Originally posted by: tia.o
Payal, I am glad that you feel safe in India. Every woman should feel safe in their own country.
But if someone is feeling unsafe because of the daily newspaper articles and leaders of the country defending animals like rapists, then you can't judge them for it.
I was in Delhi with my husband. The way some men were staring at me in broad daylight made my husband uncomfortable and I was wearing a Kurti and a jeans. What other precautions I could have taken so I don't get those "X-Ray" looks?
When my mother tells me to not stay out longer than 8 p.m., I felt unsafe. As a younger girl growing up in India, I used to go out with my friends to parties. Never was I worried nor my mother told me to come home early. But when my mother told me to come home by 8 p.m. yet my friend who was a guy was only told to have a good time with your friends, I felt unsafe.
There are rapes in US and Canada. But the consequences are severe. The moment the victim registers a complaint in police station, instead of asking what they were wearing, they are immediately taken to hospital and DNA samples are collected, the responsible guy is arrested, DNA compared and if it's a match then the guy is punished.
The society rallies behind the victim, no one questions the victims character even if she had multiple boyfriends before. Because consent is a must and is protected by law.
Secondly, marital rape is still not a law in India. Fortunately, my friend or I don't have to worry about that. But if a woman is scared of being raped by the man who should have protected her and of the law which will tell her that if the rape is done by husband it's no big deal whether she agrees or not, you bet I will blame the law of the country.
When tourists complaint of harassment by locals and other countries' website put a caution for women from backpacking in India alone but not for men, you bet I am and my friend are scared.
The locality I grew up in is also one of the safest place. Because I know the people and they know me and my family. But ask me to go to a strange, unknown locality at night, would I still feel as safe? No. Would you feel safe in an unknown, strange locality of your own country?
And when you say most of rape statistics are hoax or blackmailing attempts by women, did you count the numerous rapes that were authentic but never reported because of fear of police, fear of law, fear of shame and fear of victim blaming?
Precautions should be taken based on the place of residence. But if in India, a woman is taking more precautions than men and regardless what she does, she needs to have a male escort to take her home or has to leave early, but even then she might be in danger, it can no longer be called a safe place to live in.
There is nothing wrong asking women or men to adjust, provided adjustment happens from both sides. But the fact is if a woman has to move with a man's family after marriage, she will have to adjust more. There's no denying that. So to make everything equal, a woman should have a choice to move into a man's home or live separately. But didn't I hear about a law that Supreme Court of India passed that if a woman refuses to live with her in-laws her husband can divorce her because she is trying to separate a man from his family which is against Indian culture? Never mind the fact that the man separates the woman from her family, the day she gets married to him. Correct me if the news is wrong. In a country where man and woman having equal rights to everything including education, property etc is enshrined in Constitution, if this law has indeed passed by Supreme Court which openly discriminates against women, should be a fake news. So is it?
Thinking about the children and adjusting is not only the mother's responsibility, it is also the father's responsibility to think about his children and make an example by making their mother happy. If a father do his part and the mother hers, the children will never become a casualty.
I love India and I love the people, the food, the colours, the diversity. It is my country and I miss it. But I am not blind. I also see the inequality, the misery, the underbelly of the country. I love India anyway. But I can't blame a mother of a daughter for wanting to go where she feels safe. I can't judge a person nor tell them how to feel unless I am personally willing to guarantee her safety on behalf of my government, the police and the judiciary system.
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