Chapter 20
Astha clutched the pillow as tears sprawled from her eyes, the pain in her heart is killing her, choking her from inside. They had set sail early dawn from Jamaica, that had been two weeks ago, still her heart hasn't healed, still he is haunting her. She still can't believe he would ever do that, he was so nice and understanding, so gentle and caring, so kind and sweet, so pure and honest, what had happened? how can he do that, was it all lie? His kindness? His honesty? Just to gain her trust? Just to make her believe in him?
Now that she think, he never once said he wanted only her, she just presumed it on her own. She can't blame him for betrayel when he never even promised her anything. He have no fault in this, she is the one to be blamed for believing that she can make him fall in love, she can do the impossible. She was stupid to overlook his reputation, she shouldn't have trusted her heart.
"Love? What love? He never loved you, you are the one who always loved him, till now you love him. But he? He was unfaithful to you even after marriage. He never thought about your love when he was wenching for his pleasure. Sometimes, I wonder why you love him even though he was unfaithful to you."
"Because I love him even though he is a rakehell, once you will be in love, then you will understand. It's hard to accept but what can I do? My heart can't stop loving him, I can't control my feelings for him.""You were right, Mother. I can't help myself. I still love him." She whispered to herself.
She abruptly brushed her tears as she heard a knock on the door of her cabin and gave her permission to enter.
Sid entered her cabin, casted his eyes on her then shaked his head in disapproval.
"This won't work, Astha. You are behaving the same way when you lost aunt. You have to tell me what is the matter, I've waited long enough."
"I told you it's nothing important. I just miss Mother."
"You're lie won't work with me. You think I'm blind, can't I see sadness behind your smile, those puffy eyes won't escape my attention. I know you more than anyone, so don't no nevermind me."
She sighed, nothing will make him understand now, so she replied uneasily "I love Shlok."
"But he don't?" He asked carefully.
She instantly burst into tears, Sid embraced her in his arms, soothing her, comforting her as he caressed her head.
"I thought..he loved..me. He said...he wanted...me..I gave...myself to him."
"What do you mean? Don't tell me he deflowered you?" Sid asked angrily as he removed his embrace.
Astha blushed, her cheeks turned crimson red as she replied meekly "He did."
Sid groaned and clutched her shoulders tightly as he replied "You should've told me when we were there! He compromised you!"
"I know but don't blame him only, I let it happen."
He stood up angrily and said darkly "I won't let that scoundrel go! He have to marry you!"
Astha gave him a surprised look, she wished him to be her husband but she won't let it happen, he don't love her and she swore to never marry without love.
"No! I don't want to marry him!" She screeched as she stood up.
He turned and asked "You do love him, don't you?"
"I do, but he don't. I don't want forced marraige." She said as she clutched his arm.
"I don't care! He should've thought that before he took you!"
She removed her grip on his arm and replied angrily "You want me to suffer, just like mother! Even if I marry him, I won't be happy! He is a damn rake like father! I want a man who loves only me!"
"I'm sorry Astha." He apologized and hugged her while she cried in his arms.
"How are you gonna explain to grandpa, he will insist marraige, you know that, right?" Sid asked.
"That's what I fear most. I don't know, I'm too confused." She replied softly.
"I'm not gonna spare that scoundrel even if you did!" Sid said angrily in his mind.
***
A man in his early fifties waited in the hall, he oftenly come in this old mansion to beg, to plead for his happiness yet his every plead goes unheard, even then he never lost hope, he will come here to beg till he get the thing he came for or till his last breath.
"Sir Avdhoot Kirloskar?" He heard the butler say and looked up at him.
"Sir Prabhakar Joshi had called you in his study." He said and left.
He entered the lavish study room and located his eyes on the one he wants to meet. He was sitting in his usual chair, paper scattered in front of him, he was looking at the papers.
"What brought you here again? Nothing you say will---"
"How long are you gonna take this?" Avdhoot asked in a desperate tone.
Prabhakar looked up and smirked as replied "Till my last breath."
"It wasn't my fault, Dammit!" He shouted angrily.
"I don't care, Avdhoot. Now get out, I no longer wish to see you."
"I will come back again and again until you give me back what is mine!" He said and left the mansion as usual angry and defeated.
***
Astha looked at the mansion, so this is the home of her father, out of sudden she felt nervousness to meet her father. The closer she gets, the more nervous she become, and deep down in her heart she is excited to meet her father. They had arrived in England yesterday morning then went straight to the house owned by her grandpa. They did little shopping for her clothes and spend the rest of the day resting from the voyage.
"You're nervous?" Sid asked.
Astha looked at him and smiled hesitantly as she unfolded her shivering hands.
She looked at the mansion again and said "Maybe it isn't a good idea."
"And you realized that after crossing the ocean?" He asked sarcastically.
She shrugged her shoulders and replied "I don't know."
Sid rolled his eyes and said "I understand you're nervous but you can't go back now. My sister is not coward."
"Maybe I am." She replied softly.
"Let's go." Sid said and held her elbow and dragged her along with him.
Her heartbeat accelerated as she took steps forward, something coiled in pit of her stomach with nervousness.
They were made to wait at the hall, she was constantly clutching and unclutching her hands, her heart was drumming louder that even she could hear in her ears, she felt suffocation, she missed a beat when she heard the butler.
"Sir Kirloskar called you in his study." The butler said and walked ahead.
They followed the butler in the study, as soon as she entered the room, the first she noticed was a potrait. A large potrait at the center of the room, her mother sitting in a lavish chair dressed elegantly looking divinely beautifully with a man behind her elegantly dressed, looking exceptionally handsome. Both of them have bright smile in thier faces, their eyes twinkling with happiness, like a couple madly in love, content with their life.
He must be her father, he have same eyes as hers, same black raven hair as hers, no wonder mother fell in love with him, he is truly incredibly handsome like Shlok, him again! She should stop thinking about him. But why would he hang her mother potrait when he never loved her, perhaps to show people that he had a wife.
She scanned the room to locate her father and found him sitting behind the desk, staring at her with widened eyes and dropped jaw, his face completely paled. He is still a handsome man even with grey streaks on his hair and wrinkles on the edge of his eyes.
Anger simmered inside her, years of anger builded in her as she recalled her mother silently crying, yearning for him, she died without his love, in despair just because of this man in front of her.
"Surprised are we? You wouldn't have known that you had a daughter. How would you when you were too busy with your other women. It is my bad luck that I am your daughter." She said bitterly.
He didn't say anything but he flushed red as a stricken look flashed in his face, she was too angry to notice that.
"Don't ever think I came to meet you, Sir Avdhoot Kirloskar. I merely came because I wanted to fulfil my mother's last wish. Even if she was dying, she still-" She paused and gulped as tears welled from hers "- thought about you. She..Ah! Dammit!" She cursed and ran away.
Sid took one glance at her father before he followed Astha, he didn't miss his shocked face with tears in his eyes.
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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