CHAPTER 1 : "DECISION TAKEN"
" Oh...
That's indeed beautiful !!!!", screamed a waitress while placing a coffee mug on the table. I gazed up
and saw her piercing her gaze into my marriage ring. Something tugged at my
stomach and I focused very hard on my coffee cup, making sure that there was
space for any other thought. I slid my fingers into the cup handle and returned
my small smile to her broad smile.
"Oh such an expensive
and lovely ring... I'm so sure your husband loves you a lot... You are one of
the beautiful and the luckiest woman" A lump rose unexpectedly in my throat and
I bit my cheeks to stop myself from crying. I hesitated , "Sure"... the small
smile faltering slightly before it become forced, and then I hurried away.
Prem's car wasn't in the
driveway when I parked in front of the small house. I got it, I was relieved
that, I've not to stress myself to put our self together . As I slid my hands
into my purse to get the house keys, I heard of Prem's car tires crunched on
the gravel, "Honey, wait !!!! We will
step in together" I heard him shouting at my back while he was parking his
car. Prem was good at what he did, and he was proud of it too. He was the president
of the royal business agency. He owned a respectful place and a man of his own.
I swallowed the guilt down that was rising up
in my throat, as I heard of his approaching steps towards me. He walked over
wrapping his hands around my waist and kissed me. Sometime I felt safe when I
was in his arms. But now his touch was just making me feel ridiculous about
myself. I gulped , and pull the keys from my purse, jerking him slightly.
The text on his mobile
phone that I saw in the morning while He was in the washroom was swimming all
over my mind. I looked down and saw him still wearing his marriage ring. My
fingers trembled and I found myself struggling to open the doors. Prem leaned
and kissed on my head before he took the keys and unlocked the house. I
breathed out in relief and kissed him before he walks in the house. I could
feel him studying my face all that time. He walked over the house, throwing his
bag on the sofa and keys on the side table. He missed, mine still standing on
the door. My body was getting cold seeing his every movement. I felt him
running away from me in that every passing second. My hands started shivering,
a void opening in my chest threatening to suck me in.
"It had had happened"
My husband!!!! My life
had found someone that was worth it, someone who could give what I couldn't. I
feared this day since my first miscarriage.
The front room was
growing darker as the sun sank behind the horizon.
"Oh" he started when he
saw me standing there, "I thought you woulg be inside. What are you doing
outside?"
He walked over to me,
reaching to my hand and pulls me inside, before locking the doors behind.
" Who's Itika?" There, I
jumped right in, not giving myself the time to back out.
Prem froze, still half
bend over the lamp he'd just clicked on.
He straightened up,
looking at the wall, "You checked my messages" his voice plain and hard.
There was silence in the room. I lost myself
to think what to answer.
He turned to me, his
eyes very different from what I knew. The warmth was gone, and they were oddly
empty.
"She's a woman . I've
been seeing"
The words hit my skull
and I gasped for air. I'd known it by their messages. Of course it could be
nothing else, but to hear him say-
"How could you?" I
whispered, the outline of his face blurring through the tears welling up in my
eyes.
"Listen here" he was
angry, his voice raising.
"You haven't exactly
what I wanted to have. Moreover, you are only struggling and struggling. Even if
i wish of starting a life with you, you even fail in coming with it. You failed
in becoming a good daughter, you were nothing but a spoiled little child, with
a failed academic careers. You failed yourself to be a wife and now I question
your ability to ever be a mother? I feel your miscarriage was not because of
any accident but a result of your insecurity and your biased nature," his words
poked and stabbed at me, leaving pale in their wake. The words that
tumbled out of his mouth brought new
floods of tears with them, the hallow loneliness, the quilt, the sorrow all
returning when I'm trying to push them away. He grabbed my wrist and yank me
closer. I winched, "You don't even make yourself to get a job, all you do is
sit and make other's upset" His eyes were dark and dangerous now, another look,
I hadn't seen on him before.
Why was he blaming me
for everything? What did I do? I looked down . I didn't know what I was feeling
anymore. My chest was aching and throbbing but my mind was blank now. I looked
at Prem , my face probabily just blank as I felt.
"I know I can't give you
what you want. I want to make things good for us. I want to make myself good
enough for you, for everyone. But whenever I try something, I end up in making
others upset. I'm not biased, nor I m unsecure, I'm just trying to come in, in
your world, I know, I've failed myself in my every relation. The fact of it is
you cheated on me, and no matter how miserable you make me feel about my in
capabilities, you promised to stick to my side. For better or worse, REMEMBER?
"I'm sticking by your
side. But it's not a crime to want happiness !!!! kalpana..."
I narrowed my eyes at
him, "like this... Itika !!!"
His hand shot through
the air and slapped me tightly that I all most lost my balanced. He grabbed my
shoulder before I fall down, and knocked me into the wall . A shock of pain
spread from my back through my body and for a moment I could not breathe,
"I don't think, you need
to speak when it's only me who does anything in this bloody house, I worked
hard for you even though you don't deserve"
He stormed out of the
room . My face burned, the flesh over my cheekbones throbbing in time with her
heart, racing at a painful speed through my chest. My hands started shivering
and shaking, I buried my face in them, breaking down , letting the pain and
anguish spill out of me without trying to stop it.
It was late by the time
Prem came home. He stayed out longer that he stays ever. And now I have decided
what the next step I need to take.