Part 41: Of
Conversations, Decisions, and Questions
Arnav walked into the kitchen to find Khushi at the sink,
washing her hands. He frowned in
confusion. Wasn't she supposed to be
dropping off the twins?
"How come you're home so early?" He questioned as he walked towards her.
She looked over her shoulder at him and her cheeks
immediately turned pink, making him smirk inwardly. She'd been blushing profusely around him all
morning and he knew why. Her boldness of
last night was finally catching up with her.
"Aman and Anjali volunteered to drop them off. They're going to spend the morning
together...Anjali wants to talk to him."
Khushi explained as she wiped her hands with a tea towel.
She picked up a plate of egg salad wraps in one hand and
a big bowl of fruits in the other just as Arnav approached her. She nudged her chin towards the pot of
coffee. "Can you please get that?"
Arnav raised an eyebrow in amusement as she brushed past
him. So we were being shy this morning,
were we? Smiling to himself as he
recalled their quick kiss from last night, he picked up the coffee and followed
her to the dining table. Instead of
sitting across from her, he pulled out the chair right next to her and sat down
casually.
"It's sure quiet without Anjali and Aman..." Khushi voiced the obvious, trying to start a
conversation.
"And Ishan too...he's pretty loud for an infant." Arnav chuckled.
"Aditya was even worse.
Always giggling and screaming and yelping." Khushi chuckled and shook her head.
"That hasn't' changed much." Arnav chuckled with her. "He's still louder than Amby."
"He got that from me...obviously." She threw him a teasing glance. "Amber got the shyness from you."
"Me? And shy?" Arnav raised his eyebrows. "Says the woman who's been shying around me
all morning."
Khushi gasped but recovered quickly. If he was going on a teasing spree, she was
no less. She placed her elbows on the
table and turned to look at him, capturing his glittering eyes with her teasing
ones. "Says the man who shied away last
night."
Arnav's smile faltered a bit and he turned away from her
and stared at the half eaten wrap on his plate.
"Got scared is more like it." He confessed.
He picked up his wrap and resumed eating, trying to play oblivious to
her gaze on his face.
He ate in silence until his wrap was done and then picked
up his coffee mug.
"I wish you hadn't."
Her voice was barely above a whisper but it made him pause with the cup
touched to his lips. Without placing the
cup down, he turned his head to look at her.
"What?"
Khushi took a deep breath and gathered every bit of
confidence. She was hoping to stall this
discussion but since they were already on the topic...
"I wish you hadn't gotten scared and walked away." Khushi turned to look at him kindly. "For future references...When a situation
like that comes up and I'm not protesting it...don't walk away. It feels something like rejection and it's
not a good feeling. I understand why you
did what you did and I respect that but at the same time..." she paused to take
another deep breath. "I don't want to
set the boundaries anymore."
Arnav realized that he was still holding the coffee mug
and finally placed it back on the table.
His hands formed into fists as her words registered in his mind.
It feels something
like rejection. I don't want to set the boundaries anymore. Rejection.
Not a good feeling. Don't walk
away.
"I've thought about it last night, Arnav...and I don't
want to be the one who sets the boundaries anymore...I'm handing over that job
to you. If me having that...privilege is
going to scare you every time you try to make an advance...then I don't want
it. I don't want to be the one who takes
a step forward every time...not at this point."
Khushi reached out and took his hand in hers, making him look at her. "It's time to make this an equal
privilege. I want you to place faith in
yourself...the same faith that I've put into you. We've come a long way since our accidental
meeting at the Dargah... we've passed
the point where it's only my call..."
"But it is your call.
You will decide everything. I've
made that clear from the very start." Arnav spoke quietly.
"And I'm deciding this."
She smiled. "Lately, you have no
trouble catching up once you know where I stand...but I want us to be able to
take steps together...not have one follow the other...it's a part of the
compatibility...You don't necessarily have to wait for me to move forward...if
you get ahead of me a little bit and if I'm ready to be where you are...I'll
take the necessary steps...and if not...I will let you know. Trust
me on that. You approached me with
that conversation about the twins and it made me happy that you didn't wait
around for me to bring it up. Just like
last night...I was happy because I thought...but you walked away. If I was uncomfortable last night...I would
have let you know." Khushi squeezed his
hand to make sure she had his attention.
"If you want us to be together and happy...then I need you to be next to
me and take steps forward with
me...not after me."
Arnav was quiet for a long time as he sat there thinking
over her words. He had no idea that him
being too cautious about upsetting her would lead to her feeling rejected. He had never intended it like that. He had crossed his limits with her once and
the ghosts of those memories still didn't let him breathe in peace. Her presence along with the kids had erased
some of the ache but it was always there in the periphery, waiting to find him
alone and isolated to strike again. He
knew they were close...very close to finishing building the bridge that would
allow them to get over the past and move on.
Khushi would have never kissed him otherwise. That was her way of showing him that she was
one step closer to him as his wife. Her
request of them moving forward together was only solidifying his theory.
She wanted this to work out as much as he did but
something was holding her back. She was
fighting her own demons silently as she tried to convince herself to return to
him. Now she needed him by her side to
help her fight those demons off. She
needed him to pull her closer so that she could get away from whatever was
stopping her. She needed him to treat
her like he would have if the incident hadn't happened. She needed him to show her that the future
won't be tainted by the darkness of the past.
She wanted to be assured that he could tell what she wanted without her
having to put her requests into words every time.
She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and broke him out
of his thoughts. "Now would be the time
to say something, Arnav. You've been sitting idle for half an hour."
"I'm sorry I made you feel the way I did last
night...that wasn't my intention." Arnav
squeezed her hand and relaxed a little when she smiled at him. "And if you have decided something for us
then...your wish is my command."
He leaned in, still tentatively, as he let his gaze
linger down to her lips. She didn't move
any closer but didn't move away either. She
decided that this time, she wanted Arnav to take initiative completely. So she sat there, trying to keep her breathing
in control while her heart hammered in her chest as he inched in. He paused, with no more than a centimetre in
between their lips. This was her chance
to back out if she wanted to. She didn't.
He closed the remaining distance and let his lips press
against hers, fulfilling what he wanted to do last night, fulfilling what she
wished he'd done last night. Just like
she had done last night, Arnav broke the contact and rested his forehead
against hers for a couple of seconds.
She felt his lips touch hers again and she felt herself
sway a little under the impact. The
butterflies in her stomach stirred a little.
He tugged on her bottom lip gently with his, making the butterflies in
her stomach go berserk. Khushi couldn't
place a finger on what she felt. She
felt dizzy, anxious, happy, and some odd urge she couldn't explain all at the
same time.
Recalling the first time she'd felt that way, she
admitted one fact to herself secretly.
She was falling in love with him all over again.
*
He took a deep breath, held it for a second, and let it
go slowly. He couldn't believe the kind
of rage he felt at the moment. He had
always been a calm man. He didn't get
mad often but right now he felt murderous.
All he wanted to do was go and find a certain Shyam and rip him apart to
pieces. How could someone be so
heartless and cruel to the woman he claimed to love?
He took a number of deep breaths to calm himself
down. He didn't want her to see the anger on
his face, lest she misinterpret it. When
he felt as calm as the situation could warrant, he turned away from the ocean
to face her again.
"Did you really think that this would change
anything?" He questioned.
She looked down at a sleeping Ishan in her lap. "I don't know."
"Now you know. It
hasn't changed a thing. If anything...it
has made me respect you and admire you even more." He waited a few seconds for a response but he
didn't get any. "I apologize if I've
come off too strong...I know we haven't known each other long but when it's
right...you know it's right."
"Look at me, Aman!
I'm a broken and tainted woman. I
come with a child in my arms. Do you
think your parents would approve?" She
snapped.
"From where I see, Anjali...I see a strong, brave, and
independent woman...not a broken or tainted one. You know
how attached I am to Ishan so that's not even a question in this issue...as far
as my parents are concerned...my father passed away when I was nineteen and my
mother passed away three years ago. And
as much as I know my mother...she would have been proud to have a
daughter-in-law like you." Aman spoke
matter-of-factly.
"I don't know if I'll ever fall in love again Aman...I
don't know if I can trust another man with my heart...and that's not fair to
you. You deserve someone better."
"I really doubt that, Anjali. Why are you thinking so far ahead into the
future, anyway? You can't know how things
will be five or even ten years from now.
I've seen miserable marriages turn into happy ones and happy marriages
turn into miserable ones. And to be
honest with you...I haven't thought that far because I'm not like that. I take life as it is offered to me and in the
past few long years...I haven't come across anyone that I'm attracted to the
way I am to you. I'm not asking you to
marry me...Hell, I'm not even asking you to be my girlfriend...All I'm asking
for is a chance for us to get to know each other better."
Anjali shrugged. "I just told you everything about me...there
isn't much else to know. And I know you haven't
asked for long term plans but that's just it, Aman...I don't want to lead you
on."
"You're not. In
fact...it seems to me like you're trying to change my mind about you." Aman spoke in a no-nonsense tone.
"Because I don't understand you! I don't understand why you like me in the
first place. I don't understand how you
can just overlook what my past is...I don't understand why you're being so
stubborn...I'm trying to make you see reason here..." Anjali said, frustrated at the fact that he
was still adamant on how he felt about her.
Despite everything Khushi and Arnav had told her about Aman, Anjali had
expected rejection once she came clean about her past. She had expected him to walk away but here he
was, rooted strongly where he was before.
"No, Anjali...you're trying to convince me to stop my
feelings for you...or you're trying to convince yourself that you should say no
to my offer." Aman smiled gently.
Anjali looked away.
He had caught her. That's exactly
what she'd been trying to do. More than
trying to get him to feel otherwise, she was trying to convince herself that
she should say no to him. To be fair to
him. Because he deserved someone who was
likely to fall in love with him.
"I understand you need time, Anjali...and I'll wait. I get attached to people fast and it's
already gotten to a point of no return with you and Ishan...I won't force you
into this..." Aman shrugged. "I
mean...if you feel even in the slightest that you want to give us a chance then
I'm all for it...if you decide that you don't want to...I've still found a good
friend in you."
"So stubborn."
Anjali muttered crossly, giving up.
Aman grinned. "I'm
a Taurus. It's a birth right."
*
"Oh come on!!"
Angad looked at her pleadingly.
"Just tell me what you and Anjali got her...what if I get her the same
thing? I would look like an idiot!"
"Stop making excuses...and you will never think of what
we got her..." Anjali paused chopping and tossed a small potato cube at his
head, making Arnav and Aman laugh.
Khushi walked up to Arnav with a mug of his favourite
black coffee. She set it down in front
of him with a smile and stood next to him.
She casually draped an arm around his shoulders and put her other hand
on her hip, as if this was the most natural stance for her that she'd been
standing in for years. Arnav gladly leaned
into her, ignoring the goofy smirks of Aman and Angad.
"I'll give you a hint...we got her books." Khushi grinned when she saw Angad raise an
eyebrow.
"That's so...so...what's a fancier word for
boring?" Angad had just finished
speaking when Anjali flung another potato cube at his head.
"Seriously, man...next she'll throw the knife at
you." Aman chuckled but then shut up
when Anjali threw a potato cube at his head too.
"You two are mean."
Angad pouted cutely, trying to use his charm to faze the two ladies.
"You're surprised?"
Khushi titled her head and raised an eyebrow. "You should know that well by now."
"Anjali, stop hitting us with potato cubes, and you two,"
Arnav looked at Khushi and then at Angad.
"Can we skip your fight and get back to deciding what he can buy for his
wife on her birthday? She'll be back any
minute." Arnav interrupted at last.
For the past half an hour, Khushi's kitchen had been loud
with chatter and clatter. Kripa and
Angad had showed up soon after Anjali and Aman had gotten home. The adults had a relaxing afternoon talking
about the orphanage and recent occurrings of the world. Late afternoon, Kripa had volunteered to pick
up the kids from school and while she was gone, Angad had badgered Khushi and
Anjali to tell him what they had bought for Kripa's birthday. After a long discussion and about four potato
cubes aimed at Angad's head and one at Aman's, they had still gotten nowhere.
Ishan let out a loud wail, making Aman jump in his
seat. "Uhh...Anjali...I think he needs a
diaper change..." Aman made a face.
Giggling, Anjali took Ishan form Aman and walked out of
the kitchen for the necessary task. She
had just left when Aman's phone rang and someone knocked at the main door of
the house.
Arnav shot Angad an I-told-you-so look and left to get
the door with Aman, who had left to answer the phone call.
As soon as Arnav opened the door, instead of getting his
usual hugs from the twins, he was left standing there while they ran past him
and into the kitchen along with Sur and Prateek. He looked at Kripa and got confused by the
expression on her face. She looked
worried, as if anticipating bad news.
Kripa opened her mouth to speak but at the same time, Sur
and Prateek came back and dragged her away.
Arnav confusedly followed them after kicking the door closed. Just as he got there, a synchronized "Happy
Father's Day!" echoed in the small space.
Kripa and Khushi's heads snapped around to look at Arnav while Sur and Prateek
were gathered in a bear hug by Angad.
Aditya and Amber had gone up to Khushi and she was now kneeling on the
floor, hugging her kids, her eyes never leaving Arnav's face. He looked unpleasantly surprised.
Sur and Prateek handed Angad the gift cards they had made
at school while Aditya and Amber handed them to Khushi. Khushi tore her gaze away from Arnav's pained
expression to glance at the crafty paper in her hands.
It took him a couple of minutes but Angad finally caught
onto the awkward situation. Deciding
that it was best they left Arnav and Khushi alone, he came up with a quick
idea. "Its tag time! I'm it!
Run for your lives!" He said
cheerfully and started chasing the children out of the kitchen with a fake evil
laugh. Kripa looked from Arnav to Khushi
and then back at Arnav, worriedly, before leaving the kitchen.
Feeling shaken, Arnav robotically sat down in his chair
at the dining table. In no later than
ten seconds, Khushi left as well, after placing the cards on the table, leaving
Arnav alone with his thoughts. Or so he'd
thought.
She came back a couple minutes later and added two more
folded papers to the two that were already in front of Arnav. As she stood behind him, she snaked her arms
around him from behind and hugged him close while he picked up the cards slowly
and looked at them.
It was a scrawny drawing of a woman with two small people
drawn by her side. In the same scribbled
writing, there was a multicoloured Hapy Fathher's Day!' across the top of the
paper. A small smile crept onto his face
despite the pooling tears in his eyes.
"This was last year's.
They'd barely learnt to write..."
Khushi whispered and placed an encouraging kiss atop his head.
Arnav picked up the recent ones and found a drawing of a
teddy bear on one. It had a Happy
Father's Day' written in blue writing next to it. The second card was of a flower bouquet; no
doubt Amber's drawing, with a Happy Father's day' written in pink.
"That's today's."
Khushi whispered again. She gave
him no other explanation. She just let
him sit there and take in the presence of the tokens of love which were, as the
twins' father, rightfully his. Moreover,
she didn't know what to say to him at a moment like this. She could only imagine how horribly
heartbroken she would feel if her children were unaware that she was her
mother. She couldn't tell him she
understood what he felt because, truthfully, she didn't. She would never know but she could imagine.
"C-can I keep these?"
Arnav tilted his head back and looked up at Khushi.
She smiled down at him.
"Of course, you can. That's why I handed them to you." She placed a tender kiss on his
forehead. "I'm sorry..."
Arnav looked back at the cards and shook his head. "It's not your fault."
"Oops! I'm sorry"
Anjali said hastily from the entrance of the kitchen. She had walked back in to find Arnav sitting
on the chair while Khushi stood, hugging him from behind. Feeling like she had intruded on a private
moment, she had just blurted the apology and was about to leave when Arnav's
voice stopped her.
"It's okay...we're just talking." His voice had a
teasing tone to it, making Khushi chuckle.
She wanted to sigh in relief that he had recovered quickly, but she
refrained from doing so.
Anjali smiled at him and walked out of the kitchen,
ignoring his statement. Just as she'd
walked out, Kripa called out Khushi's name from the living room. Khushi pulled her arms loose and squeezed his
shoulders tenderly before turning towards the door. She felt his hand close in on her wrist and
she turned to look at him. He lifted her
hand to his face and placed two kisses on the back of her palm.
"Thank you." He
smiled at her as he slowly let go of her hand.
Was he thanking her for letting him have the cards or for
being there with him, she wasn't sure. Smiling
at him, she left the kitchen and walked to a worried looking Kripa in the
living room.
"What's up?"
Khushi raised an eyebrow.
"Khushi...um...We're going to take your
leave...Angad...he does the father's day dinners..." Kripa looked apologetic.
Khushi shrugged.
"Yeah, I know...why do you look worried?"
"Arnav..." Kripa
trailed off, not sure what to say.
Khushi smiled sadly.
"I know...I gave him the cards Amby and Adi made this year and last
year...He'll need a bit of time but he'll be fine...you guys go ahead..."
"Are you sure? I
mean..." Kripa started again.
"Yes! There's no
reason why you guys should cancel your plans...it may not be a dinner out in
the restaurant but Arnav will dine with his kids tonight, anyway...it's all
good." Khushi patted Kripa's shoulder.
Kripa eyed her curiously.
"Something has changed between you two...you two are
more...more...domestic...I guess."
Khushi smiled and nodded a bit shyly. The expression changed quickly and became
serious. "I'm so confused, Kripa!" Khushi glanced at the kitchen's entrance and
lowered her voice. "Everything is going
great...we've come a long way...but...I still don't see the future
clearly...I'm happy with my life right now...I'm comfortable with him...in
fact, I like being around him...I look forward to the private conversation I
have with him...I'm happy with him here then why can't I see myself going back
home with him? Something is holding me
back but I can't put a finger on it!
It's frustrating sometimes..."
Khushi bit her lower lip and played with her hands as she
waited for Kripa to say something. She
knew Kripa would be able to offer some wise words to make her feel better. And if not...it still felt good to have
ranted about the frustration.
"It's natural Khushi.
Your conscious is holding you back...after what you've been
through...I'm not surprised that you feel confused...but confused is better
than a downright refusal, right? It
means you're considering going back with him now...you're considering making
those promises again." Kripa paused for
a few seconds. "Don't dwell on it to
much...just go with the flow...if it feels right, if it feels natural; don't
let anything get in the way. You're a
strong woman and you have a lot of control over your mind...don't let your mind
take over your heart in these decisions...You always say that sometimes you
have to listen to your heart over your mind...now you just need to apply your
own motto in this situation..."
Khushi nodded as the words registered. That's what she had been trying to do all
this time. Listen to her heart instead
of the mind's logical views. If that's
what it took for her to make a decision, then that's what she'll stick to until
she can make one.
*
"Amber?" Arnav
shook her gently when she seemed like she was lost in thoughts again.
"Yeah?" She looked
up at him with her doe-like eyes.
"I said the pot is full with water already." Arnav took the watering can out of her hands
and nudged his chin in the direction of the now overflowing pot of
jasmines. He eyed his daughter
curiously. "Are you okay?"
She nodded but gave him no answer. "I'm going to wash my hands."
And with that she stood up and walked away from him. Arnav stared after her with a frown on his
face. Amber had been acting weird all
evening. Something was bothering
her. Arnav's fatherly instincts took
over immediately. Was she feeling
ill? Was she upset about something? Did Khushi yell at her? Did she have a fight with Adi? Did someone say anything to her at
school? Was she being bullied?
Thinking that Khushi must know what was wrong, he made
his way to the kitchen where Khushi was setting the table with Anjali for
dinner.
"Khushi? Can I
talk to you for a second?" He came
straight to the point.
Khushi looked at him with a frown, confused at the
urgency in his voice. He walked around
the island counter and Khushi followed him until they were in the farthest
corner of the kitchen.
"Did something happen with Amber?" He questioned in a whisper.
Khushi raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Not that I know of...wasn't she with you in
the backyard?"
Arnav nodded. "She
seems upset...she keeps zoning out. Did
something happen at school?"
Khushi's brows knit together in concentration as she
tried to recall anything. "No...As much
as I know...she loves her teacher and the kids in her class are pleasant
too..."
"Something is definitely bothering her." Arnav glanced towards the entrance when
Aditya, Amber, and Aman walked in.
Khushi followed his gaze and looked at Amber. She did look upset. Khushi had been too caught up with Arnav's
reaction to the father's day fiasco earlier to notice the glumness on her
daughter's face.
"I'll talk to her after dinner..." Khushi said reassuringly to a worried looking
Arnav.
They walked back to the dining table and Khushi took the
seat next to Amber while Arnav took the other seat next to Khushi. As they began eating, Khushi noticed Amber's
lack of participation in the conversations.
She was staring at her food and pushing it around with a spoon, rather
than eating it.
"You're not eating...What's the matter honey?" Khushi questioned in a quiet tone.
Amber shook her head and stuffed a bit of roti into her
mouth. Khushi continued to look at Amber
for a couple minutes to make sure she was eating.
"Are you not feeling alright?" Khushi picked up a glass of water to take a
sip.
Amber set down her spoon and looked up at her
mother. "Mamma, where's dad?"
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