New SS: Tanhai Part 9 pg69 Dec 27 - Page 16

updated my comment 😃

What Jazz no drama, your Veera is very seedhi, no nutanki at all.......EKTA learn from Jazz😆😆😆. I am sooo glad that Heer was very skeptical of the whole thing, and she called it what it really was a business transaction.....by the way, awesome women dynamics, I just wish they weren't so timid when it came to their husbands, but hey if your husbands are savages than who wouldn't be afraid........I loved how nosy all the family was😆😆😆, I just hope this Manmmet is a good character otherwise😡. Question, is he going to bring my Prem actually Heer's Prem to the picture........me want Prem....Prem, Prem, Prem......ok enough of my bakwas.

Loved the flash back, I mean how sweet was that when Prem said "I'm not afraid of your brothers" 😍, did I mention I am waiting for Prem to maar his entry soon

Gotta tell you, you write extremely well, the story never seems like its jumping from present to flash back, but it flows like a serene river....btw I thought of a punishment for Maan Men, how about we dress them as teletubbies and have them dance at a Wild DESI Bacheloratte party.....too easy right, me thinking more punishment, you Madam work on the awesome story😉

*OWNED* ---> phahaha!

Great can't wait!!

When would you be updating your two other stories?

o thts ok
but can't wait
and a very good luck on your finals..👍🏼 .have a nice day!
and when do u plan to update the other one heers secret ??

Ahhh I shall try to have it done tomorrow! 😳 Tonight's kinda busy! 😉 Check fb! 😃 I'm sooo excited! 😛

No worries Jaz....we can wait...
All the best with your finals 👍🏼

JAZZZZZZZZZ!!! finalllyyyyy!!! I cant even begin to tell you how madly excited we are about this FF oooiiii! Bravo bravoooo! *clap hands* okay okay, before any more bak bak--- onto our comment! *woot*

Prologue

wow jaz, you had us with the beginning itself! The descriptions are beautiful! You give us a feel for the story right from the beginning! Kudos!!!

"It was a love that had passed the test of time, discrimination and paint" --> the thing about us, is that we are suckers for little details(blush)...and this line is just *sigh*, lovely!

Uff, tauba! Those ladke's are besharam or whattttttt!!!! YAY for her "savior" I love when you go back in flashback mode – you make it flow so easily, there is no confusion! Her "savior" is quite the hero eh? Or kyun na ho?! Hehe!

"Unashamedly he had cried on her shoulder as she held him. It was that day he realized he could never love any one more than he loved her" Beautiful jaz! I'm reading this for the second time, and it still has such a weird kind of effect on me :-( there's just this unassuming, unpolished, raw feeling to it that is so likeable! Mwah!

"She was dressed in a simple red churidar outfit; her hands done with mehndi, her wrists hidden by her chuda, her neck adorned with the sacred necklace of gold and black beads, a flowered garland resting over her arms as she walked and the parting in her forehead was the color was blood red" - I can actually visualize this...i love this so much! Im suchhh a sucker for details jaz! I tell all my FF writers (giggle)... the fact that you never once had to use the word "mangalsutra" or "sindoor" and we still understood what you were talking about, makes this all the more amazing to read! GREAT descriptions!!!!

Paata nahin mausam ko kya hua hai. Lagta hai ke koi tufaan aane wala hai," he said – AYE HAYE! TAUBAA!! I think we started tearing up right about here! Cutty with you! Very bad! (gasp) ---> but besides that, this line you use to foreshadow what was coming, is BRILLIANT! The calm before a storm! It reminds me of heer when she said, "yeh kis tufaan ko maine hawa de di" :-(

UFF! I love the way u ended it! I always love when someone starts and ends a part with the same lines! It adds this evocative, nostalgic feel to the whole part.. you cant help but look forward to more :-D

Part 1

Be glad jaz, that we werent reading this as you wrote it..or im PAKKKAA sure, you'd have some belan attacks! BESHAK! (giggle) kya kar diya yaarrrrr! TAUBAAA!!! ;_; rula diya tumne! Uff!

"The tortured wail echoed through the palatial mansion that was home to the Maan family. It was only in the dark hours of the night that this call could be heard" ----> ahh! Pretty soon im going to have to google up words! I cant even begin to tell you how powerful a beginning that is! It grabbed my attention the moment I read it! I tell you jaz, I read veryyyy few FF's! And all of those writers have the greatest beginnings! And you have them as well! I cant believe ive never read any of your other works :-( makes me wonder what ive missed out on :-(

"It was the same wind, the same high pitched howl that she had heard on that fateful night seven years ago. It was the same wind that reoccurred on this night for the past seven years, only to completely disappear by day break. It was also the same rain that fell that night. The same drenching, pounding rain that mixed with her tears that night, just like it had for the past seven years. This year it would be no different. Her cries were drowned out by the wind and her tears were accompanied by the rain ' just like they had been on that night seven years ago." ---> this WHOLE paragraph ' GASP! When I read it, I kept thinking, "and what exactly does jaz have in mind?" you didnt write one line about her emotions in this paragraph, yet im forced to feel for her! Mighty brilliant! Man, I cant even find the words to describe this..somehow, I feel like trying to describe this would take away from its magnitude :-( there are soo many lines you wrote that we feel the same about! *APPLAUD*

ah jazyy, the parings...very unlikely parings, but now that I think of them as couples, they seem quite nice... I like that they are so different from the show.. some things are just perfect when left to our imagination!

awwie, heer is the only one who remembers her mommy's bday! Baaki sare bekar! (giggle) haha, I love that the guys in the house think its "babuji" responsibility to remind them its Teji's bday! (chuckle)

I adorree the relationship you describe between maya and heer! On the show, they HARDLY interact.. so to read about them like this makes me uberly happy! Hehe! And oooiiii! Nihaal and meher have twinsss! Hehe! And you know EXACTLY why that makes us happy! Haha! Very cute!

"Kyun ke kaal Rajveer ke saath teri sagaai hai!" --- HAWWWW!!!!! whattttt?!? ufff! I hate that they said it so nonchalantly :-( uff, they are hardly forming a relationship..it sounds like a darn business deal! Uggh! And again, jaz... the very fact that im getting mad at an FF, proves that you are a fabulous writer! You make us feel so much for these characters ! :-D

Yeh kissne kiya?" he asked in an icy tone ---> *faint* OMG! It is sooo like prem to be like this! I love it! He takes my breath away whenever he gets protective like this! Hailaaa!

"Prem tumhe meri kasam!" she yelled

Have I mentioned I lovee heer and maya's rishta here? Oh hoo! If only maya had been this super amazing on the show! Lol! I love her for doing what she did! "Meri Heer ko humesha kush rakhna" *sigh* I dont know why, but that is making me cry! What is it about that line? Uffff!

"Heer, tum Bua banne wali ho," Maya said with a sweet smile" *sob* I have goosebumps.. you write things so beautifully yaar! Mui fabuloso!!!!!!!

"When she looked up at him shyly, just for an instant when their eyes met, he felt his heart skip a beat" ---> I cross my heart and hope to die --- that is soo pretty! Man, by the end of this part, I think im gong to die of a broken heart (sob)

AHHH!!! you brought that part from the prologue back in here! Ufff! Every time I read that, its like my heart stands still! Especially when Prem says "lagta hai ke koi tufaan aane wala hai" woh hawayen rukh badal rahi hain, signifying the biggest tufaan yet to come...a whirlwind of tragedy is about to strike their world! (sob)

aww, I love that they are talking about kids already! Soo cute! I think what I love more about it is that even though there is a feel of sadness, there is also happiness...just the fact that they are together! "Chi, kya tum uski naam "Nishaani" rakhoge?" haha! How cuteeeee! Ooiii---> looadsss of jhappis and bear hugs for using that "chahat" scene in here! Theres a different kind of feel to it when I think about Prem saying that! YAYYYYY!!!

UFFFFFFFF!! balraj is such a cold-hearted, HIDEOUS man! Btw, I lovee how it went from so calm to so intense in a matter of few lines! Very well written!

No no noooo! Why did u kill prem? NOOO!!1 cutttyyy with youuuu!!! ufff, I feel sooo sadd! Gosh! I feel like a pit formed in my stomach.. a bottomless one! NAHIIIII!!!!! RISHABB!! you, you .. u sick sick man! This guy has a heart of stone! Can you imagine the pain heer is going through??? the kind of "gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain" AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! oh btw, i REFUSE to believe our prem is dead! heer simply CANNOT go on withouth prem! pweaasee tell me u have a little plan up your sleeve, and our prem will be back.. all hatta katta! pweaaseee! begging you! haat pakadke bheek mangoing! 😭

"Her sister-in-laws were left behind with picking up the shattered pieces of her life, her heart, her soul and the broken pieces of her body" --> OMGG!!! poor heer! These dumb brothers of hers! I wonder if they have ANY idea that they have finally shattered every warmth and confidence from within her! UGHHHHH!!!

"Happy 7th Wedding Anniversary Prem," Heer said as she stared of at the dark sky" *tear tear 'sob* im not kidding jaz! We're a messs! Im still crying! All thanks to you! But for some reason, this line warmed the cockles of my heart :-D It's such a beautiful end to this part! And she still has his mangalsutra! Ahh, poor heer...it probably feels like all the word and its beauty has come to an end!

Ooii, im extremeelly sorry for this LAMBAA comment! Hehe! But I couldnt help it! We just LOVEEDDDD this part! You are a FABULOUS writer! This FF has joined my list of favourites! *SIGH* excellent part!