"What the hell were you thinking?" They stood as if on opposite banks of a river.. The water turbulent, rising, falling, never ever meeting.
"I didn't do it for Lavanya".. He snarled. Shook her roughly, ASR gussa threatening to overshadow everything he has kept tightly under wraps since the revelation jo chap gay hai mann mein. "Don't lie" .. She braved his anger.. Added in her anger.. . Hissed and fought back with complete ownership this time. Demanded an answer..
"Kyunki main tumhare aur Shyam ke bare mein janta hun".. His calloused fingers clutched desperately onto her delicate slender arm. One he had marked before.. Left his harsh imprint on. This time his words leave behind a mark of their own. Beyond what the eye can see. something deep within..
Oh he did but he didn't realize in that moment.Yes after taking out all the frustration then in that waranda he can't even take it her dreams he shattered, her innocence he shattered, and now he is shattering her soul and that kills him thousands time...but she is the one who is after his sister's marriage...how could she?????
The camera zooms in.. Very next frame a wide shot.. And two people stand motionless on a roof.. Affair.. The word spilling out of his mouth sounds derogatory to an extreme.. "Itna kaise gir sakti ho?" He has been thinking.. and thinking.. Going crazy really.. How could she stoop low? Depraved action in his eyes. Didn't she stop to consider that there was an innocent wife involved whose life would be destroyed in all this? His own di. Hadn't the same happened with his ma.. He had borne the brunt of a family getting destroyed..obliviated really.. The Mallik name gone forever.. All because of a faceless nameless haunting presence of some scarlet woman.. And his ma's husband committing an unforgivable wrong.. The family that has been welcoming, taken you in as its own how could she betray them? He has been obsessing ..
This is in almost every men as I wrote to imdi if it is not a fictional character I will be not citing him but as we all know the intensity of his obsession of her... but in reality too it is way too hard to except that your lover is in love with someone else and boys and men can go any extent in their revenge ...
And she.. She hasn't spoken a word yet.. No sound from those quivering lips.. But eyes can be as eloquent .. Before the escaping salty water can melt his resolve he has to stop it.. He has to say it out loud.. Mocking.. Goading.. "Ya right?" .. Convince himself perhaps that the innocence is a farce. Her genuine face. However innocent she looked, from inside she was.. Does not even complete the sentence.. You know he would have chosen to say something terrible. You are thankful that he reigned in the thought. Would have caused too much devastation if voiced out..
She was frozen by the words of that man for whom she is ready to give up her life and now that man is tainting her
"main nai chahta tha ki di ki aane wali nanhi khushi iss khushi ki wajah se bardbad ho".. Beautiful dialogue.. And so he shares with her one more catalyst that compelled him to do what he finally did.. However hard, unimaginably painful he would have still told di the dirty truth but then had come the news of a little bundle of joy.. And he had done all in his power . And a lot outside his power, come to think of it, to ensure di survives . No limits to what he can bear for his di. He could even marry a girl like Khushi for her sake. He could. So he did..
This dialogue for me has a very deep meaning and you have read it in mine...this indicates so many angles and one of them is the indication of child's existence ..
And now all he does is wait for 6 months to be over, to be free of this self imposed penitentiary. So that he can safely throw her out. How many times has he yelled, commanded in varying degrees of emotion. "Get out" .."I said get out".. "Now".."Meri zindagi se nikal jao" .. "Chali jao yaha se".. But has it ever been this painful? "Kyunki main tumse nafrat karta hun Khushi.." He hates her and now she knows why.
He said it but did he ever believe it, hop...that was the reason miles away he said I love you Khushi because that is what he feels and he is surrendered to.iss pear main sahib aur gala ka koi matlab nahin...
They lashed out at each other and hatred and a door came in their way after the marriage. But the words he says today remain echoing.. Rising.. Escalating.. "because you don't have a character".. And underlining that he flings down those stars. Her parents soul in them. Rejecting the purest of belief that she left with him. One act that pushes out all breath from me. I can no longer process what it must have done to her.. And to him.. Always both together.. Never apart.. Damaged.. Annihilated.. Survival impossible in this moment..
One more time he is saying to her, u mean nothing to me...just like before...
She had called him characterless once and mad with anger he had whirled are around and hauled her close.. She stands stunned. Allowing the biting pain to pierce her further. He hates her. Ungrateful home wrecker that she is, he can't stand being tied to her. Characterless... A sense of violation here.. Unfairness.. A woman with high bar for morals. The love of her life taints her image with such sinful words.. Swirling..whirling..sinking in the feeling..
This is a moment she has to process her mistakes regardless it was out of her love and concern for Anjali and Arnav...She did hide his truth and never realized its intensity.
Sometimes life reaches a point when nothing is in your control.. All you can so is step out of yourself and witness life.. A life defining moment really.. Will you break or will you gather reserves of energy you never knew you possessed to fight and claim back what is yours.. Perhaps the creators understood the momentous occasion they had reached and so decided it needed commemoration.. A new tune.. for old words.. Rabba ve.. As encased in heart break.. Love reflecting in heart ache.. No one said love was easy, but they conveniently forgot to tell us how exceptionally unbearably hard it can get.. "kyu dard hai itna tere ishq mien"..
Cute and yes this Raba Ve is in pain because they have to go through it to come out clean
His walk.. his grace.. his pursed lips.. taut face.. dark eyes.. Angry glare.. him.. Her lowered face.. Glistening tears.. Swallowing hard.. Shattered.. Agony.. Her .. I don't want to talk about the acting today.. They aren't Sanaya and Barun today.. Not the characters.. not a pair of actors, but two real life people fighting.. hurting.. Crying.. Angry..
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Has she ever been this powerless? Has he ever felt this beyond her reach? She stand all alone. Stunned. No one to hold her hand . No shoulder to rest on . No one to voice concern and ask "tum thik ho?" . All she has is a lifeless concrete terrace wall which offers silent support as she slides down it.. Drained of all life.. She cries..
We need a break to remind ourselves to start breathing again. Maybe he does too.. So he stands erect, feet apart.. A railing offering support here as well.. A warrior stance.. π And torment etched on his face.. Facial muscles clenching involuntarily as he tries to endure the onslaught of memories. He does remember her candid beautiful confession of holi.. Her heart beats faster whenever he is near.. But then in crawls the voice of a snake to poison his sweetest memories.. Shyam loves only Khushi.. He has finally opened up to the locked away hell.. Let his anger free, but he knows instinctively something is gravely wrong.. A dupatta , vivacious and lovely, privy to their journey, flies out in an attempt to caress the tortured man.. Damn! And the palm hit the railing.. You know its pain .. His.. And hers..
Duppatta and all the other elements always remind him her presence and today again...
She is back.. Normal? I think oh no Khushi! Don't brush this off.. Face it.. He stands perplexed .. Now she talks and he stands quiet.. Watchful.. But her voice is breaking.. There is the lingering tremor you can't fail to notice.. "Kis mitti ki bani hai ye?" the voice manages to transport you right inside the confusion is his mind.. She had smiled and been talkative on the drive back home on diwali and today she does the same.. Buaji , amma finally ready with pasta for Arnav bitwa, but I find myself unable to concentrate on that today. Amma with her uncanny knack of sensing bitwa's moods asks if they had a fight. He can't stay and comfort even amma today. Stands clutching onto a lone star. The rest lying mortally wounded on a vacant terrace floor somewhere far. Is this one his ma who chose to remain behind knowing her son is going to need her today? She is behaving normal. And he knows not how or why. A little overacting from her of being normal underlining the extraordinary. A little direct questioning, provoking, from him..
Amma and buaji stand with the hands joint. Asking babua forgiveness for all the discomfort.His voice a little curt, thick with emotion. With the love he got from them the size of the place does not matter .. A simple kiss on his forehead and a gentle hand on his face.. All the elders showering him with love and blessings.. Everyone unintentionally helping him to survive.. Perhaps this touching display of love too much for her to bear for her right now so she cuts in.. Cracks a little joke.. Today of all the days she needs a little love too.. Needs one hug.. Amma is perceptive.. You are talking a bit too much.. But her daughter intervenes even before she can complete the thought.. That is exactly what he likes about me.. On some subconscious level she knew all along his likes, dislikes.. She knew him.. And something inside her instinctively knew that he knew her .. Liked her.. A lot.. Then how did it all go this fatefully wrong?
He bangs the car boot.. Noise.. Physical action.. All that emotion coursing through him requires an outlet.. They sit in the car and a daughter waves goodbye.. Her true bidai it feels like.. Murderous look in his eyes.. Mouth still tensed.. Body held rigid.. Only energy leaving through the arm that steers his car.. Di had called.. And she prattles about everyone and how she missed them.. Diwali drive all over again.. "Aur Shyam?" he had to bring it up. But she is not taking the bait, yet. The picture in her hand.. A blissful moment captured in it.. They had danced and rabba ve had celebrated with them..
ASR music is back and the car has screeched to a halt.. And devi maiyaa has decided it is time.. He bangs the door and she cringes. Violence. It reached her.. Attacked her. He hurls the frame to the ground. Just like those stars.. The glass breaks.. Everything inside me breaks as I watch..
He wants answers not a plastic ,robotic, stiff person masking all and pretend that nothing happened.He wants to finish this war in between his dil and dimmag..
Drags her out.. It has been very long since he has been this aggressive.. Nasty comments storm out of him.. A whirlwind of emotions.. Don't pretend that nothing is wrong.. "koi faraq nai parta tumhe" .. It doesn't affect you.. I think his instinct tells him that something.. everything is terribly wrong.. "Shayad kuch hoga bhi nai kehne ko".. Maybe you have nothing to say.. "tum galat ho".. You know you are wrong.. This is not what he had expected.. Had that hopeful lover in him dared to dream that she would have a logical explanation and all would be right in their world? "Sad that your family and mine love you so much. But you do not deserve that love".. His words don't say it but you know he is also saying.. "Sad that I love you so much. But you don't deserve it". He has brought it her dead parents. Crossed an unforgivable line.. And her eyes lift up.. Gone is the helpless bruised girl.. Stands in front of him the woman who threatens .. Breathes fire.. Don't dare speak one words about my babuji and amma.. Territorial.. Possessive.. Laboured breathing to withstand the onslaught of anger rising within her.. The unfairness of it all..
Yes Khushi came back in action after a long time...the moment pushing him aapko kya lagta hai human dard nahin hora...
He almost sighs in relief I feel. Now they are talking. Now she is responding. He has her in the exact state he wants her. He will get his answers.. "Kaise nazarein milati ho unse?" .. "bas".. Ferocious.. Finger risen and staying that way.. Till she wretches herself out of her fury.. Swallows hard.. He doesn't move a muscle.. Waits.. She wants to go home.. But he bangs the door shut.. We do not leave this place till I get my answers.. He has waited for months.. Not anymore.. No longer..
Yes he wants answers
Drags her by her arm, ruthlessly, harshly.. Her body involuntary shudders at his nasty behaviour.. "Tum itna normally kaise behave kar sakti ho".. Voice rising in decibels .. Some physics formula could calculate how and what heights it reaches at "jaise kuch hua hi nai".. But physics isn't the answer.. Maybe chemistry? Between two people.. All the exhothermicreactions.. Explosions.. Between two people.. A pause.. And a tidal shift.. This is what is really underneath it all.. Not really in his coherent thoughts but you get a glimpse of the hope which I spoke of earlier.. "Khushi.. Mujhe explain karna zaruri nai samjha" ? Eyes boring into hers.. He knows there is an answer waiting to be heard. No anger now. Just hurt. Pain. He has laid himself bare in front of her.. Vulnerable..
I always felt even she have told him before , he is right he would never believe her , the situation then and now is different.At that time he didn't see the true face of Shyam but now it is way different...There was no point to tell anyone until or unless Buaji and Amma did that but then we didn't have story...or IPK
She bravely withstood his anger, but now it's his pain and he gets his response.. So you want to know why I am quiet? Why I haven't offered an explanation about my behaviour. How dare you?.. "Agar aap humare bare mein itni ghatiya soch rakhte hai toh humein nai lagta aap humare safayi ke layak hai".. If you an think so low of me then you don't deserve an explanation from me..
I feel alive.. Every nerve alert.. Every muscle taut.. Expecting, anticipating, dreading, each second that plays out on the screen in front of me.. Befitting really that it is a bridge where two two shores have been destined to clash again..
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