FF Completed: Hurdles and Hesitation (Index: Pg 1) - Page 5

Some things went back to being normal after that though. Ashutosh was again around in the hospital during her duty hours. But she was not welcome around him. He would walk away without even a courteous greeting if they came face to face alone. She finally decided to use their old companion - a cup of tea and walked with it to his office during a night duty.

"Maine abhi abhi pi hai Dr. Nidhi. Iski zaroorat nahin hai. Aap ye le jaiye aur ward mein rahiye. Wahan aapki zaroorat pad sakti hai."

"Aap mujhse gussa kyon hain?"

"Aisa to maine kuchh nahin kaha."

"To phir aap... aap mujhe aise kyon treat kar rahe hain? Kyon avoid kar rahe hain mujhe?"

"Aapko koi galatfahmi ho rahi hai. Main aisa kuchh nahin kar raha. Now, excuse me. Mujhe thoda kaam hai. Agar koi problem ho kissi patient ke saath to mujhe mobile par call kar lijiyega." Ashutosh walked out without waiting for her reaction.

Nidhi stood rooted to her place for a while. Then went out. She was frustrated and felt the need for some fresh air. When she went to her favourite spot of such moments, she saw that the door to the terrace was already open. She was not surprised to see Ashutosh there.

"Koi kaam to nahin tha aapko? Koi pareshaani zaroor hai. Aap share kyon nahin karte?" she went up to him and asked point blank.

Ashutosh was thankful that the terrace was not well-lit. So, he did not have to worry about revealing his feelings through his facial expressions. He tried to control his voice as much as possible, "Dr. Nidhi. Meri har problem aap samajh nahin sakti. Itni umra nahin hai aapki, itni maturity nahin hai. To behtar hoga ki you leave me alone and take care of yourself."

He walked out on her again. Second time in the evening. And what he said before leaving made Nidhi angry, extremely angry.

"To theek hai Dr. Ashutosh. Agar aap yahi chahte hain, to yahi hoga. You won't see me around you," she murmured, not aware that he had heard her. He had to shut his eyes tight to stop tears from coming out. Good for her that she finally decided so. But what about him? And his heart? It was meant to bleed.

--

She kept her word! She avoided him. Even if she needed the help of a senior doctor, she wouldn't come to him so long there was any other doctor around who could help her.

He had overheard her once in the ward, when she did not realize that he was standing just at the ward door.

"Sister. Is report par kissi senior doctor ki opinion leni hogi."

"Main Dr. Ashutosh ko bulaun?"

"Nahin," Nidhi said sharply making the nurse look at her curiously. She realized that it was awkward and did some damage control by saying, "Unhein disturb karne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Itna complicated nahin hai. Dr. Gupta duty par hain na abhi? Aap please unhein bula dijiye, taki woh khud check up kar sakein."

"Theek hai."

She didn't talk to him even if they came face to face. If he walked into the common room, she walked out.

Once the interns invited him to have lunch with them. He hesitated, but accepted. His personal issues with Nidhi could not be brought in between his professional relationship with his interns and other staff. He walked into the hostpial cafe and was welcomed by one of the interns.

Sonali looked around to check if everyone was there, "Ye Nidhi kahan rah gayi?"

"Haan," Priyanka replied, "Woh nahin aa payegi. Use kuchh personal kaam aa gaya tha to woh lunch par kissi se milne gayi hai. Last moment mein use jaana pada, to hum log ye lunch bhi shift nahin kar sakte the."

Ashutosh was relieved and sad at the same time. Relief that he would not have to fight the awkwardness in front of others. Sad that because of him, Nidhi was unable to be a part of normal activities at the hospital.

She did not enjoy with the kids as she used to do earlier. A young boy who had been in the hospital for a few weeks told Ashutosh once, "Aaj kal Dr. Nidhi hamein kahaniyan nahin sunati hain Dr. Ashutosh. Woh humse gussa hain kya?"

Ashutosh smiled nervously, "Aisi to koi baat nahin hai. Aapne unse kaha nahin kahaniyan sunane ko?"

"Kitni baar kaha hai. Lekin woh hamesha ye kah ke chali jaati hain ki woh thaki hui hain."

"Dr. Ashutosh. Kahin unki bhi to tabiyat nahin kharaab ho gayi hai meri tarah? Woh har waqt thaki rahti hain." The child lying on the next bed said. She was very weak from her illness.

"Aisa kuchh nahin hai bachchon. Woh sach mein thaki hui hongi. Kaam zyada ho jaata hai na kabhi kabhi. I'm sure ek-do din mein sab theek ho jayega."

"Aaj kal mujhe injection bhi khud nahin deti hain. Hamehsa sister se dilwati hain. Mujhe bahut dard hota hai. Aap unke boss hain na. Aap unse kahenge to woh zaroor mujhe khud injection dengi."

Ashutosh smiled at her innocent request, "Ye aapko kisne kaha ki woh aapki baat nahin maan kar meri baat maanengi?"

"Woh khud hi hamesha kahti hain."

"Kya kahti hain?"

"Dr. Ashutosh ne tumhein injection lene ke liye kaha hai. To main karoon? Mujhe to dena hi padega na? Woh mere boss hain. Unki baat to mujhe maanni hi padegi. Warna meri job chali jayegi," she mimicked Nidhi, "Aisa kahti hain woh."

Ashutosh smiled sadly and got up to check on other patients.

--

"Nidhi. Tujhe hua kya hai?"

"Mujhe kuchh nahin hua hai Anji."

"To phir aaj kal, aise chup chup kyon rahti hai Nidhi? Mujhse bhi baatein nahin karti hai."

"Aisa kuchh nahin hai Anji. Bas kaam thoda zyada ho gaya hai. Thank jaati hoon."

"Jhooth bol rahi hai. Aaj kal to tu hospital mein pahle se kam hi rahti hai. Bata na Nidhi. Sab log pareshaan hain."

"Jab kuchh hai hi nahin to bataun kaise?"

"Dr. Ashutosh ke saath kuchh hua hai?"

"Kya hoga?"

"Daanta hai unhone?"

"Nahin."

"Kuchh kaha hai?"

"Dr. Ashutsoh kyon kuchh kahenge? Aaj kal to meri duty ke time par rahte bhi hardly hain."

"To ye problem hai. Dr. Ashutosh se mil nahin pa rahi hai."

"Shut up Anji," Nidhi snapped so fiercely that Anji was taken aback, "Band kar apna ye Dr. Ashutosh ka jaap. Tujhe idea bhi hai ki woh kitne senior hain mujhse. Stop being ridiculous."

Anji looked hurt. Nidhi realized and felt guilty for what she did.

"I... I am sorry Anji. I am really sorry. Main... mujhe aisa nahin karna chahiye tha. Please Anji. Mujhe maaf kar de."

"It's okay Nidhi. Chinta ki baat ye nahin hai ki tu mujh par chillayi. Balki ye hai ki kya cheez tujhe itna pareshaan kar rahi hai jo tune aisa kiya."

"Anji. Please zidd mat kar. Please. Tujhe meri kasam hai."

Anji nodded, "Lekin Nidhi. Sab log pareshaan hain."

"I know Anji. Mujhe thoda samay de. Main sab theek kar doongi."

Medically Nidhi knew that she was depressed. Her appetite had almost disappeared. She could not take interest in anything. She dragged herself through her duty and did not stay in the ward for a second longer than required. The pranks of kids that used to amuse her earlier and in which she herself used to take part had started irritating her. She maintained her distance from them lest she burst out on them. But the fact was, she didn't seem to have energy to even burst out at anyone. Sometimes she blamed herself. What was she thinking? Just because he was being friendly with her and treated her with respect, did she have the rights to take him for granted? Her feelings had to disgust someone like Dr. Ashutosh. At other times, she blamed him. Why did he have to come close to her? Why had he started taking so much interest in her? Why did he praise her so much? If any relationship between the two of them, or even the thought of it was so appalling to him, why had he not maintained his facade of Dr. Hardstone even with her? Why this hatred and disgust now? And at yet other times, she thought it was all Mallika's doing. She must have told him something really disgusting. After all there was no limit to the level that woman could stoop to. She kept oscillating between the feelings of anger for Ashutosh or Mallika and guilt for herself. She had difficulty sleeping. Studies for PG were impossible to do. There was no motivation left. Sometimes she felt surprised herself. Had he really come to mean so much to her that without him... After all she had lived happily all these years, hadn't she? It was already 4 'o clock in the morning and she hadn't fallen asleep yet. Looked like it will be another night out for her followed by the day-long duty. She had to thank her stars these days when she managed to get over with her day at the hospital.

She felt guilty on seeing worried faces of Baba, Anji and others. But she didn't have the energy to fake happiness. She always asked to be left alone. They cared for her and they had no option, but to do what she wanted. Otherwise, she would be even more irritable and won't eat even the little she otherwise did.

--

"Dr. Nidhi. Aapki tabiyat to theek hai?" Ashutosh heard Rangnath's conversation with Nidhi, while coming out from his office.

"Meri tabiyat ko kya hoga?"

"Apni shakal dekhi hai aaine mein aapne recently? Gaddhe pad gaye hain aankhon ke neeche. Aur kitni pale dikh rahi hain aap. Kitni kamzor lagti hain."

"Dr. Rangnath. Ya to aapke andar meri Dadi Bua ka bhoot sawaar ho gaya hai. Ya phri aap models aur actresses ki photos kuchh zyada hi dekhne lage hain. Ab unke saamne to main pale, kamzor, dhansi aankhon waali to lagoongi hi na."

"Dr. Nidhi. I am serious. Kuchh baat hai kya? Main hi nahin, sabhi notice kar rahe hain ki aap badal si gayi hain. You are not your usual self."

"Mujhe ward mein jaana hai. Bye Dr. Rangnath," Nidhi completely ignored his questions and concern and walked out. She ran into Ashutosh. Their eyes met for a moment. She thought she saw something soft in them - a pain! For her? No! It must be her imagination, her desperation for him. She walked away without even greeting him.

Rangnath addressed Ashutosh after Nidhi left, "Sir. Aapne meri baatein suni? Aapko nahin lagta ki Dr. Nidhi ki tabiyat in dinon kuchh theek si nahin lag rahi hai. Bahut listless rahti hain."

Ashutosh' heart sank with guilt. He had also noticed Nidhi's falling health, but did not know what to do about it. He was too scared of showing any concnern lest he should end up revealing too much.

"I... I don't know. Main dhyaan nahin diya," he told Rangnath without looking at him, as if he was scared that his eyes would give his feelings away.

Rangnath looked on thoughtfully. He had known Ashutosh for a while now. And the ups and downs in his mood and his relationship with Nidhi had not skipped his notice. But Ashutosh was not the one, who would open up to someone easily.

--

Nidhi was on the night duty that day, when a nurse came running to Ashutosh, "Dr. Ashutosh. Dr. Nidhi ki tabiyat kharaab hai. Woh faint ho gayi hain."

"Kya?" Ashutosh was shocked and he ran out with the nurse to check her.

"Sir, inke ghar waalon ko phone kar doon?" Nurse asked as Ashutosh checked Nidhi.

"Nahin. Uski zaroorat nahin hai. Koi serious baat nahin hai. Bas kamzori ho gayi hai. Aap inhein glucose dene ka intezaam kijiye."

"Yes Sir."

--

Nidhi didn't wake up before next morning and looked around feeling confused. She saw Ashutosh sitting on a chair near her bed. Ashutosh noticed her as she sat up. He came near her.

"Aapke Baba ko phone kar diya hai. Woh aate honge thodi der mein. Aap ghar ja kar aaraam kar lijiye. Maine aapki do dinon ki chhutti sanction kar di hai."

"Uski koi zaroorat nahin hai."

"Aapke Baba bata rahe the ki aap in dinon dhang se kha pee nahin rahi hain. No wonder itni kamzori ho gayi ki aap behosh ho gayin. Kyon kar rahi hain aap aisa?"

Nidhi did not say anything.

"Maine aapse kuchh poochha Dr. Nidhi," Ashutosh spoke in a stern, demanding voice.

"Aapke matlab ki baat nahin hai. You should not be bothered."

"How can I not be bothered?" Ashutosh was agitated, "Bilkul bachchi ho tum. Apna khayaal nahin rakh sakti. Apna bhala bura nahin samajhti ho."

"Koi bachchi nahin hoon main," Nidhi also snapped back, "Aapko pareshaan hone ki zaroorat nahin hai. Apna bhala bura khoob samajhti hoon main."

"Khaak samajhti ho," Ashutosh got carried away, "Agar samajhti hoti to mujhse door rahti Nidhi. Aur jo main karne ki koshish kar raha hoon use samajhti. Yun gusse mein khana peena nahin chhod deti. Lekin tum... tum pagal ho bilkul."

"Kya karne ki koshish kar rahe hain aap? Aur kyon kar rahe hain? Aakhir aisa kya bol diya hai Dr. Mallika ne aapko mere baare mein ki..."

"Mallika kyon kahegi mujhe kuchh? Maine khud suni thi tumhari baatein, jo tum Mallika ko bol rahi thi..." Ashutosh stopped suddenly as he realized that what had he ended up revealing.

"Oh!" Nidhi was taken by surprise and pasued for a moment, "To isliye aap..."

But they were interrupted before she could complete her sentence.

"Nidhi. Kya ho gaya beta?" Baba had come into the room.

"Kuchh nahin Baba. Ghabrane ki koi baat nahin hai," Nidhi tried to keep her inner turmoils aside and assured Baba, "Bas thodi kamzori ho gayi thi."

"Is baar to Bua ki saari daant tum deserve karti ho. Hadd kar rakhi hai tumne. Dr. Ashutosh samjhaiye ise. Pata nahin kya ho gaya hai? Na dhang se khaati peeti hai, na soti hai."

"Dr. Nidhi," Ashutosh addressed her, "Aapke Baba ka gussa jayaz hai. Khud doctor ho kar aap aisi laparwahi karein sehat ke maamle mein ye sahi nahin hai. Please eat well and take rest."

"Ise abhi aaraam ki zaroorat hogi..." Baba started saying.

"Ji haan. Inki do dinon ki chhutti maine sanction kar di hai. Aap inhein ghar le jaiye."

--