In the evening...
The sun had just set, its brightness still illuminating the day. It was a windy evening. A sweet grey smell rose from the freshly water sprinkled ground. Farmers were back from their work and now gathered in small groups were chatting over a glass of buttermilk or lemonade. The silent streets were now buzzing with children playing and shouting. Nandini loved rural life; even during her exile she had always appreciated the earthly pleasures of it. Enjoying the ambiance she made her way to the cow shed to give him the pot of buttermilk to drink.
Even though he sensed her arrival he chose to ignore and continued to do what he was doing that is stacking hay into bundles which will be later used as fodder for the animals.
Narrowing her gaze she just thrust the pot in front of him. He is mistaken if he thinks that she is really interested talking to him.
Taking the glass and gulping its content in one go he kept the pot on the floor with a loud thankless thud.
She rounded her lips in O. This was the absolute limits, instead of rejoicing that she had come to him; all this man had done is sulking, the whole day. Not to mention ignoring her like a plague, every time she tried reasoning with him. After thudding it with equal force she picked up the earthenware, which has miraculously survived till now the tussle between the two. She proceeded to leave.
"Putra Chandra !". They were joined by an elderly lady
"Mausi Pranaam, Chandragupta greeted her jubilantly, while Nandini bent down to seek her blessings. The lady was kanika's elder sister, who stayed a few blocks away
"Aaj Mangalwaar hai na, toh Hanuman ji ke mandir gayi thi. Ye lo tum dono prasaad khao"
[It's Tuesday so I went to the temple of lord Hanuman. You two, have the Prasad]
After offering them the prasaad the lady was about to leave
"Arey Mausi itni jaldi jaa rahi ho, thodi der ruko na"
[Mausi you are leaving so soon, stay for a while]
"Nahin putra abhi ye gud chane ka prasaad nadi kinaare wale Vaanaron ko bhi khilana hai"
[No son, I have to go and feed this prasaad of jaggery and gram to the monkeys as well who stay near the banks of the river]
He could see from the corner of his eyes, she was biting her lips. Man! Now she would mock him like anything.
With great difficulty Nandini managed to say, "Mausi ji aap yahin ke vaanar ko ye prasaad khila dijiye na"
[Mausi ji, feed the prasaad to the monkey who stays here only]
"Arey bitiya, ab yahan kahan Vaanar milega"
[Oh! Child, now where will I find a monkey here?]
Chandragupta knew that it is not a good idea, but his gaze involuntarily met hers. They looked at each other. Their eyes gleaming with an understanding of their own. They knew it was coming. She bit her lips to dismiss it, he looked away to avoid it. Their gaze met again, they tore it again. They coughed. Looked at each other again, giving up. Their lips stretched in grin and before they could realize they broke into peals of laughter. Laughing a laugh which reached their eyes.
The lady watched them with a straight face, not at all getting the joke. Realizing that it isn't polite both Chandra and Nandini, composed themselves as much as was possible.
"kya hua, the lady asked innocently, "yahan Vaanar milega kya?"
[What happened? Will I find a monkey here?]
And then it was pointless, all their attempts at composure, it was plain pointless. Moments later, Nandini leaned on Chandragupta's arm holding her stomach, while Chandragupta shook his head in an attempt to stop, as they went through another round of roaring laughter.
The poor lady was in a fix. Wasn't it a common ritual to feed prasaad to monkeys on Tuesdays? It was true that Chandragupta insisted to be treated as the same way, as he used to be before he was a king, still it can't be denied that he was the king after all. Neither he nor his sense of humour could be afforded to be offended. So the best decision would be to laugh along with them, but she genuinely couldn't get the joke.
Never in her life had the poor lady imagined that one day to laugh or not to will be the biggest dilemma of her life. She looked at the duo who was supposedly their king and queen. They looked like two kids, blissfully engrossed in their own world, capable to guffaw at the most trivial things of life. She thanked her stars as she realized that if she sneaks out of their vicinity, they both won't bother to notice. And she did exactly the same.
Breathless, they finally managed to settle down a bit as they wiped their eyes. Drugged with the delight of the moment, Chandragupta asked in a dazed state, "Bindu kahan hai" [where is Bindu]
An equally dazed Nandini, replied, "apne dada ji ke paas hai", while she looked down to adjust her drape. [He is with his grandfather]
"NANDINI"
Startled she looked at him, his expression now had taken a 360 degree turn, he looked furious and probably scared, she wasn't sure but he did looked scared. Furious she could understand, with a kind of spat he had with his father, he probably didn't wanted to have him mentioned, but scared, she couldn't make out why?
"Tumhari mati phir gayi hai kya? Tum uss vyakti ke paas mere putra ko chod ke aayi ho?"
[Have you lost it? You have left my son with that person?]
"Kyun kya ho gaya?" [So what?]
"Nandini, moorkh, jo manushya apne paanch varsh ke baalak ko chulhe ki jalti lakdi se jaalane se pehle ek kshan nahin sochta hai, uss ke paas tum mere abodh putra ko chod ke aayi ho aur pooch rahi ho ki kya ho gaya hai"
[Nandini, you fool, the man who doesn't think twice before beating his five year old son with a log taken out from the fire place, you have left my innocent child with him and you are asking so what]
****************************************************************
Baby Bindu was really happy. This new game was like an adventure; a game his father never played with him. He clapped his tiny hands merrily and shirked in glee as his grandfather once again tossed him up high.
He reached the doorway, his feet skidding. He saw the man jostling up Bindu in the air and he was sure that he would forget to catch Bindu back, just like he had once forgotten his 7 year old son alone in the middle of the woods , because he was too drunk to remember anything. That his shaky hands a gift from his alcoholism would not allow him to catch Bindu safely, even if he intends to. That the scoundrel his father is, he would knowingly not catch Bindu. He was very sure that Bindu would hit the ground any moment, his delicate fragile body against the hard floor. He stood numb rooted at his spot, as Bindu landed back safely to his grandfather's arm. Scared that if he moves even an inch, the dream that Bindu is safe would break and the reality would be too harsh to face. It was only after his father feigned another toss to please Bindu, he came back to his senses. Covering the distance in almost one stride he reached to Bindu, a running Nandini making an entry at the same time.
As her husband practically snatched their son from his father's grip, he looked more vulnerable to Nandini then Bindusaar. When he protectively embraced Bindu close to his chest, armouring his arms around him against his grandfather, more than a father, he sounded like a mother, a scared, outwitted young mother. Reminding Nandini that before she made an entry into Bindu's life it was this man who performed both a father and a mother to his son. A fact which everyone quite conveniently and thanklessly chose to forget.
He handed a bewildered Bindu to Nandini as he spoke through his gritted teeth, "lo sambhalo issey aur agar tumse nahin sambhalta hai toh mujhse kaho". [Take care of him and if you can't then let me know]
As he stormed out of the cottage, Nandini realized that it wasn't one of his usual spit and vinegar days. She looked at the elderly man, her father in law, looking ten years older than he was, at that moment. It seemed that he was stripped of something essential, may be dignity, something ironically he never bothered to earn.
The night, at the courtyard ...
Under the moonlight, as he chopped woods meant to be used as fuel out of a log, he looked like a Grecian God. Clad in a maroon dhoti and a cobalt uttariya which hung loosely around his neck, his muscles contracted and dilated in a rhythm. Making it hard for Nandini to get away with the unorthodox thoughts she was having for her husband, as she felt a knot in her belly. Not to mention his rustic appeal really not helping her.
"Aagar mujhe ghoorna ho gaya ho toh bheetar jaa ke vishraam kar lo, kal subah jaldi nikalna hai"
[If you are done with your staring then go inside and rest, we need to leave early tomorrow]
Taken aback she looked like a child caught while sneaking his hands into the candy jar.
"Main yahan tumhe ghorne nahin aayi hoon, hawa achchi chal rahi thi toh yun hi bahar aa gayi, waise bhi mujhe neend nahin aa rahi hai", she said sitting on the charpoy kept nearby, stubbornly.
[I'm not here to stare you, it's a breezy night, so I decided to come outside and anyways I'm not sleepy]
He swung his axe at the log with violence, like it was the stubborn memories of his childhood which refused to leave him. He gritted as he noticed her watching him. He knew she wanted to talk, but what was there to talk. He would share some of the most hideous events of his past and she would cry in sympathy, something he abhors. It was pointless talking, he can show his scars, scars which just like the memories don't fade away, scars which unlike memories aren't painful anymore. What pains him is the hollowness inside him, a hollowness which has been his constant companion for as long as he can remember. A hollowness which more than his real father's absence; his foster father's presence has created. The hollowness which torments him like a patient, who can feel the pain but cannot explain it to the doctor. It was pointless talking, because no words can explain it. He thought as he swung the axe with a final thwack. Oblivious that there is somebody who doesn't needs an explanation to be explained his turmoil.
Jaw firmly set and a cloud over his face, he made Nandini realize that his inability to express himself, in this one and a half year has become almost like a minor handicap for him. She stood at her place. Taking a deep breath she prepared herself for the herculean task: talking to her husband when he doesn't want to
"Chandra!! "
"Bheetar jaa ke so jao Nandini, main yahan bahar chaarpayi pe so jaata hoon", he said without meeting her gaze.
[Go inside and sleep, Nandini, I'll sleep here on the charpoy]
She held his hands, "Chandra keh do, sab keh do" [Say it and say it all]
"kya keh doon? Kya sun na chahti ho? Yahi ki baalpan mein mujhe kya jhelna pada? Theek hai suno", he said with a smile. An unkind smile, thought Nandini
[What shall I say? The tortures I went through my childhood? Fine then listen]
"Suno, he picked up an iron rod from ground. "Jaanti ho gurukul mein Aacharya ki chadi se sab darte the, sivaay mere. Pata hai, kyun? Kyunki, uss chadi se iss lohe ke dande ke mukaable kam chot lagti hai, aur agar ye danda aag mein tapa hua ho, toh kehna hi kya. Ab agar tumhe apne prashno ke uttar mil gaye ho, toh kripya kar ke mujhe ekaant mein chod do"
[You know what, in gurukul each of us used to be terrified from Aacharya's cane, except for me. Do you know why? Because the cane was capable of inflicting less pain than this iron rod. And yeah! All the way more better if the rod is red hot grilled in fire. And now if you have got your answers, kindly leave me alone]
"Chandra main woh... [Chandra, I...]
"Tum ro rahi ho", he declared in a disappointed tone. Her sympathy was the last thing he wanted. Not understanding,that it was empathy. [You are crying]
"Mujhe kshama kar do Chandra, main samajh nahin paayi Bindu ko le ke tumhare darr ko"
[Please forgive me Chandra, I couldn't understand your fears regarding Bindu]
"Kshama toh mujhe tumse maangni chahiye Nandini. Maine tumse aasha rakhi ki tum ateet ko bhool kar, meri sabhi galtiyon ko bhool kar mere paas waapas chali aaogi. Jabki main swayam apne ateet ko nahin bhool paya hoon, uski parchai se bahar nahin aa paya hoon. Mujhe kshama kar do Nandini, tumpe itna bhavnatmak dawaab daalne ke liye. Parantu ab nahin, main samajh gaya hoon, ye bhayanak chuppi, yahi humare sambandh ki niyati hai, yahi meri niyati hai. Aaj ke baad tumhe meri oar se kabhi kisi shikayat ka mauka nahin milega"
[It's I who should be asking for forgiveness Nandini. I expected you to forget the past, forget my mistakes and come back to me. When I, myself am not able to forget my past, to come out from the murky shadow of my past. Forgive me Nandini for pressurising you emotionally. But now I have understood, this haunting silence is the destiny of our relationship, the destiny of mine. From now onwards you won't get a chance to complain]
He turned around hastily, blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill out making him weak.
She stood there, unsure, undecided, unprepared. Why does he have to do this to her every time: bowl a situation, she has no idea to handle. What would have he done in this situation, she thought. That's when it strike her, that it was he who was all the time in this' situation, trying hard and harder, not giving up, when she had turned her back. And now it was simply her turn.
Closing the distance between them she grasped him from behind, clutching his uttariya, as she pressed herself to his back.
He thought something scared her, a lizard or an insect probably. It was only when he felt her pulling him like there was no tomorrow, he realized she is attempting to hold him back. He closed his eyes in defeat. He had often dreamt of this moment when she would come back to him. The only thing he didn't dreamt was that she would come back out of pity. Her hatred, apathy, bitterness, detest, they all were better than this charity of hers, he decided. Holding her hands he turned around facing her.
"Tum ye kyun kar rahi ho Nandini" [why are you doing this Nandini]
"kya? [what?]
"Mujhe kyun apna rahi ho? Ek baar phir se?" [Accepting me? Once again?]
"Chandra main...
"Jaanti ho Aacharya ke baad tum woh ek matra manushya ho, jis se Chandragupta Maura ne sirf maanga hai aur badle mein kuch nahin de saka. Aur mujhe ye swikaar karne mein koi sankoch nahin hai ki aage bhi tumse pratpt karne ki hi apeksha rakhta hoon, parantu sahanbhuti woh antim vastu hai jo main tumse chahuga Nandini. Tum mujhe apni kshma daan mein de chuki ho, ek uska hi bojh uthana mere liye bahout kathin ho raha hai."
[You know, after Aacharya, you are the only person from whom, Chandragupta Maurya has always taken and never could give anything in return. And I have no shame in accepting that in the future as well I look forward to receive from you, but your sympathy is the last thing I wish to receive Nandini. You already have donated you forgiveness in charity, my shoulders already are weary bearing the weight of that charity.]
Leaving her hands he turned around once again, to wander around the streets of the village. Staying with her under the same roof tonight was not a good idea. He moved ahead, only to be pulled back by his arms. Her limited strength really couldn't manage to pull him successfully; it was her spell which manoeuvred his body. He turned around, only to get a shove from her. Startled he looked at her.
"Tum hote kaun ho akele humare sambandh ke vishaya mein nirnaya lene wale. Mujhe tumhe swikaar karna hai ya nahin, tumhare paas waapas aana hai ya nahin aur agar aana hai toh kyun aana hai, ye tay karne wale tum hote kaun ho? Kisne diya tumhe ye adhikaar?"
[Who are you to take decisions about our relationship single handedly. Whether I need to accept you or not, come back to you or not, and if yes, then why do I need to come back. Who are you to decide. Who gave you the right?]
She was maddened at him, at his idiocy. After resurrecting the fire inside her, all he had to come with was those icy foolish assumptions. She shoved him again, but he held her hand this time, she squirmed to be freed, tumbling against his sturdy frame as he held her protectively. To a passerby they looked like two kids engaged in a brawl.
She held his uttariya, "Mujhe tumse prem kyun karna hai, karna hai ya nahin, ye kewal main tay karungi Chandragupta Maurya". [Why do I have to love you, love you or not, nobody but I will decide Chandragupta Maurya]
She pulled him closer, "Aur maine tay kar liya hai", she shook her head determinedly as her eyes gleamed with all the love she had for his man. She whispered again "Maine tay kar liya hai Chandra", as she kept her head on his chest pressing her face deeper into it.
[And I have decided]
He looked down at her, hesitatingly he touched her, being sure the spell will break any moment, but it didn't, it was true. Too good to be true, but true. She was ready to lose herself to him, when he was on the verge of losing her. Chandragupta Maurya was never quite good with words, but for once he knew the exact description of this moment. Serendipity it was.
"Dhanyawaad Nandini", he whispered embracing her. [Thank you Nandini]
"Dhanyawaad mat karo, tum ne mujhe jitney taane mare hain na, main ek bhi nahin bhooli hoon, gin gin ke badle loongi tumse"
[Don't thank me, I haven't forgotten any of your taunts, I will revenge each one of them]
"Phir toh Nandini tum mujhse rusht raho wohi theek hai", he said earning a punch on his chest.
[Then Nandini, it would be better if you stay cross with me]
They laughed as he mocked pain.
She tiptoed to reach her head to his forehead. Smiling, he put back her feet on the ground with a gentle push. Leaning down he rested his forehead against hers. She wrapped her arms against his neck as he locked his around her waist. Their breath fanning each other's face, crying through smiles and smiling through tears, they stood there, absorbed in each other under the canopy of stars and the moon. The moon, a little pale today for others the brightest for them.
Standing there, breathing the same air as he was, Nandini didn't know whether she will ever be able to forget the night mare the last one and a half year was, completely. But she was very sure that the haunting memories were fading, already.
Standing there, under the same moonlight as she was, Chandragupta didn't know whether he will ever be able to forget his painful childhood, completely. But he was very sure, that it is less painful, already.
Years later, when death won't sound as surreal as it sounds now to their jaunty youth. When living together and dying together, however romantic it may be would not sound as pertinent, as now. When one of them will plead to the other to stay back. Then they would realize that life is not about happy ending, it never was. It's about happy memories. Something they would have in abundance. It will be then while taking a trip down to memory lane, they would realize the worth of this priceless moment. The moment which will be the most vivid. The moment when they were found. Chandra to Nandini and Nandini to Chandra.
But for now, they were doing something which they longed to do, ever since they were parted. They were breathing, instead of the exhaling inhaling exercise, they were breathing. Once again breathing. Blessedly breathing. Oh! The bliss it was to breathe.
Jeena bhoole the kahan? Yaad nahin!
Tujhko paaya hai jahan
Saans phir aayi wahin...
(Gulzar)
The End!
Cricket
