:: A Son's Promise ::
- Jalal -
Pressing the bell twice, I leaned on the wall nearby. Loosening my tie, I waited for either my son or wife to open the door. A second later, my wife opened the door. Passing her a small smile, I strode towards the bedroom.
After freshening up, I came out and settled on couch. Pressing my temples to ease out the mild headache, my head lolled back at the headrest. Few minutes later, I felt my wife's soft palms massaging my temple and gradually easing some of the tension.
"Here."
She sat beside me, handling me water she brought along with lemonade. Taking the glass, I gulped the liquid in a go, giving a relief to my parched throat. Keeping my head on her shoulder, I hummed in relief as her fingers pressed my scalp soothingly.
Picking the lemonade, I sipped slowly as steadily the ache in my head started to dissipate.
"So, where's Salim?"
I questioned, not finding my son anywhere in the house.
"Out with his friends."
Her glum reply caught my attention. Frowns appeared on my face. What? Again, out with his friends. This guy, can't he stay at home for a day to keep his mother's heart. What I'll do with him. I chided mentally. Voicing my thoughts may depress my wife than she already is.
Nowadays, she thinks, her son is probably distancing himself from her. I've tried to made her understand, let him see the world outside. But making her understand this simple thing, seems the most complex part.
"Jodha, let him be. This his age to explore the outside world. Let him enjoy."
I tried to favour my son, coaxing my wife. While like always, she didn't smile but her worried expressions intensified. Is there something more?
"Hey, what happened?"
I was alarmed when she sniffed audibly beside me. Circling my arm around her, I pulled her closer.
"Jodha, kya hua?"
She is making me worried than necessary. Wiping the tears that rolled down her cheeks, she stood up sniffing and disappeared in Salim's room. Whilst I'm totally clueless of the situation. Before I could follow her inside, she reappeared in front of me.
Slowly, she kept the cigarette packets and an ash tray in front of me. While my eyes dilated watching the things in front of me, stupefied. It had been almost six months, after that fateful incident had happened. After that, I and my wife has tried our best to provide Salim whatever he wanted. Whether it was his demands regarding his subjects or his college, everything was as per his likes.
After that incident, we'd anyhow convinced him to at least to give the boards with much assurance from our sides, whatever the results would be, we'll accept it. No pressure, no comparison, no high expectations. Even a promise, we'd delivered him to choose his further studies as per his liking.
His result wasn't unexpected, he got pass but with below average marks. Neither me or his mother had said a word about that. It's okay, that was our mistake and we accepted.
Just in return, we'd expected him to be smiling and active like before, not to forget, prohibiting his smoking. Which we thought he did. But everything seemed wrong now. Salim seemed happy but distant, focused yet careless. I looked up and met my wife's chocolate brown hazels. The glossiness in them stabbed my already disgruntled heart.
"Let me call him."
I muttered furious. My temper level is shooting its peak. How could he? Here, we are dreaming about his bright future and he's demeaning our expectations.
Enraged would be an understatement, to what I felt right now. I might have slapped him right here, if he would have been present in front of me. Picking my mobile, I dialled his number. Even before the call could get connected, the gadget called phone was snatched from my hand abruptly. Pressing the red line anxiously to cut the call, my wife resembled a mad woman, at the moment.
"Jodha!"
I shook her hard, till she collapsed on floor sobbing out aloud.
"No. no. no. no. Don't... please don't. What if... what if he tries to commit suicide?"
For once, I felt utter pity on my wife. That incident has shaken her insides, since it happened. The one, who doesn't get tired while correcting her son at his every mistake, stopped it altogether at once. Even his mistakes are acceptable to her rather than their correction.
This has spoiled our son. Somewhere, we both knew that our son is becoming a spoilt brat but the fear of losing him aced all the worries. Even the mere thought of that day, when he confessed he was having suicidal tendencies, still sent shivers down our spines.
"I tried smoking... because my friend said that... that it'll help in suppressing the suicidal tendencies."
This line just had kept reverberating in our minds, since then. These words were strong enough to give my wife nightmares and me sleepless nights. Wiping the sweat beads accumulated on my forehead, I sat beside my wife and took her in my embrace.
"Shush... It'll be okay."
I breathed in out. Whilst her arms tightened around my waist.
"How, Jalal how? We've even invested our savings in his law college. It's getting tough to cope up with day to day expense. And if he keeps going like this, if he keeps smoking, then how we're going to be in peace."
Her worries laced with sobs resonated in our silent home. Whilst my mind accelerated with worries piled up on our heads. That's true, Salim's had dreamt to enter in one of the prestigious law college of city. But because of his low grades that had seemed next to impossible, Jodha had come up with an idea of using our savings, that we'd saved for buying our own home. This one is a rented one, which consumes a big amount of my salary.
With a huge donation and lump sum fee amount, we'd anyhow admitted him in his dream college. The expensive books and other things has sucked the remaining money from our bank account.
Monthly expense is turning difficult for us, with him demanding money every now and then for one and another reason.
Yet, this guy is letting us down. My spirits are crumbling day to day watching his careless attitude towards his studies and life as well. Last month, I've received a call from his HOD, about low attendance and degrading grades. But my wife has refrained me from saying a word to my little brat.
"Everything will be fine, dear. Everything."
I muttered not sure of myself, if I'm convincing her or myself.
- Salim -
I sat outside my house with a thud. Each and every word uttered by my parents is piercing my heart. Standing on my feet, I paced in small rounds. My palm rubbed my chest, as the guilt burned down there. Though, I didn't want to but don't know when I'd started to take advantage of their fear.
I was so disturbed back then but with my mother's smiles and her pampering, her understanding towards my problems whilst my father's clever advises has boosted my confidence up. I was again becoming the happy me. Don't know, when I started to forget their opinions, neglecting their decisions, passing their scolding. I was so happy to get into my dream college and new friends, that knew nothing about my past school life and accepted me wholeheartedly.
Don't know when, from my coping mechanism the cigarettes turned into addiction. My new friends, all belongs from the elite class and living with them, I forgot that my father isn't a big shot or a business man. He is just a simple middle class man, meeting his family needs doing a not so happening job in a company. I'm spending his hard earned money to manage my reputation in front of some bunch of friends. This is so wrong, so wrong.
I'm responsible for my parents' sufferings. They understood me, they helped me to overcome my depressed thoughts. Sitting on the steps outside my house again, my mind wandered back to the chaos that took place six months ago.
How much scared my mother had been, how much she'd cried holding me close. Though my father didn't depict much but I'd noticed his red rimmed eyes. Shudders ran down my spine on the remembrance of that day. That was the black day of our life.
A fear with anxiety crept inside me. What if... what if I couldn't do good even in the subject that I chose. What if I let them down, yet again? What if they would stop expecting? What'll I do then? Whom will I go to?
No, no. no. no. Damn, NO!
Immediately, my hand reached out to my pocket. Taking a cigarette out of the packet, I lit it with a small pocket lighter. I need it, I badly need it to calm the plethora of anxiety dancing inside my head.
"How, Jalal how? We've even invested our savings in his law college. It's getting tough to cope up with day to day expense. And if he keeps going like this, if he keeps smoking, then how we're going to be in peace."
Taking a huge gush, I puffed out some smoke. The words spoken by my mother rushed to my mind, hitting me with an intensity that was ready to throw me into the abyss of nothingness. Crushing the cigarette, I threw it far away agitated much.
My head throbbed with pulsating pain as the words of my mother kept reverberating inside me again and again. Bunching my hair in both fists, I pushed my mouth on my jean cladded knee to muffle the agitated cries that are wrenching my gut from inside.
Don't know how much time had passed by, I sat there staring into nothingness. The pain of my parents and their words were scratching my soul with invisible sharp knives. Wiping my face with my palm, I stood up determined.
Pressing the doorbell, I stood numb. Waiting for any of my parent to open the door. As expected, my mother opened the door for me. Her smiling face turned into horror looking at me. While her sobs that I heard earlier, squeezed my insides painfully.
Next I knew, I had engulfed her in my arms. As her arms connected behind me, whilst her body provided me with motherly affection and warmth was the last thread to my sanity.
"I'm... I'm sorry mother. I'm so sorry."
"But..."
Before she could complete. I cut her in between. I need to let this go. I can't take this anymore, this too much to bear.
"I'm sorry mom. I will... will try my best to meet up to yours and father's expectations. I won't let... let you both down. I will try my best to do in academics. I... I won't smoke. That's your son's promise."
My mother clutched me tighter whilst I could see my father standing at kitchen's gate, smiling down at us. This is bliss.
!!*!!
Ok, so this one is on a special request from a very special person, Suddha Akka. This is for you.😳
I hope you people like this one. I've tried my best to make it real but if you find it clich then I'm sorry. 😛
Sorry if it's not worth reading.😊
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