjha nahin ...magar maine abhi abhi apse kaha ki main apse bahut pyar karti hoon...You can hear me even when I don't talk. I know you can read my heart through my eyes, just like I do; I know you can feel the vibrations of my heartbeat next to yours. Your eyes respond the twinkling of my eyes. I know you can read the silence between us; we don't need baggage of words. You could have said it in just simple words. Yet Mukhiji you chose to stay mum. It hurt me so much when you try to ignore the love that every iota of yours is shouting. I can see the tussle you are going through between your heart and mind, yet I can also see how every bit of yours is yearning for me. You who can feel my pain without before my tears come out why can't see my yearning, my hurt? But, that's fine Mukhiji, I somewhere in my mind knew you would never express your love to me, and I was so sure you have not confessed it even to yourself so I took the first step and said that I love you and how I tried to persuade you to acknowledge your own feelings, yet you have nothing to say to me but just this, "nahin jane de sakta...! This is not what I was expecting.
Mukhiji, do you want to know how I felt the moment I heard those four words that came out of your lips after such a killing silence..."nahin jane de sakta... - the most heart wrenching and passionate love confession I have ever heard Mukhiji, ..not from the books, not out of a fairy tales, not even a dialogue of a Bollywood movie,..This is my Mukhiji's way of expressing his love...you uttered just four words but this time I could hear the entire song of your heart. "nahin jane de sakta... bus yehi toh sunana tha, Mukhiji, this is what my heart was dying to hear that you'll never let me go. Even if circumstances bid us apart, you'll not let me go; even if world go against, you'll not let me go, even for the lame excuses of my dreams sake, you'll not let me go; "nahin jane de sakta... the most magical love confession I have ever heard...This is the assurance I wanted from you Mukhiji, no matter what comes, you'll never let me go. As for my dreams, I know you'll let me fly in the open blue sky, but you'll never let me go. Your silence was hurting me so much and I in my foolishness concluded that you do not love me. I did not want to force myself on to you that's why I said I'll go away from you. But how could I say that??? Why didn't I say I can't leave you Mukhiji!!!...But you Mukhiji!, you said what even my Main aapse bahut pyarr karti hoon could not express. Every time I expect something, you show me a different shade of you. Mere berang se dikhanewale Mukhiji itne rang kahan choopa rakhen hai aapne? I was waiting to hear volumes from you but it was I who could not read volumes through your eye. It was I who could not understand the caress of your fingers on my face; It was I who could not interpret the sparkle in your eyes; It was I who could not understand the pain of your unspoken love for me. Yet these four words of yours gave me a new lease of life. A new reason to smile...A new hope in my life...a new reason to love myself...a new desire to dress myself up for you,...a new longing to be tied in this new cord with you forever because you'll never let me go, "kyonki aap mukje jane nahin de sakte.