Note: I am sad. She deserves so much more, and she doesn't even know it. I want him to understand what her selflessness can cost him, what true sacrifice means to a woman this giving, this kind. The Oberois do not understand goodness. And if she won't leave him for herself -- maybe she will leave him, for him. Chappals, (branded) are welcome. Please comment, like and share your thoughts!
MILES TO GO, BEFORE I SLEEP.
These woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go, before I sleep
And miles to go, before I sleep.
------ Robert Frost, (excerpt: "Stopping by the Woods...Evening")
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Anika had never fully unpacked, no matter how many times Dadi threw open his wardrobe and stuffed new saris, ghagras and suits in there. Under the bed, her duffel bag still held the items she hadn't been able to wear all that much since her marriage. These old clothes would have to be handled separately from the new stuff. Anika bundled all the older things into the duffel bag now. The new clothes were not a problem. Those would go into boxes. What Anika actually hated to leave behind were the hi-fi designer golden chappals, with the metallic leaf designs she had worn the entire 6 months of her marriage. So comfortable! And comfort ke saath saath kya lasting bhi kiya, by god! Branded shoes were worth the money-- who knew? Anika thought, wryly, that was one thing that being a rich man's wife for six months had ruined for her. Of all things, she had learnt a new found appreciation for outrageously expensive chappals.
But poor Chameli now came out of the newspaper she had been wrapped in, from inside the duffel bag. And she felt kind of tight and shabby looking to Anika, so much so that Anika almost reached for those Guiseppe Zanotti, gold, leafy beauties Janvi Aunty had gifted her, six months ago. But no. She would have to be sensible. Anika wiped her tears, talked sternly to herself. Why was she crying? for some shoes she was never going to wear again? With everything else she was leaving behind, what was this loss of her pretty chappals, against all the others?
This was just her own issue, really. Of course after she was gone, Shivaay would not notice whether she had taken her new shoes, or left them here. He would not mind, if she wore these either, how silly to think he would mind! But she would know, wouldn't she? She would know what she had left wearing, in the end. So Chameli, it was. Chameli, it had to be. Anika put on her old friend.
The new clothes were neatly packed into boxes, ready for donation. These new things were expensive items and Anika didn't want to just give them away. Dadi might get upset, or it might embarrass the Oberois when they realized that Anika had given their gifts away. Better to let them decide themselves, what to do with these gifted clothes. Once she was gone. But the duffel bag containing her older clothes, the toiletries and her makeup dabba were her own things. She could give them to the people who had taken care of her these six months, and no one would mind. She called Neha, the head maid, and handed these things over to the surprised girl. Neha would distribute these later, among the other working girls. Neha nodded, and left with the last of Anika's things.
She sorted her papers next. The letters to those she was leaving behind were written already, but she got the envelopes ready now. She left her bank book on his study table, knowing sheepishly that it was in bad shape. She didn't know if she owed the bank money, or if she had thousands of rupees just sitting there in her account. She had never had a head for numbers, and Shivaay would be irritated by the mess she was leaving him. She tore up some things, burnt some personal papers, tossed or filed away receipts or bills. She didn't want Shivaay dealing with all this too. The final items--legal forms, her final will, etc. took some time. Then, she labored over Sahil's papers.
Sahil. During all these weeks of preparation she had kept her thoughts for her brother out of what she had to do. But tonight, right now, she allowed herself just one small indulgence. The storm of tears came, and she put her head down, sobbing until her throat felt raw and abused. Sahil. She had tried very hard not to think about Sahil, all this time. He would be so angry! So furious at her, so unhappy! But surely Shivaay would be able to make him forgive her, a little, over time? Surely time, and new friends and his new family would help soothe her brother's anguish? She prayed it would be so. She didn't pack away Sahil's picture, and, instead, left it, propped up, on his desk. Shivaay would understand. He would understand why she had left this picture, on his desk. He would understand that she was giving him her biggest duty, and that this was her biggest sign of her trust, of her faith in him. And he was good at duty. He would accept this zimmerdari.
She smiled, thinking about how many times she herself had been given that title over the past six months. If Tia had not been revealed as the ugly, scheming monster she was, by now Shivaay would have even taken the responsibility for Shushant/Robin's child. Thank God that chapter was over. Thank God. Shivaay would be free now, he could finally have a chance to be happy. Thank God.
And Sahil was his little brother now, too, right? She didn't think Shivaay would pull Sahil out of his elite boarding school, that he would turn away from her brother, to punish her for what she was about to do, tonight. He loved Sahil, after all, and would keep an eye on him for her. Until Sahil was grown up and settled, he would be there for him. She was cent per cent sure of this. Shivaay had already returned Sahil's house. Sahil would have Soumya, Om and Rudra, too. But just in case, in case what she was doing was bigger than Shivaay's ability to forgive -- in case of that, she had arranged a letter to be delivered to Soumya with signed consent forms for Sahil to go back to his original school, along with legal forms granting her, Rudra and Om joint guardianship of her little brother. She didn't think this extra precaution would be needed. But six months of being Shivaay Singh Oberoi's wife had taught her to never take anything --especially Shivaay Singh Oberoi -- for granted. No matter what Shivaay chose to do, finally-- with Rudra and Om and Soumya around, Sahil would be okay.
Anika chewed her lip, as she poured herself a final glass of water, pacing the room as she waited for darkness to fall outside. Her responsibilities were all taken care of. Om was happily settled with that girl Gauri, the toughest woman Anika had ever met. He would be protected by that tiny, frightening firecracker. He would be alright, if Gauri Singh Oberoi had anything to say about it.
Tej Uncle had become a different man after Svethlana had been revealed as the snake they always knew her to be. His new humility was still something Janvi Aunty was getting used to. And Pinky Aunty was right there, to make sure Uncle never forgot the lesson his own pride and cruelty had taught him. He had almost brought the Oberoi family to its knees, they were all still recovering.
Dadi would be upset with her, and, Anika suspected, so would Shakti Uncle, who had been so quietly kind to her for these past six months. But Anika thought as long as the family stayed together, had each other, they would be fine. Rudra and Soumya, now... Rudra had been working away at their relationship for the past few months. Out of all of them, it was Rudra that Anika worried about leaving the most. Her adorable Devar was an idiot, where would he get a better wife than the one he had married, and who he loved with such passionate stupidity? Sach mei, his dolas were bigger than his brains.
But Anika thought it would work out. Soumya's Ai was a terror, but she was a sensible, strong woman. Having a strong mother helped, na? Having a mother who did not let you be used, did not let you be hurt? And Soumya was confident, accomplished, from a good family. Janvi Aunty was now in control of that part of the Oberoi family. Rudra and Soumya would be fine. Janvi Aunty and Shivaay would see to that.
Anika breathed a sigh of relief. She could go. They would be okay. All of them.
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The moonlight streamed in from the poolside windows, startling her from her thoughts. Reminding her that it was time. Dressed in her jeans and her favorite daffodil top, she packed her jhola last, and rapidly did a mental check of its contents. She kept her ID papers inside the jhola, in case it took a while for someone to find her. The sealed letters addressed to Shivaay, Sahil, Om, Rudra and Soumya were tucked into her jeans pocket, zipped in for safety. Those letters would hopefully reach them. After.
Anika left their room keys on his table. Security card to the mansion, all the debit/credit cards he had let her use were kept next to it, and most of the cash she had in her wallet. No point in encouraging thieves, she thought, with her usual streak of practically. She didn't need to carry much money, just some change to get to her final destination. About 200 rupees for the auto would do. She put the loose change in her jhola, looked at the time. 10:45. In less than an hour, it would be time.
Her six months would be up.
She now fumbled at her neck, her hands trembling. Trembling? How foolish! Taking a deep breath, Anika tried again. This time, the chain came off. She should have left her mangalsutra with the other expensive pieces of jewellry. But no, she had left this on, though she'd left the other jewelry with Prinku already. Her friend had not even needed the mumbled excuse that Anika had forgotten her room safe combination, and was leaving them with Prinku for safe-keeping. Nowadays Prinku had bigger things to dreamily think about. The ACP, if she was not mistaken. Anika had a shrewd suspicion that Prinku would soon be a bride, but she'd kept it quiet. Shivaay would handle this for Prinku, when the time came. He was an excellent brother.
The beaded chain dropped from her neck suddenly and Anika barely caught it, the superstition about not letting a mangalsutra fall to the ground still fresh in her mind. She giggled softly, and the three diamonds on her chain winked back at her. Still warm from her body, she left the chain coiled on top of his desk, her fingers lovingly stroking the black beads one last time. She walked through the bedroom, dipped her feet at the pool side, one final time.
Everything was done. Everything was in its place. All signs of her removed. Pristine, like she had never even been here. Perfect, like she was not. His life, returned to him. His future, offered up to him. His freedom, given back to him. He had it all back now. Half an hour more, and it would all be returned.
Through the only way left to her. The only way, where he would have to let her go.
Anika picked up her jhola, squared her shoulders, and walked out of their bedroom. As she strode out of the Mansion, the moonlight glinted over her wild hair, haloing her in a nimbus of blue. Just a few more miles to go, now. Just a few more miles.
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Edited to Add: I don't have a continuation for this story, as most of you have seen for yourself, this is kind of an open ended, very tragic journey for Anika, set 6 months later. He has still not accepted her, and so she leaves. But I did write a piece on Shivaay, when he thinks he's managed to kill her by pushing her accidentally, (Before her comic memory loss track) which, to me feels like a companion piece, emotional terms (again, its not a continuation of this one, but it is a study on his emotions at the thought of losing her) So I'm linking that separate one shot below. Enjoy!
One Shot: Before and After-Shivaay, After the Fall
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/ishqbaaaz/4800325/one-shot-before-and-after-shivaay-after-the-fall-completed-8th-feb
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