Arshi FF: The Broken Hearts#2 NEW LINK ADDED pg 153 - Page 55

Chapter 17

Leaning her head against the car window, Khushi peered at the sky above. The sky was acquiring a blazing hue just before the sun set. She rolled down the window and inhaled deeply. Finally after three weeks of being in the hospital, she was now free. Free to watch the open sky, free to breathe in the fresh air that was devoid of astringents and free to go back home.
Home? But where was her home, she didn't remember. She saw the birds flying back to their nests to be with their families, the people on the road rushing after work to their homes to spend time with their dear ones. But she, she had nowhere to go. Nobody was waiting for her. She had no friends, no family.
Her eyes turned moist and she raised her hand to wipe the dampness when Sia tugged at her dupatta. Khushi turned her neck and found Sia grinning at her. Automatically her lips broke into a smile. Khushi outstretched her arms, inviting her but she playfully shook her head and snuggled close to Arnav. She pulled his upper shirt pocket and took out his cellphone. Then lowered her head to busy herself with the gadget. Her eye brows knitted together as the colors on the screen fascinated her. Then she put the phone to her ear and mumbled " hmmm."
Both Arnav and Khushi laughed at her cuteness.
" she's adorable." Khushi couldn't stop herself from pointing out and gazed at Arnav who ran his hand over Sia's head and nodded .
Khushi smiled faintly as she watched both of them. She wondered what would have happened had nobody informed Arnav about her accident? And after being informed if he had not turned up and abandoned her? Her thoughts made her shudder.

Arnav frowned at her. " what's wrong?" She gulped and shook her head. Then averting her gaze, thought Now she'd be living with them in their house and all her time would be devoted to this sweet angel.
She turned back and once again started to peer outside. She stared at the roads, buildings and parks, making an attempt to remember them but everything looked new and unfamiliar when Arnav spoke from behind.
" that red building was our...ahh I mean your college."
Khushi looked at the building closely and asked in surprise. " really?"
" yeah." Perhaps she had forgotten their college time but he hadn't. Their first meeting was still so fresh in his mind and it warmed his heart.
" was I a good student?" She asked in excitement.
He smiled at her. " Yes, a very hardworking student...but math used to give you headache." She grinned hearing that. It pleased her knowing about her past.
" but ..how.."
Arnav read the confusion in her eyes and lied. " your resume has all the details."
She nodded and thought about her college days. Though she didn't have any family but surely she must have made some friends in school and college. Where were they? Except for Arnav and Sia nobody ever came to see her in the hospital. Didn't her friends care about her? Was she not in touch with them? She thought of asking Arnav, but stopped herself. How would he know about her friend circle?
The car stopped outside a huge bungalow. The name plate read Raizada mansion. And it was truly a mansion.
As Khushi stepped inside with Sia in her arms, her eyes ran across the palatial house. Marble flooring, teak wood furniture and artistic paintings adorned the walls. Everything seemed so classy and sophisticated that Khushi felt small and out of place. No doubt Arnav was a rich businessman, who wore designer suits and drove in luxury cars but this house was something else, Khushi couldn't find the right words to describe its beauty.
" Khushi, this is HP and this is Meena, the house workers. If you need anything, let them know." His voice forced Khushi to tear her gaze away from the house to look at the butler and the house maid standing before them. She greeted them with a smile.
" HP one black coffee." Arnav glanced at Khushi and asked, " you want juice?" Khushi shook her head. " No thanks. I'm good." Khushi drew her brows together as the servants left.
" it looks like they are seeing me for the first time...I've been working here, right?"
" of course." Arnav pursed his lips, the servants needed to be briefed about Khushi and Sia, also warned to mind their own business and not get frank with Khushi who must be curious to know more about herself, Sia and her working here but the servants had to keep their mouths shut.
Arnav looked at Khushi and found her gaze wandering around, as if she was searching for something.
" Khushi." He called her out, she peered at Arnav who raised his eye brow shooting her a questioning look.
" Arnav ji...your wife ...isn't she around?" Arnav looked surprised, how did she know about Lavanya?
" the other day, I heard aman talking to you." She dispelled his surprise.
" Lavanya doesn't stay here...we are getting separated."
Arnav stepped forward and took Sia from Khushi, who was in a daze. He and his wife weren't together..how sad.
" and your family?"
" Dadi and di stay in Kolkata. However once in a while they do come over." Arnav moved toward the staircase.
" let me show you your room." He climbed up the stairs and Khushi quietly followed behind. Arnav switched on the light as Khushi and Sia entered the room. He watched them closely to know their reaction. He hoped they'd like the room.
The first one to give the approval was Sia who started clapping her hands on seeing Tom and Jerry painted on the walls. Arnav was glad and felt even more happy when she pointed her little finger toward the toys kept on the shelf. His eyes then moved to Khushi who had her lips stretched. So she also seemed to like the room. Great!
Khushi who was still admiring the room saw Arnav, Sia and her own reflection in the mirror. She frowned as she moved close to the mirror.
" Arnav ji, doesn't Sia look like me?" Arnav's jaw dropped and his eyes turned wide. Of course the resemblance was there, how could he hide that?
" ahh..no..I don't think so."
He then took Sia near the shelf and picked the pink panther stuff toy.
" Khushi why don't you take a quick nap before we have dinner." He tried to divert Khushi's inquisitive mind. " while Sia and I play with our new buddy...what say Sia?" She giggled in response and grabbed the stuff toy from Arnav's hand.

Khushi slowly walked around the room after Arnav left with Sia. So this was her room and she had been staying here for quite sometime. Unknowingly her mind tried to recollect something about the room but failed miserably. The room gave her positive vibes and she felt belonged but still it looked new and unfamiliar.
She shook her head. Nowadays everything and every person seemed like a stranger ...the room was no exception. It seemed as if she was starting her life from a scratch.
Sighing deeply she sat on the bed and lifted her hand to touch the stars. Involuntarily a smile appeared on her face that widened as she ran her fingers on the bedsheet that had Mickey mouse printed on it. She lay in bed and gazed at the cartoon character. Surely the room was designed keeping Sia in mind but somewhere she too liked the feel of it. Perhaps a child in her was elated to see pink walls, stars and cartoon characters.
Grow up Khushi, she told herself as she drifted off to sleep.
**********************************************

Later in the evening Khushi got up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. Her gaze fell on the table clock. Oh god, it was already eight! She didn't realize and slept for so long? Probably the medicines that she was taking to relax had made her so sleepy. She hopped out of the bed. Whatever might be the reason but it didn't look right. Arnav had hired her for Sia and instead of she taking care of her, he was doing the same. He didn't complain but that didn't mean she could ignore her duty.
She went down the stairs and looked around. The hall was empty. Where were they? Noises from the kitchen drew her that direction. She stopped in the doorway gaping at the unexpected vision that greeted her.
Arnav in a casual pair of blue jeans, long, loose and untucked white shirt with sleeves rolled up till arms and its first three buttons opened, revealing his bare well sculpted chest had Sia tied down to the chair with a towel, and he was feeding her custard. Always seen him in formal suits, this new look of his, had made her throat go dry. She shivered as her gaze remained fixed on him. Was it the cold weather that brought the chill...or something else. It was January and it was definitely cold but looking at him, seemed that the winter hadn't touched him as yet. His designer suits gave him an air of sophistication, as if he was way above the league and nobody could reach up to him. But this lazy, laid back look made him even more... gorgeous !
Khushi shuddered and bit her bottom lip. What the hell was she thinking? Stop!
Forcefully she moved her eyes to Sia. Arnav wiggled his nose against hers, making her giggle. Sia slapped her chubby hands on Arnav's face, trying to get him do it again. He did and Sia threw her head back and laughed harder. Arnav then took out his cell phone to click Sia's picture .

Tilting her head to the left Khushi wondered, who could say that Sia was his adopted daughter , that he wasn't her real father? Their love, their fondness for each other looked so natural and normal that her eyes turned watery. She blinked rapidly and pushed back the tears of joy and surprise.

" what's going on?"
Arnav looked up and grinned. " Sia is having her dinner. Hope you slept well?" He spooned some custard into Sia's mouth, then held out a bowl of grapes for Sia to feed herself.
Khushi walked to them. " I'm sorry Arnav ji, I overslept... Instead of you, I should be looking after Sia"
Arnav waved his hand in the air, dismissing her apology.
" Oh not a problem..we had a great time." He smiled down at Sia.
When he looked up he found Khushi gazing at him. He furrowed his brows in question.
" Arnav Singh Raizada, the business mogul, knows how to feed babies. Who would have guessed?"
Arnav shrugged his shoulders in pride. " I'm a man of many talents, aren't I, Sia?" Sia didn't get a word of what he said but she playfully pushed a grape into his mouth.
" aw grapes only for pa, not for me?" Khushi opened her mouth for Sia who put a grape in her mouth as well.
" ah thank you." Khushi gave Sia a sound kiss on her cheek. Arnav who was chewing on the grape, froze at Khushi's words. Pa? Did she really address him as Sia's father? Did he hear correct? His heart skipped a few beats on hearing that beautiful word and that too from Khushi's mouth.
Khushi turned to look at him and found him staring down at her. What was wrong?
" Arnav ji, are you alright?" She asked in concern. He slowly shook his head but didn't say anything. He was still shocked.
Sia raised her hand and showed Khushi her empty bowl. She was done. Khushi smiled at her. " now that your dinner is over , let me wipe off your face." Khushi brought a wet tissue and began cleaning her mouth. " by the way Arnav ji, what does Sia call me? Aunty?"
" noo it's Ma..I mean maasi ." Arnav squeezed his eyes in regret as he told one more lie to Khushi. She was Sia's mother but she couldn't hear her call that. It was awful on his part.
However hearing maasi brought a smile on Khushi's face. She wasn't her Nanny. She loved the sound of Maasi. It sounded special and endearing. Maasi meant like mother and she felt like Sia's mother.
Before Khushi asked something more Arnav pulled a chair to sit and called out.
" HP, get the dinner on the table." He gestured Khushi to join him.
Both of them silently ate and watched Sia play with her ratler .
Khushi couldn't prevent herself from thinking, that in this big house there were so few people. Sia was now his family but other than her all were outsiders and she was one of them. The three weeks that she spent with him, only made her feel that he was a tough and demanding entrepreneur but otherwise a wonderful person. Still he was lonely with no family member around.
However in his thoughts, Arnav begged to differ. For the first time he didn't find himself alone. After so long he wasn't dining with nobody around. Tonight he could see faces around him that filled his heart with contentment and bliss. He didn't remember when was the last time he relished his meal. And for that all credit went to Khushi and Sia.
" how did you find Sia?" Khushi suddenly asked making the spoonful of rice in Arnav's hand, hang in mid air.
" her parents met with a fatal accident..there was no else in her family..so I took her up."
" you knew her parents?"
" hmm." He didn't elaborate and quietly put the spoon in his mouth and dropped his gaze.
" Sia, is very lucky to have you."
Lifting his face he glanced at Sia and shook his head. " no, its the other way round." His eyes warmed up as the words came out of his mouth.
Sia yawned and rubbed her eyes. Khushi at once pushed her plate aside.
" I think I should take her to bed."
Arnav nodded.
" come Sia, come to maasi ." Khushi scooped her in her arms.
" say bye to pa." Khushi waved out to Arnav. Sia too stuck out her arm and waved at him. Arnav smiled and blew her a kiss. " good night, shona."

************************************************************

January 22, 20xx

" Pa." A single word, today managed to stir such strong emotions within me..emotions that were deeply buried in some corner of my broken heart. I couldn't believe and I still can't believe that Khushi called me Sia's father. Someday I'd father Khushi's child was next to impossible. But like always Khushi made it possible. Knowingly or unknowingly she's always turn my dreams into reality. She'd give me happiness that would be beyond my reach. Due to her I realized my selfish professional goals but still my heart craved for something more and today she gave me that too. Something too special and priceless.
Now as I look around my house, it doesn't seem like a house anymore with concrete walls and a roof. It looks like a home. Where I'm not alone. I have people living with me.
Really, there's Khushi and Sia sleeping in the next room. I myself went and checked thrice.
After what I did with Khushi, the way I had treated her in the past, I could never imagine her with me. But today she is with me. Though I don't deserve her but still she's there. And she's here not alone but with her daughter, who I have grown so fond of.
In these three weeks Sia has given me several reasons to smile. She has filled places inside me that were empty. She never appeared like a stranger. The way she clings on to me and wraps her arms around my neck, makes me feel that she's mine. I feel as if I'm holding my own child, my shona, in my arms. She's amazing and I'm so fortunate to have her.
And tonight I even got a chance to feed her. Believe me, it was the most wonderful feeling that I have experienced in long time.
Though I have changed diapers and fed neha, my niece in the past but that was years ago. It was a sweet memory that was long forgotten. However today Sia allowed me to relive it. And I'd like to relive those moments again and again. In fact I wish to create even more beautiful memories with her.
The innocence in her eyes, the way she looks at me with so much trust, reminds me of Khushi. She's so much like her that even Khushi couldn't ignore the resemblance. But she had to because of me. I lied to her once again and I have no idea how long will I continue to keep her in dark.
After so many years I actually have someone to share my days and nights with. I have someone to dine with. It might sound silly and insignificant for others but for me it means a lot. In New York, Lavanya and I barely spent time together and here in Delhi it was no different. I often ate in silence and isolation as Dadi would dine and sleep before I returned home. Sitting on an empty dining table, with the house workers serving you, is definitely not a pleasant feeling. But I had no choice and nobody to curse. I was alone because of the decisions I made in my life that went wrong.
However today I have happiness around me, but I don't seem to enjoy it. Even if I somehow do, it doesn't last long. It's like I'm holding sand that's slipping through my fingers. Because deep down I know all this doesn't belong to me...however it could have.

The guilt of leaving Khushi alone, the regret of not valuing her love and feelings, weighs heavily on my heart. When Khushi wasn't before my eyes, I'd drown myself in work and push the guilt aside for sometime. But now when I am getting to see her all time and I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through in these past six years, my heart breaks even more and my soul curses me.
In the past though I had been cruel but I had always been honest with her. However nowadays whenever I open my mouth, only lies come out.
She's made me Sia's pa, she's given me my shona and what have I done?
In spite of being her real mother I have made her Sia's nanny. She deserves love and happiness but I have never ever given her what she's entitled to.
How horrible of me!

Thanks for reading

Rose