Originally posted by: Innika
Navin,
I don't really know where to start on this one, to be very honest.
So let me just give you some sort of a context to where I'm at, right now; I'm sitting on my bed, absolutely bled dry from an extremely taxing out-of-town trip, and I'm writing hardcore ShivIka angst. And then, I see this on IF, and even before I read it, I fall in love with the name (also, I love Frost so much!).
Context given, I'm still stuck.
I honestly can't form words, or gather my emotions properly right now. I have a lump in my throat, my chest is hurting, and while I type this, my hands are shaking. Congratulations, you've achieved one of the visceral hallmarks of a brilliant writer, making your reader feel. But you know, reading this, I don't think I'm even feeling Annika - I am Annika.
At the moment, I've kind of been avoiding writing happy ShivIka stories. Writing is very mood-centric for me (as it is, for all of us), and watching what I am currently on television, I don't know if I can really go back. When all the haze of adorability is cleared, all that remains is force and inequality. If we overlook the fact that we know they both love each other, I don't think either character can be redeemed.
I say either, because even though Shivaay is grossly at fault, Annika has made mistakes too.
She's forgotten her roots. I feel like she's desperately trying to fit into his life, and that she's just accepted her fate. There is no fight left in her; or at least, not towards Shivaay. Now, she fights alongside him, like a good spouse should, rather than against him. The only issue is, they are not a healthy couple, and so, her devotion to him, is unwelcome at this stage.
I'm waiting for Annika to realise this.
I don't know when she will. I don't know if she will, but one can hope. I'm tired of reading comments about how people don't think a separation will happen, or even a redemption, because Shivaay and Annika are in love. And apparently, that automatically means, that we will learn to accept.
That disgusts me. I think that sometimes we forget; the lure of romance is too tempting, to address the fact that this is not a marriage of equals. He forced her to marry him. I try to look at all the positives behind what that one action did, but to be honest, I can't. He manhandled her, he exploited her, he threatened to rape her. I can't get over that shoe near her head, at all. No intense hospital scenes, or heartfelt declaration of love can fix that for me. Not even him grovelling will fix that. That whole track disgusted me so much, that try as I might, I couldn't rewatch it. I wanted to, for inspiration for the angst fic that I'm writing, but I just couldn't do it.
I'm from a Bengali family, and while our women do face heaps of crap, I know that our society really hates one thing. Any sort of violence, and daughters are dragged away from that environment before they can even ask. Because violence is so unacceptable, I can't even. And this guy, for god's sake, uses violence out of love as well. That whole idea of she only responds well to threats and violence kind of makes me sick. My sister is going to get married in the next few years, and the thought of her husband manhandling her, sends shivers down my spine.
It's so terrible, as well, because violence in marital relationships is so prevalent in reality, that I really wish that television wouldn't romanticise it as much as they do.
Anyhow, bruises can heal. Words, already spoken, can't. You can't take back what Shivaay has said or done. You can't take back everything that Pinky and Tej have said. You can't take back all the berating, all the pain that she is all but drowning in, right now. There is no apology, no begging, no pleading, that will heal her.
I loved what you wrote in the little note at the beginning of your post. If she won't leave him for herself, maybe she'll leave him, for him. I have thought about this for so long; that Annika is too far gone to leave out of anger. She's accepted a forced marriage, him using Sahil for blackmail, him demeaning her, and their marriage. She's accepted the fact that she's not good enough for him, that he'll never accept her, and that she's stuck in a loveless marriage. She's accepted a divorce, she's accepted him flirting with her, without giving her anything to hold on to.
There is nothing that he can take now, that she won't willingly give. It's tremendously sad, but that is the point that their relationship is at, right now. He is still holding the reigns of the relationship, and if he were to leave her in the next hour, then Annika would have to accept it.
The only way I see her leaving now, as you said, is if it's her trying to liberate him. I have a feeling that this will be shown on the show, after the whole NB track is over.
Sorry, I keep drifting from the actual point of this comment!
Navin, I absolutely loved this. I felt this. I cried with this.
That beautiful lead in from her sandals, to the family members was so palpably bittersweet. The lines drawn, the parallels between the standard of the sandals, to what Annika has become, was downright remarkable.
I don't know how to describe your writing style in this. Serene, maybe?
There was so much going on, so much emotion - and yet, it was so resigned. Like the reader was Annika, tired, but powering on, until her final break.
Her casual insight, her worry about leaving the family made me cry so much. My covers are literally damp from all the tears; because as you said, this woman is too kind. She is way too giving, too selfless, and the Oberoi family don't know what they have, and how brutally they had destroyed her. She's being spread too thin, between all of them, and that is saying something, because Annika has always fought her own battles. It's really telling, but essentially, her love has destroyed her. It really reminded me of Annika's conversation with Sahil, where she talks about being terrified of love. At this rate, I agree with her - she should be.
Her love for Shivaay, for the family, has ruined her. She's taken too much, already, and if the show's writers continue like they are, there will be too many blows for even us, as forum writers, to try to justify, or fix. I sense a breakdown coming very soon, but I would love to have see what this story has, on the show.
If, I'm not reading into this too much, I assume that she's going to commit suicide? The fact that she's leaving Sahil to the family hints at this, but I could be reading into it too much.
It is all but confirmed, because she realises, that Shivaay will have to let her go. As dreadful as it, I can somehow believe this. It's so real.
She is so selfless, so sacrificial, that I wouldn't put suicide past her.
By the way, is there any chance that you can write a second part to this? Maybe the aftermath? Another OS in the next few hours? I just need more angst, especially because you're such a brilliant writer.
Thank you for this, I loved it. Keep writing!
With love,
Innika
xox
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