Falling in LOVE..a taboo?

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svkworld2

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Posted: 14 years ago

#61

Originally posted by: patti4
Hi Shilpa...am back to post...Nice posts n replies 👍🏼...

I'd like to address both your posts cos for me, both are related to each other...Let me say they r my personal views at the offset so there's no room for misunderstandings...😊

For me, if ur parents are OK with it, fall in love ...if not, no...cos it comes under honour ur father and mother...daddy/mummy sab jaane 😊

And reg the age question, I think maturity more than age may be relevant?...Someone may be ready to handle a relationship at 18 while some may be ill equipped to handle it at 30...

I'm still not sure how people in love avoid one particular minefield...I'm surprised u didnt understand my reference to the obvious thing parents may be worried about reg betis and they SHOULD with betas too...the "segggs" bit... It's right n good in the proper setting( marriage) but it is unnatural and unreasonable to think that a normal healthy couple wont ever think about it...many people think they are the exception but my "Gold Standard" says even looking at a random someone (forget boyfriend) with wrong intent is as good as doing the deed and therefore wrong...very high standards indeed!...As i already said, I'm really not sure how people in love avoid this minefield...perhaps they keep themselves on mental ice?...but wont that stilt the normal progression of a relationship?...so a quick engagement?...not sure😕

I am fully aware that u may not agree/understand with the above... I'm aware I've touched upon sensitive topics but just my views yaar... Everyone has to follow their own conscience...

(BTW its me, Nisha here aka navyaalex8 (my username's been hacked!))

Nisha - Will get back to you on this. I had a slight inclination this is what it might be...but didn't want to bring it up as it is so very sensitive.

Will post my reply soon as I have so much to talk abt it but will be real careful on what I post :)

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spdp

@spdp

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+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#62

Very interesting topic Shilpa!

and so many interesting replys... enjoyed reading all of your's take on this topic!

My thinking & experience :

In our society, love is treated with uncertainity, fear -- due to social & peer pressure & thus at times emerge as taboo. It also is questioned & misunderstood as well as mishandled due to generation gap and social exposure level.

I'll share a little story abut my grandparents here:

My dadi was one of the few - 3 to be exact girls in her college in 1930's - though engaged wih a guy working for british & she was a freeom fighter alongwith others .. she met my grandfather during some freedom movement protest - and after that - broke her engagement & got married to my dadaji! I have seen their wonderful relationship of 50+ years!

and we all have been fortunate enough to have a listening ear when we all cousins were going through our courtship years... some of us did make wrong choices - but we always got a good one on one talk with our parents, our grandparents - everyone!

My whole family is kichdi khandan! caste, state no bar - only thing that matters is good education! I don't beleieve in word oldfashioned or conservative : we always were and are conservative interms of valuing our culture, knowing our boundaries - but because our parents & elders trusted us so much - none of us - out of 6 cousins let them down!

I have also experienced other extreme of social intrecateness: My husbands family, is not used to that wide opened social interaction. I am the only bahu in the khandan who doesnot belong to their caste & and as they say they didn't bring me to their family - ours was love marraige! they didn't resist much in the beginning, due to my husband's stubbornness & due to the fact that their eldr son at that time was dating/living with gori bandi! - I was atleast an Indian!

But eventually, soon after our wedding - My BIL broke off with his GF & they got him married to girl 10 yrs younger to him from their caste - who was all ready to marry a guy, without even meeting him - just because he was US citzen! (she beats Ramabhabhi in her tricks & twists in our social sphere)

After their wedding, I am always 'told' how I don't understand their things etc... which now I have learned to ignore completely.

Another interesting thing about ths Taboo topic I find is related to NRI's like us: I have started seeing it in my husband's extended family with older kids: parents want their kids to bring any girl/boy - that is Indian - caste/stare/ doesnot matter ! The dynamics of adjusting to other cultures in context outside india is much wider & much tougher!

Thus this Taboo topic is going to linger around in our society for much longer - in one way or the other!

But it is always true: Love prevails! if you have faith in you & in each other!

Edited by spdp - 14 years ago