Epistle 5: The Velveteen Rabbit
A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D I hope all of you are doing well. Here is the fifth bonus epistle and this will be the new Epistle 5 as per the chronological order. :) :)
Not keeping y'all for long now,
Happy Reading! :D :D
30th May, 1996:
Ishaani is just... amazing!
Every time I think that she cannot catch my fancy with the kind of surprises me springs on me, she outdoes herself. And that's what I love about our blooming friendship - the unexpected. Although so far positive, but every day is like exploring the unexplored with her. And the amount of time we've got to bond with each other in these two months has been just mesmerizing. If anybody would have told me almost four months back that Ishaani and I would end up becoming such good friends, I'd have laughed at them. The master's daughter and the driver's son? Impossible!
But maybe that's the thrill of life - doing the impossible.
Time has just flown by and it feels like yesterday when our school had shut for the summer holidays. And they're going to recommence from tomorrow. I'm extremely excited to go back to school and to learning even though I've already studied ahead of my portion for this term because I was curious to see what we had ahead. And it's all too fascinating. I still don't have any friends in school, but my studies more than compensates for a social life I have little interest in. As long as I have Ishaani, nothing else matters.
And that brings me to the only drawback of school. I'll get to spend less time with her since we're parted by two years academically and she's confined to stay with her classmates most of the times. Not because she likes them or they're her friends, but because Falguni Maa has strictly warned her to. The rebel in her breaks out time and again, but in school, except for the recess together, we don't get to spend time with each other.
But it's okay, I guess.
Atleast we get to spend our entire recess with each other. She usually shares her tiffin with me because she knows that I come to school without any breakfast and then don't get time to have lunch too often because Baba is working and we don't have sufficient food half of the times. And Maggi doesn't really account for lunch and dinner everyday because it falls expensive. I do share lunch with the kids of the other helpers at times, but they can barely make sufficient for themselves to be an extra stomach for them to feed.
So I prefer to go without.
Baba doesn't know about this though. I don't tell him about it because I know he'll get worried and he'll tell Maa about it and she'll get even more panicky then. Baba has certainly noticed that I've grown thinner than I was when I came to Mumbai (if that's even possible), and he tries cooking enough to atleast last me for a day, if not him.
Or else if that's not sufficient, abuses from Baa are always there to satiate for the hunger. Baba always says that the meal of a servant isn't complete without a few abuses on a daily basis. On a serious note though, he did tell me to try the school canteen if I felt hungry, but everything there is just so pricey that I lose my appetite then and there.
So Ishaani's tiffin is the last resort.
It's not a resort that I approved of at first for multiple reasons, but you know how she gets when she's in one of those moods. I had to shut up and give in to her eventually. And she makes sure to split the tiffin into an exact half so that I can't squirm my way out of eating lesser than my share. She's extremely smart in things like these, that girl. She even blackmailed me into accepting Sharman's old schoolbag, uniform and textbooks so that I could save money on all this.
"They're as it is a waste in the store room, so why don't you use them instead? They've not come free, you know," had been her argument when I'd opened my mouth to refuse.
The memory of that night is another I'll not forget for a long, long time to come. It was the night before our first day of school back in April, and two weeks after we just became friends. Oddly, it was also the first time we'd bonded over something after the fiasco with Baa and the vase. So like you know, I was really worried about how my first day at school was going to be since Ishaani definitely had an upper hand here. And it was something going on in my mind all through my chores until I was sent to the storeroom to clean it up.
And who do I find there?
Ishaani, sitting cross-legged in the center of the room with a book in her hand a burner beside her. And it was within an instant that I knew she was upset. I can always sense her moods in a jiffy even though nobody else in the house surprisingly could. I don't know how people can't when her moods are so obvious! Ishaani always takes extreme pleasure in the fact that nobody does manage to guess her actual moods, but I find her approach rather silly. Oh, who am I kidding? I understand her point because I'm just the same.
But I digress.
So anyway, my sudden entry had managed to catch her attention and she turned around sharply, her eyes instantly catching my shadow on the floor first before my face. And the moment she saw me, her expression softened amidst the quick wiping away of tears and sniffs. I threw the dusting cloth beside and sat opposite her, worried about what had gotten her in such a mood. She'd been perfectly hale and hearty when I left her in the garden to do my chores and then Falguni Maa had come and... Oh, so that's what must have happened, I'd concluded. And I wasn't wrong.
"Ishaani, what are you doing here?" I'd asked, and she shook her head as though hoping that it would wave the question away. When I continued to stare in her, she sighed in resignation.
"No- nothing. Just needed some alone time. Had a fight with Maa," she'd replied in a small voice, looking at her palms instead.
"But in the store room?" I'd asked her, and she understood the implied meaning of my question. She smiled faintly.
"I like being here when I'm sad. All these books around make me feel safe and loved. It's my secret hiding place ever since that... thing with you and the whip," she'd explained, the reluctance in her confession evident. The memory of that incident was still fresh in both of our minds, and I knew that neither of us were eager to visit that again after the relative peace of this month in spite of the jibes every now and then.
"Is this where you've been disappearing to at odd times this month?" I'd asked her in an attempt to change the topic and she jumped on the opportunity only too eagerly.
"Yes, whenever I'm upset, I come here. But this is my secret place where nobody finds me when I want to be alone. Will you keep this a secret?" she'd requested, the plea in her eyes hesitant. She knew she could trust me, but she didn't know whether we'd become friends enough to trust secrets with each other. Fifteen days was far too early by either of our standards to be sharing things like these but I guess that's how friendships work. Someone has to take the leap of faith first and in our case, it was Ishaani.
"Ofcourse I will," I'd assured her with an understanding smile and the smile on her face, in turn, grew broader. "But how will you hide from me now?" I'd added and she burst into a fit of laughter that surprised me. Considering the mood she was in, it was quite a wonder that she actually cheered up so quickly. And knowing her, it's a task alone to get her to talk when she's upset, far more to actually make her laugh. Till today I see that as one of my greatest accomplishments.
"What are you doing here though?" had asked Ishaani once she caught her breath, and I brought my laughter to an end alongside.
"I came to clean up the store room. I wasn't expecting to find you here though," I'd replied in earnest, and she shot me a mischievous look that only indicated that a cheeky comment was on its way. And I wasn't disappointed.
"Life's full of surprises," was what she chose to say and I rolled my eyes in spite of myself. She's really crazy!
"So tell me, what happened?" I'd asked when we both looked devoid of anything more to say, the air suddenly awkward. Ishaani flushed at the question, her lips drawing into a taut line before she exploded into speech.
"I don't know, but Maa was just acting stupid. She was suddenly lecturing me about spending too much time with-"
"With?" I'd urged, looking at her keenly. She'd caught herself in time from blurting out her real cause of anger even though I managed to guess what she'd withheld. It wasn't too difficult to, if I am to be honest. I knew that this particular lecture was going to come time or the other ever since Ishaani and I became friends. But that fact that it had come fifteen days later was surprising. I was expecting it to come by a day back then.
"Er, books," had modified Ishaani lamely and I smiled.
"Books, or just one particular book?" I'd asked, and she was nervous when she replied next.
"The latter."
"Was that book named Ranveer?" I'd suggested and she let out an involuntary cry of reproach in spite of herself.
"I- No- How did you-" she'd stuttered for response, looking pale. I won't deny that hearing those words did hurt me even though I'd anticipated them, but the fact that Ishaani had fought against her mother for that was something that surprised me immensely. She didn't have to and yet she did for a servant. Obviously if I ever use the word in front of her, she'll go ballistic, but who's to explain to the girl that facts don't change just because you choose to see them differently?
"I told you that you're a terrible liar," I'd remarked with a smile and she crossed her arms over her chest, looking affronted.
"Practice what you preach first," she'd shot back, and it definitely took me by surprise. I didn't bother hiding it either.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't tell me that you've just come here to do chores," she'd remarked, and I smiled goofily since that's all I could do. I didn't expect her to guess otherwise. But there was no harm in telling her about it. A secret in exchange of a secret.
"I came to check the books over here. Vinod Kaka did mention that there was a good collection of them over here that I'd like, so I just..." I'd trailed off at, hoping that she understood the rest.
"But these are all study material only. I have some storybooks with me, if that's what you want," she'd offered, and I still remember the embarrassment I felt at it. It was the first time I was confessing this aloud and that too to Ishaani. It's not something I was about ashamed I don't know... it was Ishaani, after all!
"No, I just... I wanted to feel what a real book is like, you know? Back at home, we didn't have books like these," I admitted in a single go with my eyes shut. For some reason, I was too afraid to look at Ishaani, or to be more precise, the expression on her face. When the silence in the room got unbearable, I opened my eyes only to find her staring at me in genuine awe.
"How did you study then?" she'd asked, amused by my reaction. I flushed.
"We just had notebooks. The material we would have to write down since only the teachers would have a textbook. I've not seen a real book in my life, ever," I'd replied and she looked a little lost for words.
"Wow... I didn't know that... So what are you going to do about your textbooks now? Have you bought them?" she'd asked suddenly, and that was where I fell into the trap.
"No, I haven't. Baba doesn't have the money to right now, and Harshad Kaka has done so much for me already that we can't ask him for anything more," I'd confided and she gave me a perturbed look.
"Are you even ready for tomorrow?" she'd asked curiously, and all I did was give her a nonchalant shrug before replying.
"Not really, no. I don't have my uniform either." She'd remained quiet for a few minutes before her eyes sparkled with what I now think she supposed was a brilliant idea.
"Why didn't you tell me about this before? But anyway, now that you have, I have a solution to your problem. Why don't you use Sharman's books? I heard Maa talking to Chaitali Kaki the other day. They're as it is a waste in the store room, so why don't you use them instead? They've not come free, you know," she'd added then and had stolen me of all defense until I was only a spluttering mess.
"But I- how-"
"Leave that on me," was all she said before standing up and pulling me up alongside with a determined look on her face.
And I don't know what magic wand she turned, but the next day I had everything ready for me. I don't know what she actually did it because she refuses to tell me anything regarding it but she'd warned me to accept it without any fuss. And maybe that was what gave me cold feet when we reached the school gate. I refused to enter because I realized just how... unworthy I was to be sharing with the rich and the elite the same grand school whose structure my eyes couldn't get enough of.
But Ishaani had dragged me in in spite of all my protests. That girl just can't take no for an answer. And even though my fears were not entirely baseless, I found the strength to atleast try doing what my heart truly enjoyed for the first time since I've come to this city. Learn. And tomorrow, I'm going to be plunging into the same world of knowledge again. Ofcourse books don't determine wisdom, but knowledge and experience are both keys to unlocking it. Experience I've been getting in abundance in this city, so it's about time that I balance the scales with knowledge as well.
And you know what Ishaani did today?
She bought me my first book today! The Velveteen Rabbit! She's fascinated with the book, and she's gifted me her pristine copy of the same because she knows about my craze for anything that imparts knowledge. She says that the book is touching and just leaves a mark with the sheer beauty its written with. But the reason she gifted me this was because I apparently resembled the rabbit.
And I see what she meant because I just finished reading the book.
Honestly, no one has ever done so much for me before and for I moment I was seized by the urge of giving her the tightest hug I could while telling her how much the gesture meant to me. But I controlled myself. Instead, I let a messy tear leave my eyes and tucked the book safely underneath my pillow without letting her see the former. Baba always tells me that there are some moments in life that leave an impact on you. This was one such thing apart from the other thing that I read in the book. I'll quote it to you because this part was just... something just clicked here.
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Isn't this simply marvellous? This was just the kind of push I needed for tomorrow and Ishaani just gave it to me. I may be nothing more than an old, shabby, ugly rabbit to the world, but as long as the people I love see me for who I am deep within and in reality, the world doesn't matter to me. I may have little, but I have enough to cherish in this city to sustain me for now.
Especially love, like the velveteen rabbit.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Bigg Boss 19
Book Talk
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