Chapter 3
I entered my home until a day back with shining eyes and a warm heart, all known faces were looking back at me. Ma and amma were smiling at me from the kitchen counter and daadi was sitting in the couch with her arms outstretched towards me. The other Arora minion, Bulbul however had conveniently forgotten that I even existed in her life, she had directly flown towards Abhishek and was fawning all over him like his crazy fan-girls - I smiled. I reached daadi and hugged her tight, then I reached for Ma and amma - they all embraced me with their love. I felt at peace for a while. I broke from Ma's embrace only when I heard daadi scolding Bulbul for holding Abhishek at the door for so long - I broke from the hug and took a few steps towards him, to receive him inside the house - after all he had been nothing but gracious in fitting me in his life. I gently reached for the presents bag from him and took it off his hands, and placed it on our centre table, then I held his hands and brought him to out sitting area. I felt strange, I realized, ever since the wedding we had, I had never touched him. This was my first physical contact with my husband of two days. I felt conscious all of a sudden, and the small walk from the door to the sitting area seemed so prolonged. His palm was big, all-encompassing and warm. His fingers were unusually rough and scarred, I gathered that was from the years of association with the guitar strings, for one wild moment, I thought, such rough fingers would feel so uncomfortable in the right places, and no sooner I blushed badly at the random turn my thoughts took - I rebuked myself for even garnering such thoughts - his hand however held mine loosely, without effort, like he didn't care.
He sat in between Daadi and Bulbul on a sofa and soon all talks were around him, even though he wasn't participating much, he was amicably responding to all that was directed towards him - seemed to particularly get along with daadi - in fact he was more than amused at hearing daadi's cough syrup habit and soon made a request that he would like to try her cough syrup someday - Ma glared at daadi for forming such an impression before him, and amma just shook his head in disbelief - whereas all Bulbul could still do was, ogle at him! After a while, I sighed, everyone was busy chatting with Abhishek and making him comfortable, I felt slightly disappointed that I was left on my own - weren't they going to miss me tomorrow when I would be gone, I wondered. But then I realized, Abhishek was new here, and he was after all a rockstar, everyone was busy to settle him, lest he felt uncomfortable - for me, this was my home anyway, I could make myself comfortable whenever I wanted, I told myself.
After dinner, which suspiciously consisted of what turned out to be all of Abhishek's favourites dishes, daadi suggested he accompanied her to the terrace, for cough syrup - Abhishek seemed amused and readily agreed! Ma tried chiding daadi, but much to my and Bulbul's amusement, daadi maintained a sombre face and never caught Ma's eyes! After daadi and Abhishek left for the terrace, finally Ma and Bulbul made some time for me. We chatted for a while, but it was mostly Ma obsessing over the fact that what her son-in-law must be thinking of our family right now, as her irresponsible mother-in-law decided to get Abhishek drunk! After a while, I retired to my room - as usual, the first thing that caught my eyes was the tightly shut window next to my bed. I never had it shut, until very recently, I tried to ignore it, and changed into my night clothes and settled on my bed with my favourite classic of all time - Sense and Sensibility. I was reading and also making a mental note of the few favourite classics that I was planning to take with me tomorrow, but I found my mind wandering back to the tightly shut window - after an hour of controlling my urges, I finally gave in, and slowly walked towards the window and unbolted it - ever so slowly, I tried to push it open, but just then I heard a voice from behind, it was Ma. "Some windows are best kept shut so tightly, that even if you want to, you cant open them. I hope you got my point Pragya?" she told me sharply. I gulped and nodded. She continued, "It's late, you should get to bed now" I nodded again and walked back to my bed. She looked at me intently for a while, and then her features softened - she walked towards me, and softly placed a peck on my forehead before saying, "Beta Abhishek Prem is a very nice man, he will keep you very happy" - without another word, she turned and left.
***
I was in awe with Pragya's daadi's persona - had I not loved my daadi so dearly, I would have swapped her with mine immediately - unlike a calm and quiet Pragya, she is a rockstar! In fact, that's what I have decided to call her anyway - rockstar daadi! I learned that she liked to indulge in country liquor every now and then, and she was so much fun! She unlike most ladies of her age, had no interest in devotional hymns, in fact she preferred, my rock songs over them! She was quite a gadget addict and perfectly used a smartphone! In fact she was there on all social apps! She had her own Insta page even, which I doubt even her grand-daughter had! We got talking, and I realized, she was a deeper person than all this, she spoke of her experiences, and tried to judge my stand towards, family and fidelity in subtle ways. I thought it was fine, she was only looking out for her grand-daughter.
When I entered Pragya's room, the first thing I noticed was it was so small, unlike our bedroom, this one was small and too cutesy for my choice - done up in shades of pink, with a massive portrait of the two sisters hanging by the wall - wardrobes crammed in one corner, with glitter stickers all over it - spoils from their teenage days I supposed. I saw her sitting on the bed, staring at a book, but mentally lost far away - I looked up and saw a big book shelf to the right side of her bed, and beside that, a door. I assumed that to be the washroom door, and quietly walked in to change - all this while, she never noticed me. After a warm shower, when I came out, she seemed to jerk awake of her thoughts - she noticed me, and shifted nervously on her bed. I smiled at her awkwardly as the realization hit both of us at the same time we didn't have a settee over here, so we had to share the bed for the night - she gulped nervously. I decided to lighten the situation.
"Hey, is smoking allowed in this house?" I asked casually, she jerked her head up and after a slight pause replied, "No-one smokes here really, so I don't know.".
"You know, I would have smoked in the terrace, but somehow didn't feel right before your daadi. And what if she wanted to smoke too? It wouldn't do good to her health at this age nah" I smirked. She seemed more at ease as she smiled a little. "Well maybe you can smoke here - no one will know" she replied shyly. I was surprised, right inside the bedroom? But before I could respond, she quickly got up from the bed and ran towards, one of those wardrobes with sparkly stickers - she opened it and carefully used keys to unlock the locker inside - I was wondering what she was upto, when she produced an ash-tray from there to my surprise! I chuckled.
"So you secretly smoke too chashmish?" I asked jovially. She looked scandalized for a moment before her nose scrunched and she replied, "Chashmish?"
"Yes, chahshmish! That's what I will call you! So, chalu chashmish, you smoke too? Just your image is of a goody girl eh?" I laughed, relieved that the ice had broken at last.
"Haw! No no" she replied with big round eyes and a childlike innocent face! For a moment I stared at her eyes. I never noticed that she had beautiful eyes. Then my eyes fell on stacks of papers inside the locker - the reason my eyes fell on them was because, I saw something familiar there! I saw my newspaper cut-outs! This time my smirk was evil! Before she could realize what I was upto, with one swift motion I pulled a handful of those papers out, as she gasped in surprise!
"So you're a fan of mine too chashmish? I thought you told me during our engagement that you only enjoyed classical music and folk songs? Tch tch lying is a bad thing jhooti chashmish!" I continued to joke with a serious face now. She actually fell for it and stammered.
"Who, actually..this is Bulbul's wardrobe - these are her cut-outs, even I didn't know she had these - really! Also I don't smoke, when Bulbul had started college, she had started smoking she would smoke here quietly, until one-day I caught her! The ash-tray is from those days" she replied sheepishly. I laughed, and she looked even more surprised.
Soon, we were sitting on the bed, and as I smoked, she sat next to me - the banter was over, and it was getting icy again - to avoid that, I told her to join me, as I flipped through Bulbul's cut out of my articles - They were mostly my interviews, music reviews, photoshoot posters etc - soon she was comfortable again, as she joined me and we both were flipping through them - all was good until and unless we reached an article with the headline, "Rockstar Abhi's Chosen One?" it was a newspaper supplement from Valentines Day last year, and below the article there was a picture of me and Tanu walking out hand-in-hand from a party - the picture and the memories still scorched me - how I would have been at her's today for pag-phere had she not taken that drastic decision, only to change her mind much later when it was too late!
Suddenly, the entire setting started irritating me, the pink room, the bespectacled so called mis-fit wife next to me, the room and my life. Suddenly I heard a small voice from next to me.
"Were you two really together at some point?" her question was reasonable, after-all Tanu and I never owned up to our relationship publicly, it was always speculations. I didn't reply to her query, the past memories and the feeling of helplessness, which was making me wary - what I was consciously blocking away ever since we married, was flooding back to my mind.
t's stuffy in here with all the smoke, let me open that window!" I said, and before she could respond, I got up from the bed - I thought I heard a low gasp - I didn't care.
***
He opened the window and stood near it, smoking quietly - now things were making sense to me. So he was indeed in love with Tanu, but then why did he marry me? Maybe, Tanu left him? But she seemed very disturbed throughout the wedding, and I had heard her sobbing due to the break-up. That meant she loved him too - if they both loved each other, than why did Abhishek marry me? How did I become a cog in someone else's relationship?
A part of me wanted to walk up to him and console him, but the open window scared me, my feet weren't brave enough to take me there the second time this evening.
"What had happened?" I asked meekly, breaking his stream of thought.
"Life" he muttered softly.
"Clearly, you still love him.." I muttered, surprised at the disappointment that was evident in my voice. He sighed.
"And she loves you too - I saw that" I continued, as treacherous tears started swarming the corner of my eyes. He didn't agree nor did he deny.
"Then why did you agree to marry me?" I almost whispered, choking in my tears.
"Destiny is inevitable" he replied, more to himself than me. Then to my surprise, he looked at me with guilty eyes and spoke very gently.
"Pragya, I will remain loyal to this marriage, I promise you - but I am not sure if I can ever love you. It was always her" he finished in a harsh whisper. Then he snubbed the cigarette in the ash-tray and strode towards the bed - he took one side and lay down, and turned his back towards me.
I sat there silently, suddenly, my will to re-establish my life snubbed. When I had accepted this alliance, I had thought, maybe I was accepting out of Ma's health, but if I am accepting it, I will do full justice to it - I will give my life a chance - I will keep Abhishek happy - I will not let my tarred past dampen this relation - but is there anything to build here anyway? I slowly got up from the bed and took cautious steps towards the window that was now open - if my present was as messed as my past, then why was I scared of looking it in the eye?
I stood by the window, and my head automatically turned upwards, towards the first floor window in the opposite building - for a moment I smiled, it felt like olden days, much before all changed. He was still sitting there, by the window, correcting his answer sheets - thankfully he wasn't looking this way, he wasn't expecting me I suppose - of course he never did, and that was a different story all together! I stood there looking at Suresh relentlessly correcting his answer sheets - a fleeting thought ebbed. What would have happened if he liked me back at the first place? We would be married by now, a happily married couple - I would probably be making coffee now in his kitchen - for him. But he doesn't like me - that was reality - what chance do I have before my beautiful sister Bulbul anyway - he liked her, and rejected me. Then I married Abhishek, he accepted my hand in marriage, but he too rejected me - for another beautiful woman - is being beautiful so important?
I was lost in my thoughts, and after a while, I decided to lock the window, Just before latching, I stole another glance at his window, much to my surprise, Suresh looked back at me. His expression was unreadable - meeting his eyes after so long pulled out all my disappointment towards him to the ebb, and tears leaked out - he looked agitated seeing me in tears, but he didn't say anything, he sighed and quietly looked down at his papers - I felt a stab of rejection again, as I sniffed softly.
"Let me help you latch it" I almost jumped in surprise, I had forgotten Abhishek was in the room. I quickly wiped my tears, as he glanced at Suresh's window once, and latched the window shut. He then pulled me by my arms and took me to bed.
***
Sitting in my make-up van, waiting for the shoot, my mind went back to yesterday, the night when we stayed at the Arora's - I had told Pragya my truth, but what was she hiding? I remember unlatching that window, I remember her gasping, I remember the surprised look, that retarded looking man had given me that night from the opposite window - I had assumed he was surprised seeing the rockstar in his neighbourhood - I remember noticing that he kept glancing back - I could have smiled thinking him to be a fan, but I was not in the frame of mind, I was busy focusing on Pragya's stammering voice and inevitable questions and Tanu's deeds - until then I found nothing queer - but later when I saw Pragya look out of the window with a similar kind of urgent yet defeated expression, I gathered something was up. When I closed to her for latching the window, I noticed she was in tears, as she looked at the man sitting by the window with a stack of paper. Something in me stirred, something I couldn't quite place - without further ado, I shut the window and got her back to bed - I think she had cried herself to sleep that night - I suppose so did the double batteried man by the window, Tanu and also me - Tanu faced one indecision, and all four of us were suffering that night - and it was just the beginning.
Vanshaj
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
622