arshi ff: without you... thread #1, chapters 1-13 **completed**

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Crazy4IPK

@Crazy4IPK

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#71

The first chapter is interesting.

Let me give you a muahh for the kiss. I literally banged my head when the zalem phone rang in that almost kiss scene. And the saga continued till the farmhouse night. anyway I wish if Khushi would kissed him back. I know she is amateur in this matter or moreover her conscious was refraining her.But from Arnav side he completed it with full passion.

I'm trying to ebb in the depth of your writing.

If I'm not wrong I think, Khushi in her unconscious state succumbing in the abyss of memory.That sporadic moments are just anecdote of her life with Arnav. That's my perception. after reading this chapter.

Now when she got her sense back the brutal truth stroke her. May be Arnav is no more.No my fingers shaked while typing this.

can't wait to know the further story.

Edited by sohara - 12 years ago

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Katelyn

@Katelyn

Rocker

+ 7

Ocean of Happiness

Posted: 12 years ago

#72

Unres here. As a suggestion, please update the title of the thread as well to reflect the change i.e. Ch. 1 06/09/13!!

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3618814&PID=85074357&#85074357

Edited by Katelyn - 12 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#73

Originally posted by: DurgaS
Indi,

Ok, first things first. You won't believe, but about 10 mts. before I switched on the lappy, I was thinking about the Diwali missed kiss, and the what if discussions that were going on and how far it would have gone. Then, wondering why am I thinking about it suddenly! Then I log into IF, see your pm and there's the same scene. Telepathy?

Chapter 1, Wow. Written beautifully. I like the narration style going back and forth, keeping both the present and the past in suspense. Excellent description of the intimate moment (though I must admit, it was a little above my comfort 😳). Loved the whole scene to the Mandir and back including the reminder of the guest house scene.

Then, the scary scary hospital scene. Not gonna think about it and deliberate about the situation. Will just wait for the next one.

Excellent writing, Indi. I am glad you finally started writing fiction. 😃

thanks, durga,

sorry, as i was writing the kiss i had a feeling it would get too hot for some, but you know i decided to go with my instincts. somehow the nature of that kiss seemed important... the why and wherefore of it. i saw khushi hungering as much as asr and wanted to express that clearly.

at this point the story is very much from khushi's point of view... gives me a chance to see her feelings.

so you were thinking of diwali kiss. definitely telepathy. for me, it was a kiss, may or may not have been diwali... but by the pool, their own place... it was certainly there.

i am glad though that ipk's diwali kiss was a missed one... in that context, that was right and very very powerful... very much a part of plot... it told him of how helpless he is before her, made him overreact and get engaged, took the story forward, made their emotions stronger, more chaotic, going toward their acceptance of each other.

no matter what i may or may not like about ipk, the initial bit was written very cleverly with a sharp understanding of plot, and tying threads, of characterisation, and of the essential excitement between a man a nd a woman... there was something elemental about that attraction... the basis of which was the writing, of course then barun and sanya turned it into something else.

this story is, to tell you the truth, as much of a suspense to me. makes it quite interesting actually, it sort of tells itself, i just jig it a bit and choose words i like.

i am glad i started writing too. thank you all for your prodding. i hope i can pull it off.

i find asr and khushi a most intriguing twosome, in them many many tales... a few of them i'd like to discover here.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#74

Originally posted by: sohara
The first chapter is interesting.
Let me give you a muahh for the kiss. I literally banged my head when the zalem phone rang in that almost kiss scene. And the saga continued till the farmhouse night. anyway I wish if Khushi would kissed him back. I know she is amateur in this matter or moreover her conscious was refraining her.But from Arnav side he completed it with full passion.

I'm trying to ebb in the depth of your writing.
If I'm not wrong I think, Khushi in her unconscious state succumbing in the abyss of memory.That sporadic moments are just anecdote of her life with Arnav. That's my perception. after reading this chapter.

Now when she got her sense back the brutal truth stroke her. May be Arnav is no more.No my fingers shaked while typing this.
can't wait to know the further story.

thanks, sohara,

i thought khushi really had no idea how to kiss back, but she did want to learn, to have him carry on... then came her good sense and drew her away. 😳. about that diwali kiss, i thought the way that was done was really really cool. the purpose of that was to show his loss of control.

here i found even khushi lost control... his feelings i still don't know.
will update over the weekend. glad you enjoyed. 🤗

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#75

Originally posted by: Katelyn
Unres here. As a suggestion, please update the title of the thread as well to reflect the change i.e. Ch. 1 06/09/13!!

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/85074357

muaah muaah for that suggestion. katelyn, why do i feel so blessed that you all come to my thread, and you, always crisp, cool, generous and violetly lovely.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#76

Originally posted by: wiwy
Reswa

Unreswa

Indi I know now why I wanted you to write an Arshi story so badly. Perhaps I felt it would be staggeringly different. And how right I was. I have read and fallen for your trademark style of writing while analysing the IPK episodes on BFTP. But fiction writing has revealed a new side to Indi, a new shade of Indi. Awesome!⭐️ It leaves me speechless!

Only one thing, don't let Arnav die! Who will BD and I fight over?😕

🤗

don't ya know that this entire thing is created only to get you off his back, so that i can have him all to myself. i speak strictly of asr, of course.

i am supposed to take compliments graciously... never could, as i read your note, i am thinking, ok stylewa yes, but does indi have contentwa? let's see, a few more chapters and we'll know. in the meantime, you have talked about an update today, i am gleefully looking forward.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#77

Originally posted by: Katelyn
Wow...what an awesome chapter, Indi!! 👏⭐️ You granted our wish with a beautifully well written kissing scene! 🤗 You've brilliantly portrayed their thoughts and feelings! You are right on with Khushi's hesitation yet unable to deny the new feelings of passion and ASR is just perfect as the more assertive lover!! ☺️ HOT!!! I'm fanning myself!! A very nice and romantic flashback!!!

You left us with a cliff hanger, Indi! Feeling sad and terrible for Khushi! Eager to read chapter 2. Please update soon!!

Sometimes it does take an extra push for a person to write and I'm sorry that you had to see that awful picture on the net especially on our IPK 2nd anniversary!! I completely understand your need to write and it's your way of dealing with the situation! I commend and support you for doing it! I think in the process, you will end up healing all of us as well as yourself! The great thing about writing is that you could pen down your own vision of the story! I am so looking forward to this journey with you! And I know coming out of this, Arshi's love will be stronger as well as ours for this magical couple!

you are a sweetheart, and your sunny happy nature is a blessing.

i actually love what the writers of ipk wrote... they did lose their way after a while. i think that does tend to happen, especially in serialized writing where other stakeholders interfere constantly. but still, to have shot those scenes... nahiiin. we're gonna set that right.

thanks so much, katelyn, 🤗.

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Katelyn

@Katelyn

Rocker

+ 7

Ocean of Happiness

Posted: 12 years ago

#78

Originally posted by: indi52

muaah muaah for that suggestion. katelyn, why do i feel so blessed that you all come to my thread, and you, always crisp, cool, generous and violetly lovely.

Awww...you are welcome, Indi! This helps the readers know that you've updated! I'll probably read this chapter again until you update the next one!! 😳

Edited by Katelyn - 12 years ago

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Horizon

@Horizon

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#79

Res..holding breath tight...after all its coming from Indi!!

Unres: Indi, I must confess that I totally agreed with Arshihamesha and Cynthia's comments. It was quite hard to read towards the end with my eyes welling up. Not sure where you are taking us but this is some thing I never even wanted to imagine. My trust in your love for this man and this twosome is my guiding light to read on.

Loved your style of going back and forth, two " sliding door" moments, one to be able to to envisage that incomplete kiss and the other what if the story progressed like it was planned that time! Wile the first one leaves me rather contended, the second one heart broken.

Brilliantly engaging writing, hoping to see some light at the end of the tunnel...

Edited by Horizon - 12 years ago