Chapter 1
I have visited this house quite a number of times now, for all the pre-wedding rituals. I have met them all, his daadi, his sister Aaliya, tayaji, tayiji, Raj bhaiya, Mitali bhabi, Bunty, Bubbly, Aakash, and his cousin sisters too - I already have a sketchy understanding of each of them now. I was silent most of the times we met and interacted, but I noticed all the small details - his daadi is an epitome of love and maternal affection, I felt that from the first time I met her, even tayaji and Raj bhaiya are nice, they are quiet and docile, but they smile genuinely everytime they meet me - I like them. However I cant say the same about Aakash or his mother, that is tayiji, not after the Rachna incident, though they play decent and don't seem to hold any reservation against me, but my judgement towards them are skewed. His other cousins are sweet but they are really young, and they seem to adore me, much like Bunty and Bubbly his brother's children. Even Mitali bhabi seems like a gullible woman, in spite of the fact that she hasn't been very warm with me yet, just the niceties and impersonal exchanges, but I can feel, that we may get along, given sometime. However, if there are two people I have felt almost hostility from, they are his darling sister Aaliya and her childhood best friend Tanu, the supermodel, who is always around. The way they smirked at my relatives non-designer wear, didn't go unnoticed by me, the face they made, whenever they were invited to my place for the wedding rituals, the displeasure they showed, the reluctance, didn't go unnoticed by me either. I know I would have a tough time, to bring our equation down to a cordial one - but I am hopeful. I guess I have to first find out why they spite me.
But my real worry aren't any of these, my real worry is the man who has now entered my life, and will permanently be there with me - my husband, Abhishek. Strangely, I realized, he is the person I have interacted the least with, throughout the wedding - all I have noticed is, he is unnaturally reserved and impersonal when he interacts with me. He is guarded, almost like he is cautious - this somehow doesn't match with his rockstar personality that flashes across all youth channels across the nation.
My sister Bulbul is a huge fan of his, and as a result, in spite of not liking his genre of music, I happen to know a lot about his onscreen personality - he is charming, fun-loving, dashing, spontaneous and a peoples man - the rockstar Abhi - he has had affairs, maybe even hook-ups who knows? He has a flamboyant life, and was one of the most eligible bachelor in the country - and this man suddenly agreed to marry a professor from a middle class family, from the suburbs of Mumbai. Why? Because his daadi wanted this - that was his reason, is it a valid reason even?
Of course I have my own reasons for agreeing to this alliance. Did I have a choice? Not really, not with an ailing mother who stood through three tentative weddings of mine, that didn't materialise in the nick of time, not when she passed out cold, when I had just told her that I was thinking of refusing, not when the doctor had said, her cardiac conditions weren't great - I had to say yes. What else could I do, but hope that a miracle would happen and make me fit into this rockstar's life?
***
There is absolutely no escaping now, I have been as distant as I could, so far, but now it's just her and me. How do I begin this thing? Will she ever understand me? My life? My priorities? Will I ever be able to give her the place I had given Tanu? She is such a plain jane, how will she ever fit my world? I had these thoughts stirring in my head, when I cautiously opened my bedroom door, with daadi, Aaliya, and my cousins at my toe. The cousins were ecstatic and giggly, and daadi was happy - I sighed, this is what I wanted - to see these faces smiling, and here I had them smiling - this marriage hadn't failed its purpose I thought. Then I looked at Aaliya, my sister, the apple of my eye, the reason I worked hard ever to make it big - she looked disappointed. Of course she did - she knew about Tanu and me, and she knew how Tanu broke my heart, she knew how I gave in to daadi's demand and agreed to marry whoever she chose for me, she knows that after seeing me agreeing to tie the knot, Tanu wanted to come back, and she also knows that inspite of the fact that I have forgiven Tanu and still love her, I could not let daadi down, hence I am where I am now - outside my bedroom door with a bride who is not Tanu, waiting for me inside. I wish I can do justice to this relation, and that girl Pragya too. I wish a miracle happens, and everything becomes right soon.
***
I heard the door creak open, and I looked up. Abhishek walked in, head bent - trying his level best to not catch my eyes for as long as possible. For a moment it felt funny, this was his room, I was the new one - and it felt like he was entering someone else's room without permission. I laughed slightly at the thought and he automatically looked up at me. He gave a curt smile and a nod - like acknowledging my presence, as always - very impersonal. I don't know when the laugh left my face and involuntary sigh escaped me. His brows furrowed slightly hearing me sigh, still looking at me, it seemed like he was debating about saying something to me - I maintained steady eye contact to encourage him to speak - but he seemed to change his mind, as he turned left and started walking towards the closet to change. Well I am not surprised there, I didn't expect anything more erotic, when we both cannot say for sure, if the other person has a middle name even!
I was still sitting on the bed, clad in the wedding attire and jewellery, waiting for him to walk out of the closet so that I can also change back to my normal night clothes, and retire for the night - even though I was wondering about the bed scene too, how were we going to sleep? Would we share the bed? I looked around the room and spotted a settee by the side of the bed, I hadn't really noticed it so far, owing to the fact that it was nearly covered with a lot of gift boxes, which I assume were our wedding presents from guests. The settee looked big enough to fit me comfortably, but would not suffice for him. I thought of offering him the bed when he came out, and I would take the settee. Just as I was getting up, to remove the presents from the settee to the floor to make space for me, he came out of the closet in a pair of black tracks and white tee. He seemed surprised to see me standing, he stopped in his tracks and looked at me questioningly.
"I was just going to.." but he never let me finish my sentence.
"Change?" he asked understandingly, and then gestured towards the closet. "The wardrobe to the right has all your stuff. If you need something else, call Robin at 911 from the intercom"
I nodded, and smiled in curtsey, and was about to enter the closet, when he spoke again, "Err..I am going to my studio okay?" he said pointing towards another door in the room. I nodded in response and without further ado, he left. I was surprised I hadn't noticed that door either, now I looked around the room - rockstar Abhi's room - for a moment I smiled in childish joy, imagining what Bulbul would give away to be here! It was a massive square room - as we entered the room from outside, the right side hosted a black wall that hung photos of a lot of his major achievements, honours, on one side there was a shelf that homed all his trophies and awards. On the other side there was an elaborate music system, with surround sound and all, next to it was a shelf overloaded with many music CDs - I went forward and schemed through them - it was a mix of both my and Bulbul's choice of music. As in there were classical music and hard rock both, in fact he even had quite a few of his own compositions there - narcissist much? I wondered aloud smiling to myself. Then an idea struck me, I took a photo of his music shelf and whatsapped it to Bulbul - she always wanted to know what her favourite rockstar personally liked hearing! Laughing to the small pleasures of life, I decided to keep the massive anxiety of marrying a stranger at check, and looked further.
Keeping my back to the black wall, I was facing a massive bed in the opposite, behind which hung a huge portrait of the rockstar, the settee, the washroom and his closet to my left and his elaborate vanity to my right, by the vanity was the door hidden behind curtains - the door he went through - to his studio and next to the door was another elaborate set of gyming accessories, next to that set up, just to my immediate right was another door hidden behind curtains - I was curious what there was behind that door, so I slowly walked towards it and cautiously opened it - it led me to his balcony, it was a beautiful balcony overlooking the whole of marine drive. The aerial view of Mumbai from his pent-house bunglow on the 40th floor was breath-taking - to have access to such view at will, was lifting my spirits again - after absorbing the view for a good ten minutes, I looked around my immediate surroundings, there was a swimming pool to my right, that reached the edge of the balcony on one side, there was a tastefully manicured small garden with a garden table and chairs covering the rest of the space - a garden overlooking such a breath-taking view, I was overwhelmed. As the garden stretched further to the left, there was a wall at the end, and there was a window there - I was surprised, our bedroom didn't have a window, then what was that window overlooking? I ran like a curious child towards the window - as I peeped in, for the first time in all this while I got a glimpse of the rockstar the world adored - he was sitting with his back to the window, surrounded by a set of drums, playing them furiously and singing along with it, he was immersed in a different world, it was as good as a stage performance, but it wasn't meant for the public eyes - there was something very personal here. I was so immersed in the sight that it took me a few minutes to realize that I could hear no music - then I realized the room was sound proof, a little disappointed set in me, that there was no music to the sight I saw, I was about to turn around and leave when he suddenly turned around. He looked me straight in the eyes, and I flushed in embarrassment for having been caught sneaking up on him.
"I was..I was..looking...balcony..." I realized I was incoherent, so I just finally mumbled a quick apology and ran back to the bedroom, all the time rebuking myself for not explaining better, not remembering even once that the room was sound proof and the window was sealed glass.
After a good few minutes when the rush and anxiety seemed to leave me, and I calmed a little, I slowly went to the closet and changed into one of my old, pale pink anarkali salwars, then I came out and removed the presents from the settee on to the floor and settled on to it and called it a day - praying reverently that things felt less awkward between me and Abhishek soon.
***
She seemed very nervous when I entered the room, what did she think, I was an animal who would devour her, without checking if she is comfortable in my presence? As I approached her, I saw her shrinking into the bed without her realizing - I considered telling her that she could be comfortable, I wasn't planning to come close to her - but then I thought that it might send out a wrong signal, she might take it in wrong sense, hence a moment before almost telling her that, I decided otherwise and went to change instead. When I came out after changing, I thought she must have gathered herself by now, seeing I wasn't making any moves at her - but I came out and found her as flustered as before, only now standing facing the settee and staring at it.
I cleared my throat to make my presence felt, she saw me and flinched slightly and started mumbling something - to soothe her, I provided her an excuse, and also reminded her that she needed to change - she seemed to grab the opportunity to move away from my presence and started towards the closet - I thought of holding whatever I had to tell her for a few days - till the ice broke, and for now to give her space - so I told her I would be off to the studio and she could go to sleep. She nodded gratefully at that and closed the closet door behind her.
I entered the studio, and looked at it for a long time - Tanu and I had so many memories here, of easy, happy, warm, funny and intense times. It was here that I had proposed to her for marriage, it was here where she said no, quoting her career required her to be single for another year - it was here where she had found me again when I had given my consent to marrying this girl Pragya, when she said she realized how wrong she was, and she was willing to dishonour the contract and marry me - it was here, I had refused her saying, my daadi had promised my hand to someone and I would die without her rather than let my daadi down - these traumatic memories of the near past broke me, and I didn't realize when my hands found the drumsticks and I was immersed in music.
I opened his eyes, and saw the reflection of a young bride on the mirror before me - I reflexively turned around and saw her standing outside the window, the petit frame of a woman clad in bridal wear, she seemed lost somewhere, she was looking this way but she was immersed somewhere, her eyes were dreamy, she seemed to be hearing the music I was playing, the music that never left my sound-proof walls - but my movement broke her trance in a flash - she looked at me in a confused and apologetic way and mumbled something before running away. I stared simply, towards the window where she stood sometime back, and suddenly the realization hit me in full swing, Tanu can never come back in my life, because the woman clad in a bridal wear was my wife, Mrs. Pragya Abhishek Mehra. I don't know for how long I sat in the studio after that, I wasn't thinking, I wasn't lamenting, simply sitting, simply being.
It was almost dawn when I entered my bedroom - now our bedroom, I was surprised to see the bed empty, was she still awake? Where was she? Then my eyes fell on the settee, I saw her fast asleep, lying cuddled inside a blanket, using one of the settee cushion as her pillow - there was something very innocent about her face - it brought a smile on my face, as I slowly settled on the bed and switched off the light, hoping reverently that things felt less awkward between me and Pragya soon.
Edited by Aafrah-SA - 9 years ago
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