Originally posted by: Pehchaan.Kaun
Rock and Roll - May I ask you a question ? Which one was actually Sona's fault in the divorce ? Can you please list it down, I am curious that's why asking.
From neutral point of view, I blame Sona for tolerating Dixits and Dev for so long. In real life I wont dare anyone do that to my friends/relatives or anyone, forget about daughter. I find her patience was the only mistake from Sona's side, and of course for trying to play the best bahu who didnt even worth it.
But for the divorce drama, in slap fiasco, in returning the money back to Dixits, in pre-nup, in being told to GET OUT, in infertility drama, I cannot find what was her fault as a wife, she was pathetic daughter though !!
He he...Nice to see a line of people waiting to pounce on me😉😆...Ok here I go
First of all let me reiterate my statement(copied from my reply to Akanksha's post..I had said
"I don't think Sona or Bijoy see their role(however small) in the divorce and separation.."...I am not saying that Sona's was equally responsible for the divorce...But yes,I stand by my statement that she too played a role,albeit a smaller one than Dev.
Since we are bringing up topics here of Sona tolerating the Dixits for so long..let us start from the beginning...
Sona's mistakes(minor ones) in the marriage..
The really minor(almost negligible) ones of course were to put up with crap from Ishwari and GKB for too long and for trying to play best bahu(as u rightly pointed out)...She tried to change herself completely to get into the good books of Ishwari...which was the first reason why she got taken for granted...
More minor mistakes
Sona knew that she had married a man who was devoted to his mom and that Ishwari was ultra possessive.With this knowledge,this change should have been handled some situtaions a lot more diplomatically.She tried to make major changes in Dev and Ishwari's relationship too soon too obviously.She also tried to push Dev towards "independence" too soon. The more she tried to make Dev independent,the more she fanned Ishwari's insecurity and the greater she and Dev drifted apart.I am not saying that she should not have tried to do what she was doing..But she tried to complete a 10 year plan in 6 months.The result was a big deewaar between her and Ishwari...
Again don't get me wrong,I am not saying that only Sona was responsible for this issue...Ishwari was majorly responsible..But Sona played her part in complicating an already complicated issue
In a joint family system with a love marriage to boot,the mantra is" tread with caution".But Sona had to go and bring Ranveer home,go to Ranveer's house,snoop on Ayan etc...Of course,the Ayan issue turned out well...but what I am saying is these kind of things don't go down well with mothers in law(esp in love marriages)..Most mil in love marriages are already extremely insecure and are viewing the dil as an enemy..Merely neutralizing that enmity is an uphill task.In such a situation Sona's actions can at best be called foolhardy
Clarify and communicate..immediately... ...This is a bigger mistake..Many a time,Sona would not communicate when she should.This happened in small instances like Sona sitting up for Dev and Ishwari asking her to go upstairs,Ishwari bringing the swing downstairs without telling Sona...In these kind of cases it is important to tell your husband what happened..Not as a complaint..but as information...If u know something that he doesn't then it is very likely that he will see it differently and form a different opinion..So Clarify and communicate..immediately...When Dev came home and Sona was upstairs,it created some mild misunderstanding between them..Sona knew what Ishwari had said,but never told Dev...Similarly Dev thought that Sona had brought the swing down of her own accord...and she didn't tell him what had actually happened...These little things build up in a marriage...
But these were minor things...Sona took way more crap in the Dixit household...so I am not really faulting her big time for this...I am just saying what she could have done better ...
So what were her major mistakes .where she actually played a part in the divorce?
1)..In a time of crisis in a relationship,never ever cut off communication.It is the worst thing one can do...She cut off communication from Dev after the Bijoy slap incident...Dev called her repeatdely..All she had to do was talk to him for 5 minutes..tell him that she was resolving things and that she would be back..but no,she chose to shut him off...She neither gave him a chance to apologize nor gave him an insight into her plans or her mind...This aggravated their misunderstandings...ultimately snowballing it no a big argument over the cheque...I am not saying that Dev was justified in his behaviour regarding the cheque incident(not a bit),but had he got prior information,the whole issue could have been handled better...Just like Dev was wrong in hiding the pregnancy issue from her she was wrong in hiding this from him...(not exact parallels..but kind of)
2)Too heavily influenced by Bijoy ,who in turn,is too heavily influenced by his anger and ego:
The slap was undoubtedly an awful thing...Walking out of the house with her parents was fine...But why sell the house and pay 4 crores back?😲...Bijoy was filled with this devastating urge to prove to the two greatest living idiots of the world(GKB and Ishwari) that he was not a thief...Instead of telling her father that a thief calling another person a thief is no accusation at all,Sona fans his anger and stupidity.😲...All to get a certificate saying "u r not a thief from GKB and Ishwari?'..😆😆 Doesn't she know that the two of them pledged their brains off a long time ago...They will never accept that they were wrong...My point is,don't do anything to prove a point to the world...The day u start proving points to others,you will self destruct(Sona came close that day)...But an agitated Sona came home and said that she will prove that her dad is no thief(to whom darling????😛)...i(I have heard of people cutting off their nose to spite their face..Sona implemented it...Now she is trying to fit in a remodelled nose into her face after seven years😉(I am referring to the remodelled Bose house that she is working on)
3) Most importantly..and this holds for both her and Dev..they both made the biggest decision of their lives in a moment when their hearts were overcome by emotion,hatred,negativity,sadness,misgivings and of course,inebriation..Dev was drunk and Sona knew he was drunk...What a time to make a life changing decision...
Before you bring on the inevitable brickbats,please understand that I am not saying that Sona is more responsible than Dev for the divorce..Dev played a bigger part..made more mistajkes( if u actually keep a scorecard)..But Sona was not flawless either...
Anupamaa
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