DIL YE BEKARAR KYU HAI
PART I
Where is he?' She asked herself when she couldn't spot him. Her eyes scanned through the room full of people until she saw him. There he was, talking animatedly to Bala jiju and Mihir with their daughter and Shravan running around them in circles. She smiled adoringly at the two of them. Had it only been six months? She felt like she belonged with him; that she had always been Ruhi's mother; that she had always been in love with him. She let out a sigh and tore her eyes away from them to continue with her chores.
It was Vandu akka's Valaikaapu (Godh bharai) ceremony and her family had organized a small function at her parents' home. They had only invited a few close friends and family members but there were so many things to take care of; arrangements for the rituals, refreshments and snacks for the guests, decorations.
Under normal circumstances, she would not have been so harried but today she was finding it difficult to concentrate. In fact, she had been this way since the past few weeks; since the moment she had understood her feelings for him. It surprised her that it had taken her so long. It had been so obvious. Raman was the most sensitive and kind hearted man she had ever met. He pretended to be a stone hearted businessman but she had seen the care and concern that he felt for his family, the unconditional love for his children. How could a woman not fall in love with such a man?
But the reason for her restlessness was not the realization of losing her heart to him; but the fear of not knowing what he, in turn, felt about her. He had always been vocal about how he felt that the thought of being in love with her was absurd. She remembered how hurt she had been when he had professed his love for her and then taken it back saying that he had said it only to distract her from her pain. She knew he cared about her. But she doubted that he did the things he did for her only out of gratitude for all that she had done for his family. Sure, he had arranged for a picnic just for the two of them, but she knew it was only because he was grateful to her for supporting him through Adi's trial. He had helped her get her medical license back but only because she, herself, had stood by him during his tough times. If only he knew that she had done all of that only because she was so in love with him. She wanted to explain herself to him, confess to him that she loved him with all her heart, but she was scared out of her wits. She didn't want to ruin what they already had. They had reached a level of comfort and camaraderie with great difficulty. She didn't want to throw it all out the window. She needed to know if he felt at least an iota of the love that she felt for him. She had to know for sure that she wouldn't be rebuked by him when she bared her heart to him. She sneaked a glance at him again, smiled ruefully and went over to Vanditha to check if she needed any help.
Across the hall, Raman was oblivious to the turmoil raging through his wife's heart. However, unknown to her, he was tracing every movement of hers. He couldn't help it. He couldn't even go a few seconds without looking at her. He could see that she was tensed about something. "Saari duniya ki pareshaani apne sar jo le leti hai, jhaansi ki raani" he thought to himself and chuckled. He revelled in the warmth that spread through his heart whenever he saw her. She had that effect on him. "Is it love?" He had asked himself over and over again without coming up with any answer. He had been hopelessly in love before. This felt different somehow. "Is it attraction?" Well, attraction was such a...physical term. He knew their bond was more special, much deeper than that. That didn't mean he wasn't attracted to her. Sometimes, when she stood next to him, her scent was all he could think about. Strangely, that was all he could think about at that very moment too. If only he could go over to her on some pretext, he would take a whiff of her intoxicating scent. He supposed that would keep him sane for some time. "What is wrong with you?" He chided himself. "Earth to Raman", he heard Bala's voice, as if from a distance. "Huh?" He voiced foolishly as he turned his attention back to Bala and Mihir. He realized that he had been openly staring at Ishita for god knows how long and Bala and Mihir were sniggering away to glory. "Raman, what is this yar?" Said Bala, "Ishita is like my sister. At least don't ogle her this way in front of me." "Arey no, it's not like that", Raman interjected, desperate to salvage some pride. "I was just checking if ... I thought... I thought I heard her call me." "Haan haan, hum sab samajhte hain Raman," Bala laughed and patted Raman's back while Raman grinned sheepishly.
He had tried to name what he felt about her. Friendship, trust, respect, admiration; these were the words that came to his mind. He did not want to risk all that for some feeling that he wasn't sure he was ready for. Heck, he wasn't even sure if she was ready for it. He knew she would do anything for the sake of his happiness. But that was just the way she was. Caring and giving towards everyone around her. He was no different to her. He supposed he had earned a few brownie points for being Ruhi's father, but that's it for her. If he did express his feelings to her, she would probably just brush them off with her trademark "Kuch bhi" reply. He shook his head, dismissing his thoughts and decided that for now, he would contend himself with stolen glances and unspoken words. He wouldn't destroy what he had with her. She was too precious to him; their relationship, too valuable.
He looked around, again, for her. To his dismay, he saw her standing with Bala's mom. From where he stood, he could see the angry expressions on the lady's face. "What is that old dodo upto now?" He scowled and was about to go towards them when he was pulled back by Appa. "Son", he called out to Raman, "Could you please come with me for a moment? I'd like to introduce you to some of our relatives from Chennai who couldn't make it to your wedding." Raman had no choice but to go with him. He greeted the guests politely and exchanged pleasantries, after which he excused himself and turned to look for her. He saw Ishita standing behind the kitchen counter, arranging a tray of juice to be served, but looking wistfully at Vanditha at the same time. This time when he took a few steps towards her, he was accosted by Ruhi, who wanted her Papa to throw Shravan into a ditch for some reason. He closed his eyes and prayed for patience. It took him some time and a bribe of a chocolate to pacify her, after which she gave him a peck on his cheek and ran away happily. He then looked up see that now Ishita was surrounded by her mother and Mihika. "What will it take for people to leave us alone for some time?!" He thought angrily. He noticed that though Amma and Mihika were talking and laughing, Ishita hadn't joined in. She was nodding to show that she was paying attention but the sadness in her eyes was evident. He decided to talk to her in the only way he saw possible.
Ishita heard a beep on her cell phone. She always kept her phone with her in case there was an emergency at the clinic. But she was surprised to see Raman's name flash on the screen. She looked up to see him on the other side of the hall, holding his cell phone.
"Hey, I need your help", read his text.
"What is it? Do you need me to come over?" She replied.
"No, but I've lost something. Help me find it." Raman enjoyed seeing her brows knit in concern.
"What did you lose? Is it somewhere on this side of the room?" She texted back, unable to understand what he could have misplaced. He wasn't even carrying anything when he came here.
"Umm yes."
"Raman.. what is it?".
Her cell beeped once more "It's your smile. I swear I saw it sometime back but I don't see it now." Her lips curved in response and she looked up at him only to see him looking back at her, watching her intently. Her heart skipped a beat. She saw him type some more and sure enough, her cell beeped a few moments later.
"Ah, there it is. Thanks for finding it. Now keep it safe for me". If she could melt, she would have probably turned into a puddle by now. She smiled and shook her head at him, and picked up her tray of glasses to be served to the guests, feeling considerably lighter.
Amidst all the hustle and bustle, Vanditha was the only one who wasn't busy. She was the guest of honour, to be showered with gifts and blessings throughout the duration of the function. However, she was terribly bored. Her sisters and mother were tending to the guests and the men were huddled together, discussing uninteresting worldly issues. Since she had nothing better to do, she had taken to entertaining herself by observing everyone around her. That is when she noticed Raman and Ishita. If it wasn't her sister, she would have had a hearty laugh at the entire play of events. But she could only sigh as she saw the smile on both their faces as they looked at each other across the hall.
"Ishu," Vanditha called out to her when she spotted her rushing with the tray of juice glasses. Ishita came towards her and asked her if she needed anything. "Sit here with me na, Ishu, for some time," she pleaded. Ishita obliged but looked hastily around to check if Bala's mom was nearby. "Oh Ishu," said Vanditha, "Quit worrying. What did Amma tell you that you're so afraid?" Ishita was surprised that Vanditha had noticed. She said it was nothing but on Vanditha's insistence, she cautiously replied, "Akka, it's okay. Aunty was just worried that if I'm near the pooja items, it would not bode well for the baby." Vanditha looked at her little sister sadly. "Ishu, I'm really sorry. You don't deserve to hear all this." "Its okay, akka," Ishita replied with a smile. "Aunty has her own beliefs. And anyway, I'm fine now". "Ya ya Ishu, I know you're fine," said Vanditha, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "All thanks to Raman na? I saw your little exchange back there. I must say you both give Mihir and Mihika also a lot of competition when it comes to romancing each other." Ishita couldn't help but blush at that. "Akka, come on. You of all people know how it is between Raman and me." "You mean, the whole Ruhi ke liye' charade?" said Vanditha, with a chuckle. "Ishu, only a blind person will be unable to see how much you and Raman love each other. You are an intelligent woman. Can't you see that the man is crazy about you?" Ishita shook her head at that. "Raman doesn't love me akka. He has told me that himself," replied Ishita. Vanditha could not believe that her smart and confident sister was so insecure when it came to her own husband. "Ishu," she said soothingly, "I think Raman had also told you that you're fat and could scare a chudail easily? If he finds you that ugly, then why does he keep stealing glances at you all the time? And when you're not around, he keeps staring at your photograph on his phone. Mihir told us that once, Raman spent an entire meeting bent over his phone. When Mihir had shifted in his seat to take a look, he saw that Raman was looking at your pic. Bhai to gaye kaam se, Vandu akka', he had said. We all had a good laugh that day."
Just then, some of the older ladies came towards Vanditha. Ishita, who couldn't have been more embarrassed by what Vanditha had shared with her, moved away from her in a hurry. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she walked around the room serving juice and stopping to talk to some of the guests. Instinctively, she turned around and spotted Raman looking in her direction. He averted his gaze to avoid getting caught by her but she had already noticed him. She smiled and turned away, unable to believe it. Yes, she had been blind. When had Raman ever told her the truth about his feelings? Hadn't he always hidden what he felt under the garb of his clever taunts? It had always been her responsibility to decipher what he meant from what he said. How could she forget that he must be as unsure about his feelings as she was? After all, even he had suffered heartbreak. She had seen how difficult it had been for him to come out of his shell into the normalcy of his life. He had needed her help then, and he needed her help now, she realized.
Just then, one of her chitthis stopped to talk to her. Ishita could see Raman over her chitthi's shoulder. She smiled fondly at him. He sensed her gaze and looked at her then, his eyes conveying all what he felt for her. "Well, Mr. Raman Kumar Bhalla", she thought to herself, "Whether you like it or not, you have fallen in love with me. Since you havn't had the good fortune of realizing it as yet, I'm going to help you come to terms with it. I Love you, my Raavan Kumar, and you'll have to accept it. You have nowhere else to go. So brace yourself!"
PART II (CONCLUDED)
Cricket
Rules & Announcements
7