In a charitable mood ;) chpt11 on pg20 - Page 15

After a couple of minutes, someone placed their hand on her shoulder. She looked up slowly and saw that there was food on her table and from the corner of her eye, she could see someone standing beside her. She lifted her face! With one hand on her shoulder, a smile on his face and a tissue in another hand stood none other than Kunal Chopra!!

Siddhi was pleasantly surprised, no astonished, no shocked.. well she didn't know what she felt. Is it really happening? Is Kunal Chopra really standing there with his one arm on her shoulder and tissue in another? For 9 long years, every time her eyes were invaded by tear, she hoped, no prayed that her Kunal would be there with a tissue but that was just not possible. All she had was her fond memories that gave her strength to survive. But this was no dream or memory; Kunal was really standing there. Slowly her pain was fading away and sense of peace was making its way.

Since there was no response from Siddhi and those precious pearls knew no stop, Kunal couldn't resist but say, "Aaiye, bahut ho gaya rona. Ab bas bhi karo, sorry"😊

Sense of euphoria suddenly took over Siddhi. Siddhi herself had not realized but her tears are not the same. They no longer stem from pain, but due to bliss she currently experienced. They no longer expose her agony, rather exhibit her joy. How can she explain Kunal this very experience is what she has been waiting for all these years. She wanted time to freeze at this very moment. The warmth she felt in his touch, genuine care in his gesture and nothing but concern in his eyes are giving her happiness she was yearning for years and now she just doesn't want to let it go. She took million pictures in her mind to savor this moment. It will not be just a memory but an experience she will live forever.

Unfortunately she had to force herself and allow time to move on. She took the tissue from Kunal and very innocently wiped off her last pearls, at the same time innocent smile crept on her lips. Seeing Siddhi smile, instantly there was a spark in his eyes. Finally he was successful in bringing back one of the reasons there is life. Kunal stood there for a minute or two until he was sure Siddhi once again will not try to solve the water problem. As he was about to leave Siddhi said, "You said we will be having lunch together." As if it is an automatic reaction, Kunal turned around in less than a second to see Siddhi unpacking the food with wide smile. She continued, "I am still hungry and I was promised company today. I do not like people who break their promises and given I am the boss, there can be consequences." Siddhi ended with attitude.😎

Kunal smiled, shook his head and thought how can I ever say no to her when I see such deadly combination of attitude and innocence. While taking his steps towards the table he said, "Ek to aurat, upar se Vakil. Bacho Bhaghwan bachao".

Both settled in front of each other started enjoying their lunch. After 9 years they were together enjoying a planet meal. Both knew it is not so much the food, but their company that has made their day. While Siddhi was eating rice, she sense she was under intense look from Kunal. From last few minutes Kunal was very busy in admiring his beautiful wife and trying to fill in gaps of past 9 years where he was simply unable to enjoy most delicious meal.

Siddhi was just having day of her life. After lunch she no longer could concentrate on work. Her mind just refused to move away from most memorable lunch of her life. So she decied to call it a day and head home. She reached parking lot, only to learn her car is in service. No worry, she decided to take auto for a change. It has been so long since she ride in auto.

To her surprise, Kunal too was waiting for an auto. As soon as Siddhi saw him, she approached him. She touched his left shoulder with her right arm and got an instant reaction. Kunal looked at her with questions as how come she is here.

Siddhi, "car is in service so I thought auto." Before she could finish her sentence an auto stopped in front of them.

Kunal, "go ahead. Why don't you take this auto as it is very hard to get an auto at this hour."

Siddhi, "But what about you? You must be waiting for quite some time so you go ahead."

Kunal, "Why do you have to argue on every point. Can't you accept what I have to say once?"

Autodriver, "It's getting late sir. If you don't want to get in, I have places to go." (yes he can speak English😆)

Siddhi, "Ok since it is hard to get an auto, why don't we share it. Once I get off, you can take it home?' Siddhi wanted to spend more time with Kunal, so she took a shot at it.

To her surprise Kunal agreed.

While in auto, none of them was able to say anything. Siddhi was trying very hard to look for a conversation starter but no luck. Then auto stopped at a traffic signal. Kunal glanced around and called someone. He purchased something from the guy who said something that made Siddhi very angry. She thought, I share an auto with you so we can talk but if you wanted to do this, better we went separately. Why can't I accept Kunal is married now his priority is someone else. For the remainder of their journey, Siddhi remained quiet and even avoided looking at Kunal. After about 20 minutes they reached Diwan house. Kunal got out first and as soon as Siddhi got out she wanted to run but Kunal called her form back. Even though Siddhi was angry, she had to stop. She turned back and saw Kunal holding what he had bought from the traffic signal, a bouquet of red roses. ❤️

Siddhi couldn't control herself and almost snatched it from Kunal.😳 She was so happy that she didn't want to think how, why, what; just enjoy the fact that Kunal gave her red roses. Kunal couldn't help but admire his wife. Seeing her almost joyful dance, he too experienced ecstasy. Both of them looked into each other's eye nonstop. There was no need for words here, their eyes said enough and whole atmosphere felt intensity of their emotions. Again they both had to force themselves to move away from each other. Siddhi entered Diwan house with such a joyful smile that stunned everyone. Sulekha had never seen Siddhi so happy. AC1 too saw his mother so cheerful as if she too is a child. But Siddhi didn't care about answering anyone today. She had said enough today to the person that meant most and now she is simple lost in her own world. There Kunal's happiness knew no bound either. He decided to walk from Diwan house to his home. He knew going by auto will be much faster but then he wanted to enjoy his moment as well. He wished to starch his experience as long as possible and that can only happen is he is alone for as long as possible. Both Kunal-Siddhi wondered how come their day is just so perfect today. Is it a dream or what? Such a day has come into their lives after a decade and they don't know how to make sense of it. (Well because Jay is writing your story today😆😉)

DIWAN House

AC1 saw Siddhi was very happy. He and AC2 had decied they would question their parents whenever both were in good mood. AC1 thought this is right time so he approached Siddhi.

AC1, "Maa. Can I ask you something? I have been meaning to ask it for lone time but always.."

Siddhi was very busy arranging her precious red roses but she was also paying attention to what AC1 was saying. "Sure Anand, go ahead. Ask anything today." Even her owrds indicated how happy she is.

AC1, "I want to know more about my real dad. Where is he?"

Siddhi stopped immediately. How come all of a sudden Anand is so curious to know about his dad? What can I say to him? Still it is not right time to tell him everything, he is so young. She said, "Anand, just go to study room. You are weak in Math and I want you to score at least 90 this time. Go right now." There was authority in Siddhi's tone and AC1 understood may be it was too early to ask. Once AC1 left, Siddhi touched red roses and looked outside the window. Sun was slowly making its way home, darkness approaching this vast city but all that was nothing compared to what was Siddhi feeling right now. Her emotional turmoil was too big to describe in words. How she wished there was sense of certainty in her life as well. Hope just how every day sun makes its move; such consistency was present in her life, but no. Life has some other plans.

She pondered upon the matter, "How I wish I could answer you my son. Where is your father? Well before that I need to find out where is my Kunal? I sense him every day, I feel him every day but; is he still my Kunal? I do not know. What I can call mine is those memories that I wish I could relive. What is mine is you my son, Ansh of my Kunal. I wish I could answer you but I can't. What I can tell you about is my joyful memories. At times they give me pain, at times solace, at times they are reason I cry, at times they are reason I smile. Whatever they are, however they are, they are mine and will always remain with me. My memories, filled with sorrow, yet joyful." with watery eyes and sly smile on her face she was lost in her memories.

Chopra House

Kuanl finally reached his house. He didn't care how long it took him to reach home as time didn't matter to him right now. All that mattered was that smile. The smile he witnessed today had life in it. How he was deprived of that precious smile all these years. But today's experience had made up for so much he missed in past 9 years. To everyone's surprise he entered with wide smile on his face, spark in his eyes and just very pleasant demeanor very unusual for him. Family members didn't know how to responds to this Kunal.

Kunal's ill fate, Richa too was present there. Never in past 9 years had she seen Kunal so happy. Her delusions took over and she thought finally Kunal has made up his mind about marriage. She literary jumped on him trying to act all lovey dovey and ask million questions to Kunal. Kunal as usual is least bothered about her and bit irritated, but today there was something more. He remembered how hurt Siddhi was today due to his lie about Richa. In restaurant Siddhi couldn't accept Richa's presence in Kunal's life and because of that he witnessed his Siddhi cry. No, that just cannot happen.

Kunal pushed Richa away, giving heart attack to Raj-Veena and great shock to everyone else.

Kuanl, "Who do you think you are? Just because you are allowed to come into my house, doesn't give you right to ask me anything. How dare you come so close to me or tell my son to call you his mother? You are not my wife, nor his mother; so do not go there." Veean was obviously very much bothered by this behavior so she tried to approach Kunal but before she could Kunal help his right hand high showing his authority, "I am not interested in what anyone has to say right now. Just tell this woman to get out of my face right now before I do something we all will regret."

Richa couldn't believe what she just saw and heard. Did Kunal just threaten her? How come? Few days ago he was pleading to her now this? Her brain froze for moment. Knowing Kunal is really angry, Veena approached Richa and asked to leave now as she will take care of things by tomorrow. Not giving damn about anyone, Kunal went to his room leaving Seema, Ishani-Anokhi and AC2 very happy and other creatures astonished if not shocked.

AC2 ran into room and hugged Kunal form back. He was so happy to see his father showing Richa her right place. How dare she even think of taking my mother's place. He saw that his words sure had an impact on Kunal and also he was too happy today. AC1 has told about Kunal's passive nature but this man is just so jovial. He too thought this may be right time to ask something.

AC2, "Papa, I love you so much letting Richa aunty know she cannot force me like that. She is not my mother so why keep bothering me so much." He gave wide smile to Kunal and Kunal reciprocated and also playfully put his right hand on his head. So far so good so AC2 thought may be he can go for it, "papa, can I ask you something? Please answer me honestly." Before Kunal can say anything, he threw in his question, "You talked about my mother today. Who is my mother and where is she?"

As soon as AC2 finished his sentence, Kunal froze on his place. He didn't know if those words were really spoken or not? He looked at AC2 and he was staring at Kunal with questions in his eyes. Looking at him like that made Kunal feel very suffocated. Kunal didn't know how to react or react at all. He knew he cannot answer this question so he stormed out of the room and house. Before anyone can catch him or he himself realizes, he was on terrace. For few minutes he stood there taking deep breathes.

Kunal slowly put his left hand on his forehead, finally looked up and experienced darkness around him. For past 9 years he was often surrounded by this very darkness. This darkness is not what bothered Kunal, but what was creeping under it. Finally Kunal said to himself, "My son, what can I tell you? You want to know where is your mother? Huh, for past 9 years I am questioning where is my Siddhi?" Before Kunal finishes this sentence a tear made its way out of his right eye. "You may have just one question but I am surrounded by so many. What really happened 9 years ago? My Siddhi, called me a murderer in open court, said our relation is no more, I am told she wanted to harm our baby; proof of our love. How do I make sense of all that? Everyone else has been able to accept reality and just move on. But me, how can I simply accept my Siddhi would do that to me? No I cannot accept that. But at the same time I cannot avoid what took place. As much as my heart denies it, Siddhi did leave me. She left me alone, after teaching me how to enjoy a company, after making me so much dependent on her; she left me. Her harsh words still taunt me but what hurts more is her absence in my life. How can I tell you every day I battle within in myself to pick one side and all it does is makes fight more intense. For 9 years I surrender myself to alcohol with hope either these questions will be no more or I will be no more. But my ill fate, even there the fight continues.

Forget about Siddhi, I am not able to make sense of my own behavior. Why did I lie to Siddhi in park that day? What was I afraid off? Is it losing you, fear of rejection, getting hurt again or something else? I do not understand my fear. For 9 years I feared life and court, because Siddhi left me. But when she came to me, I feared her presence as well? How can I explain that? 9 years I was waiting for the day my Siddhi would come back to me, but when she did; I don't know? I burned all her pictures thinking I can let it go and accept what is said to me. But that fire still burns inside me and it has not been able to burn my memories with her. I do not understand why can't I be honest with Siddhi? Why can't I just go and tell her the day you left me was last day of my life. I do not know how to live without you. My life in 9 years has been nothing but journey of agony I carry inside me. I do not know what stops me from accepting anything. 9 years I am stuck with questions and just questions. My pursuit of finding answers has been failed and I do not know if I ever will find any answers?

My son forgive me I cannot answer you right now. At least you forgive me, my son, ansh of my Siddhi. I know I may never be able to forgive myself. Only my Siddhi always forgive me but where is my Siddhi? My Siddhi left me, or did I push her away? Mere har sawal me ho tum, har sawal ka jawab ho tum, Siddhi."

Kunal closes his eyes but fails to stop his tears that roll like unstoppable wave.

"Sawalon ke is Bhanavr me phasa mera Parichay,

Na khoodko, na iss ziandagi ko jaan paya hoon;

Jab laga Rishto ko samja, chot khaye gira hoon,

Na kisiko samja, na kabhi mein samaj paoonga;

Bas in sawalon mein hi kahi ulajta jaoonga,

Ab to mera aaina hi mujse puche mera Parichay;

Kishi ka jawab nahi mere pas,

Khudh ban ke khada he ek sawaal, Mera Parichay".