Epistle 50: Eighteen Binding Promises
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12th October, 2004:
Miracles do exist!
I don't know what happened, really. Everything just sort of... fell into place. Like you know, things had reached a whole new level of awkward between Ranveer and myself ever since my outburst, and it was all too weird. Yet somehow, it was as though everything just had to fit across and become alright again. Strangely enough, this reminds me of Ranveer's birthday from eight years ago when he'd finally let me break through all the barriers of his heart as we lay beside each other for the first that night, stargazing.
And then there was tonight, where those same pair of stars stood testimony for what transpired.
Well, I'd gone to Ranveer's room to wish him Happy Birthday at midnight, but even before I could knock upon his door, I could hear him crying and murmuring something in his sleep, something about running away... I don't know what happened to me, but I just... couldn't face him. I could hear the pain in his voice, and my courage just failed me. So I decided that I'd wish him in the morning where hopefully, things wouldn't be as awkward. The house was going to be completely empty for the whole day since everyone had some plan or the other.
I don't think anyone even remembered that it was Ranveer's birthday.
When I went to meet him in the morning though (or rather at noon since I slept that long), the whole room was in a mess. Clothes strewn over, wooden blocks thrown all around, steel vessels in a similar fate... Ranveer had certainly had another one of his outbursts where his fit of throwing things in anger could be seen lying upon the ground mercilessly. I looked at the corner of the bed to see Ranveer fallen over, his head bleeding slightly from a small cut as an empty glass remained in his firm grip. An empty liquor bottle remained beside him, and I got my answer.
He'd gotten drunk again.
I swiftly got up and brought along a glass of water, sprinkling it upon his face. Squinting his eyes at the combined effect of the water and sunlight falling across his face harshly, he groaned softly. He didn't even realize that I propped him up, put his arm around my shoulder and draggged him up on the bed before he rolled over and fell asleep again.
I didn't know what to do, so I settled for the easiest option. I re-arranged his entire room back to sqaure one so that after fifteen minutes, the room looked as good as before. I quietly covered Ranveer with a sheet, taking out the first aid box from beside his bedstand drawer and tending to his wound, hoping that he wouldn't wake up. I didn't know how drunk he was, but he didn't even as much as twitch an eyelid. And that worried me deeply.
I reappeared by his side again after I'd kept back the first aid box and took his hands into my own, instantly realizing that they were cold. And the next few moments were nothing short of a horror to me. I tried reviving him again with some more water on his face, but it didn't seem to have any effect upon him whatsoever this time. His hands were so cold that it reminded me of the time I'd found him in the closet, his chest barely rising.
Oh yeah, the moment that thought crossed my mind, I knew that a doctor had to intervene. The doctor arrived within less than an hour, an exapserated look upon his face. It was the second time in five days that he was making a visit. He looked at me, puzzled, before I led him over to Ranveer's room. The doctor shook his head, unamused.
"What's happened to him?" he asked me, and I quickly explained it out to him.
"I don't know... he was alright till last night. I think he's gotten drunk. I've tried waking him up through all means, but nothing. His hands are all cold and his breathing-" I trailed off at, my fear overpowering my access to words.
"Let me check him up," replied the doctor grimly, and I nodded quickly. He made his way to Ranveer and sat beside him, taking out the BP machine and his sthetescope. He continued his evaluation as I paced back and forth around the room, my mind coming up with such terrible scenarios that it made me want to shake the doctor up and ask him to hurry up already!
But it was only ater ten minutes later that the doctor did look up.
"His blood pressure has dropped below 80-60, that's why he isn't responding to any kind of treatment," he informed and I looked at him fearfully.
"What am I supposed to do, doctor?" I asked him, and he sighed.
"I've given him an injection, so he should recover in a couple of hours. Once he wakes up, make sure to give him plenty of water so that he can recover on his BP. I'm also writing out two tablets that you need to give him twice today. It'll help," he instructed and I gulped nervously, the next question upon my lips even before I could stop myself.
"He'll be alright, right? We... we don't need to-"
"Hospitalize him?" completed the doctor, while I eyed him apprehensively. He continued. "No, thankfully. Just out of curiosity, why is he even this drunk?"
"It's his birthday, today. He's officially an adult," I replied, not too sympathetically though.
Oh, I so ached to tell the doctor that he was just an adult for namesake because he behaved worse than a 5-year old. Apparently, the doctor got the cue of what I was going to say for he smiled understandingly.
"Tell him not to abuse the privileges, or else the next time he gets this drunk or a little more, he's definitely going to need a hospital," he warned, his voice serious even though he had a kind twinkle in his eyes.
"Thank you, doctor," I voice aloud, and he smiled at me.
"That's okay, and I hope that you're taking good care of yourself," he stated, now stern again.
"Yes, I'm alright now," I replied, now embarrassed. God, we must have really psyched the doctor up.
"Please take care of yourselves, both of you. The next time I get a call about either one of you in need of a medical emergency, I'm going to be running in the opposite direction, you get me?" he continued gravely.
"Sorry, doctor," I muttered in response, now feeling even more ashamed.
"It's okay, and I hope that whatever remains of his birthday today, he enjoys it," mused the doctor, looking at Ranveer who was till in his unconscious slumber. I rolled my eyes and the doctor chuckled.
"He's such an idiot, I swear," I grumbled underneath my breath but the doctor heard me, unfortunately.
"Funny, but that's the same thing he said when I'd come over for you," said the doctor, now sounding slightly amused.
Without bothering to clarify any further, the doctor left the room (escorted by Vinod Kaka) while I sent out another one to get the said medicines. Even though the helper gave me a weird look, he went nonetheless. And till he could return, all I did was sit beside Ranveer and kept rubbing his palms so that he could get back some of the warmth of his body. He looked pale and slighter weaker than I remembered, his eyes having circles around them as though he'd clearly not been getting enough sleep.
I sat by him like that for exactly five hours until he finally decided that it was time to wake up.
"Nice of you to wake up," I commented sarcastically when his eyes opened softly, looking about the room disorientedly. Until his eyes landed upon me and he gave me a stupid look.
"What? Ishaani... what- what time is it?" he asked me, propping himself up on the bed shakily as he took his head into his hands.
"Five in the evening," I replied, and his eyes widened to the size of saucepans.
"What?!" he exclaimed hoarsely, closing his eyes as he held his temples in what I assume was pain.
"Yeah... So should I get you another bottle to drink?" I taunted, suddenly unable to restrain myself at the sight of what he'd made of himself.
"Ugh, my head..." he began, shutting his eyes. Apparently, he was disturbed enough to miss my jibe.
"Have this," I instructed, picking up a glass from the bedside and handing it over to him.
"What's this?" he questioned, looking confused.
"Electrol. Have it, you'll feel better," I replied, this time making sure that my tone was softer. I could see that my curt answers were bothering him.
"I- I'm gonna throw up," he remarked suddenly and even before I could say anything, he made a quick dart to the washroom. Returning back twenty minutes later looking even paler than before, he collapsed upon the bed as I look at him worriedly.
"Now do you feel better?" I inquired, and he shook his head.
"Not really," he replied, looking grey. I groaned to myself, suddenly feel a weird pang twist my heart.
"Have all the three glasses - Electrol, lime water and water. Have the tablets with the water. I need to go out now, so I'll be back in a couple of hours with some food," I told him quickly, making sure not to meet eyes with him.
I left the room before he could even react not because I really did have any work, but because... I knew why he'd gotten drunk. Like always, it was my fault. And the last thing I needed was to be with him in the same room and feel the guilt pound upon me from all sides. Besides, I felt too angry at him for behaving so stupidly. So it was the best that we didn't come face-to-face or I think I would have slapped him.
But even as I sat seething in my room, I realized that Ranveer was completely alone. Today was his 18th birthday, something of a milestone, yet no one remembered about it. Well, atleast Papa and Kaka left him a message and Maa did so as well, but still. This was something that was supposed to be a huge celebration. And yet Ranveer was all alone in his room with not even a single person to share the happy moment with. So instead of slapping him, I slapped myself. And needless to say, it felt better.
Taking a tray of food with me to his room (all his favourite dishes, mind you, from bhindi to samosas), I saw that he wasn't there. But I didn't need to ask anyone where he was because I knew where I'd find him. And I did; on the terrace, staring at the stars. He struck me as a pool where the moonlight decided to glimmer upon, showering its fracts of light wherever it would agree to reflect.
"I knew that I'd find you here," I exclaimed slowly and it caught his attention. He turned around to look at me with a half-hearted smile.
"I don't have any other place to go to now, do I?" he sighed and I felt my heart squirm uncomfortably.
"You have another one... The one you won't tell anyone about," I emphasized, looking at him curiously. I set the tray aside and sat beside him, stretching my legs in front of me just like how Ranveer was seated.
"I've just escaped from there," he replied enigmatically, and I raised my eyebrow in response.
"What's that supposed to mean now?" I questioned him, my curiosity now evident as he gave me a shaky smile. There was something mystical about him tonight, and the way he looked... moon-bathed. I looked at the stars twinkling joyously as though in greeting of their two favourite spectators who'd returned after almost five long months of absence, and for whom they had to put up a good show tonight.
"Love..." he replied absent-mindedly. I gasped in shock.
"She's... she's alive?" I asked him, my voice still reflecting the stunned disbelief that I felt at this news. I couldn't hide the flight anxiety I felt at the thought of her return and Ranveer saw it flicker through my eyes.
"Yes... More mysterious than ever. I suppose that we'll have to update our lists now," he suggested chuckling, before sobering down at my somber expression.
"Yeah, I suppose so," I replied uncertainly, and I'm certain that he caught the dark look that passed across my face at the mention of the list. We sat silently for a few more minutes, letting the magnicifent night swoop down upon us and embrace us into its warm envelope of a loving breeze.
"Why do you look so morose?" Ranveer asked me suddenly, turning his fullest attention towards me. I gave him an angry look, knowing that now was the best time to put forth the topic that I'd been meaning to reprimand him about.
"You got drunk again. You promised me that you wouldn't drink again," I stated coldly. Like expected, he gave me a disgruntled look.
"Promises are meant to be broken. And besides, I'm eighteen so I can legally drink," he defended, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Not to the point when you get serious, Ranveer. Do you know how frightened I was? The doctor looks kind of pissed off at us. He said that the next time any phonecall came regarding us, he'd refuse to come," I warned him, hoping that it would have some effect upon him.
He looked bemused.
"Yeah, we do give him a lot of business, I'll give you that," he said finally, looking sheepish.
Both of us looked at each other and smiled stupidly as I brought out the tray of food, Ranveer looking at it appreciatively with a strange look upon his face. And then it struck me - nobody had wished him. So before I could forget, I gave him all the birthday messages that he'd received, and he looked gratituous by the end of it. But the look still hadn't passed away from upon his face.
Well, for an eighteenth birthday, the day certainly sucked.
Not wasting any more time, Ranveer and I had our dinner, the atmosphere calmer than I expected it to be. Oh, it was a cozy little affair, as private and lovely as we would have hoped for. We even laughed after a while at how stupidly we behaved, food being a boost for our dead spirits. We had a little cupcake and ice-cream (after I made him blow out the candle upon the cupcake, ofcourse!), and then it was all stars.
We sat silently for a few minutes before I decided that the time had come for what I wanted to do. I called out his name as I stood up, looking at him decisively. He looked alarmed at my sudden gesture and gave me an uncertain look when I asked him to stand up.
"Why?" he countered, his tone projecting the confusion clearly evident upon his features.
"Please," I requested, and he got to his feet slowly.
"Now what?" he asked me once we both stood in front of each other, a thousand thoughts running through our minds.
I smiled coyly as the moonlight fell straight upon us like a spotlight, the stars suddenly twinkling stronger. I took his hands in my own as we looked at each other, lost in the hypnotic trance of the others' gaze. I took a deep breath, letting my heart loose in front of him at long last with what I'd decided to confess tonight.
"I want to make you eighteen promises on this day Ranveer - something that will bind us for eternity with the stars as witness and the Moon as our holy binder," I began, and even I surprised myself with the words I used. I never used such kind of vocabulary; this was more of Ranveer's forte - the mystical nuances. Ranveer stared at me agog for a minute, coughing uncertainly.
"Are you drunk?" he questioned, scrutinizing me more carefully as though I'd asked him for his kidneys.
"No, I'm dead serious. Are you ready?" I asked him, feeling the tension tingle through my veins. He gave my question a good though before nodding his head.
"Today, right here, right now, I want to make you eighteen promises as a gift for your birthday, something that not only keeps us connected and together no matter what, but something that I want to do for you and assure you about as well," I continued, Ranveer now looking at me attentively.
His inquisitive were eyes alight with a fire I couldn't decipher but it gave me the sense of feeling electrified. I ploughed on, beginning my list of promises slowly yet steadily.
"One - I promise to never be an obstacle to your success, but your path to it. Two - I promise that I'll never let any harm befall upon you as long as I'm with you. Three - I promise that I'll never leave you. Even if we do separate, know that I'll always be somewhere, praying for your well-being. Four - I promise that I'll always keep your happiness and well-being above mine. Five - I promise that I'll never give up on you; and no matter how many times you break, I'll fix you up just like new. Six - I promise that I'll fight the world bravely, no matter how hard the circumstances are."
I paused for a moment, letting the words sink in as I noticed Ranveer's eyes brim up. When he looked like he'd caught hold of his emotions, he gestured at me to continue.
"Seven - I promise that I'll never give up, not until I've got what I've striven for. Eight - I'll make a mark in this society and one day, you'll be proud of me. Nine - I promise that I'll never let you live through pain alone. I may be late, but I'll always heal you. Ten - I promise that I'll never let you fall weak. If you do, I'll make sure to stand as your pillar, either in words or thoughts. Eleven - I promise that I'll stand up to all the trust that you've put into me. Twelve - I promise that I will stand as a shield between my nightmare and yourself."
A tear fell from both of our eyes as the stupdities of the last few months flashed across my mind (and I'm certain his too). I bit my lips in anxiety as he let out a soft sob. I took that as my cue to continue.
"Thirteen - I promise that I'll always be the reason of your freedom, never your bondage in this world. Fourteen - I promise that I'll tear down that cold fence of wall around your heart every time you build it around, no matter how powerful it might be. Fifteen - I promise that no matter what difficulty life throws at us, I'll face it head on, with you always as my inspiration. Sixteen - I promise that if I'm the reason of your sadness and emptiness, then I'll be an even more powerful reason of your happiness and liveliness."
Ranveer gave me a blazing look, the grip of his hand growing stronger upon mine and vice-versa. I flashed him the best smile I could muster, pouring in as much love and affection into it as much as I could. I continued further.
"Seventeen - I promise that I'll always tether you to life, never to death. And last, I promise that no matter where life takes us or how our relationship shapes up in the future, I'm in it for the long haul. Always."
Ranveer rubbed circles upon the back of my hand with his thumb while I stared at him, feeling oddly relaxed. He smiled at me lovingly as I concluded.
"With these eighteen promises, I bind us both to eternity with our hearts, minds and souls."
The words just kept coming and I wasn't even conscious of them. What was going on with me, really? Ranveer eyed me pensively, as though wondering how best to say what he wanted to say, until he nodded his head firmly.
"And I make these eighteen promises to you as well; love binding us into it," he replied sweetly, a strange euphoria spreading through my mind, obliterating everything else away.
"I've got something more for this," I let him know and he looked at me eagerly.
Finally taking our hands out from each other's grip, I put my hand into the pocket of my skirt and retrieved two platinum bands from it with the words 'Always Together' engraved around it, the letters 'RI' engraved underneath. Pulling out his hand, I make him wear the ring upon his left hand's ring finger, while I hand over my half of the band to him and he does the same. Looking at the ring for some time, Ranveer looked at me awkwardly.
"Ishaani, you do realize that it's a very, very expensive gift now, don't you?" he remarked, his tone now uncomfortable.
"I don't care about the expense because it doesn't matter. Besides, I've spoken to Papa about this and he was the one who gave me the idea for your birthday gift, knowing the entire fiasco we've been through. But that's not the point. What matters is what the ring stands for - its symbolism," I emphasized.
Ranveer looked at me, still unconvinced.
"Ishaani, I-" he began, but I cut his speech by pressing my finger against his lips. He looked at me, as though struck by some kind of lightening that made his shoulders sag tiredly, his eyes dewy. I pulled my finger away, eyeing him closely.
"Come here," I whispered finally, knowing that what he needed was a hug after everything he'd been through. After everything we'd been through.
I didn't have to say anything more as he pulled me into his arms the next instant, my tired mind finding the refuge of the friend it had been yearning for so long. But I wasn't the only one who was tired; he was as well. I felt his head fall into the crux of my neck as he cried unabashedly, his tears soaking itself up into my hair.
I stroked his hair lovingly as I allowed myself to cry into his arms as well, his warm embrace so welcome after the bitter coldness of almost five months. We swayed upon the same spot for God knows how long before we separated, looking at each other with a variety of emotions coursing through our faces. I wiped away the tears from his face, my voice now cracking as I whisper with half a chuckle.
"Happy Birthday, stupid."
He looked surprised; he'd forgotten completely about his big day in the light of what was happening to us in that moment. We stood the same way for a few more minutes of patient silence before Ranveer spoke softly, his face suddenly devoid of any fear or shame.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," I whispered back to him. We both have each other an acknowledging smile.
"I've- I've been so stupid... And the void... I cannot fill it up. It's as though I've been holding on to something meaningless for so long that I don't know what to do without it anymore. I don't like that emptiness," he admitted to me while I stroked his cheek. He shut his eyes in turmoil.
"Do you trust me?" I asked him finally, pondering upon my own question for a while before putting it forth to him.
"With my life," he replied as his eyes snapped open, the fire back in them.
"Then let it go," I urged him sagely, taking his hand into my own now. I could see the shock that momentarily passed through his fetures as though he were electrocuted.
"She told me the same thing," he whispered slowly, and it didn't take me much to figure out that he was talking about Love.
"Then listen to us. Trust me," I repeated, and he sighed shakily.
"O- Okay," he breathed out uncertainly, a faint smile upon his face while I nodded my head in satisfaction as I buried my face into his chest. He called out my name softly after some time, while I grunted in response.
"These eighteen promises that we've given each other... what happens if we break even one of them?" he asked, his voice now curious.
"I don't know," I replied back simply, too comfortable to break away from the warmth of his embrace.
"What do you mean?" he questioned once again, now sounding puzzled.
"I wasn't doing sorcery, you know. I was giving you eighteen promises that I intend to fulfill," I whispered back to him in response. He chuckled with satisfaction.
"Yeah, that works. Eighteen promises that we've given each other, with God as witness," he breathed out dreamily, staring up at the moon with a goofy grin on his face. Why was he so adorable?
"This wasn't the kind of birthday that you'd imagined now, had you?" I questioned him, and he looked at me with a lopsided grin on his face.
"Not even remotely. But oddly enough, it's the best one I've had so far," he replied, and it definitely took me offguard. Ranveer looked at the disbelieving expression on my face, beginning to justify. "No, really. I don't know how to explain it to you... but it's just-"
I didn't let him complete what he was going to say, however, because I kissed him upon his cheek. On impulse. I don't know why I did that, but well... I just did. He blushed furiously for the next few minutes and tried to speak several times, but words failed him. Finally finding his voice after an indefinite period of time, he spoke shakily.
"Yeah, this is definitely the best birthday I've had."
Both of us blushed before we gave each other a hug again, laughing whole-heartedly for the first time in almost five months. Oh, it felt so... lovely, to laugh like that, to be free of all worries and stupidity and sadness. Who had time for any when life had so much to give, so much for us to seize? Oh, in that moment, we were both set free and I'm certain that we've both never been this happy in a long, long time.
There was a magic about tonight that I cannot really explain, but it was intoxicating... fascinating. It made my heart flutter as I felt my nerves tingle, and I could sense Ranveer going through the same emotions. We held hands for some time more, our rings glittering in the bathing moonlight, reminding us about what had just transpired. There was a magic, oh yes. Maybe it was the promise that our souls were bound to till eternity - an unspoken promise.
A promise to complete each other, no matter what.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 51
Edited by LadyMeringue - 8 years ago
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