On Friday evening, Pragya decided to go to bed early. Normally she would have sat in front of the tv with Maa and Daadi, grading papers and keeping them company while they caught up on their favourite serials after dinner. But after her two hectic days back at work after the conference, all she wanted to do was get a full night's sleep.
Before changing for bed, she picked up her phone to set an alarm for the next morning. A misswipe of her finger brought up Abhi's last text - 8:18PM you're coming right?, which she still hadn't answered.
She had no intention of answering, either. She'd never planned to actually follow through on his proposed "round two," and only offered the idea of meeting up in Mumbai so that he would leave her room the morning of her presentation.
She'd meant to just ignore his texts and hope he'd get the message that she wasn't interested. Only, somehow, she hadn't been able to ignore his texts. And without quite realizing it, she'd spent the whole week in conversation with him.
She'd even changed his name from "Abhishek" to "A" in her contacts, thinking ahead to what might happen if someone in her family looked at her phone.
All week, he'd been friendly and flirty and somehow she just couldn't find the willpower to delete his messages without answering.
That was what a sensible woman would have done.
But Abhi had always had a destabilizing effect on her good sense, and what they'd shared in Delhi seemed to have revived that dynamic.
Her mind drifted into memories of that night - her one, beyond-dreams-perfect night with the last man on Earth she'd have expected - and she felt an odd urge to congratulate herself. A week ago she'd shed her virginity, changed one of the things in her life that she felt most powerless about, and she couldn't be happier about how it had gone.
And she wouldn't tempt fate by trying to see him again. Leaving aside whether she wanted to - and yes, in the tiniest whisper in her mind she could admit that she wanted to - she knew it would be a bad idea to meet with Abhi in Mumbai. There was press to worry about, and she'd need to lie to her family, and the whole idea had disaster written all over it.
Better to leave it at just that one night in Delhi, a space and time out of her regular life. An untouchable memory about an unforgettable experience.
She closed her text messages and went on with setting her alarm. A small spike of guilt stabbed at her heart as she thought about Abhi waiting for an answer, but she resolutely ignored it. She had to do what was right for her, not try to manage his disappointment. He would surely find his own way to deal with it.
As Pragya was setting her phone down, Bulbul burst into her room. She was dressed for a night out with her friends, in a blue mini-dress made only-just respectable by the white blazer she'd tossed on to avoid their mother's censure. The sight made Pragya smile. She never got tired of realizing how lucky she was to have a sister who was so completely different from her and yet also the best friend she could ever have.
"Let me guess," Pragya said with a grin. "Girls' night at the club?"
Bulbul gave an excited nod, but then she pulled Pragya to sit on the bed with her. "Well, yes, but first Di, we have to talk!"
Pragya shifted into a cross-legged pose and faced her sister. "About?"
"About last week! You still haven't told me exactly what happened in Delhi." Bulbul was pouting over-dramatically, as if to make Pragya feel bad for holding back secrets. But her eyes were dancing with excitement, and she was clearly looking forward to a good story.
Pragya felt her heart plummet and fought to not let her dismay show on her face. She'd been hoping to avoid this conversation for a little longer, because she had no idea what she would tell her sister.
She had not properly answered Bulbul's text about what had happened on the night of the cocktail social. She'd only vaguely promised to tell her more when they could talk in person. There'd been no chance for that right after her return from the conference, but now the dreaded moment had suddenly arrived. She had to face the conversation, and nevermind that she didn't have a cover story ready.
There was no way she could tell Bulbul the truth. After the way her marriage with Abhi had ended, Bulbul hated the rockstar. She would've been alarmed that Pragya had decided to go ahead with him of all men, and in no time she would've worked herself into a hysterical fit, convinced that Abhi had somehow taken advantage of her Di again.
Pragya knew her sister, and she didn't want to deal with Bulbul's predictable overreaction.
And she also didn't really want to talk about that night. It just...meant too much. Even to Bulbul, she couldn't put everything about her incredible experience into words.
And besides, it was supposed to be her birthday present to herself. Surely she had a right to keep it to herself, if she so chose?
So Pragya tried to shut off the memories still playing in her mind's eye and and met Bulbul's gaze as she lied, "Nothing happened."
"What?!" Bulbul threw her hands up in exasperation. "What do you mean nothing happened! You said you were going to go up to Dr. F's room!"
"Well, I was," Pragya said defensively. "But then I changed my mind at the last minute. It just...it just didn't feel right with him, Bulbul. He's still mostly a stranger, you know?"
She had expected Bulbul to be sympathetic to her nerves, so she was surprised when instead, her sister gave an irritated sigh and rebuked her.
"Di you can't be such a scaredy cat! Your life will never change if you don't take a chance." Bulbul shook her head in disgust. Then she got up from the bed and paced restlessly in front of Pragya.
Surprised and stung by Bulbul's scolding, Praga couldn't immediately think of a counter-argument. She just watched the younger girl walk back and forth in agitation, at a loss for how to argue a point she actually agreed with.
Then Bulbul stopped pacing and glared at her with her arms crossed. "Di," she said heavily, "Do you want to be stuck like this forever? Lonely and wondering and -"
Pragya frowned and answered quickly, "Who's talking about forever, Bulbul? I didn't know him well enough, just try and understand -"
Bulbul threw up her arms in frustration. "But that's the point, Di! That's what a hookup is. Meaningless sex with a stranger."
"But - but say if there was someone that you were comfortable with first, like a friend -"
"What, like how you're comfortable with Suresh, because he's your friend?"
"...That's not funny, Bulbul."
"I know. I know. Ok, I'm sorry. My point is just that it has to be someone you don't know, right? Because you don't know anyone that you could just go up to and say, Hey, could you just do me this favour...'"
Pragya thought fleetingly about how that was exactly how it had been with Abhi - except she hadn't even had to ask. But Bulbul was looking at her for an answer, so her thoughts quickly took another direction. "Well...you know, maybe if I get the Jadavpur job, I could get to know Dr. Fernandes a bit better, and then -"
"If that's what you want Di, then that's great. But this was supposed to be about sex, not a relationship, remember? Why put it off for months? And what if you take a different job?"
"I just don't want to rush into anything, is that so wrong? It - it will happen when it happens, alright?"
"No, not alright! You'll just keep putting it off forever." Bulbul's face softened then, and she sat back on the bed with Pragya. "How about this, Di? Take it in baby steps. Come out with me and my friends tonight, and maybe you can practice flirting with someone. You don't have to rush into anything, but it'll give you confidence for next time."
The prospect held no appeal for Pragya, but she could see that Bulbul would not easily accept no for an answer. So she raised her hand to her forehead and started to massage her temple, pretending to have a headache. "I would, Bulbul, but...I'm just so tired after this crazy week. Next time, maybe?"
Bulbul pouted, but then she got up and pulled pajamas out of the cupboard for Pragya. "Ok, Di. You're off the hook this time. But next weekend -"
Pragya stood up to take the pajamas and smiled at her exasperating sister. "Yes, ok. Tonight just have fun and don't worry about me."
Bulbul rolled her eyes. "Kya Di, don't you know I'm always worried about you?"
Then they both laughed, and Pragya pinched Bulbul's cheek. "Badmaash. That's my line."
"Not anymore! Not until you start living your life again, you get me?"
"Arre! Meri ma, that's not for you to worry about. You just enjoy yourself. And don't get into too much trouble, hmm? Are you going to wear those do me' heels?"
Bulbul shoved Pragya's shoulder in mock-outrage. "Di! You haven't given them back. Saving them up for something maybe?"
Pragya steered Bulbul toward the door. "Not at all. I can get them out for you if you want. But your friends will be waiting, so you should get going."
"Yeah, yeah. But, Di..." Bulbul stopped at the door, turning to Pragya with a frown.
Pragya set a hand on her arm, concerned by her sudden mood change. "What? Problem?"
"No, just - how did you leave things with Dr. F? I mean if you turned him down, is there really a chance - you know what I mean?"
Pragya looked away and hoped she wasn't blushing too obviously. She hadn't expected Bulbul to bring back the topic, and now she had to scramble for something convincing to say. "Oh, it...wasn't so bad. I think there might still be a chance...but nevermind that, for now. You're going to be late!"
Then she'd pushed Bulbul out of her room, promising to talk to her later...and not meaning to keep the promise at all.
She had spent the next hours thinking about Bulbul's point. Not about sex with a stranger, but about living her life again.
Bulbul was right - she would be stuck as she was forever, unless she chose to do something new.
She scrolled through her week of texts with Abhi, trying to find a reason to stick to her decision not to see him. He didn't have to be her something new.
Considering their history, he couldn't possibly be her something new.
She could wait for someone else to share herself with physically. Find someone she could have a future with, even.
But how long would that take? And how long would it take to build up to the kind of comfort level she had with Abhi, the sense of safety that she could trust herself to him?
It made no sense that she felt so comfortable with Abhi. There had been so much bitterness and so many misunderstandings during the course of their short marriage. When they'd finally decided to part ways they'd managed to live out their last few weeks together as almost-friends, but never anything closer, either physically or emotionally.
And yet it was easy to be intimate with him. Easy to tell him her feelings and frustrations, because he had no stake in her life anymore. And easy to share her body with him, because...well, there had always been chemistry between them. They'd ignored it when they were married, but then in Delhi they'd given it free reign and it had exploded...
And it had been fantastic. It had been worth the risk.
So maybe she should take the chance that round two might be worth the risk, as well.
Running into Abhi had been completely unexpected - just a really well-timed accident. She'd never have consciously considered turning to him for casual sex, and definitely not for a real relationship. But fate had brought them together again, and it hadn't been a disaster.
Far from it, in fact.
And so she'd decided to see Abhi again. For round two. Because she wanted it, of course she wanted it.
Having sex had answered some of her questions but satisfied none of her hunger. She had thought one night of memories was all she needed - but when she had the chance to make more memories, and all it took was going to the address he'd texted...she couldn't resist.
So on Saturday afternoon, Pragya told her mother she'd be catching up on things at work. Worried that someone would notice her going in the wrong direction, she took a bus to the college, and then took an auto from there to Abhi's address. It felt foolish to be making up lies like a naughty teenager meeting a secret boyfriend, but she couldn't tell her family the truth. They would not just accept that she was a grown woman going to meet her...lover?
What a ridiculous word. He wasn't her anything really. They'd had one night and now maybe today they'd have one afternoon - but that was going to be it. He was doing her a favour and she was taking advantage of her one chance and that was all.
As she rode the elevator up to Abhi's penthouse unit, Pragya noticed her reflection in the shiny chrome doors and frowned. She hadn't wanted to face any questions as she left the house, so she hadn't dressed up at all. She was wearing an old yellow anarkali and no makeup, and when he saw her, he was surely going to remember that she was just plain old Pragya, the kishmish jaisi sukhi Chashmish he'd hated being married to, instead of the bold and glammed up woman he had impulsively slept with in Delhi.
She fiddled with her hair and straightened her glasses to ease her nerves, but she had to admit that it just couldn't be helped. If he turned her away - well, it was nothing he hadn't done before.
Finally she arrived at his door, and for a moment she froze. Her good sense was still warning her that this was a bad idea. She'd come this far, but could go back. She could just keep ignoring this simmering desire to be with him again...
But then a memory of how it had felt to be under him flashed through her mind, and without even realizing it she knocked on the door.
She watched her fist fall back to her side in a daze. She realized then that her arms were swinging uselessly - her old nervous habit - and she clutched at her elbow to stop herself. Then she held her breath, waiting for him to answer the door and wondering why it felt like she'd been standing there forever.
When he did open the door, the first thing she noticed was that he was wearing a ratty old tee and his favourite acid-wash sweatpants - and looking more gorgeous than he had any right to. She suddenly didn't feel so bad about not dressing up, as obviously he hadn't gone to any trouble for her. Then his gaze swept over her and clear approval lit his eyes and she felt even better.
"Thanks for coming, Chashmish," he said, his voice low and alluring. "Come in."
Pragya smiled and stepped through the door, no longer in doubt about her decision.
***
Abhi had arrived at the flat hours earlier. He had nothing scheduled for work, so if Pragya hadn't agreed to meet him he'd probably have spent that Saturday mindlessly exercising at home and maybe meeting friends for drinks in the evening.
Knowing that she would be coming, he felt too restless to work out in the morning. He'd had a quick breakfast at home and then come straight to the flat, thinking that he should make sure the apartment was presentable as it had been a while since he'd visited.
However, when he got there, he found that everything was in perfect order. He went through every room, looking for anything that might seem out of place or bother Chashmish. But there was nothing to fix. The cleaning company was doing its job, of course. He'd just been too scattered to remember that they were on contract.
Finally he'd grabbed his guitar and sat in his studio, running through practice exercises to calm his excitement.
He told himself he should be ashamed of getting so nervous over a woman. He was Rockstar Abhi - a simple hookup should not shake him so badly.
But it wasn't a simple hookup, really. It was Chashmish, and that made all the difference.
He hadn't been able to get her off his mind since their night in Delhi. Hadn't tried, even, because really, what was there more worth thinking about? Sure he had work stuff going on and Aakash probably wished he'd been paying more attention in the week's various meetings, but none of that could hold Abhi's focus when he had such...unique memories of Pragya to contemplate.
The way she'd spoken to him, completely frank about her needs and frustrations. The way she'd touched him, eager for everything he could give her. The way she'd responded, adjusting to every hot turn as well as every awkward moment of their encounter.
He'd been with his fair share of women, but he'd never had a night with such effortless chemistry before. The combination of passion and tenderness was new for him, and he found it surprisingly to his taste. And to think that he'd found complete satisfaction with Chashmish, who'd had no experience and no skill - he almost couldn't believe it.
But his memories of that night were full of details he couldn't possibly have imagined on his own. So he couldn't not believe it either.
And he couldn't wait for more.
Sex was fun with her, and there was so much he could show her. He knew he wouldn't be satisfied with just that night and this afternoon, and he'd decided to do his best to make sure she wouldn't be either.
The trick would be convincing her that they could keep hooking up without it meaning anything. He knew she didn't really believe in casual relationships, but all she'd been looking for in Delhi was physical fun. That was all he would offer - all he could offer - and hopefully she'd decide she could take what she wanted.
Because there was no doubt that she did want him.
He thought about how after the first moments in her room, she'd had no hesitation. She'd initiated the first kiss, and then after that she'd just - given him everything. There was no constraint between them, though there probably should have been.
But going over his memories of their night only seemed to make lengthen the wait for her arrival. To distract himself, he moved on from practice exercises to working out a melody that had been teasing his mind since his flight back from Delhi. By the time the doorbell rang, he thought he almost had it.
Normally he'd hate to be interrupted at such a moment. But that afternoon he was only too happy to set his guitar down and let his guest in.
As Abhi closed the door behind Pragya, he took looked over her outfit and grinned. He was relieved to see Chashmish looking like Chashmish.
She'd looked gorgeous in that black dress in Delhi, but it warmed his heart to see her in an umbrella-like anarkali again. It wasn't one of the monochrome uniform-types she'd worn during their marriage, but it was much more her style than that evil dress.
He followed her into the living room, watching as she surveyed his flat. Her handbag slipped from her shoulder as she turned in a slow circle, taking in everything from the wide bay window to the open concept kitchen.
She caught her purse as it slid to her wrist and finally looked at him. "What is this place?" she demanded, and Abhi felt his goofy smile growing even wider at the realization that in her curiosity, Chashmish seemed to have forgotten why she'd come here. And that was just so like her.
He waved one hand carelessly, gesturing to the apartment as a whole as he answered, "This is my secret sanctuary. I come here when I need to work in peace. Want a tour?"
She dropped her bag on the coffee table and flashed him that eager smile he remembered from the lighter moments of their marriage. "Lead the way."
"It'll be a short tour," he said, one eyebrow raised. He lifted his hand again, gesturing at the window, the leather couches, and the sleek hi-def entertainment console. "This is the living room. Not that anyone actually lives here, but there's nothing else to call it."
He turned to point across the way and continued, "That's the kitchen, which again nobody uses, and the dining table, which is usually where I keep my gym bag when I come here after concert rehearsals."
Pragya frowned and crossed her arms. "I don't understand. You don't use any of this space?"
"Nope. The only part I actually use is down the hall." He inclined his head, inviting her to follow him. "My studio."
But Pragya stayed where she was and shook her head. "No, actually. Nevermind the tour. We need to talk about why we're here."
"Ah. Well if it comes to that..." He walked up to her and set a hand on her waist. The worn cotton of her chatri was enticingly soft under his fingertips. "We're not here to talk."
She stiffened when he touched her, but didn't move away. She tilted her head and looked into his eyes. "It was supposed to be one night."
He put his hand on her hip and pulled her closer. "Which we didn't get to finish."
She rolled her eyes. "We did finish. I got what I wanted."
"Did you?" He slid one palm along her back, bringing her nearer still. "Because that was just the beginning."
"What do you mean, the b-beginning?" she demanded. She was trying to be serious, but the nervous curiosity in her voice told him that he'd definitely affected her calm.
He lowered his voice and held her gaze as he said,"I mean there's a lot you didn't get to try yet. One night isn't enough."
She bit her lip and looked away. "...Right. So we're here for round two."
"Exactly."
"But then - that's all. I'm here because we didn't finish our night, but that's it. This doesn't mean anything."
"What would it mean? We're just here to have fun."
She nodded, still not looking at him. "Good. Right. And then we'll walk away, like we agreed."
"Arre? Didn't you hear me explain, Chashmish?" He took hold of her chin and made her face him again. "There's a lot more for you to learn about sex. Round two isn't going to be enough either."
She answered with a skeptical frown, "How much more can there really be?"
"Much more than I can show you in one afternoon. I'm good, but I do have human limits." He let his hand drop from her chin and trail down the side of her neck, noting that her pulse jumped as his thumb brushed against her throat.
But she rallied, responding with sarcasm rather than nerves as she tutted, "Haaye, India's only rockstar admitting he has limits?"
Abhi grinned slowly. "You have your limits too, baby. There's only so much pleasure a body can take in one day, you know. Or I guess - you wouldn't know. Yet."
Pragya flushed and dropped her gaze again. "...I told you not to call me baby."
Abhi chuckled. "Right. I'll work on that. But in the mean time -"
"What mean time? I don't understand." She was frowning again, but despite her resistance throughout the conversation, she still hadn't stepped out of his arms. "You're...offering lessons? You want to be my sex tutor, Abhishek?" Her mouth quirked as if she wanted to smile at her own joke, she managed to repress it.
Abhi sighed dramatically. "Haaye Chashmish, do you have to label everything?" He shook his head and continued, "I'm just saying, you had fun in Delhi, I had fun in Delhi. Let's just...keep having fun together."
"Look, Delhi was an accident -"
"Or kismat."
"You don't believe in kismat!"
"No, I don't. But anyway, you're overthinking this. All I'm saying is that I know you're still curious about a lot of things. And I could show you them."
She went silent then, scanning his face for a long moment and then dropping her gaze.
She reached out with one delicate finger and started to trace a line on his chest. "So then...what, we just keep hooking up?" She glanced up at him under her lashes, and Abhi felt an alarming pulse of...affection. To see Chashmish so...kittenish...did weird things to his heartrate.
He pulled his thoughts together and answered her question, sure that he'd finally won her over.
"Yeah. Until I run out of things to show you, or your curiosity is satisfied. Whichever comes first." He winked at her then, teasing her with the idea that his range might end up exceeding her curiosity.
But she wasn't in the mood to be teased. A flash of doubt softened her voice as she asked, "And what's in it for you?"
He hated to hear that self-deprecation, that same tone she'd used in Delhi when she'd said men never wanted to give her time. She needed to know that there was nothing lacking with her - that just being with her was incentive enough for him. So he explained, "I told you already. Fun. Delhi was good, and I think we could be good together. Not - don't look at me like that, not together together. Just sex."
"But do you really want to...I mean, you're willing to let me...practice on you? How's that fun for you? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who knows what she's doing?" she demanded, the doubt only heightened as she worked through her series of questions.
His mind scrambled for a way to present this to her that she would accept. She was too anxious to embrace the idea of casual fun, and he didn't want to saddle them with the odd framework of lessons that she'd sort-of suggested. So then..."Discovery. Think of it in terms of discovery. We discover together what sex is like for you. What works for you, what doesn't."
Her eyes widened, and she took a moment just to think over what he said. "That's...interesting."
Abhi grinned again, sure that now he had her. So that's a yes?"
Pragya pursed her mouth, and the arch look in her eyes warned him not to get too sure of himself. "I...need to think about it more," she finally said. "Why don't you show me what's so great about round two?" She slid her hand up his chest and along the side of his neck. "Maybe my curiosity will be satisfied with just that."
Something hot and quick was singing in his blood, and he saw an answering excitement in her eyes. He tugged her right up against him, crushing her chest to his. "That sounds like a challenge, Chashmish. A challenge you're going to lose."
She licked her lips and whispered, "Prove it."
He smirked and bent to kiss her.
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