arshi ff: without you... thread #1, chapters 1-13 **completed**

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#311

Originally posted by: IssPKaur
Chapter 5 took my breath away, Indi! In both the feeling and the writing of it ⭐️ 🤗⭐️
My favorite part, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Asli KKG Singh Raizada'. Awww ❤️ You're churning out never-before-seen Raizada moments! And they are really something. He is red-hot looking at his face in the mirror no more than a cursory glance of course, for this is the Raizada, not some silly preening man, tying that 'slim dark brown' tie of his. You describe his cool dapper self and his complex dark thoughts with so much finesse, I want this version in a tv series right now!! I will volunteer to be the spot girl for free - will stomp over my ego and beg for it!!
The specific reference to 'labyrinthine corridors' of Sheesh Mahal was spectacular for me. I'm going to get a little carried away here, but allow me...I had a moment 😛 Him blazing past as a young boy, Her blazing past to save herself, both in distress...it made for a cinematic treat in my head as I read your words. Visually, spatially tied to each other right there in those corridors, even before they had met. I had never before seen it this way. Music played in my ears, a gorgeous pink lehenga on the run, a young boy turning to look, quick cuts, heart beats rising, gun shots two...all came together as one piece. Fab stuff madam! And OP was such a relief in the midst of it all, brought a smile ekdum 😊

The Raizada's 'slightly lunatic women' present here including moi of course, how much are you going to make us weep, by the way? Bas bataa do, hum taiyyar hain..."arnav ji main aapke begair jee nahi paaoongi" ne toh jaan le li yaar! Khushi ji, aap jeeo, hum toh already mar gaye!!
Naani ji hospital gaye toh haunslaa, consolation, mili. Seriously. She's so strong i thought. Lemme draw some inspiration. Loved her. Stroking his hair, blessing him. Great moment.

All in all, wonderful work, Indi. Loving seeing your movement.

I'm all set to board a blue and white metal bus now to sit next to the Raizada.

isspkaur

thank you, thank you for liking and your happy note. 🤗

you are a real sweetheart for that pink bit. believe me, just for a second, as i saw both running down those same corridors but in different time zones, and also rushing through the alleyways of their minds in a separate space i had a similar thought... wah, i thought whattay scene, the corridors a major metaphor in both their lives... aren't we all in our corridors?... abs by chance i assure you though those scenes came by... or is anything abs by chance ever. anyway... what you saw was way more cinematic, classic, crux of story, a holding image that binds the tale. i want it... please let's bribe someone or whatever and get it. maybe, in season two. achha, you will be spot chick... all i want is to write some romance for them and watch the man tie a knot. ufff. maybe i should do a chapter on the raizada getting ready for his fashion show opening night. cursory look, impatient air, head tilted up to adjust his colar, jaw thrust forward, eyebrow cocked, a second's concentration...

this man in a tv thingie, pilleeejh... i shopped for the right brand of tie even... think he still won't come? thanks for liking my version of the raizada, he's really that other guy, only when you write there's that yearning of a dotty writer colouring the canvas a wee bit.

glad you like op (really i needed him) and love nani ji. some really deft character drawing in this tacky serial we loved.

bus, huh? blue and white and metal wala too. yeh kya kar diya tumne issk ke saath, asr?

Edited by indi52 - 12 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#312

^^^ thanks a tonne, lizzie. 😳

and fari, look forward to your thoughts. 😳

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DurgaS

@DurgaS

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#313

Bin tere... Now this song is playing in my head. I manage to listen to this song several times during the week on a music channel which I switch on to while I do my work at home. But, I am yet to get bored from it. It is so touching. Loved how you used it here, my love for the song has deepened. The collage is beautiful, loved it instantly when it was posted by your friend a few days ago. Please do convey the same to her. Loved how you drew parallels from the two time periods w.r.t. the white shirt, pink purse, et al. The description of Arnav's thoughts about that night many years ago - awesome. Liked the little story about OP and his family. Can see the desperate Khushi as she takes the bus ride. Watching the kidnapping track in IPK Telugu, the same Khushi, yearning to find some clue to get her Arnavji back. Hope the Khushi in your story finds some ray of hope soon and continues to be brave, although it does seem difficult to be so as the days pass by. Beautiful writing Indi. I am so happy to be reading such awesome work. Thank you for swaying us with emotions with your every chapter. 😊

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IssK.

@IssK.

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#314

Originally posted by: indi52

isspkaur

thank you, thank you for liking and your happy note. 🤗

you are a real sweetheart for that pink bit. believe me, just for a second, as i saw both running down those same corridors but in different time zones, and also rushing through the alleyways of their minds in a separate space i had a similar thought... wah, i thought whattay scene, the corridors a major metaphor in both their lives... aren't we all in our corridors?... abs by chance i assure you though those scenes came by... or is anything abs by chance ever. Corridors and Doorways. Story of all our lives right there, nahin? Mystery bhi aur hope bhi. Hamesha!

anyway... what you saw was way more cinematic, classic, crux of story, a holding image that binds the tale. i want it... please let's bribe someone or whatever and get it. maybe, in season two. achha, you will be spot chick... all i want is to write some romance for them and watch the man tie a knot. ufff. maybe i should do a chapter on the raizada getting ready for his fashion show opening night. cursory look, impatient air, head tilted up to adjust his colar, jaw thrust forward, eyebrow cocked, a second's concentration... Am toh already watching him tie that knot baby! Yeh Raizada chhapa hua hai tumhare har ek word mein!!

this man in a tv thingie, pilleeejh... i shopped for the right brand of tie even... think he still won't come? He would never have left darling, if this kind of stuff were on offer...i mean the writing, not the brand of tie 😛 I mean think about it, kar kya raha tha woh show par?? A guy like that, you're going to have him show up everyday to give pecks on cheeks and do dumb things like have her pack crockery in cheap paper on a deadline?? Koi sharam baaki hai duniya mein?!

thanks for liking my version of the raizada, he's really that other guy, only when you write there's that yearning of a dotty writer colouring the canvas a wee bit. ❤️❤️

glad you like op (really i needed him) and love nani ji. some really deft character drawing in this tacky serial we loved. I agree, that's why we got so badly hooked, right?

bus, huh? blue and white and metal wala too. yeh kya kar diya tumne issk ke saath, asr? Usne toh jo kiya so kiya... ab you are the one fueling it further 😆

And don't thank me for liking 😊 pleasure entirely humara 😊

Edited by IssPKaur - 12 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#315

^^^ isspkaur,

thanking you not.

corridors and doorways 👏... ok let's get them to make the movie.

getting him to peck cheek and or have pack crockery 🤣 really no sharam is baki in this world. that divine boy had to say "bas!"

mystery: where did the writing go. hope: we'll find it some day. hamesha.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#316

Originally posted by: DurgaS
Bin tere... Now this song is playing in my head. I manage to listen to this song several times during the week on a music channel which I switch on to while I do my work at home. But, I am yet to get bored from it. It is so touching. Loved how you used it here, my love for the song has deepened. The collage is beautiful, loved it instantly when it was posted by your friend a few days ago. Please do convey the same to her. Loved how you drew parallels from the two time periods w.r.t. the white shirt, pink purse, et al. The description of Arnav's thoughts about that night many years ago - awesome. Liked the little story about OP and his family. Can see the desperate Khushi as she takes the bus ride. Watching the kidnapping track in IPK Telugu, the same Khushi, yearning to find some clue to get her Arnavji back. Hope the Khushi in your story finds some ray of hope soon and continues to be brave, although it does seem difficult to be so as the days pass by. Beautiful writing Indi. I am so happy to be reading such awesome work. Thank you for swaying us with emotions with your every chapter. 😊

thanks, durga.

you are sweet... so what's new.

okay, i am a snooty oldie sort who claims not to like most new songs. mohit chauhan and atif aslam i do like though. the first one because the boy said he liked him and the second because i feel his voice is super sexy and a perfect playback match for the boy.

you are noticing a certain obsession here i hope. 😆

while looking for tere bin by atif a, i came across bin tere some time last year. nice song, i thought. then a couple of days back, no idea why, this song came and sat on my head. out of nowhere. i heard it at least a 100 times... missed asr, missed barun, went intolerably filmi... then decided enough... i was going to use it in my story. just when i thought the idea was daft... really silly, sunshine posted the edit. tell you. i almost passed out.

now there was nothing to do but write that chapter. 😆 thank you so so much for liking it.

love emotions, want to see what they can do, teehee.

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Cadence_12

@Cadence_12

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#317

you are missing the man aren't you!😛 the haircut, the scar and the sleek casualness in him...among his many contributions to the building up of ASR, these were vital too. what say?

on another note, i like the ebb and flow of this story...and i love how there is that hint of light in anjali's life and nani as the rockbed. 🤗

and oh sorry! forgot to mention OP... he was the rockstar among the prakashes and am so glad you chose him and gave him a life of his own too 😃

Edited by mashira - 12 years ago

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#318

thanks, rashmi

good i guess comes out of even the toughest awfullest thing. missing asr... missing the boy...only that could trigger a desire to make what has been taken. asr lives... as barun sobti interpreted him. because old lady can't forget. needs to see and then what happened. 😆

glad you read and liked and yes, a little light for anjali please... the no upside life of hers... and what a boring man to fall for and then for him to turn out to be a slightly icky kind of villain. i mean even in that, no real class. poor girl she needs a break. maybe he is not perfect, maybe it ain't love or marriage or phool khiley hain gulshan gulshan... but just a little brightness, that will make her remember all that she is. let's see. vijay verma might be an interesting man.

thanks for liking nani... my faviourite young lady she is.

Edited by indi52 - 12 years ago

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wiwy

@wiwy

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#319

Originally posted by: indi52

hello wiwy,

that in pink... 👏 👏 let's sell the idea to star plus and makee some moolah. but nahiiin, not for money, not for nuffin' am i selling my asr to this bedard duniya that chases trp's and lets ipk die then scrolls my bitwa's name on the screen claiming he ruined it all.

they ain't gettin' your brill white shirt idea. 😡

ok, thanks so much for detailed sweet comments... this time op drove me round the bend, he even wanted to be in the last line. i had to practically tie him up and hang him from a tree to keep him away.

are you having this problem with your characters?

seriously, i have no real finely crafted story in my head, just a general plot direction. when something comes by, i write.

always glad to see anyone is bothering to read. but, wiwy, i have to admit, i am beginning to have fun. and every reader feels precious... enjoy our little teehees after the chapter... an after party of sorts.

strange process... fiction. keep asking myself what happens when death is at the door and your dearest person is whom it seeks. then bin tere plays in the head and a girl going crazy, fighting back, and a man whose heart hears things not only his ears... does this happen? who knows? but those who are doctors often come to believe there's something other than medicine and rational modern tech that seems to be out there.

so glad you enjoyed... see you soon.

and today i come to check out that broken bed of yours. i need a good pllace for the two when he's ready to leave his cubicle. think he'll like the honeymoon special? you know, trauma they say changes people. 😆

Sahi hai, Indi! When you see it like that , how Star plus treated Barun you really feel like killing them! Losers! No, they surely don't deserve to profit from Barun's white shirt!😡

Yes I am having problems with my characters too! This Shyam is suddenly going out of hand! Have to give him the boot! Didn't realize how and when he surfaced in my story!😡 Do you want to take him from my story and put him in coma too, in your story? I bet, all the readers will kiss the ground you walk on, Indi!😃

Well if you don't craft the story, it means these things come naturally to you😛 I thought you had started from a single simple note, i.e. the tie and slowly built up your update to a crescendo, with Khushi losing it, Asr in coma, the bin tere song!

What you say about something beyond the rational, exists. The concept of exploring that with your readers...yes, I know why you are enjoying the journey.

That bed! Ha ha! Let him come out of the trauma. I will give them the bed for free!😃

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#320

^^^ ah, wiwy, now you're talking.

suna aapne, asr, wiwy is giving you that bed for free... mirror above too. wanna stroll out of that coma thing, you think?

sorry, wiwy... i am not touching that shyam cretin. he couldn't even be a villain worth asr's time and wrath. what a second grade baddie... my superhero deserves better. but alas, khushi has been casting a lethal gaze at shyam for a while... looks like i will have to go there. but seriously... shyamwa?

about star plus. to have access to millions of people, be right in their homes and lives and to peddle such nonsense day in day out, especially the patriarchal feudal bilge where women are treated as objects and kept within prescribed bounds... then gush about yourself as promoters of woman power... ah the spin of it... the sin of it.

and what they did with barun sobti... sorry unpardonable. but there is life and there are consumers. the ones you think you can fool forever. well, looks like the overseas audiences were having none of that... so inject barun tonic into the comatose veins of life ok... get your much touted super jodi (!! if only posing like asr khushi and trying to look stunning and hot could guarantee super jodidom... bollywood has lost its instinct and star plus its integrity, what a super jodi they make) to actually do the promotions, speak of eternal love but er weren't you going to kill him off? isn't that why i am here.

long time back a movie called network had left an impression with its hard edged, bare all look at television and its sick universe. the star network, part of mr murdoch's manipulative empire, makes those guys look like tame pussy cats.

we all fought to keep asr alive. demanded show be shut down otherwise. for whatever reasons that's what happened. and a young actor with bright clear eyes had to take the rap for it.

if ipk is back today, it's really thanks to him and his chemistry with sanaya irani. i hope the channel is just as quick and eager and honest in pointing that out. dislike star plus. that will never change.