arshi ff: without you... thread #1, chapters 1-13 **completed**

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BarunDiwani

@BarunDiwani

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#151

my post updated here 😊

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/85559948

be ready for alot of kisses!!

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Crazy4IPK

@Crazy4IPK

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#152

Let me sigh a relief first that Arnav is still breathing and I wish you won't be so relentless to kill him.

Did Khushi's touch took unconscious Arnav to the repercussion or it's just a Flash back to let us know about the story?

The flash back was great. How you described the scene of his swimming certainly gave me goose bumps.

Great assimilation with the shessh mahal scene.But your one is better cause here Arnav acted as a protector, where in the show he was really inexorable.

Absolutely loved Anjali's reliance on Khushi. She knows her bro's life is attached with Khushi. So only she can sense his condition.

looking forward for the next chapter.

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#153

Originally posted by: BarunDiwani
Un-reswa !

mmmuuuwwwaaa mmmuuuwaaa mmmuuuwaaa

and you know what those are for!! i'll be honest, before i finally read it, i cuaght a few comments that gave away the best surprise, but it gave me courage to read the rest and take a few more kisses b/c this is simply a wonderful story. Love your version of their first meeting, and how you kept the essentials the the same...i mean she had to fall on him from up above somewhere right😆?? and how you kept her first day attire the same👏 complete with sneakers, always loved that part!!

Special props for mentioning the man's physique😳 and sending me off the dreamland.
the protective ASR on the first day also a nice touch and the closure with her protecting him, splendid!! reminds me of that scene in the kitchen when faints.

My personal favorite part that i was praying for was how she held his hand to her heart, a few more chummbas for that!!!

feels like a load ofs shoulders, i know i know he's not completely out of danger, but this was enough to have me dancing for joy!!

Love how you've ended the story with the nurse and the Dr...so to be certain the two times his vital signs were strong is when he sent her his mehsoos and when she held his hand to his heart ? correct me if i'm wron pleeej!!

def looking fwd to the next!!

as many muaahs back at you and two more.

for actually wondering what were the two times his vitals steadied... yes yes yes he sent his mehsoos, when she thought i can't live without...

the second, in my mind was when she held his shoulders and hoped he felt safe. but if you read it as when she took his hand and put it on her heart, also good. the reader makes the story as much as the writer, see what we do to ipk ? 😆so glad you thought about it... i thought my writing needed to be a bit louder to make these points but i really didn't want to.

you guess right about staying close to the original. i feel i need to stick to the key aspects of the two characters and their meeting and things... i struggled a lot with that first time he saw her. he opened his eyes, and turned to see her... in my scenario, not possible. then i thought, what the... as long as it is a momentous and tumultuous affair, we're ok. they had to register with each other, madly badly, first go. i hope that happened. and he did behave a bit strangely for him, when he suddenly decided not to yell any more. but i hope the basics remained.

glad you like. no idea if story has pull... hope it does.

what's delightful these days is the number of blast folk who are into creative writing... must thank wiwy for egging all on and then landing that buildering man among us. 😆

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#154

Originally posted by: sohara
Let me sigh a relief first that Arnav is still breathing and I wish you won't be so relentless to kill him.
Did Khushi's touch took unconscious Arnav to the repercussion or it's just a Flash back to let us know about the story?
The flash back was great. How you described the scene of his swimming certainly gave me goose bumps.
Great assimilation with the shessh mahal scene.But your one is better cause here Arnav acted as a protector, where in the show he was really inexorable.
Absolutely loved Anjali's reliance on Khushi. She knows her bro's life is attached with Khushi. So only she can sense his condition.
looking forward for the next chapter.

thanks, sohara,

mine better than the original? nooo, but it is so sweet of you to say so. i wanted him to push her some more, but my heart said, no, the guy will not push a girl in her state, wet and shivering, beyond this.

in the original, he genuinely suspected she was a business rival's plant or something... so he went beyond a point... then she said things, about his sister when he didn't believe her, that's when he went ballistic, awww our sexy boy.

so happy you like. it was a sort of flashback, in the structure, not in anyone's mind. see ya soon.

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riti4u

@riti4u

Stunner

+ 7

Posted: 12 years ago

#155

di u missed out on my reply on page 18😒

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Katelyn

@Katelyn

Rocker

+ 7

Ocean of Happiness

Posted: 12 years ago

#156

Wow, Indi, my heart can't stop pounding as I was reading your chapter 2!!! The hospital scene is really painful to bear as you perfectly wrote Khushi' emotional state and also with my own experience with my dad! 😭 I'm glad he is showing some improvements! I really love the part where Khushi put Arnav's hand over her heart because that made all the difference! The human touch is a really powerful thing!

OMG, Indi, I have to give you a mighty big hug for putting our sexy boy in a pool! 🤗 The imagery is oh too sexy. ASR wearing a skimpy speedo and doing laps with glistening muscles. ☺️ This is so long overdue because I always thought he should have made good use of RM pool! 😉

I completely love how Arnav and Khushi met! How EPIC is that with Khushi landing on him while he's swimming with lots of bare skin and muscles at her fingertips!! ☺️ Ok, I'm drooling too much here, Indi!! 😳 The scene is so romantic and sexy!! Arnav is already feeling protective toward Khushi and also her tears were affecting him!!

I felt really terrible for what Khushi went through being locked up and without food. I find it very disturbing with what happened to Khushi before she ran into ASR. Thank goodness she got away!

Thank you so much for a fantastic update, Indi! 👏 I love how you give balance to your update with some sadness as well as a bit of romance. I really enjoyed the read. Noticed the number of times I used the word "sexy." 😆

Eagerly waiting for chapter 3!!

BTW, thank you for sharing the story about your daughter. You've handled the situation so well! 😉

Edited by Katelyn - 12 years ago

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DurgaS

@DurgaS

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

#157

Originally posted by: indi52

thanks, durga, for reading... and reading once more.

this is fiction, something coming from me, where i am not a very deft story teller, since i have no experience in creating this sort of thing, the least i can do is, go into the characters, think of a situation i want to craft and see how that can come about.

how would khushi jump into a pool where he's swimming alone in the morning, a pool by a hotel in lucknow. as i looked at it... this scenario came to me. you know, durga, couple of years back when i went to delhi, for the first time i saw in leading dailies ads for "massage" euphemism for prostitution, of course. the tone and language were shocking... in respected newspapers, so no one understood what "massage, home/hotel, single/couple, uzbek/mongolian/girls call..." meant? the state of women, the trafficking in our nation, it's all gone out of wack... i grew up in delhi, i am sure a lot of stuff used to happen back then too, but not at this scale, and this flagrant in your face way. i felt i wanted to touch on that vulnerability of every girl... and the scene fitted well. of course, one may argue that goondas wouldn't leave her alone the whole night, they'd drug her or whatever... but really anything can happen in a situation, so i took that creative licence.

if you look at shyam's entry in ipk, equally disturbing... if you see a girl on tv falling into someone's lap, you are free to harass her in broad daylight and pull off her dupatta, pick her up and more,... what are we saying here about us?

glad you liked di/khushi scene. actually, to bring her sis in law back to the moment, di is quite capable of pretending to be more helpless than she is... she wants khushi to wake up, feel... so i don't know...😳.

do share your thoughts again. hope you liked the chapter.

Totally understand the reason you brought that scene in. That newspaper ad thing is scary. These things have been happening from before, but now it seems to be getting worse. The situation has become so pathetic. Isn't there a way out of this? Does a girl have to be vulnerable always? I know life isn't easy, but for a girl wanting to do something, it becomes harsh. Ok, I better stop now and come back to the chapter. Nice idea for a first meeting. Right inside the pool. In the show, the farthest they went was dip their hands in the pool to get the bangle (right before the first kiss - Payash mehndi). You mentioned this earlier in one of your comments 'i am having visions of him in buoyant, energetic, pristine blue water... what's eh doing there?' So, this is what he is doing in the water, swimming! Arnav, the ace swimmer, even for him it must be too much to being pushed inside the water by this bundle of clothes. Interesting! I think in that situation, not only ASR, anyone would be mad. So, Vijay Verma becomes a doctor. Hmm... just wondering, while ASR is recuperating in the hospital bed, Dr. VV and ASR may chat up about some non-medical things, like talking about their experiences with their Pooja thali wielding relatives. 😆 I can see a bonding developing between the doctor and the patient.

Daughters always peep in at the most delicate point, isn't it? 😆 Someday, I would like to interview Estair and ask her about her thoughts regarding her mother's writings, etc, etc. That would be very interesting. 😆 😉

Edited by DurgaS - 12 years ago

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IssK.

@IssK.

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#158

hi isspkaur,

thanks for that lovely post. remember that mazhar scene where he is walking in in all black, white handkerchief on head, remote eyes, face inert? i could watch that scene forever... just as i could watch those arms moving and a back glistening through each of those 40 (please more) laps nonstop. alas, girl had to her thing. the only thing i missed in that scene was khushi checking him out... hmmm kuch kareka padi as it is said around here.

so glad you liked the hospital scene. it was tough to write... make it real yet keep it light... every time i add a chapter i realise it isn't easy to write a popular serial... very very tough.

see you next update, and one nice square cushion coming up. 😃

The Mazaar scene was DELICIOUS looking! Black is my fave color on him in suits...speaking of which, I die each time I see him in that "pattal" eye lock at Gupta house followed by the heart wrenching drama around the forced wedding. He looked so smashing, way beyond his years, way too sexy for a human being, there was something so...ok before i get carried away i need to crawl my way back to this page 😆

Back to where we were: the Mazaar scene, yes, he looked divine. Though the inertness of face, i don't know if you'll kill me for saying, my feeling is it came from a certain self consciousness with the part, and not knowing fully who ASR really was. I don't think any of them, not him and certainly not the makers, really knew for sure at that stage what his boundaries were. They knew he was very dark and wanted him to do extreme things but that's about it. My two bits only!

As for your arms moving back glistening ASR, he is total dil-o-dimag par ASAR type 😆 Speedos and all. I loved seeing him in the water...just as much as i adored seeing him buildering in wiwy's lovely new tale 😊... both so refreshing and yet so ASR.

And one last thing - Vijay Verma comes to ASR's rescue! Donno how I forgot to mention this in my earlier post - loved the touch!!

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#159

Originally posted by: riti4u
😃 arnav is alive..phew!...

indi di loved it..👏..specially flashback of khushi..their first meet...it was funny with khushi on top of arnav😆..but i really liked the way you described that moment...then in hospital.. khushi's feelings ..her holding arnav's hand...i loved it..

waiting for more di...

and also loved reading your daughter's reaction 😆

ok, i am practicing my sorry in front of the mirror. 😆

apologies, riti... i did miss it. khushi on top of arnav? ai ai yo... i could right a very naughty novel on that. thanks so much, riti... i feel happy when someone reads and loves... the fun gets multiplied... will be back soon.

my daughter will make me sannyasini... 😳

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indi52

@indi52

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

#160

Originally posted by: Katelyn
Wow, Indi, my heart can't stop pounding as I was reading your chapter 2!!! The hospital scene is really painful to bear as you perfectly wrote Khushi' emotional state and also with my own experience with my dad! 😭 I'm glad he is showing some improvements! I really love the part where Khushi put Arnav's hand over her heart because that made all the difference! The human touch is a really powerful thing!

OMG, Indi, I have to give you a mighty big hug for putting our sexy boy in a pool! 🤗 The imagery is oh too sexy. ASR wearing a skimpy speedo and doing laps with glistening muscles. ☺️ This is so long overdue because I always thought he should have made good use of RM pool! 😉

I completely love how Arnav and Khushi met! How EPIC is that with Khushi landing on him while he's swimming with lots of bare skin and muscles at her fingertips!! ☺️ Ok, I'm drooling too much here, Indi!! 😳 The scene is so romantic and sexy!! Arnav is already feeling protective toward Khushi and also her tears were affecting him!!

I felt really terrible for what Khushi went through being locked up and without food. I find it very disturbing with what happened to Khushi before she ran into ASR. Thank goodness she got away!

Thank you so much for a fantastic update, Indi! 👏 I love how you give balance to your update with some sadness as well as a bit of romance. I really enjoyed the read. Noticed the number of times I used the word "sexy." 😆 😳 Eagerly waiting for chapter 3!!

BTW, thank you for sharing the story about your daughter. You've handled the situation so well! 😉

thank you thank you thank you, you mad sweet friend of mine. you really liked? i am so thrilled. yes that balance of happy sad this that and sexxxyyy, i hope i get that right. actually now that you mention it, 😆 my one word brief to myself is "sexy." ok not just physically, in every way.

i see a lot of people like him in the pool... i wonder why it is so. 🤣

i am touched to hear the hospital scene touched you so much. i was there with my mother last... almost six years ago... the feelings remain.