*Season 2, Week 20* Analysis Thread - Page 24

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

This was a great set of questions, Havish, to which I have a very uninteresting answer. 😆 I think it's different for different people. Movies and TV generally teach us that sexual attraction is this thing that can truly overpower you and make you do things that go completely against rational thought and self-respect, and to a large extent that is true, but I think that this genre kind of underrepresents people who react differently to those feelings. In this show, Sona has always been shown as someone who has an iron will. Not only will she deny herself something she wants, she'll convince herself she didn't really want it that badly anyway. She is that afraid of being vulnerable.

It has been shown pretty clearly after the leap that Dev and Sona feel attracted and connected to one another, but I think that awareness means something different when you are in a stable relationship vs. when you are alone and putting yourself, and your emotions out there; there is much less risk involved in giving in to your desires from within the safe space of an established bond. When Sona found it difficult to give into her feelings even when they were in a relationship, I find it very consistent that she would be even more rigid from the position she is in now. When she feels strongly for Dev, her first instinct (ever since the Natasha phase) is to go out of her way to pretend she feels nothing at all. In order for her fairytale to come true, she needed a borderline stalker like Dev to pursue her despite her seeming indifference.

As for men, from my observations, they can be really direct about their need for sex but it can all change if they are genuinely interested in a girl. Sex is a really important part of a relationship, I agree, but sometimes, it takes a backseat to other more important sentiments in the beginning of a relationship. I think we can all agree that Dev is really into Sona. 😆 He has his needs but he cares about hers more. When they were married, he expressed his sexual frustration more freely. Now, he doesn't feel like he has the right to, and he is so in love with Sona that he is willing to take whatever she is able to give him at this stage, as long as the communication is between them alone. We never got to see if that would gradually rise into a crescendo of repressed desire for Dev, since Ishwari put her hand into the situation and sped things along.

I don't know if this really answers your questions, but I guess what I am trying to say in short is, yes, they feel intense desire for one another but their fear does actually outweigh that need, and they are very conscious of the fact that they have no safety net to fall back on if they screw this up for themselves and Soha. As far as they know, their families won't waste anytime in supporting the separation, there will be a lot of bitterness between Dev and Sona, and ultimately, Soha will suffer. That's why validation from their respective families is so important to them, otherwise, they simply won't give in again, because as Asha and Ishwari discussed, Sona and Dev are equally ziddhi. Their over-strong wills, and the shared ability to mash their personal desires down in the service of others, have always been the number one obstacle in their love.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

Here's how I understand it. Bijoy sees Dev as a drug that Sona is addicted to, a habit that appears to give her strength and make her feel good temporarily, but that actually weakens her gradually from the inside. He has been trying to get her to quit for years, but she keeps going back for that one last hit. The rest of his family are enabling her to continue this dangerous habit, saying it's what makes her happy and Bijoy is the only one who wants to really save her. When he heard about Ishwari's plan to get Dev remarried, he saw it as someone cutting off Sona's access to this dangerous drug. Sure, withdrawal is extremely painful, but on the other side is de-addction and independence and that is a worthy goal to suffer this pain for. This is how Bijoy sees the situation.

From our perspective (and Asha's now), Dev is more like an anti-anxiety medication for Sona, and she is able to live a much more fulfilling life when she is taking it. Bijoy is like one of those people who stigmatises that dependence, and continually says it's all in her head, and she should be able to overcome her anxiety on her own. He is more focused on the side-effects (which are definitely there) than on the positive effect of the medication, and wants her to avoid medication entirely simply for fear of those side-effects. And he has his reasons.

The first time Sona took this pill, she depended on it completely, the side-effects were very intense and she went off of all medication for seven years. She kind of learned to live with her anxiety but never overcame it. This time, she started with smaller doses on a trial basis, supplemented by her own internal efforts, and the side-effects were toned down quite a bit. Asha is thrilled that the medicine is helping Sona this time, but Bijoy is not happy that she is back on it. He thinks she is better off fighting her demons on her own, even if that means her anxiety is more intense on a day to day basis and she lives a limited life. The medicine is really helping Sona, but she is terrified of being dependent on anything outside of herself.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

@Sweety: Dev has regained her trust in every way that she has allowed. She trusts him completely as Soha's father, and now as a friend. Otherwise, she wouldn't have come straight to him when Ishwari made her request and she was disturbed by the idea. The truth, though, is that although Sona loves Dev and enjoys being with him, she is still uncomfortable with the idea of remarriage and commitment. The proposal came from Ishwari *because* Dev is trying not to pressure her into something she isn't ready for, and is doing what he can to regain her trust from within the boundaries she has set. To expect Dev to keep pursuing her romantically when she has categorically refused him is to put him in a damned if you do/damned if you don't position.

And it's not like she doesn't know how he feels. He told her that he only considered remarriage when his mother suggested marrying her, he told his mother, point blank in front of Sona that he was not ready to get married, and he told her that he didn't want to give her place to anyone else. In fact, this is what she is running away from, so more such assertions from Dev would only cause her to react the way she did now. The way I see it, Dev didn't say yes to remarriage... he said yes to Sona's demand for his remarriage. He flipped her own game on her: you say you are helping my mother and convincing me to get married for my happiness? Well, I am going to get married, but only for your happiness. To me, that's what it signified when he turned that corny dosti dialogue on her: I'll do what you say, but I'm taking control of how the narrative is framed, because I am not just a character in your story. I have a story of my own.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

@Shaavi: Even I am totally in song mode. I feel like this one applies perfectly to the Dev Dixit we saw today 😉

Dilbar mere kab tak mujhe

AIse hi tadapaoge

Main aag dil mein laga doonga woh

Ke pal mein pighal jaaoge.

Originally posted by: deepsel

Bijoy is the father who saw Ishwari's "employee trapping boss" taunt, Sona's "brutal heartbreak" after first breakup and Dev's "Deewangi" stopping his daughter's prospective future with Ritwick but Sona's restlessness and Asha's reasoning made him take the risk to oblige to his daughter's happiness with the shaken trust validated with Dev's approach to prenup (can we blame him?).

After marriage all he saw was Ishwari's intrusion, Tripati's taunts, Dev's lies to please his mother in infertility finally leading to that ugly accidental slap with his daughter abandoned with a "get out" once again heartbroken. When all he needed was calm time to recompose, he was chucked out to cry on the streets by that same Dixit family. Can we expect a typical father to be sane and calm after all this?

Bijoy has witnessed his daughter's silent cries and struggles with the new born baby for all those 7 years when the so called loving Dixits never ever attempted to reach/search for them and he was bound to grow that unshakable mistrust and angst on this family his daughter once loved! Even after leap all he saw was Casanova Dev hammering his daughter's office, maligning her honor in award show, barging son and mother duo asserting rights on his granddaughter, stealing ex-SIL to insult them infront of Ronita's family, arrogant and pushy Dev who whisked his daughter and granddaughter at midnight !! Even Dev's acceptance and Sona's assurance weighed less compared to above circumstances for him trust Dev fully.

Now the new changes in Ishwari has also raised doubts and also validated with Sona's sulking face how she is using his daughter only to get her son married again. Bijoy has no clue about changed Dev and Ishwari which entire Bose family is aware of. The beautiful communication before leap which kept him sane is missing in post leap. I agree with Shaavi here that its entirely Sona's fault to keep his father in dark wearing her pretense mask that she is indeed strong as he believes. So he continues to pray that Dev and Dixit move far far away keeping his daughter's strength and happiness intact😳Sona need to show her father what kept her alive in those 7 years, not her strength like he thinks but Dev's love in the form of Suhana !!

Infact Bijoy is a better father who wishes good life for Dev even if its with another girl (though for selfish reasons), my father would have cursed the hell out of his whole family for moving on while his daughter is stuck with memories😆

Originally posted by: LiveLife321

@Deepa, great post and good point of discussion. Sometimes what we think as boon may be too painful for others because it's about perspectives and how we see any situation based on our past experiences and priorities in life. A character like Bijoy may appear to see like a boon when we watch on screen or when we read in a story but from my experience it's really painful and too draining while handling such people. They are self made people and they feel proud of this fact but at the same time they are loud, unconvincable and becomes unreasonable sometimes.

I too have a bijoy in my life. My mom is like Bijoy but my dad is like asha. Initial three years of my marriage life is nothing less than a hell and I call it as my darkest phase of my life where I don't even want to peep in while going through my memory lane. Even when there is no hope also I didn't give up and to see a little ray of hope only it took three years and another three years to bring life back on track. If you ask me about the biggest challenge I have faced in that time period then without any doubt it's my mom. Trust me, handling issues in my life looks to be less painful than the mess created by the word wars between families. Because she sees me as her achievement in her life and she is very proud of that fact. When she saw me in pain the immediate conclusion by her is they don't deserve me. But I don't want to give up without even trying. You know the main problem with such parents, they think that their pain of seeing their kid in pain is more greater than their kid's actual pain.

My parents got to know the complete picture of my marriage life after one year of my marriage since I never shared about the happenings. When they got to know, my mom started scolding them and my dad started feeling guilty because mine was arranged marriage. I told my parents that we can't change the past but I don't want to give up on my dreams (having a happy family is my only dream since all my life went in hostels till I got married). I know it's impossible to convince my mom but my dad understood me, he said do what ever you want but always remember that we are there for you. Finally it took 3 yrs to see a ray of hope and another three years to bring life back on track. He is the same man who asked me after my marriage how I am cutting onions since he never allowed me to cut onions because they bring tears in my eyes. After my marriage, he saw me only with tears in the initial three years but he was there with me like a rock solid support in my tough times. Even today I think twice if my husband need to stay at my mom's place without me. Our experiences in life should bring maturity in us. As a parent, we should be our kids strength, if that's not possible then at least don't become their weakness.

Coming to bijoy, he was a overprotective father only till he didn't choose his pride and ego over his daughter's happy married life. People may say that he never saw her happy but I would like to say he always saw what he wants to see just like ishwari. When Dev came to apologise to him, he told asha that you are my wife and you should support me but how conveniently he forgot that his daughter also someone's wife and bahu and he should also respect that fact.

Originally posted by: timbarucha83

If all your family members are against you who was your support system even your mother is also commenting on you then I thing you shold introspect.By his rections he is increasing the distence between him and his family.

Bijoy need to understand that he is not perfect not a perfect father and his way to live the life is not giving the happiness to sona. His happiness is in the being or by feeling he is perfect and his life is perfect but sona's happiness in in the other thing or being with dev. This need to be understood by him.unless and until this happenes he will not change.

Originally posted by: grace4317

Latha...I am happy that we all belong to that generation, where we believed & could convince our parents that we can bring that change in the family God has entrusted us with. Though it took years for us to see that ray of hope turn into a complete light-filled life, the satisfaction we have today can't be described in words. Isn't it? Hope, by sharing our experiences here, we are able to be a motivation to some who are needing it right now.