Originally posted by: sashashyam
Oh, I am glad you responded, I always find your posts very interesting and stimulating, even though we are not often of like mind on anything. In fact, I cannot remember ever before having inflicted so many and such long posts on anyone else in any thread!
If you re-read my post to Soumya, you would see that I did not say that Purvi would have died on the streets or would not have survived, though either of these calamities might well have happened her if she was very unlucky - there are enough horror stories in the papers every day. What I said was that she would have had a very tough time of it, and that is absolutely true.
I could not stop myself from responding to you either, although I had sworn off this thread. It hasn't let me do my work the last two days 😆. Yes, despite contrary povs, it is possible to have a debate with certain people because we are still bound together by the threads of civility and we see the reason behind their arguments and the validity of the same even if we may not necessarily concur! We see that they don't wear blinkers of extreme love or hatred towards these characters. This is what I said to Sowmya too. So yes, I completely agree that life would have been extremely difficult for Purvi. No two ways about that. Yet, she would have survived. Because, Purvi is a survivor. At least that is my reading of her, that was my only point!
As for her not having gone asking for support, it was early days yet, and if you think it would have been easy for her as the pregnancy advanced, in a strange city where she had no close acquaintances and friends, with money running short, you have a thought coming. Everything problem of daily existence would be greatly magnified at 7 or 8 months pregnant.
The value of what Onir did for her was not only in terms of her reputation, which would have been a very major issue for Purvi, but also in terms of the safety and comfort of a proper home, plus the abundant TLC he provided, for an expectant mother. It should not be underrated by asserting that it was not really necessary; it was necessary, indeed crucial. Purvi understood that, otherwise. the stubborn female that she is, she would not have married Onir, whom she did not know at all well at that stage.
No, I am not undervaluing Onir's contribution to her emotional well-being. He took exquisite care of her at a time when she needed to be cared and pampered. So yes, it went beyond face saving, economic support etc.But at the risk of sounding like a parrot, she would have survived even without. A lot of women do. And Purvi, despite her constant crying, is a woman of strength. It would take tremendous mental strength to do the stupid things she did and still survive. Of course, people may like to attribute extremely uncharitable motives for all of that. But, I prefer to stick to what I see and leave extrapolation for what remains unsaid or what is left open-ended!
Purvi is middle class right down to her bones; you would remember her sounding off to Arjun about middle class sanskaars. She does consider an abortion, as she tells Archana and Ovi, but in the end she keeps the baby because it is a prem ki nishaani, not because she is particularly brave. I can understand that, but both she and the kid would have suffered a lot in the process.
Whatever the reasons for keeping the baby, the fact is she did. It requires a certain courage, even if foolhardy, to flout social convention. That was not her intention but it is what she ended up doing. I am not being judgmental here about those who choose abortion as an option. I think that requires extreme courage too! No denying that she and the kid would have suffered, They might have had a very difficult life. But still, the kid would have lived instead of being snuffed out in the womb because its mother feared social prejudice for both of them. You might say that she did not think that far but to me, , it seems like she was prepared to take on convention head on for both their sakes. Foolishly idealistic maybe. But I have a soft corner for the same!
Yes, the flower seller or a maid has it much easier than a middle class woman in trouble, but that is part of the middle class makeup, where 'face' and respectability are very important, and of course the women bear the brunt of maintaining this respectability. It is just a fact of life, and it will change, it at all, only very slowly. Nowadays, you see so many parents supporting their daughters in cases of dowry harassment or other domestic violence cases, going to court and filing cases against the inlaws. They no longer let the poor girl suffer in silence, saying that a scandal would jeopardise the marriage prospects of their other daughters, until, one fine day, death released her from the horrors of her existence. That is a great improvement, and it gladdens my heart.
But a daughter having a child out of wedlock is not as easy for any middle class parent to accept. It shames them in the midst of their society, exposes them to endless gibes, and seriously damages the prospects of a smooth life for the daughter, with no prospect of a good marriage at all any more. Plus having to raise the child as a single mother, with all the attendant problems. Most parents would also condemn it severely as immoral and sinful. One has to look at it from their point of view as well, and I think their reaction would be exactly the same if it was the son having a child from, say, an extramarital affair.
I think times are changing, at least going by what reality TV shows us. In the last two weeks, I have seen two families come on to Aap ki Adaalat type courts to seek justice for their daughters. Both girls are pregnant and their lovers don't want to take on the responsibility. Although I find such shows distasteful personally, I applaud such parents as opposed to those who resort to honour killings, be it of their daughters or the foetuses in their wombs! Yes, these are still a negligible minority. The majority prefer the honour killing option. But that does not take away from the guts of these people who are still willing to face public humiliation in an effort to get justice for their daughters. Instead of treating those who break social convention as outcastes or stoning them to death, don't you think we need to become a more compassionate and inclusive society? To me, this is not about want happens but rather, what needs to happen. My problem with this forum is people are able to find compassion in their hearts for one character but not the other, when both of them are perpetrators and victims too! I probably come across as a bit of an idealist unwilling to accept reality. But, this is a fatal flaw in my character right from my childhood.
As for the honour killing comparison, it does not hold. So many hundreds of thousands of women have abortions in India every year for a variety of reasons, and it is only in TV serials, which seem to be largely anti-abortion, that it is presented as almost a sin. The Indian Termination of Medical Pregnancy Act is one of the most liberal in the world, as the mental and/or physical health of the mother can furnish an acceptable reason for it. I do not see why there is so much of a fuss about abortions in Tellyland. I would never condone a forced abortion, of course, nor would most parents, I would imagine,nor would the doctors. So in those cases, they would go away, so that she can have the baby, release it for adoption, and come back. Worst come to worst, they might bring the baby back after a few months passing it off as the orphaned child of close relatives. As for the trauma and hurts a child born out of wedlock faces all its life,they are very real, and not something to be taken lightly.
I am a liberal and firmly pro-choice. But the choice has to be made by the mother and not the society around her! So no, the fuss is not about abortion but about the fact people want to snuff out lives to protect themselves against social disgrace or whatever. Hence my calling it honour killing of sorts. If a woman simply feels she is not mentally or physically equipped to handle the responsibility of a child, then it becomes choice. But where she is manipulated into giving up her baby for fear of social ostracism, then it is honour killing! As a former diplomat, you must be only too aware of the instances of female foeticide in our country! They offer the exact same argument. That they are protecting the girl child from the untold msieries that she will suffer if she comes into this world. That they are actually being fair to her and doing her a favour! I don't see any major difference between the two! Again, like I already confessed, I am an idealist who prefers to fight for what I believe is right rather than be pragmatic and offer the excuse of society. I am a lost cause. Nothing anyone can do to make me a realist. Even my family has given up on me!
But yes, I agree with you. The big deal that TV shows make of MTPs is quite ridiculous. Any woman who even contemplates it is portrayed as evil. I remember a show in the eighties where a woman aborts her kid because the timing is all wrong and the pregnancy comes in the way of a great career opportunity. The show was about she and her husband come to terms with it. The show adopted a very compassionate, non-judgmental stance. Something you cannot expect in this era of shrill didacticism
I must say that I would not at all want to be a parent in any such situation. In the 21 st century, such things should not occur among educated women, unless it is a case of criminal assault There is such a thing as a morning after pill, you know! It is widely advertised, including on TV. When all these facilities are readily available and can be accessed discreetly, to produce a child out of wedlock is nothing less than sheer irresponsibility. Purvi was surely educated enough to think of the morning after pill, which works for 72 hours, at least after she had disposed of Arjun to Ovi!
Like I told Kools the other day, if Purvi were so pragmatic and sensible, there would be no story for Ekta to tell. The said deal would have been extremely unlikely under the circumstances. Tellyland's contrived story telling demands you to be unaware or ignore the existence of such things as morning after pills!Come to think of it, . In TV land, there seem to be only two kinds of women. One
jo kabhi maa nahin ban sakti (especially if she had committed the 'mortal sin' of getting an abortion). and the second who produces kids with alarming alacrity, like Kunti having Karna.
As for Onir's medical philanthropy, you must have missed those episodes. He was introduced with great fanfare as one of the leading obgyns in the world, who had turned down any number of lucrative offers from national and foreign hospitals because he preferred to devote himself to treating the poor free of cost, and taking just so many rich patients as were needed to fund these charitable activities. Mittal's hospital also makes him as similar offer that he turns down, as his Mishti looks on with proprietary pride and approval. He has in fact been shown to be exactly like the Senator Juan Flavier I had mentioned. His Mishti once complains that there is not enough money to entertain all the guests he brings home, and he asks her if she would like him to join a big hospital and have less time for his poor patients. She replies that she does not want him to become small, and would rather have him as he was, even with much less money. All that was missing for Onir then was a halo. That has arrived now!
I personally think Purvi should go back to Arjun with Pari in tow. There is of course no guarantee that this will necessarily work out - Purvi may very well miss Onir now, which would be a nice pickle! - but it would tie up all the loose threads neatly, of course till Ovi arrives with another AK Jr. on the way. That would be good fun. For now, Onir needs a break from this Tar Baby, and if he can somehow get his licence back, he should be well set in his comfortable old ways. He must be missing his practice and his patients horribly. Any average man in the same situation would have become impossible to live with, and his stoicism is unbelievable.
Oh yes, I too find this Onir charade ridiculous, but then this is, as I said earlier, the Standard Operating Procedure for TV and film characters. In a movie, he would be pretending to get drunk daily and lying aroun in bars, till his Mishti came and dragged him home to the kholi. The decent and sensible Ajay Devgan option won't work . Nandini owed her husband nothing when they were married. Whereas Purvi, at least by most accountings, owes an awful lot to Onir, next only to what she owes Archana. How then would her self image let her abandon such a husband, who also loves her, as she knows after that drunken bout of babbling, and go back to her former lover? It would be a non-starter. But I agree that the CVs should have thought up something better than this farce, which is as full of holes as Swiss cheese to boot!
Shyamala B.Cowsik
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