Falling in LOVE..a taboo?

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Preet

@Preet078

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#51

Originally posted by: bs8889
hi...gr8 post..really thot provoking...
I agree wid u dat indian parents still shudder 2 think abt allowing their kids 2 hv a luv marriage.. i live in a metropolitan city, both my parents r doctors n r pretty liberal.. my mom's like my best friend n i share evrything wid her...bt stil ven d topic abt marriage arises they still feel that arranged marriage is d best bet..since my parents r pretty open v discuss almst evrything..so v hv had discussions on this topic as well...
And they tell me that ven d tym comes they'l trust me 2 choice my own life partner on d conditions that he belongs 2 d same religious background.. or else its a strict no no... in othr words they dont really support luv marriage coz u wont fall in luv aftr checking d guys backgrnd wud u? if u fall in luv, it'l jst happen irrespective of wat his background is...
I hv asked d reason behind this n they say that..
firstly its difficult 2 adjust in different socio-cultural/religious background as u hv been brought up following ur own culture/believes..n since marriage is nt jst abt 2 ppl bt 2 families so these differences wil always create prob...
secondly v live in society n hv 2 follow societal norms..jst like me n my sis r answerable 2 them..they r answerable 2 their elders..n elders always scorn upon such alliances..

@ Bold ...oh I think i m only one who face dis issue in metropolitan city .but i proved wrong list is long i guess..

That's i point raised in meh mind if v love someone wid after considering his/her religion /status/cast den is it really love ?

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Noaddict

@Noaddict

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: svkworld2

Thank You Nidhi for the wonderful reply. Love is a beatiful thing indeed...and one that everyone should experience.

Agreed that parents are being over cautious/protective for their kids but what should the kids do if they are not given a chance to explain? We have seen many cases like this, haven't we? As soon as they come to know about their kids love story, they suddenly turn a blind eye and are oblivious to anything. How do you communicate then?

I think key to this question is involvement.From both sides parents as well as kids.

I used to be like..whatever was happening in my life , I used to tell my mom..good, bad whatever.

Then you can easily build trust.I think because at the end of the day..trust is what matters in any relationship..be it parent- child or GF-BF.

In Navya too, Meeta was shocked to see her trust being broken.If she would have known things from the very beginning albeit very minute, don't u think her reaction would have been different.😊

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bs8889

@bs8889

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#53

Originally posted by: Preet078

@ Bold ...oh I think i m only one who face dis issue in metropolitan city .but i proved wrong list is long i guess..
That's i point raised in meh mind if v love someone wid after considering his/her religion /status/cast den is it really love ?

No dear u r nt d only one..i hv d same story n there r many mor..my really close friend found fell for a guy n they both r so perfect together bt d only issue is religious differences..they r so compatible that they seem made for each othr bt their families wont accept..v friends jst keep hoping that sm miracle happens n they manage 2 convince their respective families... this scenario of nt accepting luv marriage on basis of religious/caste differences is stil very much prevalent even in metro-cities

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Preet

@Preet078

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: bs8889

No dear u r nt d only one..i hv d same story n there r many mor..my really close friend found fell for a guy n they both r so perfect together bt d only issue is religious differences..they r so compatible that they seem made for each othr bt their families wont accept..v friends jst keep hoping that sm miracle happens n they manage 2 convince their respective families... this scenario of nt accepting luv marriage on basis of religious/caste differences is stil very much prevalent even in metro-cities

Hope parents understands dat love is not happen in any kind wall...as said it is never late to be right but it is late for many...

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Mridula

@imnowhere

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#55

To some extent yes.
Some of the reasons could be the following. I m not sure though
1. Fear of wrong selection by the kids.
2. Love knows no boundaries (religion,caste etc etc the difference of which may lead to high chances of adjustment problems in future)
3. Unable to discriminate between true love and a passing affair
4. Breakups before marriage leading to losing suitable marriage alliances in future.
Couldn't speak much.

@Nisha "...going where Angels fear to tread" Are u indirectly calling us '___ls'?lol.🤣 (U know what I mean)
But yes, it's undoubtedly a delicate issue.

Edited by mridula.shome - 14 years ago

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navyaalex8

@navyaalex8

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#56

Hi Shilpa...am back to post...Nice posts n replies 👍🏼...

I'd like to address both your posts cos for me, both are related to each other...Let me say they r my personal views at the offset so there's no room for misunderstandings...😊

For me, if ur parents are OK with it, fall in love ...if not, no...cos it comes under honour ur father and mother...daddy/mummy sab jaane 😊

And reg the age question, I think maturity more than age may be relevant?...Someone may be ready to handle a relationship at 18 while some may be ill equipped to handle it at 30...

I'm still not sure how people in love avoid one particular minefield...I'm surprised u didnt understand my reference to the obvious thing parents may be worried about reg betis and they SHOULD with betas too...the "segggs" bit... It's right n good in the proper setting( marriage) but it is unnatural and unreasonable to think that a normal healthy couple wont ever think about it...many people think they are the exception but my "Gold Standard" says even looking at a random someone (forget boyfriend) with wrong intent is as good as doing the deed and therefore wrong...very high standards indeed!...As i already said, I'm really not sure how people in love avoid this minefield...perhaps they keep themselves on mental ice?...but wont that stilt the normal progression of a relationship?...so a quick engagement?...not sure😕

I am fully aware that u may not agree/understand with the above... I'm aware I've touched upon sensitive topics but just my views yaar... Everyone has to follow their own conscience...

(BTW its me, Nisha here aka navyaalex8 (my username's been hacked!))

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navyaalex8

@navyaalex8

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#57

Originally posted by: bs8889
hi...gr8 post..really thot provoking...
I agree wid u dat indian parents still shudder 2 think abt allowing their kids 2 hv a luv marriage.. i live in a metropolitan city, both my parents r doctors n r pretty liberal.. my mom's like my best friend n i share evrything wid her...bt stil ven d topic abt marriage arises they still feel that arranged marriage is d best bet..since my parents r pretty open v discuss almst evrything..so v hv had discussions on this topic as well...
And they tell me that ven d tym comes they'l trust me 2 choice my own life partner on d conditions that he belongs 2 d same religious background.. or else its a strict no no... in othr words they dont really support luv marriage coz u wont fall in luv aftr checking d guys backgrnd wud u? if u fall in luv, it'l jst happen irrespective of wat his background is...
I hv asked d reason behind this n they say that..
firstly its difficult 2 adjust in different socio-cultural/religious background as u hv been brought up following ur own culture/believes..n since marriage is nt jst abt 2 ppl bt 2 families so these differences wil always create prob...
secondly v live in society n hv 2 follow societal norms..jst like me n my sis r answerable 2 them..they r answerable 2 their elders..n elders always scorn upon such alliances..

I have a similar background n my parent told me something similar too...

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svkworld2

@svkworld2

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#58

Originally posted by: bs8889
hi...gr8 post..really thot provoking...
I agree wid u dat indian parents still shudder 2 think abt allowing their kids 2 hv a luv marriage.. i live in a metropolitan city, both my parents r doctors n r pretty liberal.. my mom's like my best friend n i share evrything wid her...bt stil ven d topic abt marriage arises they still feel that arranged marriage is d best bet..since my parents r pretty open v discuss almst evrything..so v hv had discussions on this topic as well...
And they tell me that ven d tym comes they'l trust me 2 choice my own life partner on d conditions that he belongs 2 d same religious background.. or else its a strict no no... in othr words they dont really support luv marriage coz u wont fall in luv aftr checking d guys backgrnd wud u? if u fall in luv, it'l jst happen irrespective of wat his background is...
I hv asked d reason behind this n they say that..
firstly its difficult 2 adjust in different socio-cultural/religious background as u hv been brought up following ur own culture/believes..n since marriage is nt jst abt 2 ppl bt 2 families so these differences wil always create prob...
secondly v live in society n hv 2 follow societal norms..jst like me n my sis r answerable 2 them..they r answerable 2 their elders..n elders always scorn upon such alliances..

Thanks for replying. Good points you have raised but @BOLD is true even in arranged marriages as well to some extent?

Why do we have to succumb so much to society? Isn't it our life at the end of the day? Will the society be held responsible if you have a failed marriage?

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svkworld2

@svkworld2

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#59

Originally posted by: Nidhi82

I think key to this question is involvement.From both sides parents as well as kids.
I used to be like..whatever was happening in my life , I used to tell my mom..good, bad whatever.
Then you can easily build trust.I think because at the end of the day..trust is what matters in any relationship..be it parent- child or GF-BF.
In Navya too, Meeta was shocked to see her trust being broken.If she would have known things from the very beginning albeit very minute, don't u think her reaction would have been different.😊

I would beg to differ from you Nidhi, if Navya would have told her mom everything, I don't think there would have been a love story.

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svkworld2

@svkworld2

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#60

Originally posted by: mridula.shome
To some extent yes.
Some of the reasons could be the following. I m not sure though
1. Fear of wrong selection by the kids.
2. Love knows no boundaries (religion,caste etc etc the difference of which may lead to high chances of adjustment problems in future)
3. Unable to discriminate between true love and a passing affair
4. Breakups before marriage leading to losing suitable marriage alliances in future.
Couldn't speak much.

@Nisha "...going where Angels fear to tread" Are u indirectly calling us '___ls'?lol.🤣 (U know what I mean)
But yes, it's undoubtedly a delicate issue.

Posted some really good points, mridula.

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