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My Destiny
"Remember that your character is your destiny" (anonymous)
The light flickered on and Tarun watched as Nachiket slouched on the sofa, sipping from a glass and staring at the large screen. He shifted his gaze at the screen to see a wedding televised…wedding of the year as the media had talked about for days was finally happening.
Nachiket groused, "Turn off the lights, it hurts my eyes."
Ignoring him, Tarun walked up and took the glass away from his hand and picked up the remote and turned off the screen. "You better get you're a** up, I am here to take you to the wedding. That was mumiji's order and I am not leaving without you." Tarun hauled him up and pushed him towards the bedroom. Nachiket not liking the man handling by Tarun or as he liked to mumiji's chamcha glared at him and mimicked, "mumiji's orders…"
Tarun just ignored him and waited for him to return and wondered why Nachiket had a problem with Jai's marriage. If anyone should have a problem it should be him, after all it was one of his close client's who had told him about Bani and as he did not have his parents around, and he had always respected masi and Krishna aunty, he had asked them to come with him when he went to see Bani. Masi had taken one look at the beautiful, docile Bani and declared to Tarun afterwards if Bani was to marry anyone it was going to be Jai. Krishna had looked horrified at her sister, "Didi, kya bola apne, yeh rishta Tarun ke liye hai, nahi Jai ke liye. Aur aapko toh jaanti ho, Jai nahi manzoor karega."
Masi had confidently told Krishna, you watch and see how I get Jai to say yes to the rishta. Bani was just the type of girl that Jai needed to settle him down, beautiful, gentle and domesticated…not like some of modern girls Jai had as companions. And so somehow masi had persuaded Jai to agree to the marriage and Tarun had graciously backed down. Within a month the wedding was arranged. When Nachiket had seen Bani at the engagement ceremony he too had fallen for her and who could not love her…dressed in a heavy maroon gaghra choli and bedecked in family jewels, she looked exquisite. Her gentle mannerism had won everyone over. On the other hand Jai had looked dashing in a cream and maroon sherwani and had been arrogant and possessive through out the night.
As Nachiket came out having put on the clothes Krishna had brought for him for the wedding, looking respectable but his eyes bloodshot from all the alcohol he had consumed. Tarun came up to him and looked him in eyes, "Nachiket why all the drinking… why all this bitterness?"
Throwing his head back and laughing, Nachiket looked at Tarun, "you of all the people, you should ask. You know Jai better than me. Do you think he is going to give up partying and bed hopping by getting married? After the engagement I have had get up in the middle of the night and drive him home because he was too drunk to even stand on his feet. If he is not drunk than he is satisfying his se***l urges with some bimbo hanging around him."
Giving a deep sigh Tarun turned off the light as they exited the apartment. Tarun was well aware of Jai's lifestyle but it was like talking to the brick wall. Any attempts by Krishna, masi or even him had failed to get Jai to give up the late night partying and worse to get him keep away from the women. Jai's take was God made women beautiful, so men can love them and that's what he was doing. Tarun had given up on him but had also told him he wasn't going to be around for his night errands and that was the reason why instead of him, it was Nachiket who picked him up when Jai was too drunk to drive.
At the hall the ceremony was almost half done. Krishna smiled at him fondly as Nchiket touched her feet while masi scowled at him.
Krishna doted on Nachiket even though he wasn't her son. Nachiket was the result of her husband's dalliance with a much younger Barnali. When Barnali had become pregnant and wanted to abort the child, Uday had forced her to continue the pregnancy and then adopted Nachiket at birth. After this incident, Uday never strayed away from Krishna. In fact he fell in love with Krishna all over again as she forgave his affair and raised Nachiket as her own.
Nachiket went and stood with Tarun, his Adi jiju and Jai's other friends and watched as Jai put manglesutra around Bani and filled her maang with sindoor. Jai in his cream and gold sherwani looked like one of the stately prince that had leapt out of the ancient portraits hanging in royal palaces. Bani looked every inch like a demure bride, the pink wedding lengha and the heavy embroidered chunni partially covering her face and the family jewellery enhanced her exquisite figure.
All the rituals over, the couple went and took ashirvaad from Krishna, masi and Bani's parents. As the guests dispersed from the mandap towards the dining area, the couple were split up, Bani being ushered away by the woman folk and the guys dragging Jai away. Nachiket had offered his congratulations to Jai and then gone looking for Bani. Bani was sitting amidst a circle of women, some of the younger ones teasing and laughing at her. Walking up to her and he sat down next to her, Nachiket good-humouredly ignored all the heckling from the women who were asking him to go away. Whispering in her ear, he elicited tinkling laughter from her and so the devar and bhabhi spent good half an hour humouring each other whilst the women sat and grimaced at the pair.
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"However long the night, the dawn will break." " (anonymous)
Bani sat on the marital bed with her heart pulsating erratically. Krishna herself had brought Bani up to the room and left her there, trying to dissipate her fear by saying comforting words. The merciless teasing just before she came up had made her feel almost sick. Already intimidated by her husband's arrogant demeanor, Bani wished she could disappear magically away from this candle lit room and petal strewn bed. Her bhabhi had explained delicately what to expect on her wedding night and Bani cringed inwardly at the thought of a man she hardly knew being so intimate with her.
Almost dozing off, Bani jerked as she heard the door open and then shut. Jai walked towards the bed looking at Bani sitting demurely. He unbuttoned his sherwani and sat down next to her. Without uttering any words, he pushed her chin up and gazed at her covered face, only the parted lips visible. With his other hand he pulled the chunnri down and stared at her face.
"Open your eyes…" he commanded, as he started to unravel her hair, pulling out pins so as her long hair tumbled down.
Bani opened her eyes and gazed at him with trepidation, fully aware of his hands now removing her jewelry. Jai's never moved his eyes from hers as he watched with fascination as her eyes flickered to and fro with nervousness as his hands reached behind and undid the hooks on the choli. Unable to stand the thought of his eyes looking at her bare chest, Bani tried to move out of his reach only to find him pull her hard against him and laughing in hair, "why are you so frightened Bani? I am your husband now and I have the right to look at your n****d body." As she trembled against him, his hand caressed her bare back he said with soft laughter, "its going to be fun teaching you how to enjoy s**." He gripped her hair and pulled her head back slowly and smiled before pressing his lips hard on her mouth. The small scream that escaped from Bani's throat died inside as Jai's tongue forced her mouth open brutally.
What followed was an onslaught of possessive, almost savage lovemaking by Jai's as he ravaged her hungrily. The initial struggle gave way to silent tears and torpidity. When he finally tired Jai rolled away from her and instantly fell asleep. Bani huddled at the edge of the bed and closed her eyes but sleep evaded her. She felt numb and her body hurt all over. Eventually sleep pervaded her towards dawn and she fell asleep only to be woken by gentle knocking on the door. Slipping out of the bed and pulling a robe out of the almari, Bani opened the door to see Krishna smiling at her and asking Bani to get ready and come down for pooja.
Bani averted her eyes away from the bed as she walked towards the bathroom, fearing to look at Jai's sleeping form in case he would arouse from sleep and subjugate her again.
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Part 2
Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on;
'Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on;
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another's tears,
'Til in Heaven the deed appears -
Pass it on.
~Henry Burton, Pass It On
Bani was a bag of nerves as she did pooja, masi's eyeing her constantly did not help her nerves at all. On the other hand Krishna smiled dotingly at her bahu. Bani looked demure in a pink silk sari with conservatively cut blouse. After aarti Bani stood at a side not sure what else she was expected to do, at her house she always prepared tea and breakfast for everyone, but here she did not even know where the kitchen was. Before Krishna could get to Bani, masi motioned Bani to come over and taking her arm she walked with her towards the kitchen shouting, "Shanti, idhaar aa." A young girl clad in cotton sari rushed out of the kitchen and said breathlessly, "Ji masi , kuch kaam tha."
Pulling Bani forward masi said, "Yeh choti maalkin hai, jaa usko leja teri saath aur jaldi se tum dono naasta taiyaar kardo." Shanti grimaced as soon as masi's back was turned and then she grinned at Bani and whispered, "Ghar ki maalkin saamjthi yeh apne ko, bechari badi maalkin ka kuch nahi chalta."
In the kitchen she introduced Bani to the cook, Mohankaka and his helper Nanu, his son. Both were busy stirring the pots on the stove and the aromatic smell filled the kitchen. With the help of Shanti, Bani set the dining table ready for breakfast. When the last dishes were set on the table, Bani went up to masi and told her breakfast was ready.
Looking at the antique clock on the side table, masi told Bani to go and wake up Jai. Bani looked with trepidation at Krishna, the dread of facing Jai in the morning churned her stomach…the memories of the night flashed across her mind.
The laughter of Nachiket, Tarun and Karuna, masi's daughter distracted the group. Bani smiled shyly at Nachiket and Tarun. Nachiket greeted masi and Krishna and than coming to Bani, hugged her and asked, "How are you Bhabhi?"
Karun giggled and answered for her, "How do you think she is Nachi? Poor thing probably didn't get much sleep because your brother kept her up all night."
The shudder that went through Bani did not go unnoticed by Nachiket but he didn't say anything but just glared at Karuna and snapped, "Karuna be a little considerate. Have a little shame, maa aur masi ke sharam too rakhoo."
Karuna looked sheepishly at Bani and murmured, "sorry".
Masi turned to Bani and glowered at her, "Are you going to wake up Jai or not?"
Before Bani could move, Nachiket was already going up the stairs, two at a time, shouting, "Don't worry bhabhi, I will get bhaiya up."
Twenty minutes later Jai came down showered and dressed, throwing a casual good morning to everyone he took his place at the table. Masi indicated to Bani to serve him. Slowly Bani stood up and poured out coffee for him and set the cup in front of him and picking up the plate with aloo paratha, asked timidly, "Would you like aloo paratha?" Without even glancing at her Jai mumbled, "No thanks, just give me two toasts."
Nachiket watched as Bani played around with her food and not really eating it. Her eyes were glued to the plate and she did not look up at anyone or make any comments around the general chitchat happening at the table.
Karuna who was sitting on the other side of Jai, poked him gently in the side and whispered, "Jai, how was your goan ki gori last night, did she measure up to your other female conquests?"
Jai did not bat an eye at the comment just whispered back crudely, "I had forgotten the thrill of breaking in mare so as to speak."
Karuna smothered her laugh and hushed back, "well now that you have tied yourself down, don't think of going around chasing anymore mares…"
Jai looked derisively at her, "if masi thinks I am going to hunker down be a stay at home husband, she is going to be disappointed."
Nachiket had been watching the two of them talking in whispers and asked, "What are you whispering about? Do let us join in your talk."
Jai turned towards Bani and tilted her face up and staring at her intensely, "We were just talking about my beautiful wife, Nachiket, nothing else."
Bani's face flushed as she felt everyone's eyes on them and she pulled her face away and looked down.
Krishna smiled affectionately at Bani and said to Jai, "Bahu ko aisa tera na dekh kahin teri nazar na lag jaye."
Masi turned to Krishna and retorted, "Krishna, yeh toh achi baat hogi Bani ko Jai ki nazar lagi nehi toh yeh tera beta aur doosre per doraa dalta."
Jai glared at masi but said nothing, instead he stood up and then looking at Nachiket asked, "Nachi, are you coming to work today or going to hang around here?"
"What's the rush bhaiya? You don't have to go to work? Take some time off and spend it bhabhi?"
"Yes, Jai why don't you take Bani somewhere for few days," Masi patted Nachiket on the head, "thodi si akaal hai tere mei."
Jai gave a cold stare to all of them and picked up his jacket, "I don't need to take Bani anywhere…all of you can keep her entertained can't you."
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"Prabhu more avguun chita na tharo.." (Surdas)
Bani days fell into pattern of being busy during the day, helping out in the house, even though there were multitude of servants, Krishna let her do what she wanted. She taught Mohankaka cook couple of new dishes whilst he showed her how make halwa and some of dishes that were favourites in the house. Shanti become like a young sister to Bani, the girl took Bani to market to shop for vegetables and fruits, showed her where to could eat tasty pani puri and fresh hot jalebis. Some day she would sneak Bani away to the outhouse where she would recite all the gossip about masi, Jai, Nachiket and even other workers at the house.
It was the nights Bani dreaded, Jai usually came whenever he felt like, which would be quite late. Almost everyone would have gone to sleep by then. Bani would wait up and serve him dinner if he hadn't eaten which was that often. Once she climbed in the bed, he would satisfy his needs using her body…there was no tenderness…no sweet words…just lust. Once he rolled away and fell asleep, Bani would lie awake, numb from the ordeal, until sleep invaded her eyes. In the morning the bathroom mirror reflected the marks of his passion.
Bani was expected to rise early and join masi and Krishna for pooja. Today she is half an hour late and masi getting irritated at the no show, nudged Krishna, "Jaa dekh teri bahu ko kya hogaya." Krishna quietly stood up and went upstairs. Knocking softly on the bedroom door she called out "Bani betiya, aaj kya hua. Tabiyaat toh theek haina." Soft moaning came through the door, few seconds later door opened and Krishna gasped at the Bani's pale face, the misty eyes reflected she wasn't well. Putting her hand on her head Krishna asked gently, "Tujhe dekh kar laagta hai tabiyaaat teekh nahi hai. Doctor ko phone karti hoon, tuh sooja thodie dere." Bani pushing rubbing her stomach, "Nahi maa, thoda pet mei dard hai…mei…" Before she could finish, she rushed off into the bathroom with Krishna following her to see Bani throw up. Bani leaned on to the bathroom counter and waited until the queasy feeling subsided slightly. Krishna asked her to wash her face and then just lie down.
Not seeing Bani with Krishna, masi exploded, "Kyun dere lagaa di aur Bani kahan hai?"
Krishna couldn't contain her excitement, "Didi mujhe lagta hai, mei dadi banewali hoon." Suddenly the frown on masi's face disappeared and a smile formed on her austere features, "saach, meri Jai kei ghar baacha…chaal jaldi aarti karle. Meh abhi ayee, Mohan…" she shouted. Mohankaka came shuffling into kitchen, "Jee masi…"
"Gaajar ka halwa bana de, Jai baap banewala hai."
"jee masi, yeh toh bahut subh baath hai, choti bahu ke godh mei baacha khelenga."
Jai got up to see Bani curled up. This was unusual, she is usually downstairs by now getting breakfast ready. He looked at her pale face and assumed she probably has fever or something. He got ready and made his way to the dining table. Seeing masi grinning at him, Jai asked, "Masi aaj aap bahut khush dekh rahi ho. Kya baath hai."
"Mera pota aanewala toh kyun mujhe khush nahi hogi." Masi waved her hand for him to sit down, "Baith jaa, lei yeh gaajar ka halwa kha. Muh meetha kar…"
Krishna asked Jai, "Beta yeh khabri sun kar tuh ne kuch ne kehna…tuh khush haina.'
Jai gave her brief smile, "Maa aap khush haina, toh mei bhi. Lekin Bani ne mujhe kuch nahi bola."
"Pagla usko abhi nahi pata, Woh aaj shubha mei teri kamre me ayee usko uthani, tab pata chala. Woh sooch rahi ke pet mei dard hai." Krishna serving him breakfast continued, "Dr Sharma ko phone kar dena ke ghar par ajayee."
"Jee maa." Jai concentrated on eating breakfast. He had never given thought to having a child and all of sudden realization of the enormity of responsibility bore down on him. He had married Bani to please masi and obviously they had expected Bani to bear his children…may be it was good that she got pregnant easily at least they will leave him alone for a while. But the thought of making love to his pregnant wife brought feeling so of revulsion…the perfect body that he loved to run his hands over, would soon be marred by the protruding bulge on her stomach.
Dr Anil Sharma arrived promptly and confirmed the pregnancy. Bani turned red with embarrassment, the fuss masi and maa created was too much. Soon Nachiket and Tarun arrived, Jai had told them the news at the office and the two couldn't wait till later to come and congratulate her. The warm hugs from the two men and gentle teasing made up for the lack of words from Jai.
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Tumhi ho mata, Pita tumhi hoTumhi ho bandhu, sakha tumhi ho Tumhi ho sathi, tumhi sahareKoyee na apna siva tumhareTumhi ho naya tumhi khaviayaTuhmhi ho sathi sakhaa tumi ho maa……..Krishna held Bani's hand as they waited nervously outside Dr Sharma's office. There appointment was for 2 PM but they had left early, hoping to see the doctor early and get the visit done with. Bani wasn't eating much and whatever little she ate, she threw right back out and Krishna was worried. It was Krishna who had finally made the appointment after getting a recommendation from one of her friend. Her futile attempt to get Jai to set time aside to go with Bani had also been of no use. He just wasn't interested in the 'womanly business' as he told his mother, telling her she should be the one accompanying her Bahu since she wanted a grandchild so badly.
Dr Aditi Sharma was daughter of Dr Anil Sharma, the Walia family doctor. She was a young woman with genuinely warm personality. She looked at her patient sitting outside looking nervous and came up to them and greeted them with a warm smile. She asked them to follow her inside her office. Looking at the forms filled out by Bani earlier, she took her into the exam room at the side and did some preliminary checks and then asked her to change into hospital gown. Bani's eyes almost teared up as she looked at the gown and then at Doctor Aditi. Realizing her apprehension, Dr Aditi explained to Bani there was nothing to be afraid of and she was just going to do check to make sure everything would be ok with her pregnancy.
While Bani changed, Dr Aditi talked with Krishna to find out how Bani was coping at home with the pregnancy. She wrote out some vitamins and iron tablets to take and assured Krishna that within two three weeks the vomiting would subside and Bani should be able to regain her appetite. Once the physical exam was completed, Doctor Aditi gave Bani a form to get some blood work done and to make an appointment to come back in a month.
Krishna was surprised and then worried when two days later, Doctor Aditi phoned and asked her to bring Bani in to see her as soon as possible. She would not divulge on the phone what the problem was and said it was better if they talked in person. And so an hour later Bani and Krisha were ushered into Doctor Aditi's office. Krishna looked at the troubled face of the doctor and felt her own nerves dissolving.
Doctor Aditi looked straight at Krishna and said in subdued voice, "Bani's blood test has tested positive for HIV infection."
Bani's face paled and looked aghast whilst Krishna looked confused at the doctor.
"Doctor I don't understand, how is that possible?" Krishna asked the doctor.
Doctor Aditi gave her brief account of how HIV/AIDS virus passes form human to human and gave her some information sheets on HIV/Aids to read and hopefully give clear understanding of the seriousness of the infection.
Agitated from reading the information, Krishna, turned to Bani and asked, "Bani did you ever…?" Krishna couldn't even utter the questions that came to mind.
Bani just shook her head, "Maa my father was very strict, I had to go school and come back home. There was no going out anywhere with my friends or anyone else."
Doctor Aditi halted Krishna from asking anymore questions and asked her to sit outside whilst she talked with Bani alone. Krishna gave Bani a worried look and made her way outside.
It became obvious from her questioning that Bani's husband was the carrier of the virus. He himself probably doesn't even know that he is infected as it was in many cases; the full symptoms do not become apparent until several years later. She was going to have to ask her husband to come in and get some tests done. In the meantime there were antiretroviral drugs out on the market that can be taken to control the infection safely even for pregnant women.
Calling Krishna back in, Doctor Aditi sat her down and then in a kind voice said to her, "Aunty, I think your son has the virus and that is the only way Bani came to be infected. I need you to ask him to come for some tests and it is important that he does so. In the meantime Bani can start taking medication and she can take this books to read at home and learn what precautions to take and follow the diet to maintain good health. The chances are that the baby may be lucky and be free of the infection. In fact there are statistics which show that with antiretroviral drugs and proper nutrients the chances of passing the virus to baby are greatly reduced."
Doctor Aditi paused for a few moments and then she continued, "Aunty…" taking a deep breath, "Papa always speaks so well of you and your family. I hope Bani will not face any unnecessary repercussion because of this. In this country far too many women and children pay the price for men's selfish actions."
Tears sprang to Krishna's eyes, "No…you don't have to worry about that, I will take care of her myself."
Masi's eyes did not escape the tear stained face of Bani and Krishna's effort to appear normal faltered as she faced her sister. The tears streamed down and she broke down and cried on masi's shoulders. Bani stumbled upstairs to her room and just lay on the bed numb. Thoughts fleeted through her of the unknown fears she may have to face once people came to know of her infection…most of all she feared wrath of Jai. Would she be thrown out on to the street? Maa had said she would take care of her, but would she be able to stand up to her son?
The bedroom door being slammed open made her sit upright. Masi stood at the doorway, her eyes piercing her with hatred. Words of accusation, name-calling and character slandering flew out of her mouth. All Bani could do was put her hands over her ears trying to bar the cruel words from entering her mind. It was Nachiket who pulled masi away from the doorway and closed the door quietly.
Bani could hear faintly the heated exchange going on outside. Masi's raised voice against the quieter voice of Nachiket and Krishna. Eventually tiredness of the events seeped through her and she laid her head down and fell asleep. It was Krishna's gentle voice that woke her from sleep, "Bani…Bani wake up, you have to eat something and take your medicine."
Sitting up slowly Bani looked at Krishna's smiling face, "Masi…"
Krishna patted her back, "Don't worry about masi. Nachiket had talk with her and I don't think she will cause any trouble. And anyway this is my house and just because I have been big-hearted enough to let her run it doesn't mean I won't take steps to ask her to leave if she goes against my wishes. She was the one who was so insistent in getting you married to Jai."
Krishna sat and watched as Bani ate some food and then took the medicine. Before leaving the room, she came and sat next to her on the bed and held Bani by the shoulders and looked softly in her eyes. "Bani, just remember you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Don't listen to what anyone…just believe in the Almighty, he knows what the truth is…just have faith in him and everything will be alright."
Next morning brought more chaos in the house, Nachiket had stayed over so he could support Krishna when she confronted Jai. Jai was reverting back to his old habits of partying, drinking and sometimes not returning home till early hours of the morning. Nachiket had been awake when Jai had stumbled in around 1 AM in the morning. Now in the broad daylight his face grew red with anger as Krishna quietly told him about Bani's condition and what Doctor Aditi had said to her. When she finished speaking Jai exploded, "How could you take her side mother?" Raising his hand into a fist and slamming onto the table, "The doctor told you I am carrying HIV virus and you believed her. I am not stupid…I have been…" He trailed off as he suddenly realized what he was about to admit to his mother…of course she knew he had slept around but somehow shame crept into his mind…how could he say to her that he had used women for s** …sometimes he didn't even know the name of girl he had slept with when he woke up next to her in the morning. Nachiket spoke up, "Bhaiya you should get yourself tested to make sure. Not everyone infected fall sick straight away…it can take years before you even start getting the symptoms. The research had advanced so much now that people can lead a normal life with right medicines."
Jai just glowered as Nachiket and stormed out of the house. Masi who had sat inside the pooja room and listened to the exchange just closed her eyes and tried to erase the bitterness she was feeling towards Jai…Jai whom she loved more than anyone else in the world. In her eyes he could never do anything wrong…had never done anything wrong. So he liked to party, drink and sleep with a woman, which young men didn't now days. In her youth few men indulged in affairs and usually it was done discreetly and there was none of these diseases that they talked about so openly now. It must be Bani's fault…young girls nowadays were not as nave as they looked…she had definitely fooled her.
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Tum Dhundo Mujhe Gopal, Main Khoi Gayi Yaa Teri,
Sudh Lo Mori Gopal, Main Khoi Gayi Yaa Teri,
Panch Vikar Se Haki Jaye, Panch Tatv Ki Yeh Dehi,
Barbas Bhatki Dur Kahi Main, Chain Na Pawo Ab Teri,
Yeh Kaisa Maya Jaal, Main Ulzi Gayi Yaa Teri,
Sudh Lo Mori Gopal, Main Khoi Gayi Yaa Teri(Saanwara)
Two weeks later Jai still hadn't been to the doctor to get the tests done and Doctor Aditi had phoned Krishna to remind her.
Bani, Krishna and Nachiket had to bear the brunt of Jai and masi's foul mood inside the house and Krishna tried to keep Bani to her room most of the time. Krishna or Shanti would stay with Bani as much as they could to keep an eye on her. Shanti was upset at how her choti malkin had lost her laughter. All she knew that Bani was sick at the moment and had to be taken very good care of. Krishna had been surprised Jai hadn't made to confront Bani. Did he have regrets? She could not understand how her son could be so cold hearted. Where did she fail her son? He had been her world before Nachiket came and even then she always gave him as much attention as she did Nachiket. Where did she go wrong?
Tonight, Jai turned up drunk at Tarun's apartment and had insisted to be taken back to his home. Tarun who had been woken up from his sleep obliged, as he didn't want Jai crashing out at this place. Tarun drove through the quiet streets and pulled the car right up to the front doors of the Walia mansion. Helping Jai out of the car, they went inside the house and up the stairs. Instead of going to his room, Jai moved towards the guestroom and Tarun assumed Jai didn't want to disturb Bani and wanted to sleep in the guestroom.
Opening the door Tarun switched on the light and was surprised to see Bani sleeping on the bed. Jai pulled away from Tarun and stumbled towards the bed and shook Bani. Bani opened her eyes and looked terrified at Jai so close to her. She turned her face away only to find Jai grabbing her face and turning it back towards him. A scream formed inside her but got strangled in her throat by pure look of hatred on Jai's face. He hissed in her face and the strong smell of alcohol almost choked her. "Why do you turn your face away Bani? Can't look me in the eyes because you feel guilty…how dare you tell maa that I gave you Aids…you think you can make a fool of me…" Jai stood up, steadied himself and pulled her out of bed and grabbed her arm, "You know what you can go where you belong Bani…in the gutter outside." Before he could take another step, Tarun strode up to him and slapped him hard. Jai stumbled down on to the floor. Tarun helped Bani back to the bed and grabbed Jai by his shoulders and dragged him out of the room, past masi, Krishna and Nachiket who had heard the voices and came to the room. Krishna went inside the room to comfort Bani. Nachiket followed Tarun to Jai's room, where Jai now lay on top of his bed.
Tarun turned around to Nachiket and said, "Want to tell me what's going on? Did I hear correct Bani has Aids?"
"No not Aids, she tested positive for HIV virus and the doctor believes Bhaiya is the culprit. He was supposed to go and get tested but hasn't done so far."
"And does Krishna aunty and masi think the same as him that Bani is guilty?"
Nachiket shook his head, "maa doesn't but masi does. Maa has been pleading with bhaiaya to get tested, but he refuses."
Tarun looked at the Jai fast asleep now and walked out of the room with Nachiket.
"In the morning don't let him leave, I will talk to him." Tarun made his way to another guestroom to try and get some sleep.
Jai had just stepped out of the shower and still had bath towel wrapped around his torso when Tarun walked in, followed by Nachiket. The sight of Tarun brought back flashes of memories from last night and he nonchalantly said, "Good morning Tarun, Nachi"
"What's good about the morning Jai?" Tarun asked sarcastically,
Jai dropping the towel and started putting clothes on, "Well the sun is shining and we are still alive."
"You mean someone is half alive." Tarun snapped.
Jai stopped buttoning his shirt and pierced Tarun's gaze, "Watch what you say Tarun."
"Why Jai? Hurts does it that you may responsible for giving someone a death sentence."
The arm swung sharply but before it could strike him, Tarun gripped it in his powerful hands. "Don't dare do that again. We are going this morning to the doctor and get the tests done. And from the results you will do what's required by the doctor."
"You can't make me do anything that I don't want…and this is my personal issue. Why are you butting your head in it?"
An angry Tarun twisted the arm slightly making Jai wince, "You listen and listen good. The choice is yours, you do this quietly or I get a court order on Bani's behalf to force you undergo test…the latter will definitely make sensational media headline."
Pulling his arm free Jai said coldly, "You will not dare…"
"Oh I will…I will go to any length now, just to make sure you stop your irresponsible behaviour."
Nachiket looked pleadingly at Jai, "Please bhaiya, just get the test done…for maa's sake. Do you know how much she is worried about losing you now? You haven't even talked to her for days? You haven't heard her crying quietly at night."
Turning back putting his clothes on Jai just snapped "Get out the two of you and wait for me downstairs."
XXXXXX
Jo suno to kahe Prabhuji hamri hai bintiDukhi jan ko dheeraj doHaare nahin voh kabhi dukh seTum nirbal ko raksha doReh paaye nirbal sukh seBhakti ko shakti do (O Palaanhaare - laagan) Krishna gave a sigh of relief as she watched Jai, Tarun and Nachiket leaving together to go and see Doctor Aditi.Tarun had told Krishna what he had said to Jai and asked her not to say anything unless Jai did so. No point aggravating him further than what he had already done. He had also gone in to see Bani to assure himself she was fine. He took in the haunted look in her eyes and the dark circles from lack of sleep. Remorse filled his heart at the thought that he was partly responsible for the fate of this young woman…if only he had dismissed his client's initial proposal to go and see Bani.
Doctor Aditi had made time to see Jai in her busy schedule. She had arranged for the tests to be done immediately and results to be rushed back to her. Looking at the grim faced Jai sitting in the waiting room and Doctor Aditi felt nothing but anger. How could someone who had been educated at the best schools in India and abroad, be so stupid. The notion that HIV/AIDS was only prevalent amongst the poor and the uneducated was a misconception.
An hour later Jai left armed with prescription, information booklets and a strong lecture from Doctor Aditi on do's and don't to prevent the spread of infection. The drive to the Walia office was made in complete silence, none of the occupants made any effort to speak with each other. Nachiket felt nothing but pity for Jai. Tarun wavered between anger and loathing, whilst Jai grappled with the reality in front of him.
Jai did not go back home that night, no one knew where he was. Krishna had waited up late, to see him. Nachiket had finally forced her to go bed telling her he will wake her up when Jai arrived. Next five days, Jai neither came home nor went to the office. His cell phone was turned off…calls to his known friends came up blank. Nachiket and Tarun went around to bars and clubs he was known to frequent but could not find him. A worried Krishna did not know what to do. Masi did not miss an opportunity to taunt her sister, accusing her of driving her son away. If it weren't for Nachiket and Tarun's support, Krishna would have shattered under the stress.
Nachiket as usual had just made sure Krishna was resting in her room before retiring for the night. As soon as Nachiket left her bedroom, Krishna stood up and sat near the window looking outside in the darkness. Her gaze stared fixedly at the distance, at the gates leading up to the house. Only the pale lights near the gates glimmered back at her. Eventually tiredness forced her eyes to close and she fell asleep on the chair. Feeling of wetness on her hands woke Krishna up. She looked down at her hands to see Jai's face buried in her hands. The soft sobs wrenched at her heart and she just sat stroking his hair softly.
A long time later, Jai lifted his head up and stared in the soft eyes of his mother. Krishna wiped the tears with end of her pallu and leant down and kissed his forehead.
"Maa…mujhe…" Krishna put her hand on lips to stop him from saying anything further. She was just glad he was home safe. There was nothing else she wanted from him…all that mattered was he was with her.
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tere dwaar khada ek jogi - 2 na maange yeh sona chaandi maange darshan devi tere dwaar khada ek jogi - 2 karke jatan aayaa, mann mein lagan laaya akhiyon mein darshan-pyaas - 2 preet ki bheekshaa, prem ki sheeksha maang raha yeh daas - 2 na maange yeh sona chaandi maange darshan devi tere dwaar khada ek jogi - 2Jai stayed at home for the next few days, keeping himself either in his study or his bedroom. Krishna got his medicines and made sure Jai ate regularly and took his medicine. Nachiket and Tarun visited him but kept the conversation to daily normal business or just casual chitchat. On Krishna's instruction no one asked him where he had been or what he had done. Bani on rare occasion saw him and neither exchanged any words or second look at each other. For Bani the days dragged, hating not being able to step outside of the Walia grounds…not being able to go outside the gates and walk in the streets by her self. The only time she glimpsed the outside world was when she went for her appointment with Doctor Aditi and occasional trips to the mandir with Krishna.
There was no question of her going to her parent's house. Krishna had told her Bani's mother that due to Bani delicate health the doctor had not given permission for her to travel and she would have the baby here in Mumbai.
Few weeks later Jai and Nachiket left for Europe. Krishna did not ask why he was going away. Jai had promised Krishna he would not stay away too long and not worry about him as he would take care of him self. Night before he left, he had found himself suddenly awake for no reason. He thought he heard crying and had gotten up and walked around but no sound came from any of the bedroom. He had stopped at the room where Bani was sleeping, the door wasn't fully closed and he saw her in deep slumber. In the darkness of the room with just the moonlight filtering in, he could barely see her face clearly. Venturing in further he had stood and stared at the protruding stomach and the rise and fall of her chest with the deep breathing. An urge had taken him and his hand had reached out to touch the roundness of her belly but had stopped short. A wretched cry had throttled in his neck, and he had turned and ran out of the room.
Tarun became a constant companion for Bani and Krishna in the absence of Jai and Nachiket. He accompanied them to doctor's appointment, took them shopping and helped set up a nursery for the coming arrival. Now and then he insisted on taking them out for dinners or picnics on the beach. Krishna watched as Bani slowly glowed as the pregnancy progressed.
Even Shanti was pleased Bani was smiling and laughing again. She would accompany Bani for walks around the garden and one or twice they even sneaked outside for few minutes, bribing the guard to warn them if anyone from house came. Doctor Aditi approved of the change in Bani at her next visit and told her so.
Nachiket called frequently and talked with Krishna and Bani telling them of his little adventures on the foreign soil. Jai would sometime talk with Krishna but never once asked how Bani was doing, but would listen intently when Nachiket talked with her. He wished he could be in Nachiket's place…being able to talk, tease and laugh with her. Looking back he had never once made her laugh…now all he could remember was seeing fear in those eyes, every time she had looked at him.
XXXXXX
Juuhii kii kalii merii laadalii
Naazon kii palii merii laadalii
O aas-kiran jug-jug tuu jii_e
Nanhii sii parii merii laadalii, o merii laadalii
Ddharatii pe utar aayaa chandaa teraa chaharaa banaa
Champii kaa salaunaa guladastaa tan teraa banaa, o merii laadalii
Komal titalii merii laadalii
Hiire kii kanii merii laadalii, o aas-kiran jug-jug...
Sharmaa_e diivaalii taaron kii tere nainon se
Koyal ne churaa_ii hai pancham tere bainon se, o merii laadalii
Gudiyaa sii dhalii merii laanalii
Mohe laage bhalii merii laanalii, o aas-kiran jug-jug...
Har bol teraa sikhalaae hamen dukh se laadanaa
Muskaan terii kahatii hai sadaa dhiiraj dharanaa, o merii laadalii
Gangaa kii lahar merii laadalii
Chanchal saagar merii laadalii, o aas-kiran jug-jug...(dil ek mandir)
Jayita Walia was born at midnight. Krishna had been at Bani's side during childbirth and cried when the nurse put her granddaughter in her arms. The baby had dark skin tone and features similar to Jai but her big dark brown eyes were definitely Bani's. Masi was initially hesitant to hold the child but one look at the innocent face staring back at her and she lost all animosity she felt towards Bani. Initital tests showed that the baby was HIV- free but Doctor Aditi advised that because of antiviral medicine Bani had been taking, the results could be misleading and will have to wait further tests as the baby grows. Doctor Aditi advised Bani it was risky to breastfeed the baby but choice was ultimately hers. Bani chose not to breastfeed Jayita.
Tarun came loaded with flowers, soft toys and camera as per Jai and Naichiket's request and couple of hours later the photos of Jayita flashed on Jai's laptop. Jai sat in the darkened room and looked at his daughter's face on the screen. The pink bundle stared back at him …tiny with tiny button nose and rosy cheeks, tiny dark eyes and a thick mat of jet-black hair. He ran his fingers lightly across Jayita's face on the screen as tears rolled down his cheek as he whispered, "My daughter…my daughter."
In the morning first thing Nachiket did was browse through the photos and then insisted to Jai that they have to return home. He would give Jai a week to wrap up otherwise he was going back home alone.
The day Bani and Jayita came home, the whole house had been decorated with flowers and ballons. Masi and Krishna did aarti to welcome them in. Shanti and Mohanchacha and Nanu all came with small gifts for the baby. Masi wouldn't let them hold Jayita, just allowed them to look at her.
A week later Nachiket left to go back to India but told Jai if he wasn't back home in a month's time than Nachiket would come back and take him back forcefully…he would make sure his niece did not grow up without her daddy.
As soon as he walked into the house, Nachiket ran upstairs to Bani's room and knocked on the door before entering. Jayita was sleeping in her crib next to the bed. He gave Bani a congratulatory hug and whispered if he could hold her just for a little while. Bani picked up Jayita and put her in his arms. Caressing her head with a finger he just gazed at the sleeping face. "Just like you bhaiya," he said softly to himself. As he handed Jayita back to Bani he noticed tears in her eyes. Nachiket put his arms around Bani and asked, "Who are the tears for bhabhi?"
Bani wiped her eyes with the hands, "No one…no one Nachi. I am just happy you came to see my daughter." How could she tell him that she had hoped at least once he would look at his daughter.
Three weeks went by but Jai did not return and Nachiket was getting more and more annoyed. Whenever he asked Jai when he was coming back, Jai just brushed the question aside. Nachiket paced up and down in Krishna's room, "Maa, I don't understand bhaiya, why won't he come home. Every time I ask him he just doesn't answer. But he never fails to ask about Jayita."
Krishna laughed softly, "Sit down Nachiket before you wear the floor out. He will come when he is ready. You can't force him to do things…you know that. It's not easy for Jai. I can imagine what he must be thinking all the time…he may never live to see his daughter grow up. I just pray Jayita will fill his life…however long he lives with joy."
Nachiket heatedly said, "Nothing is going to happen to bhaiya, you will see. With the latest medicine and proper care he will live long."
Krishna walking up to Nachiket and resting her head on his shoulders said quietly, "I hope so Nachi…I just pray so."
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Tujhe sooraj kahoon ya chandaTujhe deep kahoon ya taaraMera naam karega roshanJag mein mera raaj dulaara – 2(ekphoo l do mali)A hushed voice drifted out into the quiet air of the night. Bani was rocking Jayita too sleep. For some reason she was restless and it was taking time to put her to sleep. As she walked to and fro gently rocking her, she was unaware of the door opening. Jai stood just outside the room and watched mother and daughter. Suddenly Bani caught sight of Jai standing by the door and stood still. When he made no move to come in, she adjusted Jayita in her arms and held her out towards him. Jai hesitated for a moment and then walked slowly towards them and held his arms out. Bani put Jayita in his arms and stepped away.
Jai watched fascinated as two sparkly dark eyes stared back at him and a tiny hand moved and brushed against his arm. The mouth seemed curved in a smile making him smile. He touched her black hair gingerly and then gently brushed the back of his finger against her cheek. He looked at Bani and said softly, "She's beautiful…"
All Bani could do was just nod her head and indicate for him to sit down. Jai rocked the baby until she fell asleep than he put her gently in the crib. He stood and watched Jayita for few moments more and then looked at Bani still standing near by. A myriad of emotions flashed across his face as tried to voice something to her. Finally with look of anguish, he said softly, "Bani I can't erase what's past…I am sorry for what I am have done to you…what I may have done to our daughter. I wish I could have a chance to put everything right, but that's not how life works. I look at you and loathe myself for giving you a life sentence that you do not deserve. I just wish…." Jai broke down and fell on the floor cried at sheer helplessness he felt not for himself but for Bani and Jayita. Bani walked up to Jai and helped him get up and walked him back to his room.
XXXXX
Yek teraa saath hum ko do jahaan se pyaaraa hain
Too hain to har sahaaraa hain
Naa mile sansaar, teraa pyaar to humaaraa hain
Too hain to har sahaaraa hain (wapas)
Jayita opened the letter Tarun uncle had given her in the morning. Jai had given the letter only to be given to Jayita after his demise. Last night Jayita had sat with Krishna dadi, Bani and masi at the bedside of Jai as he struggled with his last breathes. Jai held her hand and never let go until he breathed his last. Tears rolled down her cheeks and fell on the letter as she read the truth about Jai's illness, he wrote down words he never could tell her to her face. Now Jayita understood why she had visited Doctor Aditi for tests yearly. Even though the tests came back negative, Doctor Aditi still wanted to keep an eye on her for the first few years of her young life. She pressed the letter to her heart and whispered at the photo of Jai on the table. "Papa I still love you."
Tarun and Bani came in few minutes later to find her sleeping clutching Jai's picture.
Krishna passed away six months later, the loss of Jai had affected her more than she let on. Tarun and Nachiket became pillar of strength for Jayita and Bani life. Masi mellowed even more with loss of her Jai and Krishna. It was as if suddenly there was a big void in her life. Bani lived with one goal in mind…the words Jai had whispered to here few months back, when she had found him sitting and watching Jayita as she slept. "When I am gone make sure there is always a smile on Jayita's face… keep my Jayita happy. "
THE END
Anupamaa
