Epistle 6: Breaking Through the Horizon
A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D
29th
May, 1996:
Every new
phase in your life is a new chapter that is meant to be explored to the
fullest.
Somewhere
along this one year, I had given up on anything good happening to me. I had
drowned myself deep into the realms of aloofness and detachment, from a place
where I thought there was no coming out of. The darkness pleases me immensely,
making me find a strange burning solace in it, something that defines a cut of
my existence. It's like a companion... like a dangerous friend.
I have always
heard about friendship and how it can transform a person into something else
completely - something beautiful, something pure. I did not believe that it
could ever happen to me, though. I was a black rose who grew with a lot of
excruciating thorns that made people recoil away from me. I could not be loved because
people left me if I got too close. It was something that I'd accepted myself as;
something that the society unconsciously made me feel.
It was the
precise reason why I never let anyone get too close. My delicate heart was too
weak to bear the betrayal of a loved one, especially knowing the fact that I
was the cause of it. Some might think it folly on the part of an eight-year old
girl to conceive of such thoughts, but sometimes, an eight-year old could have
gone through a lifetime of unhappiness for the life she had lived up until
then.
The interior
of my heart was only to remain mine, where nobody could know what demons
lurked. Those were mine alone to battle, mine alone to endure. Nobody could
share my burdens for me, and neither could anyone infuse happiness into me. I
was a lost cause. A closed book never to be opened; forever meant to remain isolated
from life.
You must think
so low of me, I know. But then again, I know that you will never judge me for
who I am, unlike the society who has made me what I am. Deep, deep below, I
still have my unused innocence screaming out to me to embrace it. To let go of
my mature iron wall and let the red love blossom in my black heart, but it
isn't possible. Or so I believed.
Until I met
Ranveer.
I don't know
how he managed to dismantle me the way he did. When I befriended him four
months ago, it was because I wanted him to have friend he could always rely and
trust. I wanted him to have a person who understood the harsh realities of life
just as much as I did, who could give him a shoulder when he needed it the
most.
But it was
only as I got to know him more did I realize that I was thoroughly mistaken. It
was not he who needed me, it was I who needed him. I realized this within a few
days of our friendship that I craved for his company just as much as he did. We
didn't become the best of buddies in the first shot, but it was the company
that we so craved. Silence reigned supreme most of the times between us, yet
there was a comfort that couldn't be explained.
But as any
gradual relationship had it, even we commenced conversations, first purely
academic based and then opening up on our personal lives. We got along
instantly and gradually opened up to each other much more, a blind trust
accompanying it. There is something about the way he looks at me that gives me
this strange assurance that my trust is well-placed and that this is going to
be one relationship that I can bank upon to make me see daylight.
But then
again, my friendship with Ranveer changed a lot more than I expected. A lot
within me.
Life suddenly
seemed a happier place, the world a better refuge. I found solace in him and
him in me. The members of the household didn't matter anymore as long as we had
each other. There were several instances in those two months when Ranveer faced
similar treatment and I faced insults from the family household on being
illegitimate, everyone's true colours coming out, but it didn't really matter.
All that matter was that we had each other.
The kids of
the house had gotten nicer with myself and Ranveer as they got to know us
better and I appreciated it. They knew the kind of things their parents told
about us, but that didn't stop them from liking us. And then there was Harshad
Uncle. Things with him were going much more smoothly than I expected it to go
and I was happy with it. Surprisingly, Harshad Uncle was very happy that I had
made such good friends with Ranveer, and seemed to have a genuine liking for
the boy. And I was secretly happy that he approved of our friendship.
But Ranveer
did much more than only be my friend. He broke through my wall. A wall that I
had so precariously built that even my mother had difficulty piercing through
it. And goodness knows that it must have hurt him. Perhaps it was his bleeding
heart that gave colour to my black one and let it bloom. Perhaps it was the
power of his friendship and loyalty that made something change within me.
And for the
first time in years, I did not fear facing the light. I could feel the bouts of
innocence nagging at me stronger, my maturity beginning to fade along with the
darkness. The dangerous friend was beginning to leave me as life now gave me a
real one. I felt prepared to navigate my way through the same route of
childhood that I had abandoned, to find myself back on the crossroad where I
could willingly choose oblivion over pretense.
Ranveer and I still
don't behave like the best of friends - simply two people who helped cleanse
each other's wounds. Or so he did so far. Ironically, he is still very guarded
about his heart, and impossible as it is, he has an even stronger fence around
his heart than mine. He is smart, the boy is, for he lets me pour my feelings
into him yet keeps me apart from his own.
But I know that
one day soon, I'll break that wall apart heal that fragile heart that's to bear
so much in this brutal world. I'll be there to hold him when he falls. I'll be
there to stem the flow of his blood when he bleeds. I'll be there to lend my
shoulder when he's tired of being strong. And I'll be there to stand strong
when he falls weak.
For the first time in all these years, I see the glimmer of the faintest of lights touching my heart, knowing that things will be alright. For the first time in all these years, I now know that the horizon will now break through my own darkness eventually.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 7
Edited by LadyMeringue - 7 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount