FF:Broken Dreams&...Part 18C Pg 147 06/07 - Page 17

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tam2 thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
Hey Abhi....

wonderful parts....liked the way ur describing the whole past thing in flashback.... 😃 .....

Felt sorry for Bani.....she's left out from mostly her dad's love....it's always Pia... 😡 ....

Krishna is very sweet.... 😳 ....

Do cont soon.... 👏
Edited by tam2 - 17 years ago
Sheena_Row thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
Abhilasha,

Caught up the last two chapters, I liked the slow relationship developing and the history of the two families...

Great job,
-- Shoba di
Indian_Goddess thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
Hmmm, so Jai learned to understand the meaning or relationships from his parents huh? The hell he did! 😆 Why is he neglecting his wife then? Whoa, so JW's family didn't start off rich. Interesting. 😉 Can't wait to see Bani's entrance in JW's home! 😃
Edited by Indian_Goddess - 17 years ago
khushboo2006 thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail
Posted: 17 years ago
Abhi wonderful part....loved how you are describing the history of both families.....now looking forward to see how Bani an dKrishana's relationship shapes up.please do continue soon 👏
Nimmie1`2 thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
Hi Abhi,

The flow of story and how the family met B plus their background history is well narated. Do continue soon, want to know what will J & B next cause of action towards their relationship ;)
btkr thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
😆 Uday Walia as a dhaaba waala - love it!! but quite logical, dbaaba se expand kiya...
👏 👏 👏
abhilashasharma thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 17 years ago

Originally posted by: pooks

An excellent continuation to the flashback. One can't help but fee sorry for Bani for having such a lonely childhood where she never got proper attention from her parents, especially her mtoher. Her inetraction with Krishna was the best. Also, liked the background info. of Uday's family...their family set-up was more normal than Bani's any day.yes... thats the whole point



Originally posted by: sangitadas

Abhi, this flashback is just the perfect foil to a perfect story, so please don't pinge on on the details.
okay... next time... no repeating of this mistake... actually i have planned for a similar part for another character... 😆

Want to see how Jai and Bani's friendship grew ver the years and also Bnai's relationship with Krishna Aunty.
next part is dedcated to u... 😳



Originally posted by: JAN_SA

Hi,

You posted 😃 😃 , loved it, so Jai has a loving caring family unlike Bani 😭 😭 , great post 👏 👏 👏 but too short 😆. i told you naa

Please continue soon & forgive me for bugging you 😆 😉 i dont mind bugging... but i wont post any part if its not ready more or less... 😉

Lots luv

J



Originally posted by: davia389

pls cotnineu soon..

the thing is getting intersting.. hope u dont ahve a tragic end this time its a happy ending...

davia



Originally posted by: jeenal20

plz cont soon
gr88 part


thanks jeena

Originally posted by: koolgal

great part
wow wow wow that was really short 😆 i told u naa... next part is looonnnggg... already has come to more than 2 pages and i dint even finish half
plzzzzzz cont. soon
waiting 😉



Originally posted by: RANJANA_RRJ

Hey Abhilasha!!!
I cant tell you how much I like this story. I really applaud you for being such a good writer👏. thanks... u know the effect of so many good/brilliant writers in I-F😳
Your approach of showing different events from the point of vieuw from several characters is not an easy one. You have done this beautifully. I am just glued to my screen. (My parents think that I am trying to get into the computerscreen.) 🤣 u know what in MOTW Anisha gave one cat similar to one u have been glued to the screen.... i remembered it... if i had known before... i would have given ur name 🤣

Thanks soooo much.
love,
Ranjana


enjoy ur MOTW 😉

Originally posted by: moonlitnight

now thats Jai's family
both Dixit & Walia family have seen hardship yesh... hardship... wow i dint notice it while writing...
gr88 update 👏 👏 👏
plz cont soon



Originally posted by: niruba

No, the update is not blocking the continuity, I'm sure all these scenes are important to develop the story and to relate why Jai married Bani and why he loves her but not revealing his feelings......
thanks

please continue Abhilasha.....I'm looking forward to read the next part....my humble request, please make it longer if you have time......next one will be long... i started typing already more than 2 in Word... i dint know where to finish... so havent posted it... 😃



Originally posted by: tam2

Hey Abhi....

wonderful parts....liked the way ur describing the whole past thing in flashback.... 😃 ..... thanks

Felt sorry for Bani.....she's left out from mostly her dad's love....it's always Pia... 😡 .... well... it can be said like that...

Krishna is very sweet.... 😳 ....

Do cont soon.... 👏



Originally posted by: Sheena_Row

Abhilasha,

Caught up the last two chapters, I liked the slow relationship developing and the history of the two families...
thanks dii... 😃

Great job,
-- Shoba di



Originally posted by: Indian_Goddess

Hmmm, so Jai learned to understand the meaning or relationships from his parents huh? The hell he did! 😆 he did Why is he neglecting his wife then? Whoa, so JW's family didn't start off rich. Interesting. 😉 thats y this part... short and sweet 😳 Can't wait to see Bani's entrance in JW's home! 😃



Originally posted by: khushboo2006

Abhi wonderful part....loved how you are describing the history of both families.....now looking forward to see how Bani an dKrishana's relationship shapes up.please do continue soon 👏


next part will be bani memorising the family members... afterall its a pretty big family😉

Originally posted by: Nimmie1'2

Hi Abhi,

The flow of story and how the family met B plus their background history is well narated. Do continue soon, want to know what will J & B next cause of action towards their relationship ;)


thanks nimmie... but that will come very later 😛

Originally posted by: btkr

😆 Uday Walia as a dhaaba waala - love it!! but quite logical, dbaaba se expand kiya... yesh....😳
👏 👏 👏



thanks for the wonderful comments.... u guys are too gud... 😆
abhilashasharma thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 17 years ago

Originally posted by: culgal86

hey gal...........

awesome part..............

update soon


thanks... 😛

Originally posted by: banijai19_life

gr8 👏 👏 👏 ,continue soon 😊


thanks 😛

abhilashasharma thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 17 years ago
Here goes the next....

The Flashback continues....

Previous Parts:
Part 1 - Page 1; Part 2 - Page 3; Part 3 - Page 6; Part 4 - Page 9; Part 5 - Page 12;
Flashback 1: (1.1-1.3) - Page 16;

Flashback 1

1.4 Dawn of happiness

Bani knocked the door after much hesitation.

There was perfect silence for sometime on the other side of the door. After some time, the door was opened by an elderly lady…

She smiled at her and asked, "Kaun ho tum, beta?"

Bani hesitated and stammered at the same time, "woh… main… woh…"she swallowed wondering who was this lady "Krishna aunty hai?" she asked at last.

The lady frowned, but asked smilingly, "Krishna toh hai. Lekin tum kaun ho, beta?"

Bani said softly, "Main…. Main Bani…" she turned and pointed to her house, "Main… hum us ghar pe aaye hai…" she added.

The lady smiled widely and said, "Achcha… achcha… Tum hi woh ladki ho…. Achcha… achcha… aao andar… aaja…" The lady took her inside not before locking the door. "Lekin, tum peeche se kaise aayi?"

"Woh----" Bani was interrupted before answering.

"Kaun hai, beeji?" Krishna appeared. When she looked at Bani, "Arey Bani… Tum kab aayi?" she asked touching her cheeks.

Seeing Krishna, Bani relaxed and smiled at her. "Abhi aayi aunty."

Krishna frowned and raised her eyebrows looking at Bani and back door.

Bani grinned, "Woh… actually… kya hai naa…peeche se aana aasaan hai naa… short hai na?" she scratched her head as she grinned.

Krishna shrunk her eyes and looked at her frowning in mock anger. But Bani felt bad that she actually made a mistake by climbing and coming through back door.

Bani's face fell down and she started to play with her pleats of her frock. "Sorry aunty. Phir se aisa nahin karoongi…"

Dadi said, "Tum bhi na Krishna, bachchi rula diya." She turned to Bani, "Iski baton ka bura mat manna. Yeh toh mazaak kar rahi thi. Tum chalo andar. Hum baat karte hai." She took Bani inside. But Bani did not move from that move. She was looking at Krishna hoping she would say something. But Krishna did not say anything. Bani's thoughts started to go haywire.

After a second, Krishna said, "Bahut shararati ho tum!" and pinched her cheeks. "Chal andar!" and she took her inside.

Bani looked the house in awe. It was little bigger than their house. When she reached the hall, she found another lady two ladies sleeping. Bani looked at them in awe. 'Baap re!!! Kitne log rehte hai is ghar mein!' she thought.

Krishna as if reading her thoughts, pointed at the two sleeping ladies, "Yeh meri behen hai. Aur yeh meri beti hai."

Bani looked in wonder at Krishna, 'Aunty has so much big daughter!!!"

Dadi returned from kitchen with some snacks. She called Bani near her and gave it to her, "Chalo, le lo." She made her sit beside her and stuffed the plate in her hands. She asked Bani, "Kya karti ho, tum?"

"Main fifth standard ko jaanewali hoon." She looked at the plate as she said.

Krishna looked at her looking at the plate and asked, "Kya hua? Pasand nahin hai?"

Bani looked at her and asked, "Yeh non-veg nahin hai naa?"

Dadi and Krishna was taken aback. Bani looked at them innocently. Krishna gathered herself and said, "Nahin, beta. Humare ghar mein non-veg nahin banthi."

Bani smiled, "Achcha." Then she picked up a piece of snack and tasted it. "Achcha hai." She smiled at them and said, "Thank you."

Dadi said, "You are welcome, beta" in her own English.

Bani asked her as she tasted the snack, "Aap kaun hai?"

Dadi thought 'Baap re! Yeh ladki toh sawaalon ki jadi nikli!' and said, "Main…" she pointed at Jigyasa sleeping, "Uski saas hoon."

Bani said, "Oh!" and munched more. "Main aapko kaise bulaoon?"

Dadi smiled and said, "Dadi bulaana. Meri ek poti hai, tumse thodi chotti hai. Par koi baat nahin, tum bhi toh meri poti jaise ho." She looked at Krishna, "Kitni pyaari bachchi hai na, Krishna? Aur kitna sundar naam hai?" Dadi appreciated.

Bani thought 'Naam mein kya rakkha hai!' and continued munching. Then Dadi asked about her family. She replied along with munching.

Krishna observed her and thought, 'Yeh ladki kuch aur hi hai.'

Bani finished her plate and brought the plate to Krishna, "Thank you, aunty. Achcha laga." After a pause, "Paani milega?"

Krishna led her to the kitchen and offered a glass of water. When Bani was having water, Krishna said, "Agli baar aagi ki darwaaze se aaogi, samjhi?"

Bani grinned.

"Waise ek baat batao. Apni maa se kehke toh aayi ho?" Krishna asked her.

Bani stopped drinking and looked at her. Krishna at once knew the answer. She came to her and held her face affectionately and said, "Aisa nahin karte. Buri aadat hai. Maa kahaan dhondegi? Aise nahin karte, samjhe?"

Bani smiled and after some time, "Ji, aunty."

"Achchi bachchi" Krishna kissed her forehead.

Bani was touched by the gesture. She thought when was the last time anybody kissed her. She smiled at her.

Krishna looked at the time and said, "Beeji, Jigyasa ko utaayiye. Anu ko school se le aana hai." She came out with Bani as she was saying. But Jigyasa and Masi woke up while she was saying.

Bani asked Krishna, "Yeh Anu kaun hai?

Dadi, who had got up from her place, said, "Meri poti, Jigyasa ki beti aur tumhare aunty ki naati. Teekh hai?"

Bani, who was learning their family said, "Oh!" She was drawing a mental figure of their family.

Masi who had just got up asked Krishna, "Didi, kaun hai yeh?"

Krishna said 'no' with her eyes and said, "Yeh… maine bataaya naa… Bani. Yehi Bani hai." She had held Bani with her hands.

Masi caught the sign and said, "Oh… Toh yeh hai Bani!" Masi smiled at her.

Bani smiled and then looked at Krishna. Krishna said, "Jao naa, teri masi jaisi hai."

Bani went to Shobhana. She made her sit beside her. "Toh tum ho Bani. Kaise ho?"

"Main teekh hoon. Aap kaise hai?"

"Main toh achchi hoon" and she kissed her.

Jigyasa said, "Mama, main school ke liye nikhalti hoon." Without waiting for anyone's reply, she left. Bani looked at the leaving figure.

After Jigyasa left, Bani was pampered by Masi and Dadi one after the other. Krishna looked them smilingly as she did the work. She found Bani's eyes moving to the back door frequently. 'This girl is really something' she thought again. Suddenly, Bani stood and ran to the back door. Now, she was able to hear her mother calling her. She looked around. She climbed the wall in an instant that left all the three ladies jaw-dropped. She ran into her house hurriedly.

The ladies were shocked at what they saw. Later, when they looked at each other, they burst out laughing…

***

When Bani entered into her house, her mother was searching her. When Kiran saw Bani at the back door, she sighed with relief. She couldn't stop herself for getting little angry at her. Every time she saw Bani doing some kind of mischief in her childhood, she was too busy to enjoy her actions. Sometimes, she felt so sorry that she was not able look after her when she needed and sometimes, she was proud of her that her little daughter was learning things slowly without her help. Well, it can be said that the first emotion that Bani evokes in Kiran is 'anger'.

"Kahaan thi?" Kiran said in anger-controlled tone.

"Bas peeche!" Bani said softly.

"Dhoop mein?" Kiran frowned.

"Dhoop mein nahin…." Bani said.

"Thoda so leti toh achcha lagta na" Kiran said and left to kitchen to make evening coffee.

Bani peeped at her entering the kitchen and sighed with relief. 'Bach gayi'

The evening went like that for Bani. She tried to sneak to backyard to see Krishna, but Pia caught her and started telling her school events to her. Bani listened to her enthusiastically as she did not want Pia to get disappointed due to her lack of attention.

In the evening, when her father came, he informed that no information was available regarding Bani's admission yet. Bani felt very bad. She was confident that she would get her admission definitely. But, now?

After having dinner silently, she sat in the stairs at the back door and watched the night sky and the moving stars.

***

At Jai's house, dinner was a loud affair.

It was a usual routine that Krishna and Shobhana used to make 'roti' where as others used to have their dinner and at last Jigyasa and Jai would serve them dinner. At that time, Aditya and Uday would tally the accounts at the end of the day. After that, Jai would join them and plan for the next day.

That day too, it was loud with everyone talking, making fun of each other and sharing the incidents of the day.

Suddenly, Jigyasa asked, "Poochna hi bhool gayi. Maan, woh ladki kaun thi?"

"Kaun ladki?" Krishna frowned.

"Maa, wohi, dopeher ko humare ghar mein thi. Maine socha ki Anu ko school se le aane ke baad use baat karoon. Lekin, woh toh dikhayi nahin di tab! Kaun hai woh?"

"Woh ladki?" Dadi started to laugh.

Every one stopped what they were speaking and looked at Dadi. They also found Krishna and Shobhana smiling to themselves as they made 'rotis'

"Haan, wohi ladki!" Jigyasa said little impatiently.

"Beeji, aap bhi naa. Pata nahin kya haal hogi uski?" Krishna said as she came from kitchen carrying some rotis to serve. She looked at Jigyasa and said, "Woh Bani hai. Humare peechewali ghar par naye-naye aayi hai." She said and left to kitchen.

"Bahut pyari hai." Dadi said as she remembered Bani's face in her mind.

"Par maa, aap kyun fikar kar rahi hai?"

"Lagta hai, woh ghar pe bina bataaye aa gayi. Tumhare jaane ke baad, jaisi hi uski maa ki aawaaz aayi, woh bhaagi chali gayi apne ghar." Krishna said leaving the other things.

Jigyasa frowned. "Phir bhi, aap kyun fikar rahi hai?"

Dadi said, "Arey, tumhein nahin pata ki woh kaisi gayi yahaan se." Every one's attention was on Dadi now. Dadi winked and said, "Woh peeche ki deewar chadke gayi apne ghar." And she started to laugh.

Everyone's eyes widened and they looked at each other and then burst laughing. Anu did not completely understand what they were speaking, but reflected their laugh on her face.

Aditya chuckled, "Maa, use use humari aage ka darwaaza pata hai ki nahin."

Dadi said, "Shayad pata nahin."

Again, everybody started to laugh. But, Krishna was worried still, as she did not see her that evening. Then Dadi narrated the whole incident to them – Bani asking questions, having snacks. They enjoyed laughing at what they heard.

"Bahut shararati lagti hai." Jai chuckled.

"Tum logon se zyada nahin." Krishna said as she served Jai.

"Maa, hum toh bas mazaak kar rahe hai." Jai said.

"Bas, bahut ho gaya. Waise bhi jiske baare mein kuch nahin jaante uske baare mein mazaak karna achchi baat nahin." She said and left for kitchen.

Jai made a face and continued eating. Aditya and Jigyasa looked at Krishna and Jai, then silently continued to eat.

Uday was the first to leave the place after dinner followed by others.

After Krishna and Shobhana had their dinner, they became busy with cleaning along with Dadi and Jigyasa.

Jai left to terrace for some air while Uday and Aditya were busy settling the accounts. Jai was roaming in the terrace, little upset with his mother's words. He was surprised with his mother's sudden affection on a stranger. Even if she is small girl, a stranger is a stranger. He sighed deeply and looked at the night sky. That night, the sky was full of stars. There were not many clouds. He watched the moon. He thought, new-moon day was approaching. He looked at the sky for some time and supported himself on the railing in the terrace. He continued watching the sky, felt little relaxed. He took a deep breath and looked down. He frowned at what he saw. He saw a small girl sitting on the stairs of her house and was looking at the sky. He thought what this girl will know looking at the sky, then blinked at the thought, whether she was counting the stars. He could see his face more or less clearly in the moonlight. She didn't seem to be counting the stars, then what was she doing? He literally was staring at her. Suddenly the girl looked at him. She frowned… Wait, did she frown at him?

When Bani was busy looking the moving stars, her sixth sense warned her that she was being watched. She turned her head from one of the stars and found a man staring at her. She looked at him for a second, then realized he was standing in the terrace of her aunty's house. She frowned thinking, who he was.

When Bani frowned at him, Jai's mind posed a question of whether this was the girl whom they were speaking about just before. While they were busy staring against each other, Krishna came to the terrace and gave Jai a glass of turmeric milk.

"Jai!" Krishna called him.

Jai jerked as he turned to see his mother. He looked at his mother standing with his milk.

"Kya hua?" Krishna asked.

Jai stayed silent as he picked the glass in his hand, but did not stop watching Bani. Krishna frowned at him, then followed his gaze. She saw Bani sitting alone on the stairs.

"Yeh ladki yahaan kya kar rahi hai, is waqt?" Krishna wondered aloud.

"Taare ghin rahi thi shayad." Jai said as he drank his milk silently realizing that the girl was indeed 'Bani'.

Krishna hit him on his arm. "Tum bhi naa. Kabhi nahin sudhroge!"

Jai chuckled as he gave the empty glass to his mother.

Krishna turned and left the terrace.

Meanwhile, Bani located Krishna with the other person. She tried to catch Krishna's gaze but it seems she went unnoticed. Bani's face fell down. Her disappointment did not leave Jai's eyes.

After few minutes, Krishna called Bani to the wall. "Bani!"

Bani jerked and moved towards the wall and climbed carefully. When she saw Krishna, she smiled. But Krishna noticed her smile not reaching her eyes.

"Kya hua, Bani?" she asked as she stroked her hair.

Bani gave a hesitant smile. "Aunty, mujhe admission mil jaayegi naa?" she asked as if she needed assurance.

Krishna said, "Kyon nahin milegi? Subah hi toh kaha ki mil jaayegi."

"Haan kaha toh tha… lekin… ab tak kyun nahin mili?"

"Mil jaayegi beta."

"Lekin didi ko toh mil gayi, mujhe ab tak kyun nahin mili? Mujhe darr lag raha hai. Mujhe ghar pe nahin rehna. Mujhe school jaana hai." Bani's voice started to break.

"Mil jaayegi. Is baat ke liye muh lagage baiti ho? Chalo, muh teekh karo." Bani looked at her whether to believe her words or not. "Chalo, ab mujhe ek achchi si smile de do" Bani gave a small tight smile. "Shabhash. Chalo ab chup-chap jaake so jao. Chalo. Good night bolo." Krishna ordered her.

"Good night, aunty." Bani gave a little big smile.

Krishna kissed one of her cheeks and said, "Good night, beta. Ab jaake meri achchi bachchi ki tarah so jao. Jao"

Bani gave a smile and jumped down carefully and went to her house. As soon as Krishna heard the back door being locked, she went inside.

Jai watched his mother's interaction with that girl curiously. He was now convinced that she was Bani. He thought for a second why Bani was upset. But before his thoughts could go further, he heard his father calling his downstairs. He put a full stop to his thoughts and rushed down.

When he reached his father's room, he saw his mother talking with his father.

"Aap zara baat kijiye, naa. Woh maan jaayenge." Krishna was requesting.

"Teekh hai, koshish karta hoon. Lekin guarantee nahin de sakta." Uday said.

"Ji" Krishna went inside.

Jai joined his father and Aditya for further plans and put away the other thoughts from his mind.


Edited by abhilashasharma - 17 years ago
swathi thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
Abhilasha, Thanks for the info on update !

I felt that your last flashback had the basics to set the context of the story for the future...You know more like the initial primer....My thoughts about Bani's childhood that its very unfortunate that she has to go through these situations because of the position her parents were in and I think Kiran kind of took the child under her wings and let her grow. But I am still wondering as to what made these two marry. and of course why are they so tongue tied with each other ? I guess I will have wait for your next parts to see all these revealed. and am looking forward to it. Cant help asking, can I hope to read something new in the next couple of hours ?

Swathi

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