I'll take you just the way you are - IshRa SS IMP NOTE PG 12

Ishita sat desolately in the empty room finding ways to distract herself, even as her eyes kept wandering to the clock every few minutes. It was almost 11 and Raman hadn't arrived home. She had put Ruhi to sleep, arranged their living room, their own room and warmed their food twice already to kill time... but nothing was good enough to calm her racing mind. Raman had left angrily that morning without eating breakfast or sharing a moment with her after she had purposely foiled their plans for a weekend visit away from Delhi. He hadn't taken her calls and replied pretty bluntly to her texts too.

The last few days had been taxing and stressful for the both. After all... Shagun and Adi had come to live with them, the latter was in a mess of his own... afflicted by psychological trauma caused by years of domestic unrest and was undergoing psychiatric therapy. The doctor had suggested a vibrant, comforting and amicable atmosphere around him, where he felt at home and secured. Ever since, she had tried being out of his way so that he wouldn't be uncomfortable in her presence. After all she was his step mother and he wasn't yet accustomed to the idea of living with her let alone accept her as a significant someone in his life.

The presence of her husband's ex-wife, who wasn't known for her amicability or understanding, rather known for her notorious sly minded ways and their elder son who managed to initiate a totally unfamiliar side of her man had kept her anxious for days. She was a wife after all, and now a woman who knew her husband loved her as did she. Although she kept her concerns concealed as always she couldn't help but feel restless about the upheaval their stay could cost her, Raman and their now growing relation.

Their relation which had started as nothing but an alliance for the sake of their daughter was now a marriage. A marriage with two people that had grown from being friends to companions to now soulmates. Theirs was a unique bond. He had tried leaving her for her sake, she had stopped him in the most dramatic way possible and that had been enough to seal the deal. No official words had been spoken, no confessions made...and none were needed. They both cherished the unsaid more than the formality of wording what was more than evident. They were reveling under the charm of their budding closeness, growing closer and closer both emotionally and physically. They were taking it slow. She was hesitant and shy, he sensitive and careful around her, but none minded the leisure. Theirs was a relation born out of pain and carved through their healing. They wanted to preserve every moment they had lost on and they were in every way possible.

She blushed at the memory of every kiss they had shared, every intimate moment they had robbed in the last few days. Her insides tightened into knots reminiscing his loving ministrations that surprised her each day, made her feel beautiful and desired...made her teary eyed with happiness and overwhelmed her with reams of pleasure. She had never imagined that her life could be this enthralling. That her husband, The Ravan Kumar' could be such a love stricken sensitive man. For her it was almost like living a dream... A dream she feared would shatter and vanish at the blink of an eye, leaving her devastated.

But she had misjudged her husband and her fate. He had understood her fears before they had even crossed her mind. And in his own unordinary ways tried soothing them without even letting her know. She had observed how although desperate to reach out to his son, he had maintained a safe distance, letting him have his space to settle down. She saw his efforts to keep her assured that he was hers and that nothing and no one would alter that...not even Adi for whom he had previously put all at stake. He used to make sure to be around her whenever home, keeping her as far away from Shagun as he could. He was there to protect her from Shagun's vile attempts to irk or disgrace her, always there to shield her from anything untowardly his easily influenced Adi could do. But she could also sense his dilemma. He was treading on a thin rope, trying too hard to cause no one any discomfort because of the impulsiveness he was known for.

He had welcomed her understanding gestures, but also strictly warned her to cease being selfless. Over and over, in the last few days he had stopped her from taking decisions that kept her at the back burner and prioritized the rest. Something that he hadn't stopped doing even when Adi was in question. Hence when she refused to leave Delhi for the next three days to be alone with him, reasoning that Adi didn't need to and wasn't ready to witness their liaison this way... he hadn't waited for her to explain or justify herself and just walked out.

She felt immensely remorseful now, not just because he hadn't eaten or was upset, but also because she hadn't tried understanding why he so desperately wanted to get away. She just wished he would give her a chance to express her own reasons for doing what she did and that he would also share his feelings...Feelings she knew he had been masking since the day Shagun had stepped in.

She heard the knob shift and door open and immediately turned to see Raman walking in through the door. He looked tired and weary, although not as grumpy as she thought he would be. She sprang towards him, keeping his bag aside, assisting in removing his crumpled coat, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt and moving to get a fresh change of clothes for him while he undressed for his shower...a routine they now followed daily. The only difference being that every other day they would ease into a comfortable chatter but today they were silent. She wary and he probably upset.

"Aap tayyar ho jao, mai khaana laga deti hun. Pata hai kitni baar garam kiya maine. Ab phir thanda ho gaya hoga," she complained.

"Message toh kiya tha maine ki der ho jayegi," he said briskly," Waise bhi maine office mai clients ke saath thoda bahut kha liya hai. I am not really hungry. In fact bahut thak gaya hun mai, so jaate hai." He dismissed and was about to step foot into the bathroom when he noticed the gloom that crossed her face. He stepped back," Tumne kuch khaya?" he asked and frowned when she nodded in negative.

"Ishitaa!" he sighed, "Kitni baar kaha hai mera wait mat kiya karo. I worry for you baba. Kabhi office mai zyaada kaam hota hai, tum mere intezaar mai aise bina khaye raho...mujhe pasand nahi hai" he said softly, voice laden with concern.

Braver now that she was sure he wasn't angry, she edged closer to him and wound her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek" This is the only time I get with you Raman...uninterrupted alone time. Uske liye thodi der bhooki toh reh hi sakti hun. I like doing that for you"

She observed his face melt at the kiss and then instantly twist with slight ridicule," Really now?" he shook his head," I had planned 72 hours of the same...but you would rather choose these sixty minutes before bed then that?" he mocked. "Acha jao khaana yahi le aao, mai tab tak fresh ho jaata hun," he said shutting the door behind him, leaving Ishita pouting to herself. He was upset she could see, but also glad that his anger had dissipated. She would make up for her folly and placate him, she promised to herself.

********

When Raman entered the kitchen a little while later, Ishita was still heating the food and cutting him some salad...trying extremely hard not to respond to a continuously talking Shagun who stood by her side pretending to help.

"I am so sorry Isheeta, mai jab se aayi hun I've just been a trouble," she faked remorse. "Ab dekho na, Adi aur meri wajah se tumhara aur Raman ka plan cancel ho gaya. Raman bhi tumse naaraz hoga...Should I talk to him? I am sure woh samajh jayega?" Shagun suggested, implying of her unwavering importance in Raman's life.

"Kaun kya samajh jayega Shagun?" Raman asked, approaching Ishita. Standing beside her he assisted her in lading the tray with their dinner.

"Nothing Raman, I was just saying how sorry I am that I caused an issue for the both of you. If Adi and I weren't here you both could have gone for your trip. Mujhe bura lag raha tha ki meri wajah se tum Ishita se naaraz ho..."

"Par kisne kaha mai naaraz hun?" Raman retorted," Aur humara plan tumhari wajah se cancel nahi hua Shagun...It's cancelled because my wife is a working woman. She has patients to take care of, which I think should be her first priority. Jab uska workload thoda kam hoga hum zaroor jayenge," he said tenderly lacing his arm around Ishita's shoulder and smiling down at her admiringly. "I am sure you'll understand that better when you start working ...which I hope is soon?" he remarked making Shagun frown.

"Now if you can excuse us," he pulled at Ishita's hand taking her to their room for their late night dinner.

*********

Ishita secretly smiled as they ate their dinner, sneaking glances at her husband who was silently eating his food. As if sensing her stare Raman looked up...and although he tried hard to restrain he winked and smiled back at her understanding the reason she was amused.

Her heart warmed with affection for her husband, who was a whole new person unraveling in front of her each day. She had expected him to be angry, unresponsive and aloof...but although he wasn't his cheery self. He was still the Raman who stood as her shield even when she could protect herself, who shared quiet moments with her like these where they could let their silence talk for each other. Usually the one to keep a leash on her emotions, today she felt a sudden urge to reach out to him, to unburden her fears, let her guard down.

A lone tear trickled down her eyes unchecked and she turned away, but she wasn't too quick enough for Raman to ignore who had by now kept his food aside in panic and scooted closer.

"Ayee? Kya hua? Tum ro kyun rahi ho?" He worriedly prodded her, trying to turn her to face him. When she just shook her head in assurance," I am okay Raman, aankh mai.."

"Koi kachra nahi hai. Don't use that lie... That's supposed to be my excuse when I weep like a sissy," he remarked, trying to lighten the moment. She chortled at his comment and turned to him. His concerned, imploring eyes making her tear even more. Without another word he pulled her in his arms, hugged her to his chest and kissed her head lovingly.

Feeling her shake in his hold he tried parting from her, but she only snuggled closer into his arms making him laugh at her antics.

"Dekho rona hai toh ro lo... lekin please yaar ...Don't wipe your dirty running nose on my white shirt please," he complained, only to earn a whack from her," That's more like my Madrasan."

Smiling finally she moved apart, gazing into his dark eyes fondly. She smoothened the mop of hair on his forehead and let her fingers graze his skin. She smiled when he sighed in pleasure and to his surprise and her own, she got up only to place herself on his lap. Amazed he didn't respond initially, but when she molded herself against him... his arms went around her wrapping her warmly to himself.

Cupping his face she kissed his forehead and then leaning her own against it sighed," I am sorry Raman, I am really sorry. I know I upset you a lot today. Aapne hum dono ke liye ek outing plan ki aur maine bina soche samjhe, bina kuch discuss kiye aapka plan cancel kar diya," she said in an unusually muffled voice. When he shook his head to negate, she countered," Don't say you weren't mad, because you were...and you should be."

Not looking into his eyes anymore she bared her heart to him, "I know I am not the best wife, I am not so adventurous or brazen, not so good looking and a bit too idealistic and simple...Aapki tarah pyar express nahi kar pati, apne dil ki baat bhi dhang se nahi bolti...Aur bas aapse bhagti rehti hun...I know how tiring it must get for you...I know how frustrated you must be with me," she rambled without a pause," But don't give up on me, not just yet...I'll .." she was silenced as he seized her mouth in his without a warning... desperate to quieten her.

She gasped, but then absorbing the feel of his lips on hers she kissed him back, both lost in a whirl of need. He clutched her closer, his hands cradling her neck amidst her thick mane.

"Raman," she whispered, but he lifted his hand to her mouth," Ssshh stop. Kitni bolti ho yaar, saans toh le liya karo kabhi. Log jeene ke liye saans lete hai, lekin tum toh jeene ke liye bolti ho," he taunted playfully...wiping the beads of sweat on her forehead.

Peeved by his nonchalance she was about to move out of his hold when he held her back," Why is my fiery and confident wife so desperate to prove herself today? Kisi ne tumse kuch kaha? Kisi ne tumse achi biwi hone ka proof manga? I didn't know that there were certificates to verify that," he mocked.

When she kept silent, he sighed. Holding her hands in his he kissed them softly," Haan mai naaraz tha, I won't deny that Ishita. But I was frustrated more than angry when you cancelled on me. Ishita, we're finally getting to live that time with each other that any normal couple does before their marriage. I wanted to get away from the house, our work, all this chaos and just be with you all alone. I hadn't planned anything extravagant because just the fact that we would get some days together, without anyone intruding would be special enough."

"And I screwed it up..." she mumbled guiltily.

"Yes you did, but I wasn't angry with you because you screwed up. I was angry because I knew you wanted this as much as I did... Lekin tumne phir bhi ...aur woh bhi Adi ke liye," he shook his head in a mixture of adoration and despair for the woman his wife was.

"Because Adi is important Raman. His health should be our first priority. If I had to I'd do this for him every time," she explained herself. "Par mai samajhti hun, ki ye sab aapke liye kitna mushkil hai. Shagun ka yaha hona aur..."

"Nahi Ishita, Shagun ke yahan hone ya nahi hone se mujhe koi farak nahi padta. I know you think I am having a hard time being faced with a part of my past or that I am staying away from home because Shagun reminds me of the times I want to forget...But that's not true. Shagun doesn't exist for me anymore, she means nothing more than a legal guardian to my son who is the only one I care about and the only one because of whom I am still bearing her here."

She nodded in understanding, reeling with secret pleasure at his admission.

"You don't have to be insecure Ishita, not of Shagun...not even from Adi...You will always be my first priority," he said, with a determination that send a shiver down her spine.

"I don't have to be..."

"But you are, so get used to it Biwi," he said endearingly.

Settling her down next to him on the couch, he entwined his arms around her, nestling her to himself," First of all... You will never ever question yourself as a wife again," he emphasized," You don't have to prove yourself to me Ishita. Not just to me, but to anyone. Because if it's come down to that...I've failed you quite a number of times already. I failed you the day Shagun Arora walked back into this house. How good a husband am I if I allow my ex-wife to share the same roof as ours? But you aren't questioning me for that. No one is. In fact you're only being more and more accommodating...which is exactly what's infuriating me more than anything else," he explained.

Cupping her face, he stroked her cheek with love," I don't need perfect, I don't need bold, I don't need you to change and be anything that you're not. Because I love you for who you are," he asserted.

Raining kisses on her face he continued, "From when did outer appearance become a testament to how beautiful anyone is on the inside? And even if it did, who told you that you aren't beautiful. Haven't you seen how possessed I am by you? Haven't you felt the desperation and longing in me to be with you, around you all the time? It's because I love you, heart body and soul," he said with firm devotion.

Twirling the strands of her unruly hair in his finger he bend down to peck the crown of her head," Mujhe meri bhashan deti hui, ladti jhagadti, hukum chalati hui Jhansi ki Rani hi pasand hai. A woman who has the tolerance to bear a man like Raman Kumar Bhalla and then even fall in love with him, has to be the bravest woman on earth. So who said you aren't adventurous enough?" He contested her

She nodded, stirred by his words, basking in the depth of all that he had said, feeling more courage as a wife and as a woman that she hadn't in years.

Threading his fingers through her hair, he left a trail of kisses from the tip of her head down to her chin, making her quiver in pleasure," Ab kuch bolo bhi," he whispered.

At a loss of words Ishita simply cuddled closer to Raman, "I love you Raman," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered back, caressing her lovingly.

They stayed still, engrossed in the silent comfort of each other's arms. Both lost in deep thought. Raman reflected on how Ishita just reigned in her emotions, masking her inner turmoil every time. Her outpour a few minutes ago had jostled him, leaving him stunned at the depth and intensity of her fears. He wasn't insensitive to not understand the affect her past had on her. He understood and read her more accurately than she would ever know...and although he had faltered many times before, this time he was making sure that Ishita wouldn't be the one to suffer at any cost. But even for all his perceptiveness, he had underestimated the impact her first failed relation had had on her. For someone who was so rational and self-assured, she believed the worst of herself when it came to love and relations. It was almost as if she had come to believe in everything deriding the world had tagged her with, making her assume that she wasn't good enough for anyone...making her fear abandonment. But that had to change, and he had to be the one to do so...

"Feeling better?" He broke their reverie, keeping her enclosed to himself. She nodded in his hold, making him smile. "Kya ho gaya tha tumhe?" he prodded, hoping for her to confide.

"Kuch nahi," she moved apart, embarrassed by her outburst. "Let's go to bed? I am tired," she implored.

Understanding that she still needed her space he let go," Okay madam, as you say," he bowed and in a fleeting second picked her in his arms, making her squeal in delight, "Raman? Ye kya kar rahe ho? Leave me," she said hitting on his chest to let her down.

"Never," he said huskily, laying her down on the bed...slipping next to her. She flushed, feeling his warm hands kneading her back as he spooned her from behind. She turned around to face him, burrowing her face in his chest. She loved the feeling of being in his arms, savored the possessiveness with which he held, caressed and kissed her...his every touch awakening her deepest desire.

She felt the extent of his need when they were close, when he held her every night, when he kissed her till they were gasping, when he fondled her passionately. She involuntarily responded to him, wanting to please him, wanting him to know that she craved for him as much as he did. She felt awed of his patience, of how tender, gentle and cautious he was with her. Of how he understood that this facet of their relation was new to her. It made her fall in love with him even more, if that was even possible.

After hearing his earnest assurances tonight she needed nothing more. She had a fulfilling life with a husband who cherished her for who she was, made her feel like a person she hadn't ever felt she could be. She was desired, important...a feeling she wasn't accustomed to but would soon grow used to...All she had to do was love him back...Make him feel the way he made her feel...and she would.

PRECAP - Ishita surprises Raman.