*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 103

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satish_2025 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
Exit stage left or right

I don't know if you have been noticing but time and in the form of days,weeks,months and years has been slipping past real fast and gathering pace it seems to be getting faster and faster.

It is like i am sitting in a movie hall and in the dark and the only light comes from the red of the exit sign.
I remember this song called " exit stage left" by a rock group called Rush and i see people getting out not only by the left exit but also through the right exit.

I sit and wonder why they are leaving since the climax is not over and the title have not begun to roll but i guess they are in a hurry to get back home and to avoid traffic congestion.

Like that scenario,i sit sometimes in the beach thinking of people who have died suddenly,died after valiantly fighting cancer and other fatal diseases and wonder why they had to leave so soon,before their time is over and i guess the reasons are their own reasons and his,God the great joker,master of puppets.

A year since Seshadri left after battling cancer and it was only yesterday i wrote about him and his death and here i am still writing about his death.

The word Death loomed large in everyone's minds for the cancer had come back with a vengeance after fooling him with a few years of remission and i met him in those last good years and i met him and became friends with him on the beach.

Looks like most of my friends are from the beach and early morning hours and almost all of them are in their 60's and 70's.

Secretly,i absorb all of them and also capture them through my mobile camera and store away the memories for a better day or even a bitter day for someone has to write,reminisce about the good times when we laughed at incosequential and cliched matters and shared,debated life's mundane ways.

I am the self appointed bard of the crypt,singer and teller of days gone by and of lives lost.

On wings of flight and cloaked in invisibility i fly and enter houses to see my late friends smiling in frames and like mona lisa they too are trapped in that moment where the smile is a question and an answer in itself.

And the smile denotes " i am glad it is over" and it can also be understood as " W*F,so soon,but i just got started and so much more left to do."

It is back to the darkened hall and sometimes i see people leave in a hurry and the movie of life has just started with the first scenes of introduction and as always i think to myself " either they know something or they are missing a good film " and the film here is our lives.

Maybe like on stage,the actors are exiting the stage for a change of clothes and a change of character even,who knows,god knows.But who or what is god.

And so life goes on in the darkened hall of life and seats are being filled and seat are getting empty and holding on to the arm rests tightly i look both ways and it is half empty or wait is it half full.
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Posted: 8 years ago
Redemption 194


Rudran ran up the stairs hearing Bairav's voice,heart racing,anxiety spurred him up the long flight of stairs and he came up to the platform and as always it was night and a cloudless sky revealed millions of bright stars and they shone like diamonds and they did not twinkle.

He saw the small form of bhairav standing there with his back turned away and yet he knew his twin brother, the other half of his soul that had been taken away from him.

Rudran sank with happiness and sadness both weighing him down like anchors and he collapsed on to his knees and looked at bhairav.

Bahirav turned to rudran and slowly walked towards him with a smile and coming close to him,gently lifted his hands and held his cheeks " Hi rudy,it's been a long time.But i am here now and will remain for the time is drawing near."

Rudran shook his head " time.Bhairav,what is it time for and what does it matter when you are not here with me anymore."

Bhairav smiled " there is so much to talk about and so much more to do.But more importantly there is a a lot of killing to do for the time has come to fulfill your destiny and prophecy."

Rudran looked at bhairav " i am tired of these mind games and all these killings and more importantly i am not alone anymore.I am going to be married soon and my child is on the way."

Bhairav nodded " yes rudy,your son is on the way and it is him they want and they are coming.They had lain hidden all these years and now they are rising from the darkness and soon they will strike the first deadly blow."

" Don't worry about that bhairav for i have made all the necessary preparations and i am ready and will be waiting for them."

Bhairav looked at the stars " you think you are dreaming.You think i am your imagination and maybe you would have been right if you had been just a mere mortal.But are you a mere mortal rudy?"

Rudran looked at his brother " i am sorry for i have stopped asking that question some time ago for it gets too confusing and frustrating and frankly i don't give a damn about it anymore."

" But you do give a damn about renu and your child that she carries,don't you."

Rudran took a deep breath and slowly sighed it out " I do,you know i do.I will die protecting them."

Bhairav looked into rudran's eyes and his crackled with fire " it will come to that and you will die protecting them."

" okay,i die.but then what happens to them? do they die too? does everyone around me die too like you did."

The flames that crackled as embers in his eyes now flared and unleashed itself and soon both stood engulfed in a raging fire " But i will not die and i will protect that which you could not and i will fight when you cannot anymore."

Rudran laughed " Brother,i am dreaming and you are just part of that dream.what can you do?"

Bhairav touched rudran's cheek in affection " you will see, maybe one day you will see that i had never left you and that i remain fighting by your side and only together can we defeat what is coming for our family."

He threw his tiny arms around rudran " remember,when the time comes,call and i mean it,really call my name out as if your very life depended on it and call me with your last breath and i will rise with you."

Bhairav began to walk away and his form began to slowly fade and shimmer into a ghostlike apparition and he turned one last time " remember this rudy.you are not alone and you were never alone.You are me and i am you."

Lost in the dream about bhairav,rudran did not know but the tears that had shown themselves like tiny diamonds in his eyes now flowed like twin streams and the commandos in the car did not know what to do and finally gently shook rudran awake and seeing the men stare at him and his tears smiled and looked away.

The men with rudran knew that he had been dreaming and that he had been remembering someone who he must have lost for like him and like all warriors they too had seen friends die and a few in their own arms.

In silence they drove towards the army base where rudrans mother and babu were staying,well protected and totally safe from the outside world and the war that was going to cover many lives.



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Posted: 8 years ago
Redemption 195

Rudran came awake and out of his dream and adjusted his seat to a slightly straighter position and saw that they were outside the gates and the commando who was driving,had his ID out and waited as a colonel came striding towards them.

Seeing a superior officer,all three of the commandos jumped like rabbits out of the car and stood erect and saluted him and he raised his hand and returned their salute and seeing rudran quickly came around the huge car with a smile.

Rudran slipped out and watched as col.vasant saluted him and rudran returned the salute and then both shook hands and looking at vasant " how are they both doing col?"

" fine,just fine.Although mr.babu has been climbing the wall and running around like a kid after we informed him about your arrival.I confess that the old man is very attached to you and that is really very touching and endearing."

Rudran looked at col.vasant " endearing comrade,but looks like food and army booze have really endeared themselves around your waist."

With a sheepish grin,col.vasant looked at the small bulge that was threatening to soon pop out as a pot belly,if he did continue with his huge diet and canteen rum and looking at rudran " Sir,i am just a paper and pen pusher and hardly see combat and i am in my late 40's,married with a daughter.Honestly,i have given up the fight with food and a couple of rounds in the canteen with the other officers and am enjoying it."

Looking at rudran's lean frame,leaner than the last time they had met " But you sir,looks like you have been starving yourself and living the life of a hermit and yet here you stand with more health and glow than a normal man deserves."

Rudran smiled at the mention of the word hermit and remembered renu's remarks as they had made love throughout the morning " col.vasant,thank you for looking after them and it will be like this for a little while longer.I have some business to take care of and once that is done,all problems will be solved and the danger would have passed."

Col.vasant looked away at the mention of problems solved by rudran " I hope you don't solve them anymore at least not in chennai for you leave too many dead bodies to recover and dispose off."

Rudran smiled " i will try my best colonel" and looking at the three commando's who had come with with him " i am going to walk to the cottage where my mother is staying.Col.vasant will tell you where to park.Please wait for me until i come back."

The three commando's looked at col.vasant " sir,we saluted you for you are a superior officer,a colonel.But mr.rudran is a civilian and yet you saluted him.Why sir?"

Col.vasant looked at all three of them " simply because he is ranked higher than me " and seeing that his answer was not satisfying their curiosity " men,he is a Lieutenant general and ranked three positions above me and i think so for that was nearly many months ago and now with his latest mission done,i am sure he will promoted to a higher rank."

Seeing their shock " but that aside,i am sure he is part of a even higher group that governs the army,navy,airforce and all the police depts in the country."



Flashback from chapter 50 and 51 Posted on 23 January 2016


Rakesh menon had been in the post of Police commissioner of Chennai for the past three years and even before that he had been in the news for the past two decades for his bravery and discipline and everyone standing there,went silent and their right hands touched their right foreheads in stiff salutes.

Rudran stood among them saluting the police commissioner as it was his duty and Rakesh menon acknowledged them and locked eyes on Rudran and then looked at Acp Balaraman " what happened here ? quickly and briefly."

Acp balaraman " sir this is mr.Rudran,whose mother is being treated here and from what information i have gathered,these five men here lying dead here came to attack mr.Rudran and his mother and the gentleman fought back and killed them."

Police commissioner Rakesh menon locked his eyes on Rudran and he started connecting the dots and with his eyes still on Rudran he asked Acp Balaraman " how did he manage to kill all five men ?"

Acp Balaraman looked at Rudran who nodded " sir,with my handgun for which i have a license and the authority to use it to protect and defend."

Police commissioner Rakesh took in this information and then turned to the head of the SAG(SPECIAL ACTION GROUP) Assistant commissioner Abdul shakir " Abdul,arrest this man and take him to the headquarters.Take his handgun and send it to the forensic lab for fingerprints."

But Acp Abdul of the police commando team,hesitated and Rakesh menon blew his top " what are you waiting for,the tv and press.Arrest this man now."

Acp Abdul shakir looked at Rudran who nodded understandingly and handed over his handgun which Abdul took and then wrapped it in his kerchief and gave it it the man who was standing near him.

Acp abdul shakir looked at the police commissioner " sir,if i may say something."

Police commissioner Rakesh menon was just about to scream his head off and yet he controlled his anger " what is it Abdul? i just gave you an order and yet instead of carrying it out you ask me permission to say something.okay.out with it.quickly man."

Acp Abdul shakir looked at Rudran and then at his boss,the commissioner " sir,i think there is some kind of misunderstanding here.I think it is better to escort this gentleman rather than arrest him."

Police commissioner Rakesh menon crossed the two feet distance between him and Acp Abdul and stood facing him,eye to eyes " Mr.Abdul,is there something going on here which i am not aware of.but one thing is certain and that is i am your superior officer and the police commissioner of this city and right now you are violating my orders which will be cause for immediate suspension.anyway before we go there next,tell me why are you hesitating to arrest this man who has just agreed to having killed five men.who is this man and what is he to you.

Acp abdul shakir looked at commissioner Rakesh " sir,first of all,i cannot arrest him for he is an higher ranking officer and moreover he is my teacher."

The words of Acp abdul fell like thunder in everyone's ears and everyone stood stunned.

Police commissioner Rakesh menon looked at Acp abdul " what do you mean you cannot arrest him for he outranks you.who is this man?"

Acp Abdul shakir looked at Rudran and then at Police commissioner Rakesh menon " sir,this gentleman is Lieutenant general Rudran of the Indian army and if anybody can arrest him,then it is only you for he is of the same rank as you."

Police commissioner Rakesh menon absorbed the information that the Police commando chief Acp Abdul shakir had just told him and slowly walked towards Rudran and stood casually facing him and then he turned towards everybody and said " gentlemen,all of you go wait on the ground floor while me and Mr.rudran have a small chat.Abdul,take your men and go through each room of every floor of this hospital and clear it of any danger."

Everybody quietly moved away but commissioner Rakesh saw that both his men Acp Balaraman and Acp Abdul shakir remained looking at him and he nodded to both of them " what is it gentlemen ?"

Acp Balaraman spoke softly " sir,Mr.rudran is also an IPS officer."

Commissioner Rakesh menon " Okay, a man of many means and guises.Thank you Balaraman,carry on."

Acp Balaraman lingered for a second and his eyes met rudran's who gave a very subtle hint that it was okay and Acp Abdul's eyes met Rudran's to say hello and rudran nodded as he acknowledged the support and respect that he had been shown by a fellow officer.

Alone in the silence of the hospital both men looked at each other as two lions would do as they met up in their boundaries that marked their territories.

Commissioner Rakesh menon walked tiredly towards the large window that overlooked the city as its lights glittered like the stars in the night sky.He turned suddenly " Rudran,the same rudran who was involved in breaking up that criminal ring in delhi and rumors were that the daughter of the Home minister had been kidnapped and this started the whole operation that has more or less wiped out major criminals operating there."

Rudran smiled and nodded yes.

Rakesh " and i wont be surprised if Acp balaraman and you passed out in the same batch from your IPS training and i am pretty sure you were the one who made the call from phoenix mall after rescuing those three women from those rapists."

Rudran " yes,right again sir."

Commissioner Rakesh menon " And those men in that parking lot of that dhaba and a few more in the areas surrounding it,that was also your handiwork,wasn't it."

Rudran smiled and shrugged " sorry sir.But i cannot comment on an ongoing investigation."

Commissioner Rakesh menon chuckled " ongoing investigation.My dear chap,i am heading the investigation and so you better answer my question."

Rudran with an apologetic face " sorry sir for i mean no offence.But i am referring to the ongoing investigation by the intelligence wing and since that case comes under its purview i cannot say or comment anthing for you do not have the clearance for more details."

Commissioner Rakesh menon's face filled with anger " mr.rudran,I am an Inspector general and the city police commissioner and don't insult me by talks of clearance for i need to know what the bloody hell is going in my city and what the bloody hell you are doing in it leaving dead bodies in your wake.perhaps,i should just take you in and then what to see what happens."

Rudran looked at him kindly " sir,i respect you and have great admiration for your character and your career but i have to say that Acp Abdul made a small mistake when he told you who i was and what my ranking is."

Rakesh menon surprised " what was the mistake Acp Abdul made.Go on and enlighten me."

Rudran " sir,Like you just said,you are an Inspector general of police and i am a Lieutenant general.I am sorry to say this but i out rank you by one level and even you cannot arrest me and maybe that can be done only by the Dgp of police and even that is a doubtful one for as you know an army man cannot be arrested by any civilian law enforcement agency."

Commissioner Rakesh menon knew when he was beaten and nodded his acknowledgement and his expression changed as did his voice which spoke softly " what are you doing hunting in this city and so far away from the capital?"


Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death
they would be asked two questions
and their answers would determine
whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife.
The first question was, "Did you bring joy?"
The second was, "Did you find joy?"
-Leo Buscaglia
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Posted: 8 years ago
JANNAL ORAM-43

She got into the car quickly and raman slipping the gear into first slowly moved back into the busy traffic with his lane indicator switched on.Now with the car joining the other cars on the bust mount road,they and their vehicle were now like a piece of debris floating on a river and moving at the river's pace and all one can do is just go with the flow.

Raman looked at jeeva " hi beautiful."

Jeeva looked at him and gifting him a bewitching smile,opened her left hand and taking the viboothi that lay in her palm,rubbed a bit of it on raman's forehead.A bit of it showered on to his nose and lips and she slowly wiped them away and briefly lingered on his lips and raman hurriedly " ma'am,i don't know what you are doing but it is not helping my driving for i think i just went into some kind of delirious coma for a moment."

Looking at her " anyway how did things go at your home.Did you manage to get a little sleep at least?"

" i think so although i lay awake for a long time after our gathering in our parents room."

Raman " wow,gathering.Sounds good."

" Good yes,but we are used to these bonding moments and they happen more or less everyday and there is no planning for such gatherings" and looking towards raman " it is what that keeps me going,this beautiful love i share with my family.It gets so blurred sometimes and there are no lines drawn on father,mother or daughters and under our roof all are equal souls and roles change pretty often."

Raman raised his eyebrows and whistled softly in admiration and appreciation " awesome,truly awesome people."

Gently and carefully reaching for her right hand,he held it for a moment and then bringing it to his lips,placed a few soft kisses and looked at jeeva " Thank you for sharing your family with me jeeva.All four of you are truly special and are souls that should be treasured and cherished."

" Mister,not four,but five with you and six with mohan in it."

Giving her a naughty look " so ma'am,you are sure that you want to live your life with me for i thought you still had to make up your mind."

Squeezing her eyes in mock anger,she made a villian face and slowly slid her right hand and gently placed it on his left thigh and the touch was enough for raman's pulse to go racing like a race car and even before he could begin to protest,she slowly brought her hand up towards his crotch and raman quickly pleaded " Okay,okay.jeeva,i want to live a long life with you and not die very young in a car crash and that too a virgin."

She looked at him " what,a virgin.what bullshit and what an incredible lie?"

Raman laughing ' why,why can't i be a virgin? what's wrong with that?" and looking at her "ma'am,you cannot remain silent,not after that question."

Jeeva shaking her head " No,it's just that you are good looking guy,great personality and so i thought you might have had a long list of girl friends and welll...you must have,you know,you know" and waving her hands and raman cheekily " no,i don't know.so you tell me."

she looked at him " Raman,it's a man's world,this is a man's world and try how how ever hard it is still a struggle for women to make it big in this world and for that incredible sacrifices have to be made.For instance,take a look at the political mess the united states finds itself today with donald duck as its president."

Raman nearly choking in laughter " Donald duck,well said but i am sorry the ducks are going to feel pretty insulted for actually they are pretty smart birds."

" seriously raman,imagine the most powerful country in the world,electing as guy who abuses women and is caught on video talking real nasty and dirty about women and yet he is today the president and simply because the white americans did not want a woman in the white house."

Looking at his intense look ' i am sorry i got sidetracked there but what i am trying to say before i became all serious and political is that for in matters such as sex,guys have it easy.even if you did not sleep with any of your girlfriends for fear that they will latch on and demand marriage,a man if he so desires can pay and get laid."

Raman looked at her " no comments ma'am.the defense rests totally and with its tail tucked in between its legs.

But tell me jeeva,is it the same in your house for your dad and mum look very soft and timid and do you get to have your say and have your way."

Jeeva " you just met them once and you have only heard about them through me but don't jump to any conclusions advocate sir for looks and situations can be very deceiving.All three of them are fighters,warriors and will rise to any occasion no matter how bad it is."

Raman's soul filled with pride hearing his woman's words " My lady,you and your family are a truly incredible unit and i wish all families were thus and existed with so much love."

Sensing his sadness,jeeva touched his arm " what is it? why do you sound so sad?"

" You remember last night when i mentioned the important case that i had to work on,well my sadness has to do with that.It is a divorce case and the fight is about property and yet behind all that lies love,betrayal and children."

Looking at jeeva " you know what the saddest and most cruelest thing in my world is,it is when children are used as pawns by their parents to fight over money not realising how much damage and that too permanent damage to their kids is being caused by them."

" sad very sad,but mr.advocate can we come back to the topic of you being a virgin."

" che,i thought you would have forgotten about that but looks like you will not rest until i have been grilled,cooked and roasted.

Well,to be very honest,i always thought of sex as a very beautiful thing and not some random,vague act that has to be hurried and finished off and notched up as another success of my male vanity.In that sense,i am a romantic and wanted to have sex only with the woman i loved and that is where i lost many opportunities or rather escaped with my virginity intact.

There were a few women who were really interested in me but i was not interested in them and the few women i
was interested were either too busy losing their virginity or turned a blind eye to me and so it went on and then work beckoned and only off late have i seriously been thinking of losing my virginity."

She looked at him and wondered about the fact,that not once in their conversation had he asked about her being a virgin or if she had slept with anybody before him and then it struck her like a thunderbolt,that he would never,ever do that for he was that kind of man,kind,gentle,understanding and most of all courteous.

" Both my mum and dad said the same thing about you last night and i realise how true they are."

Raman looked at her and jeeva looked back " they said the most striking quality about you and that which makes you more beautiful is your dignity and the gentle courteous manner in which you carry yourself and how you treat others in the very same manner.

I love you raman and i also want to tell you that i am ready if you are ready to lose your virgin status."

Raman threw his eyes and rolled them in prayer " God,please forgive my sex thoughts and help me through this day for i have a very important case to handle and please protect me from this ravishing woman who i want to ravish too."


Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me.
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more.

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for.
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for.
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Look into your heart you will find
There's nothin' there to hide.
Take me as I am, take my life.
I would give it all, I would sacrifice.

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you, oh, yeah.

Bryan adams everything i do,i do it for you



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo

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Posted: 8 years ago
No sun,no light and only gray skies
with pillows and bolsters of clouds
my feet turned and pointed back to land and to the gym
but my soul remained planted on the sands
i saw that opening,i saw the light would sneak through
i saw life and missed opportunities
i saw falls,scraped knees and bruised egos
i saw my life flash in the gray and dark skies
and then the light flooded and covered the seas
like an umbrella of gold it hovered over the boat and water
and lingered and entered my soul
we fall,we struggle to see and yet there is light
in our own soul to guide,to shoulder
and just like that the hole in the skies vanished
a better man for the day and the days learning over
my soul gave in to flesh and i ran back to workout
late by an hour,very late by my own standards
yet the light of the skies lingered
warming my bones,warming my soul
so i sang my way home,skipping,bouncing like
the clouds singing aloud,scaring the dogs
and many on two legs who stood like logs
looking in all directions for light,for sight with all their might
and then looking at me and they too sang
" Loosu paiyan,loosu paiyan,loosa suthuraan"
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Posted: 8 years ago

True blue heroes,no heroines

Not many seem to be aware that our ladies have crossed continents and are now in england playing the cricket world cup and have already won two matches in a splendid manner.
I tried desperately to catch them live and scanned my nearly 20 sports channels and sadly not one was featuring them,not live,not even highlights.None.Nada.

Shockingly,what was being shown was IPL highlights and the the already concluded champions trophy.

So,i thought okay,we will try Boredarshan (doordarshan) and nil there too and all they were featuring were some men who began their careers during the partition of india and they were old then and they haven't grown any younger.

I saw,heard them talk,drone, for just a few moments and i went to sleep sitting and watching them.

Breaking news my people from satish the insomniac " watch doordarshan to fall asleep" and watch the sleepy,drawling men and women on that channel put you to sleep.

But coming back to women's cricket world cup and the shameful way in which our tv channels are shunning it,ignoring it and the reason is no money or no ratings.

It is sad that this nation pays so much and spends so much time to watch that cretin,that sissy who squeaks and bawls " I demand an answer,the nations wants to know,i want to know,I,iii" on prime time and is largely unaware not only about womens,cricket and also womens sports and women in general.

Coming back to my bitchy thoughts about Doordarshan,it has been nearly 25 years since private channels entered our air waves and yet Doordarshan still hangs on with the same telecast quality,the same sets,the same curtains that i saw back in 1975 when shobana ravi was reading out the tamil news under five inches of make up and shashi kumar was delivering english news hidden behind his osama bin ladens beard . god save doordarshan and shame on all our tv channels.

My blessings,best wishes and thanks to my women folk who are doing india proud and are carrying our nation's pride on their young but strong shoulders.

No wonder,god left creation,birth and delivery to women.

Go girls.go get them and come back with the world cup and rub it in all those who ignore you and disrespect you.

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Posted: 8 years ago
Some of my favourite pop and soft rock songs that i often listen to.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIjVuRTm-dc

Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPxQYhGpdvg

Phosphorescent - Song For Zula


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOubjLM9Cbc

Michael Kiwanuka - Cold Little Heart


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBlLyLrQH7k

Adrian Gurvitz - Classic (1982)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yYsUh3xHtQ

night beds borrowed time


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-gLRp5bSpw

James Bond 007 Skyfall by Adele [OFFICIAL FULL MUSIC VIDEO]


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_S_TbD1XFM

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWcyIpul8OE

Bon Iver - Holocene (Official Music Video)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx1s_3CF07k

Sufjan Stevens, "No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross" (Official Audio)



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Posted: 8 years ago
Redemption 196

Catching sight of Rudran,Babu yelled his happiness and ran towards him with a speed that belied his age of nearly 70 years and coming to a stand before rudran gave him a complete look from head to toe and with worry filling his already feeble voice " What have you been doing with yourself? you look so thin and weary.I am glad your mother is not who she is or she might have yelled my ear drums off in anger.

Rudran took babu's hands with great affection " It is just my body and inside i am all right,still strong and still fighting."

Seeing a few nicks in babu's chin " What is this? i told you to stop using those old style razor blades and switch to the new and safer gillette.You cannot go on hurting yourself like this."

Babu shrugging carelessly " rudy,do you know how bloody expensive those gillette blades are.But actually i am thinking of stopping shaving and letting my facial hair grow.I shave everyday because of you and your army standards and now here in this base i cannot do what i want to do and keep up appearances for your sake and for your honor."

Rudran laughed and looking at babu " How are you? really and how is mother doing? any improvement?"

" None at all.As before she gets up by herself and wanders to the bathroom and does her things and then comes and sits in front of the window and stares at it until she is tired.Sometimes she drifts away and naps sitting there and the only words that ever come out of her lips is your brother's name."

Rudran looked away from babu and stared at the west as the setting suns light turned and turned towards the east where the darkness of the night was slowly creeping,covering and smothering the land with its inky blackness.

Turning and facing babu " maybe she is better off this way,in this state,not knowing,not needing bhairav like we do and miss him even after all these years"

Tears brimmed his eyes " maybe she is the lucky one and maybe bhairav is the luckiest of all for now,here in the end it is me and you who are still thinking of those that have gone and those that are neither here nor there."

The tears now poured down his clean shaven cheeks and they stained the tee with dark,patches " You know what the most difficult thing to understand and forget is my mothers memory of bhairav and not me.There is so much i want her to see and know about me and work and she is missing everything."

Babu reached out and gently wiped the tears with the hand cloth that he always carried and rudran held his hand and looked at the cloth " babu,you wiped my tears when we lost bhairav,when we lost dad and now here you are still wiping my tears."

Babu " I will hang on with this old body and try to exist hoping for that day when you will no longer need me to wipe your tears."

" Remember my child,just like i wipe your tears,you and your purpose is more or less the same.You don't have to tell me about the nature of your work for i know who you are and what you are capable of doing.Imagine how many innocent people's lives you save and protect day in and day out and yet here you stand as a small boy i once knew and still crying and here i am still wiping them away."

Rudran gently clasped babu's shoulders and embraced him and whispered " enough of tears for i bring you good news."

Babu looked at him eagerly and happily and rudran shyly " Me and renu are getting married the day after tomorrow and i want you to be there.I will be honored to have you by my side where my father and mother would have stood and you are more than their equal."

It was babu's turn to cry " this is simply great news rudy.this is the best news i have heard in a pretty long time."

Looking at rudran " i am going to pray to god for more years,healthy years so that i can be around to see your sons and daughters running around in our house like you and bhairav used to do."

Then holding rudran by his elbow,babu led him to the cottage where his mother was.

At the same time,two entrances were made by two men one landed in madurai airport and one entered madurai via car and both sensed each other and both growled in their throats like wild animals.

Dhanashekara pandyan removed the jeans and tees and wrapped himself in the orange clothes of one who has turned his back from the world of needs and desires.The thick beard more or less covered his entire face and the turban covered his regal forehead and the rest was covered with sacred ash and with a thick shawl covering his upper body,no one would be able to make out the lean contours of his body.

Barefoot,he left the building that lay about twenty kms outside madurai and began slowly walking towards the madurai meenakshi amman temple.

Soon the prince of light would do battle with the prince of darkness.

The boy who went into the dark and came back with light.

Edited by deepak_satish - 8 years ago
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Posted: 8 years ago
Untitled,Unbroken,Unfettered,Undertaker

"I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us. Hermann Hesse, Peter Camenzind

Happiness not,solitude yes for only in solitary confines the inner demons can come out to play.Happiness i have to say is a lot of time spent in the company of other souls.Be it with a lover,be it with friends and family and yes with your furry four legged pet.Happiness,for me is contentment,relaxed and largely asleep with eyes wide shut whereas solitude is a state of coma where my eyes and soul are wide open.

Happy songs sadly don't do much to move my soul and spirit and if so then very rarely and always under intoxication.Take beethovens fifth symphony that he composed as he realised that he was going deaf and its opening piece " Allegro con brio" that people attribute to death knocking on his door or take mozart's piano concerto no.20's " Allegro" opening piece that the genius composed after his son's death and you can sense the pathos,the tragedy and loss and are instantly drawn to it,the emotions behind the compositions.


I think the human soul is a beautiful piece of evolution and i think it was created for a greater purpose but along with light there is always dark and as there is good it comes with its twin bad.

Like Janus,the two faced god,our soul or should i say mind or intelligence seems to be split right down the middle and dragged stretched on opposite sides.

But to step away from janus,two sides and two poles and wandering away from their twin shores into melancholic solitude i find a strange and morbid contentment in my solitude and am able to write better.


Happy pappy can't do a damn thing like write in depth crappy thoughts.

She with a smile like smiley,eye brow arched
in a question mark " why so serious?"
me with a smile down turned in half circle
eye brows raised in a triangle " born this way"

is there a reason for this oppressive aura around you
i looked with my brown eyes and looked away
judgement calls,broad strokes,ticked and bookmarked
with a weary sigh i replied
that is my own atmosphere and i breathe better

she said take my hand sad one and come into my air and aura
manipulated,herded i took the hand and went into her air
clean,fresh and bright air and auras
happy pappies everywhere not knowing why they were happy
feeling crappy,not wearing adult nappy i stepped back
and back into my space and breathing my own air

she stared anger daggers and yet not letting me be
let me come in and breathe your air and aura
i said i will not give my hand
and you need to step inside on your own accord
and walk this space i call my land an island

grimacing,squinting she stepped into me
expecting probably a grim reaper
she held her breath and then let it go
to take in my sights of nights and darkness

well,she dwells now besides me my queen
she of the other half and me the other half
like janus we are one and yet look away
but inside we are one body,one soul
and still think as two

"What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?
Sren Kierkegaard


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Posted: 8 years ago
What If-The return 18

"We all know that something is eternal. And it ain't houses and it ain't names, and it ain't earth, and it ain't even the stars . . . everybody knows in their bones that something is eternal, and that something has to do with human beings. All the greatest people ever lived have been telling us that for five thousand years and yet you'd be surprised how people are always losing hold of it. There's something way down deep that's eternal about every human being. ? Thornton Wilder, Our Town

As Mani's spirit drifted away from the forest leaving the body of father john back in the care of the police,he knew that he had to at some point sit and talk with the blind father ronald and also talk with shalini about what was happening.Mani knew that she was going to panic,hit the roof and go crazy in anger for she had made a good home and a new life for both Rahul and for herself.

Mani knew what trauma she had gone through when he had thrown himself to his death to save Assistant commissioner balasubramaniam and his mother chitra that fateful night and all those years ago.The shock of seeing him die had broken something tender and alive in shalini's soul and then when she realised that she was pregnant with his child,she quietly left the city and her past behind and vanished and had made a new life in kodaikanal.

But if she knew that this life too was being theatened because of the actions of his mother Aashritha,then there was no telling what was going to happen and he knew that in the end he would have to drift away from shalini and rahul and in the process lead his mother away from them.Mani wondered if he was willing to make such a huge sacrifice and he knew he could for he had given away his very life to save the living ones and now roamed the world as an undead.

Back in the forest,the sounds of several vehicles making their way up the hills towards them alerted DIG Arivuselvam and Inspector Loganathan of the arrival of the police battalion force from madurai.

He instructed loganathan to oversee the security of the area where they had found the body and asked him to assemble all the men for he wanted to address briefly.

Inspector loganathan looked at his boss " sir,you haven't slept a bit for the past two days and i am worried about your health.Please sir,why don't you get yourself a room and crash for a bit and let me handle the situation here."

Arivuselvam looked at him and then back into the darkness of the forest " Sleep.I can sleep whenever i want to and i have a lot of years to recoup my lost sleep but i am very sure that we will never ever get to investigate a case like this.Now go and gather the force and i will be there in a few moments."

Watching inspector loganathan leave,Arivuselvam crouched by the side of Ponni,the tracker lab " sweetie,just a little time more and then you can join your friends and can take a break and get a good nights rest."

Ponni barked and then whined as if to tell him that she was okay and she could go on if he wanted her to and Arivuselvam thanked her and took the paw that ponni lifted up and shaking it " Dear ponni,you have done more for this police dept and have worked harder than most of us in your eight short years will ever be able to do.Thank you."

Getting up,he looked down at ponni " I am going to talk to our men,so stay here with the body until i come back and just bark if you need help."

Not sensing any malevolent or creepy presence around the forest nearby,ponni relaxed and closing her eyes began to take a relaxing nap.

DIG Arivuselvam quickly walked towards the battalion of policemen and they were under the command of four Sub-inspectors,who on seeing the DIG yelled " attention."

For all of them who,seeing their hero in person,their dept's top cop lifted their spirits and all stood in rapt attention.

Looking at all of them " I am sorry for having brought you all here and that too so late in the night but i was left with not other option.Your duties here is very simple and all you need to do is secure the crime scene and keep your eyes open for any evidence and also for suspicious looking people.I think we can be done by tomorrow evening and then you can all return to your barracks."

He looked at the sub-inspectors " All you four gentlemen will work under Inspector loganathan until i return.Any questions."

Inspector loganathan " sir,where are you off to?"

DIG Arivuselvam " off with the body for an autopsy,where else?"

" Sir,let me handle it while you rest and i will be back by morning with an early report."

Arivuselvam shook his head " no loganathan,i want you to remain here and watch over this place."

Looking at both loganathan and the four sub-inspectors " Now get a few men and let us load the body into one of the vehicles you came in and please let us get it done before the press and tv get here.Quick."

The body was wrapped in plastic covers and tied up and even that could not prevent the smell of decomposition and then loaded into the vehicle.

The driver of the van,constable jayakumar jumped out of his skin seeing DIG Arivuselvam jump into the front and sit by his side.

With trembling hand,he saluted " sir,iyya vanakkam."

Arivuselvam smiled with affection " Mr.jayakumar,i hope your hands don't tremble while driving this vehicle like they way they are doing right now."

The constable " No sir,i driving super nicely sir.Nalla vegama but romba carefulla vottuven sir."

Arivuselvam looked at him tiredly " I am very sure that i am going to doze off and so please no sudden breaks or dangerous hair pin driving.okay jayakumar."

The constable nodded with great respect " Saar,you sleep saar.I drive like very carefully."

Slipping his coolers on to protect him from the dust from the window that he had left open for the chilly air was rather soothing to his raging and burning soul,arivuselvam slowly leaned back and closed his eyes.

Carrying the dead body of father john,the van went off down in the darkness that covered the kodai hills.


Far away in the town,the blind father ronald smiled as he sensed the arrival of his dead friend,quiet friend and looking up " Child, you think you are dead and yet here you are in the holy chapel with christ looking down on us both.Remember this child that even if you are dead,there is something called good and bad and god only judges us all with that parameters,in life or in death."

Mani came closer and closer and then gently took father ronalds hands " I was not a bad person when i was alive and that is not going to change, now that i am dead and a wandering spirit.

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