"Kabhi waqt sahi nahin tha to kabhi haalaat sahi nahin the... shaayad hum hi ek durse ke liye sahi nahin hain Omkaraji"
"Aisa nahin hai Gauri..."
"To phir kaisa hai Omkaraji? Intezaar bhi uske liye kiya jaata hai jise aane mein koi iccha ho... agar aap ke dil mein humare rishte ke liye koi naam nahin hai to humare liye jagah kahaan se aayegi? Hum apni poori zindagi ummeed pe hi kata sakte hain magar jab humein acchi tarah se aap ne samjha diya hai ki ummeed befizool hai to hum is ke aage kis bina par is benaam rishte ko kaayam rakhein? Aur agar hum donon ke beech koi rishta hai hi nahin, to kis haq se hum is ghar mein rahein?"
Again, the man stood in front of her seemed to have nothing to say. His dark eyes beseechingly stared into hers with countless emotions crashing and ebbing like a stormy sea but Gauri was beyond trying to decipher things from his silences now.
Their unnamed relationship had suffered enough through her words and his silence. A clean break would be the best option for both of them to help them move on... something Gauri had no trouble believing Omkara would be successful in doing quite soon. He had his family, his brothers and his art to support him and distract him. She only had herself... but that would be enough, it had to be. She was good enough... for herself at least, if not for him.
Gauri sighed, her tiny figure slumping onto the green recliner that had of late become her go to piece of furniture whenever she wanted some time to reflect on the phaila hua raita state her life seemed stubbornly bent on staying in. She'd tried again and again, doing whatever was in her power to uphold her end of the relationship with no expectations of her so-called husband doing anything about his emotional responsibilities toward the same. But every time, he'd do something or say something to make her hopes rise, only to dash them into smithereens on the sharp rocks of his confusion, silence or worse, denial.
She didn't know whether his instinctive denial of their relationship at the roadside chai ki dukaan had been the last straw but it had definitely been a major eye opener for Gauri. She was tired... emotionally, physically and psychologically. The upkeep of this relationship with Omkara and the resulting connections with his family members, pretending that everything was alright when nothing was... all of it was turning out to be extremely draining. Being on the run from Kaali Thakur or tackling the mask wearing witch Svetlana seemed easier in comparison.
"Hum thak gaye hain Omkaraji... hum se ye aur nahin hoga. Is rishte ka bojh hum akele utha nahin paa rahe hain. Aap humare beech ke rishte ko nahin maante, theek hai. Hum ne aap se kabhi ye ummeed rakhi thi ki aap humein aur is rishte ko apna sakenge... humein ek mauka denge... magar ab to hum wo ummeed bhi nahin karte aap se."
Busy as she was in trying to explain her thoughts and feelings to the silent man sitting on the bed in front of her, Gauri missed the dawning look of panic and horror on Omkara's face. He knew very well that he had taken unfair advantage of Gauri's patience... but he'd only been able to take the time to work things out within himself because he knew Gauri was staying strong for them. Her belief in their relationship was strong enough for both of them... she alone, was enough to keep the reality of their connection going while he explored the quagmire of emotional chaos that existed within him. He'd truly believed that she would remain his rock... there, supporting him silently, believing in him, in them... till he was ready to do his part.
"K..Kya keh rahi ho Gauri?"
"Humein yaad hai... jab hum Chulbul the to hum ne aap se kaha tha ki pyaar nibhaane ke liye bas hum hi kaafi hain. Aaj bhi hum usi baat ke vishwaas pe chal rahe hain. Pyaar nibhaane ke liye hum ek hi kaafi hain... magar rishte ek taraf se nahin nibhte Omkaraji... Pyaar nibhaane aur rishta nibhaane mein bohot faraq hai. Rishte badi naazuk cheezein hoti hain. Do logon ki zaroorat hoti hai unhein kaayam rakhne ke liye. Hum se akele nahin sambhal raha ye rishta... magar hum aap se ye nahin kahenge ki is rishte ko sambhaalne mein aap humara saath dein"
She finally looked up from staring at the carpet near her feet, to look into his shocked eyes, her own kohl-lined ones unusually dull and lifeless
"Hum jaante hain ki jab tak aap ka dil nahin maanega, aap koi bhi cheez zabardasti se nahin karenge ya maanenge. Aur humein aap par ya aap ke dil par koi zabardasti karni bhi nahin hai."
"To tum... kehna kya chaahti ho Gauri?"
Omkara's voice was barely above a hoarse whisper. This was his nightmare unfolding in front of his eyes. He'd dreaded the day she would get to the end of her tether... he knew it could happen, he knew it probably would... but his mind had stubbornly not prepared for this eventuality, not even wanting to consider such a possibility.
"Is baar humein mat rokiye... jaane dijiye humein. Ab agar hum yahaan rahe to kabhi nahin jaa paayenge. Aap ke parivaar waalon ne humein itni khushi aur itna pyaar diya hai ki unke pyaar aur unke saath jude rishton ki wajah se humein darr hai kahin hum aap ki zindagi mein apni asli jageh bhool na jaayein. Agar hum apne aap ko sach mein is ghar ki bahu aur aap ki patni samajhne lage to jab humara ye haseen sapna tootega to uske saath saath hum bhi toot jaayenge aur baad mein apne aap ko sametne ka koi zariya hi nahin bachega."
Her pretty eyes filled with traitorous tears as Gauri's voice wobbled at the last words.
"Isi liye hum aap se vinti karte hain... jaane dijiye humein. Aap se, is ghar se, aap ke parivaar waalon se door chale jaayenge aur aap se waada karte hain... mud kar waapis nahin aayenge. Kisi ke bulaane par bhi nahin. Waada karte hain. Please... jaane dijiye humein"
She folded her hands as if in prayer, pleading with him to let her go, to free her from the hellish limbo that his stubborn silence had firmly ensconced her in for so long. Omkara's eyes widened in shock and despair as he spied her bent and defeated frame pleading at him with folded hands. Whatever he'd been about to say stayed stuck in his throat once more.
The emotionally charged moment was harshly broken by the strident tones of Om's phone ringing. Unable to wrench his eyes away from Gauri, Omkara fumbled around on the bed next to him for his phone and answered it without even glancing at it to see who was calling.
"Haan... bol Shivaay"
"Main... abhi nahin-"
He'd decided for once that he needed to resolve whatever problems his hesitant tongue had created and was going to tell his brother that he couldn't make it at that moment when he felt Gauri's soft, small hand on his own, squeezing in silent support, her eyes telling him to go to his brother
"I'll be there in some time Shivaay..."
With that he quickly cut the call, feeling Gauri pulling back once more, his eyes going to the place on his arm where he could still feel the warmth of her touch.
"Gauri..."
"Parivaar pehle... baaki sab baad mein sulta lenge... aap jaayiye"
Omkara could only stare at her, his eyes filled with a mixture of astonishment, gratitude and something else... something she couldn't really define. The intensity of his eyes on her was a bit unsettling for Gauri but as always, she caught and held his gaze steadily. Most of their communication happened through glances and stares... words always, always taking the backseat in their weird and quite misunderstood relationship. And now too, his eyes tried to telegraph their gratitude at the understanding she'd shown and hers just blinked back at him in a reassuring manner.
"Mujhe pata hai ki tum jo bhi keh rahi thi wo bohot important hai... humari... humari relationship abhi kisi bhi tarah se normal nahin hai aur ye meri wajah se hai, main acchi tarah se jaanta hoon. Please mujhe... thoda aur waqt do. I'm sure ki main-"
"Omkaraji... humein aap se koi shikaayat nahin hai kyunki hum aap se koi ummeed nahin rakhte hain ab. Ye hum gusse mein ya bhaavuk ho kar nahin keh rahe hain. Humein aap par ya aap ke jazbaaton par koi zor nahin daalna hai. Jab aap ke man mein humare liye aur humare beech ke rishte ke liye jageh khud ba khud ban jaaye, jab aap is rishte ko uska naam aur haq dene ke liye dil se raazi ho jaayein, tab aap khud humare paas aayenge. Humein us din ka intezaar rahega... magar tab tak hum apni zindagi apne sire se jeena chaahte hain. Isi liye hum ghar ke baaki sabhi logon se keh kar waapis Bareilly chale jaayenge. Aur is baar aap humein mat rokiyega... hum bas aap se yahi vinti karte hain."
And with that, she got up and calmly walked out of the room and he was quite sure this time, out of his life. Because, when he came back to the room about four hours later after tending to whatever business issues that Shivaay had needed him for, Omkara found his room back to its pre-Chulbul look. The recliner was back against the wall, an entire portion of his closet was empty of its wild and beautiful colors and prints, all his art supplies were back in their original places and his sculptures were back to being unclothed. Each and every trace of her had been systematically and thoroughly removed from the space they'd shared first as master and servant, then as friends and later as an almost-but-not-quite married couple.
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Hope you liked this start...
Most of it is already written and will be posted regularly over the next few days.
Please let me know what you thought by hitting the like button and commenting your thoughts, ideas and any suggestions you might have.
Cheers!
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Bindi
