Dear Bhai,
I never thought approaching you would become so difficult for me in life someday that all I will be able to leave behind for you explaining my side will be a letter - this letter. You haven't looked for me in the last one-year, you don't know where I am, but I choose to believe that you still care, somewhere deep down. I have seen your news everywhere, I am happy to know that you're happy with your wife, that you've found love in Pragya, and many congratulations on your impending fatherhood. However I wanted to clarify a few things with you, the bond that we share from birth, compels me to pour out my heart with all its aches, venoms, deepest secrets and anguishes - pour it out and let it go.
I will start from the scratch. Bhai, you've been more than just an older brother for me, you've been the father I don't remember, the mother I haven't met, the protector, the savior, the strong shoulder which repelled the other boys in the chawl from me, when we were growing up, you were the pillar behind which I could run, when daadi would scold or tajiyi would scowl. Remember the time on my fifth birthday, when I wanted you to take me to the moon? Bhai you had got me a binocular that year and told me, so what you couldn't take me there, but you managed to get the moon closer to me. You did things that compelled me to think since childhood that my bhai can do anything for me - it's not my fault bhai, you have set the standards that high for yourself.
Didn't you always tell me, I was the reason for your living? Me, daadi and Purab? Wasn't it always us three? Then why would anyone else enter this world of ours? Wasn't it perfect? Why did she need to come? I agree the fault was mine, you all blamed me later for it. But guess what I had seen that day when I saw Pragya hugging Purab in his office? I saw intrusion in our world - I was threatened, it was a rude awakening, from a slumber I held so precious -how could I ever get along with her? She entered our lives and you changed, I am not arguing if you changed for the good or bad, but you changed, you were different from the bhai who was the sealing glue to our world, the walls of our happy bubble were collapsing - how did you not expect me to react? I know I have wronged you and her and even Purab at very many levels, but that didn't give you any right to love me less.
How did you dare to love me less? How did you stop giving me all your attention? Haven't I always been your first priority? Weren't you the bhai who had married Pragya for avenging my broken heart? Then who was the imposter who decided to get Bulbul married to the same Purab in front of my very own eyes in our house? I could live with the fact that our bubble was increasing, there were more people in it, but these people having the same bond with you that of me? You loving them as much as you love me? How could you? I was special bhai! I was the apple of your eyes, how did others claim share there? I didn't care if you cared or liked Pragya, but liking and caring for her as much as or more than me? How could you bhai? I was your little Aaliya, how can anyone be more precious than me to you? Or even close to as precious? I was insecure all the time, and I had the right to be - I was losing you, you were walking away from me, farther and farther - why was I good with Tanu? Because she was never a threat bhai, she was never a part of our bubble, she wasn't precious enough for you - bhai how could you love so many people other than me when I never loved anyone outside our small world? I may have been right or horribly wrong in the past, I don't care, but you had no right to not love me, or push me away - how dare you? How dare you cease to love your Aaliya? Yes, I tried killing Bulbul. I still hate her. It didn't go down well with you? Well then you could have handed me to the cops, I would have forgiven you. But what did you do? You snapped all ties with me? I am your Aaliya bhai, how could you? How could you stop loving me? You thought it will bring back normalcy? How bhai? Those two sisters entered our world and shattered it - however I was, I was the center of your world, they distanced me from you - good or bad you loved me, now you don't - how will I ever forgive them? How could I forgive you for not looking out for me. Yes bhai I was angry with you too. I schemed with Nihkil and Tanu to ruin you both - we didn't succeed and when you found out that I tried killing Pragya too, you wanted to see me dead too. I know I was wrong bhai, but you wanted me to die? How could you hate me so much bhai, didn't you always tell me no matter what I did you will love and protect me? How could you abandon me bhai?
You know inspite of all this, and no matter what else remains in life, I will stand by my promise, I love you and I always will - even if I had killed you in the past, I still would love you. I always kept my promises. You chose Purab for me, I promised to accept him I did, I promised to never let Bulbul and Purab marry, I managed it, I promised to make Pragya's life miserable I did so by bringing misery in Bulbul's life. And I promised to love you, that I will. Today we are not in touch, you are happy and you don't love your Aaliya - but I am still the same, evil, venomous and cruel, et I love you bhai and you should have loved me too, in spite all that I am now. But you don't love me bhai. How do you not love me bhai? How can you? Didn't you always say I mean the world to you and that can never change?
I have moved on in life, found my happiness elsewhere. Bhai I am getting married to someone tomorrow - I love him. I am happy with him. I want to forget the bitter past and move on - move on yes, but never get back in touch with any of you - because I can never forgive Pragya for coming in between and distancing us - maybe she didn't do it intentionally - maybe she didn't do it at all, it was my doing but she was the source from where it all begun, she is the reason why my bhai who promised to love me all my life, doesn't love me anymore. I will never forgive her bhai, I hate her bhai, but I love you.
I make a last promise to you today - I will be good henceforth and I will always love you. Please try to love me a little bhai, I don't like living in this world where I know my bhai hates me so, and I will always love and care for your baby, even if the mother of this child is the root cause of all my pain. I will love him because, he is our baby, and I love you bhai.
Aaliya.
