Part 1b
How long had she been up here?
How long had she been doing this?
He looked towards her feet, scabbing now as the blood dried, and his heart ached. He thought about the look in her eyes as she danced. And his heart ached.
He looked at her. And his heart just ached.
And it drove him crazy. What kind of hold did she have on him. Seven years he thought she was dead. Seven years she stayed away. He told himself a thousand times every day that he hated her
You hate her.
You hate her
You hate her
But the thousandth time every day he admitted in defeat, you can never hate her. You love her too much.
Every day since she returned he wore a mask. He masked the sheer happiness he felt when he saw her. He masked the longing in his eyes with a cold stare every time they crossed paths when looking in on Ruhi. He masked the unbearable, heart wrenching pain he felt when he saw Mani squeeze her hand as he reassured her Ruhi would begin to trust her again soon.
Mani. Should've known. He was better than Raman. In every way imaginable. Perfect for Ishita really. Mani was everything Raman wasn't, and Raman couldn't even really hate Mani.
Mani did some thing very understandable. He fell in love with her too. How could any man, not fall in love with her. No, he didn't hate Mani, he just hated that he wasn't the one squeezing her hand to comfort her.
Possessive. That's what it was. He would always think of her as his. But was she, really ever his. If she was, wouldn't she have stayed with him. And not gone with Mani. Could they only exist as a 'them' if Ruhi was involved. Did Ruhi really define them so much, that the minute she was gone, Raman didn't mean anything to her?
He was left to grieve silently for a wife and daughter. She left him to think she was dead. He caged his heart so tightly that everyone thought he was made of stone. Ruhi's 'death' broke Raman, but this time she wasn't there beside him to put him back together.
She groaned in pain as the heavens opened and water droplets hit her forehead. Her eyes winced open to look up into the eyes she had longed to see for seven years. Eyes that used to reveal how deeply he loved her, now looked at her every day with a cold stare. Distant.
Why did she expect anything else? He had moved on. Shagun. Perfect, petite, beautiful Shagun. Shagun who she had spent the better part of her marriage being jealous of. That shagun. So what was she doing in Raman's arms instead?
As all her senses returned to her, and the rain fell heavier, she became aware of the pain in her feet, and all the more aware of the pair of arms around her. He felt like home. After years, she was home. He was wet, she was getting soaked, and all she could think was that this was perfect.
No Ishita. No. Stop that. He is not your Raman.
She started to flail.
'Let me go please'. She uttered.
'What the hell were you doing? ' he retorted in classic Raman fashion.
"What did it look like I was doing?" She raised her eyebrows.
There she was. His Jhansi ki Rani. Ready to spar with him. No Raman, don't. But it was too late. Ignoring the fact that the wind was getting wilder, and the rain continued to fall he gave in to the need to provoke her.
"I really don't know, your arms were flying, you were spinning, I thought your inner crazy was finally revealing itself out in the open". And he did it. He couldn't help it. After all these years, riling her up, seeing her fluster. God, he missed it. God he loved it.
She looked at him, and he could see she was attempting to formulate a witty response, just like she used to.
"You know exactly what I was doing, you used to ask me when I would finally let you see me dance!" Ishita shouted back.
And then there was pin drop silence. A reference to their life together, their past had been made, and Raman, who momentarily was her 'raavan Kumar' again suddenly wasn't again. And in that minute her heart shattered into a million pieces just like it had years ago. Only Raman could break her heart, to put it back together, to break it all over again. Only him.
He saw the transition from his Jhansi ki rani back to her again. It all happened in her eyes. Her eyes, no matter how he tried not to listen, always told him something his own mind wouldn't let him believe. His head told him she had moved on. Moved on with Mani. She had left to move on. And yet his heart told him to believe those beautiful brown eyes that told him she loved him. Only him. That her heart just broke all over again.
It was she who taught him to listen to his heart. So should he? Or would that mean listening to something that was never really spoken?
" I need to go Raman, thank you for catching me, I guess I didn't realise I was exhausted".
But before she could get to her feet, Raman swept her up in his arms.
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