Chapter 24
Nakusha looked down to see the woolen cap she had finished knitting, taking out the matching pair of socks she admired them affectionately. Red and blue pair of socks and caps were already completed last week and now this light green one was also done. She caressed the cap with her slender fingers and bit her lower lip, the baby would wear the cap and the socks but would never know who made them. She always tried to push away the thought of leaving her child after delivery but somehow or the other the thought never left her. While plunging into this mouth watering deal she had absolutely no idea that with time things would turn so painful and difficult for her. She sighed deeply, she had to do this, for the lady who promised to give her a better life in return for the life that was growing inside her and most importantly for…him.
Rolling the spare wool around the ball of wool she began picking the knitting needles to drop them in the bag. She stretched her hand to get the bag when the ball of wool fell down from her lap. Shaking her head she bent down to pick it when something hit her and she let out a soft cry. Supriya sitting on the opposite sofa reading a magazine lifted her head and furrowed her brows before asking," kya hua?"
Confused nakusha held her belly when she felt the kick again. She pressed her fingers against her baby bump and tried to concentrate on the movements inside her. She couldn't believe what she was feeling, the baby, her baby had started to move! She lifted her surprised lashes and met supriya's gaze, a quivering smile adorned her lips as she said," taayi yeh toh..hil raha hai." Supriya ironed out her creased brows and her jaw dropped. She too took a few seconds to react before throwing the magazine aside and rushing to nakusha's side. Her eyes still had uncertainty floating in them and she glanced at nakusha in bewilderment who slowly blinked her eyes and shook her head in reassurance. Lifting supriya's hand she placed it on her stomach. Moments later the baby kicked again, supriya's lips slowly stretched and her eyes turned watery. She gulped the lump formed in her throat and glanced at nakusha. This was real, it wasn't a dream in fact her dream was finally coming true and she could feel it. she cupped nakusha's face with one hand, she didn't know what to say, she was left absolute speechless and lowered her head. Allowing this incredible feeling to sink in. Tears were threatening to roll but she kept her overwhelming emotions in control and pushed back those tears.
After a very long time nakusha had finally witnessed this vulnerable side of supriya once again. She could see how she was battling with her feelings perhaps she too wished to experience motherhood personally rather than indirectly and this softened her heart towards the lady who was sitting next to her. She pressed supriya's shoulder with one hand then lifted her chin to push up her face, nakusha shook her head slowly, indicating her not to cry. Slightly moved by her gesture, supriya gazed back at her, there was warmth in nakusha's eyes and a sense of understanding on her facial expressions. Supriya gave out a weak smile and shifted back, she was fine, she could handle this well!
Sublaxmi after ironing the stack of clothes came out of the room and found both of them in this emotional state. She was confused at the same time happy to see the bond they shared. On seeing the housekeeper standing, supriya composed herself and turned her face away.
" mausi..apko pata hai..abhi isne mujhe laat mari." An excited nakusha told her that the baby had started kicking her. This feeling was magical which couldn't be expressed in words, it could only be felt and sublaxmi had experienced it years ago hence knew what nakusha was going through. She was elated to see nakusha grinning ear to ear.
Nakusha touched her belly one more time and thought of him, how would he react on knowing this? She glanced at the hanging wall clock and wished that at this moment he was there with her.
Supriya let out a frustrated sigh, his phone was switched off, she was so eager to tell him about this, she knew after knowing he would only warm up to her idea of surrogacy after all everything was going so well according to her plan that he wouldn't have any reason to complain and she could prove that the decision that she had taken months back without his consent was right. It had to be right, she knew it all along.
" yeh dutta ji ka phone bhi nah.." supriya tried his number once more but it was switched off
" arey abhi sahab ka phone bandh hoga..unki koi meeting veeting hai aaj ..do ghante baad karna mil jayenge." Nakusha informed casually, she had a word with him in the morning and he had told her that he would be extremely busy tonight in a meeting even his phone would be switched off.
Supriya looked at nakusha from the corner of her eye, she didn't like to know about him from her. Even though he was at work still he could have or more precisely should have informed her. The change in supriya's expressions didn't escape from sublaxmi's wise eyes. She shrugged her shoulders in disappointment, nakusha should have kept her mouth shut. There was no need for her to tell supriya about her husband's whereabouts even if she was carrying his child. Although it might be a small thing for nakusha but as a wife supriya would not appreciate it and nakusha needed to know that, she needed to know where to draw a line and stay within her limits.
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Nakusha paced up and down her room then stopped in front of the huge mirror to glance at herself. Her stomach was no longer concave and was protruding day by day, she had put on weight, thanks to her eating like a pig! She smiled inwardly and ran her hand over her baby bump remembering a few weeks back how she was in a state of panic on seeing her body expand from every possible corner. She looked different, felt different and most importantly she loved this difference. Glancing at the clock one more time she waited anxiously for the clock to strike ten. The baby was playing football inside her and she was desperate to tell him about it. He would be so happy.
After finishing her daily chores sublaxmi came with her mattress and blanket. She began arranging her bed on the floor and was about to turn off the light when nakusha stopped her and said," nahin mausi abhi nahin..pehle mujhe sahab ko iske baare mein batana hai." She smiled and caressed her stomach in excitement. Sublaxmi rolled her eyes, as always nakusha chanting 'sahab..sahab' didn't please her and she suggested to go off to sleep and inform him tomorrow morning. Sublaxmi turned off the light but nakusha was adamant, this was such a big thing how could she wait until morning hence turned on her bed side lamp and began dialing his number. He had still not turned on his cell phone.
"uff" nakusha let out a disappointed sigh and sat on the bed. Sublaxmi came up to her bed and raised her hand towards the switch off the lamp but nakusha held her hand instantly and asked in irritation," kya mausi andhere mein mujhe dikhayi kahan dega ..phir main sahab se baat kaise karegi." She didn't understand why couldn't sublaxmi wait for few more minutes, why was she hell bent on switching off the lights. Sublaxmi jerked her hand from nakusha's grip and said bitterly," andhera ho ya no ho , tujhe aaj kal waise bhi kahan dikhayi deta hai." Nakusha drew her brows together, what did sublaxmi mean? What was it that she was failing to see?
She didn't like the way sublaxmi was talking to her, in fact off late her behavior was only puzzling her. She stared at sublaxmi's back who was spreading her sheet on the floor.
" aisa kya hai jo main nahin dekh rahi hai?" She wanted to know why she was being scolded by her. Sublaxmi dropped the sheet that she was holding and turned to look at her," yahi ki tera sahab shaadi shuda hai." Nakusha narrowed her eyes in response, of course she knew that he was married and why the hell was she addressing him so rudely? Sublaxmi saw the confusion in her eyes, nakusha was still not getting what she was attempting to put across.
" woh kissi aur ka PATI hai..itni si baat tujhe samajh mein nahin aati?" yes he was somebody's husband but that didn't alter the truth that he was also the father of her child, " lekin yeh bachcha unka hai..unka pura haque banta hai iske baare mein jaanne ka." She touched her stomach in defense, she was only telling him about the progress about his child, what was wrong in that? He ought to know about it!
Her innocence and naivety was now getting onto sublaxmi's nerves, she could see nakusha treading the wrong path and all she wanted was to stop her because in the end she would only get hurt. She tried to keep herself cool and thought of explaining her calmly. She went to her bed, kneeled down and held her hand before saying," nakusha agar baat sirf bachche ki hai toh theekh hai ..par anjaane mein tu pati patni ke beech mein aa rahi hai." Nakusha was offended on listening to sublaxmi's words, how could she even think that she was coming in between supriya and him? She was not so low that she would break their marriage and house.
" haan main dhandha karne wali hai ..par main kisi ka ghar nahin todti." She knew where she was coming from and was often accused of breaking down homes but deep down she knew she was not responsible for anything like that and even today she was only attempting to bring happiness in this childless couple's life. She held up the cell phone and showed it to sublaxmi," yeh phone sahab ne khudh mujhe diya tha ..aur main koi chori chupe unse baat nahin karti." Everything that she did was in the open, if she had any wrong intentions in her mind then she would be hiding all these things instead of being so honest and open about them.
Shubhlaxmi shook her head slowly, what is wrong, is wrong, whether its done before everyone's eyes or behind closed doors…it hardly matters. She knew today her words were piercing nakusha's heart but she wished to save her from a heart break later on. She pushed a loose tendril behind nakusha's ear and said softly but sternly," woh ek din apna bachcha aur biwi lekar chala jayega..haath tere khaali reh jayenge." The statement stung nakusha's ears and she looked down at her bare hands, tears filled up in her eyes, she knew she was under a contract and one day she would be all alone without him and the baby but even today she was all alone and whatever she felt for him was buried in her heart, she wouldn't confess and dare to ruin his marriage ever then why was she being shown her limits? Why was she being humiliated like this?
Shubhlaxmi took the phone from her hands and placed it on the side table.
" isse pehle bahut der ho jaye..rok le khudh ko..dil sirf tera tootega." Nakusha glanced up and questioned her through her eyes, what mistake was she committing by keeping in touch with him, by keeping him informed about her and the child's well being? She wasn't asking or expecting anything in return then why would it break her in the end? If she knew well she was already broken beyond repair!
" usey kuch farak nahin padega..jo apni biwi ki nahin ho saka woh tera kya hoga." This was it, nakusha could still hear something against herself but not a word against him and his intentions, she knew how much he cared for her and his concern was genuine and not fake. Surely he and supriya had issues to deal with but then how could shubhlaxmi drop the entire blame on his shoulders? Subhlaxmi had no idea what he had gone through, she would never ever understand him neither she was in the mood to explain her, his side of the story. Fine if subhlaxmi didn't want her to speak to him she wouldn't but then she wouldn't even allow her to disgrace him.
Pulling the duvet up to her shoulders she turned her back to subhlaxmi and slipped into the covers after saying," mausi sahab kaise hain yeh tum kabhi samajh nahin paogi ..khair.. mujhe sona hai." Subhlaxmi glanced at nakusha's back, she was behaving nothing less than a rebellious teenager who was madly in love, she pressed nakusha's shoulder warmly before turning off the light, hoping that this darkness would help her see better.
With hands in his pockets he walked lazily and reluctantly down the hall to the bar. She usually called him up after dinner, her timing was impeccable especially when he would be strolling towards the bar for a drink. Sometimes he wondered did she place a hidden camera before leaving to stop him from indulging into alcohol because most of the times her calls would hamper his drinking session. He didn't complain as he drank only to get sleep which he eventually got after knowing that she and the baby were doing fine. But today neither she'd called up nor he was in a mood to read books on parenting hence he was back to his old familiar area of the house.
Sitting on the bar stool he poured himself some whiskey and took a slow sip of that bitter sweet liquid. Relishing its taste he took out his cell phone and placed it on the counter. Halfway through his drink it struck him that he had forgotten to switch on his cell phone after concluding the meeting. He turned it on instantly and thought of calling her but then his gaze fell on the clock, she might have slept by now, he would speak to her in the morning.
After taking the last sip from the glass, he began retreating towards his room and crossed nakusha's room, from the corner of his eye he noticed that her cupboard was slightly open. He paused for a moment then lifted his leg to step in, for the first time he was entering there. In fact with time he had conditioned his body in such a way that his neck never turned towards her room but today he didn't know what happened that his wandering eyes couldn't ignore the sight of this room. With slow steps he approached the cupboard and was about to shut the doors when a soft fabric fell on his feet.
Picking it up he recognized it was the same sari that he'd gifted to supriya on their wedding anniversary and she'd passed it on to nakusha later on. He smirked looking at the fabric, how easy it was for her to pass on this gift to nakusha as though it held no value to her? how easy it was for her to bring nakusha in his life, quite easily as she herself had stepped in to his life.
It was her twentieth birthday and nanasaheb threw a party for her and invited all his close associates with their families. He was reluctant to go for it but since nanasaheb happened to be his mentor he couldn't refuse him thus went along with AS. It was a well crowded party with heavy music blaring the ears. As always he stood in a corner with a glass in his hand not interested in taking the initiative to interact with anybody until supriya herself approached him. He felt a bit uncomfortable in her company as he didn't remember the last time he had a conversation with a girl, perhaps after seema's betrayal he had turned his back to all females nevertheless he did make an effort to have a word with her. She was beautiful and elegant, at the same time quite friendly. This major variation in his life didn't go unnoticed by his mother who watched him from far away with affectionate eyes. After ages she'd seen his son smiling though not much, but his shyness and peaceful face conveyed a lot about what his heart was going through. He'd drowned himself in his work and forbade himself from getting into any relationship but now she could see that he needed to move on and forget his bitter past and supriya was the perfect one for him. She was aware of his background, knew what kind of business he was in, in fact she herself came from the same world, no wonder she wasn't intimidated by him and was completely at ease with him. That's what he needed, a life partner who didn't get perturbed by his past and present instead understood and accepted him as he was.
When the issue of his marriage was raised, he was skeptical, wasn't sure whether things would work out or not, he didn't have the heart to go through another emotional outbreak but his mother convinced him otherwise. She believed that he should give his life another chance as he too deserved to be happy. Thus after giving this matter a thought he finally said yes, after all he couldn't spend the rest of his life alone although for the last five years he was a complete loner and if things went his way he would have remained one but somewhere deep down he too wished to give this relationship a try maybe things might turn out for the better, who knew he might get lucky the second time.
Eventually after more than a month they both got married. As he'd thought supriya was a different girl, she wasn't demure on the contrary had strong views which she expressed quite openly. He didn't complain, it was good that she could open her heart out to him so easily. Life was smooth, in fact it was just the same for him. Professionally he became more busy as she gave him an extra sense of drive and push that he might not have had to the same extent if he had been on his own. She was pretty, educated, intelligent and he admired the fire inside her yet from time to time he wished that it were only a little tempered. Maybe that would come in time with age. Giving more than five years of his life to this world of blood shed he somewhere desired to take things easy, he knew he couldn't leave it completely but wanted to drift away from it hence ventured into more of charitable and social causes that would help PV, something that didn't go down well with her but at the same time she didn't have the guts to defy his professional decisions so instead of trying to beat him she thought of joining him in the works that were meant for the upliftment of people of PV.
Personally also he felt his life hadn't changed, the wall that he'd built around himself was still there. She hadn't succeeded in bringing it down neither did he make an effort to let her in. Perhaps he expected her to take the initial steps and bring him out of his lonely world…which she didn't and once again he didn't complain instead felt a pang close to disappointment. They were together physically and mentally but emotionally they still needed to connect. They were there for each other yet still not there. There was a distance between them that required to be filled so AS suggested them to have a family. No matter how distant a couple is, a child always brings them together. The thought, the idea appealed to both of them . For the first time they both wanted the same thing and it did manage to bring them close.
However it seemed that they or he in particular were destined to crave for happiness, it was never served to him on a platter. As much as they wanted to be parents, they failed… she couldn't conceive. But she wasn't willing to give up so easily, she underwent every possible medical treatment no matter how painful it was both physically and emotionally. Even though he was preparing himself to accept this bitter truth that they would remain childless but she was unwilling to accept it. The desolation and disappointment in her eyes every month, broke him from within. Seeing her go through so much pained him to the core and he wished that she put an end to all this at least for her own sake but she didn't. s*x instead of being an attempt to produce a baby was now a chore, instead of drawing them close it was drifting them. The gap between them was only widening which only he could see and feel. He was loner than before and this time even his mother who was on her death bed failed to notice his pain on the contrary she made him promise her to stick around his wife, never ever even think of leaving her as she was infertile because he couldn't get a better life partner than her who was willing to go to any extent just to bring happiness in his life.
His dying mother was right she did go to an extent that he had never imagined by asking him to sleep with a stranger so that they could have a child. This was the last straw. This was the ultimate limit that she could have pushed him and their relation to. That single night spent changed a lot of things, it did succeed in bringing a new life to their lives but at what cost?
He looked down at the sari in his hands, it was not just a gift that he'd given her, it was his feelings his emotions, his hopes , his dreams that he had invested in this gift and their marriage that she had so easily given away to someone else. Shaking his head he kept the sari back and locked the cupboard securely.
Thanks for reading
Rose
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Anupamaa
