Posted:
Yesterday, Sabita asked me to make a post writing everything we learned from this show in one place.
P.S. Don't think that you will have to live the same life I am living. But my point is that don't shut down your thinking and your instincts because of love. There is a reason human beings got them. Love intelligently, don't love stupidly.
This show has been a treasure trove of lessons on what NOT to do. So here goes. P.S. the lessons are for both men and women with examples which I have from my life.
1. Falling in love is an incredible feeling. Every woman should experience it. But losing yourself in love is stupidity. Do the former without doing the later.
Example: I love dancing - Kathak, Salsa, Tango, Bollywood, Rumba, Waltz you name it. My husband is not much into it unless you count holding me in the kitchen or living room and shuffle side to side or O family special chicken dance...
So when I feel like dancing, I tell my husband that I am going out on Friday night with my girls and will be back by 11 or so. He just asks me if I need a ride back home or if I can take a Uber and he plays video games while I am out.
I do the same and watch you tube or hang around in the forum when he wants to go out with his boys to pub and talk science which I am least interested in.
We still do what we used to do before marriage and we also do things together.
2. Now you can't control who you love, but marriage is a life long commitment. First of all, it's not necessary to marry the person you fell in love with if you find out that you two are not compatible in terms of views, morals, dreams/plans for future etc. after rose-tinted initial days have passed.
Before you take that final step, make sure in the long run this relationship has potential to last.
Example: I am artsy person, my husband is into science. This difference makes things interesting. But if he was against having children and I desperately wanted children, then we have different expectation from life, ergo, it won't have worked.
Similarly, I hate liers because for me, it's hard to detect lies since I don't lie. My husband can detect lies, but he also hates liers because he doesn't lie. So it's convenient for us. None of us lie so we both believe each other without question. But imagine if he was a lier. I won't be able to trust him and that is a deal-breaker for me (as Push_Pull wrote)...
We all have certain problem accepting certain things. Don't look the other way for the sake of love if those no-go zone happens to be in your life partner.
If you hate people who have body odour, trivial reason or otherwise, don't marry a person with body odour. If you only want to marry rich person like Neha, don't listen to bull and marry a poor person.
3. Love, Respect, Trust and Understanding are four support pillars of a marriage and Honesty and Friendship are the foundation. And they all need to flow from both ends or it becomes one sided. One sided marriage/relationship like one-sided love never lasts long. A mutual and two way relationship grow healthy with time, an one-sided relationship just gets weaker.
Example: My husband had many girlfriends before he met me. He never lived with any one of them and his relationship's span was 3 months tops. But because he treated them decently and with respect, some of them are still friends with him. He told me which one of his friends he dated before he met me so I knew about them.
Since they were his friends, I made friends with them too. I am not a jealous person nor possessive. I believe he either loves me or not. If he loves me, I don't need to be jealous. If he does not love me, what's the point of being jealous? So if he says he is only friends with them now, that's what I'd believe.
Now all his regular friends and ex-girlfriends turned friends text/message me more than him. When I was thinking of buying a house, one of them sent me homes she saw on the internet in the area I preferred. When my cousin wanted to move to Washington, one of his ex-girlfriend's husband helped her get into the school of her choice when I mentioned it to her.
Don't get me wrong, when I first met them, I did not trust them. Why should I? I don't know them. But I trusted my husband because again, he has too much honour to lie or cheat. And he gets it from his dad who is a true gentleman.
The same way when one of my guy friends's mother got sick and I stayed at his home helping him take care of his mother, my husband (then fiance) picked me up the next morning and in spite of knowing that that friend had a massive crush on me (I didn't know it then, but my husband knew) he never once asked me a single question. Again, because I don't lie and he trusted me.
Again, trust is also a two-way street.
4. Don't take insults lying down. There is no pride in being the object of pity. People who think they can get away by treating you wrong don't love you, they pity you.
Stand up for yourself and the people you love because we fight for what matters to us. Our loved ones matter and so do our own self-respect. If you stand up once and make it clear that whatever insult they throw at you will be returned to them with interest, they will think five times before they attack you.
People usually pick on easy targets, no one bullies their boss.
Example: I have said before that I am a daughter of a single mother. When she got divorced, some of our relatives used to tell her that her daughter will never get married and what if a boy rejects me because of her. Now my mother doesn't stand up for herself. So I stepped in and told them that the man who will judge me based on my mother's marital status, doesn't deserve me. They never said anything in my presence again.
5. Don't change your personality for someone else. If someone loves you, they will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
And that I have no examples for because I am still exactly the same person I was before marriage. The only thing my husband made me is stronger than before because he always has my back. No one reaches me before they reach him.
Oh that I have an example from our India travel.
We were in Kanyakumari on Dec 31, 2013. Next day we were moving on to Kerala.
That night we went out for dinner when one man for some reason blew a chocolate bomb (I think that's what it was called) right beside my ear and started to run away.
My husband grabbed his collar and dragged him back to where I was standing absolutely stunned because my ears were still ringing and he told him to apologize. Now none of us speak the local language so the guy pretended as if he didn't understand him. Mr. O picked him up (He was probably 5'6" scrawny guy to my 6'2" of massive guy) by collar to his eye level with his legs dangling off the ground and said, "Say Sorry" in a dead serious voice (my husband has a booming voice too).
The guy almost peed his pants and said sorry with his hand folded. My husband told him that if he ever catches him doing this kind of stunt again to any woman, he won't ever walk on his own legs again.
Now I don't know if he got the threat of not. But the way he ran after being released makes me think that he got the point.
If I missed any thing else, feel free to let me know in the comments below.
P.S. Don't think that you will have to live the same life I am living. But my point is that don't shut down your thinking and your instincts because of love. There is a reason human beings got them. Love intelligently, don't love stupidly.
Hindi TV Shows
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
