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Chapter-6
Sleep seemed to elude Kesar later that night.He was still thinking about the hug.The unexpected display of emotions from Gulaal was definitely a surprise...a very pleasant surprise,he thought as he smiled remembering the moment.He had not wanted to let her go at all.It felt wonderful to hold her in his arms.When Gulaal moved back he could see a light pink tinge on her cheeks.There was an embarrassed smile and her eyes were downcast.He should have said something...anything to make her feel comfortable but he remained silent with a smirk on his face enjoying her shy discomfort.He was staring right at her and he knew that she could feel it because he could see her blush deepen.Finally she lifted up her eyes to look at him and quickly left the room mumbling something about helping Rewa.He should have stopped her from leaving.He should have grabbed her hand and...He got up with a start.What did he want to do exactly?He turned to look at Gulaal .He could not see her face as she was turned away from him but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.He envied her.How could she sleep without a care in the world while here he was wide awake in the middle of the night,his thoughts completely occupied by her?He closed his eyes and tried hard to clear his mind of all thoughts.He took a few deep breaths and finally he felt calm.Now he can enjoy his sleep,he thought with a smile but the very next minute the vision of a smiling Gulaal with her hair open assaulted his senses.He opened his eyes and sighed softly as he looked to his side once more where his tormentor was sleeping unaware of the havoc she was causing within him.
Gulaal was not asleep.She was in fact wide awake.She was excited.It was Kesar's birthday tomorrow.He had not told her.She came to know of it while cleaning his table a few days ago and she saw his driving license lying around.She was curious so she looked at it and that's how she found out that his birthday was coming up.She wondered as to why he had not let her know.It had bothered her that he had failed to mention it but she soon got over it.She wanted to get up early and be the first one to wish him.She looked at the beautifully wrapped small gift near her pillow.She had spent a lot of time searching for this.She wanted to see his happy face when he looked at it.From the tossing and turning and the soft sighs she could make out that even Kesar was finding it difficult to sleep.Maybe he too was waiting eagerly for the sun to rise.After all who doesn't love birthdays??
Gulaal woke up with a start when she felt the rays of the sun hit her face.She looked at her clock.It was late.The alarm had failed to ring.She looked to her side and to her disappointment Kesar was missing."aaj hi ke din Kesar ko jaldi uthna tha kya?...aur yeh alarm ko bhi isi din kharab ho na tha...".She muttered angrily as she quickly took a shower and got ready in an instant.Before leaving the room she took the gift with her and went downstairs.She was puzzled because she could not see Kesar anywhere.She went into the kitchen and decided to make Kesar's favourite kheer.He would love it.She got some help from the cook and within an hour breakfast along with kheer was ready.She went out to the dining room and saw Rewa and Kesar come down the stairs.Rewa was unually quiet and it felt weird.Kesar on the other hand had a blank expression on his face.As he walked towards the table he looked at her.She smiled but she was mildly surprised when he averted his eyes and sat at his usual place looking grim.
"Bhabhi...sorry main aaj aap ki madad nahi kar paayi...chaliye ab bataayiye kya karna hai main fatafat kar dethi hoon",Rewa's voice made her look away from Kesar.
"koi baat nahi Rewa.maine sab tayyar kar diya hai.tum baitho main abhi naashta lagaa dethi hoon...",she replied with a smile.
Rewa nodded and headed towards the table.She brought out the tray with the breakfast and then remembered that Baba was missing since morning.She had gone to give him his morning tea as usual but he had not been there in is room.She had searched for him everywhere then a servant let her know that Baba had gone to the temple.
"Rewa...suno...Baba abhi tak waapis nahi aaye kya?aaj achanak aise mandir chale gaye bina kuch bataye...",she asked and Rewa was about to reply,"woh bhabhi...aaj...".Suddenly she heard Kesar get up and say,"main jaa raha hoon.aaj mujhe jaldi jaana hai.office mein thoda kaam hai...".
She panicked.She needed to give him his present.She needed to wish him.She almost shouted,"RUKO KESAR...thoda sa kha lo...please...".At last he made eye contact with her.He seemed to be in a dilemma but then he gave in and sat down.She quickly went into the kitchen,served the kheer that she had prepared in two bowls and brought it to the table.She served both Kesar and Rewa who were quietly eating their breakfast.She then rushed to the place where she had kept the present,hit it behind her and walked towards the table with a smile.She was just about to wish him when she heard his voice,"yeh kya hai?... yeh kheer aaj ke din kyun banayi hai...".She was stunned to note the anger in his voice.He was still looking at the bowl with both his hands clenched into fists.She smiled hesitantly as she replied softly,"tumne mujhe bataya nahi lekin mujhe patha chal gaya ki aaj tumhara birthday hai...janam din mubaarak ho Kesar...".
There was an absolute silence for a moment and then she got the shock of her life when he smashed the bowl of kheer on the floor.She took a few steps back and kept looking at the broken bowl and the contents which had fallen everywhere.
Rewa tried to speak,"bhaiya woh bhabhi ko patha nahi..."Kesar looked at her, his eyes blazing with anger and Rewa stopped talking.Gulaal was still in shock and she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt his breath on her face.He was standing right in front of her.He stared at her blankly as he said in a cold tone,"main kabhi bhi apna janamdin nahi manaata aur mujhe yeh bilkul acha nahi lagta ki koi mere janamdin ko celebrate kare,mujhe tohfe de,mujhe surprise kare...samjhi tum...".He stared at her for a few seconds before turning around and making a hasty exit.She stood rooted to the spot unable to understand what had just happened.She heard the angry roar of the bike and knew that Kesar had taken off.
Rewa rushed over to her side,"oh bhabhi...meri hi galti hai...mujhe aap ko pehle hi bata dena chahiye tha...main bhi kitni buddhu hoon...socha hi nahi...arre aap toh kaamp rahi hain...chaliye baithiye yahaan..."
Rewa got her a glass of water and sat beside her.She felt a little better after drinking water but she could feel tears sting her eyes .Rewa saw the present in her hand and sighed,"mujhe patha hai...aapke mann mein bahut saare sawaal hain na...par bhabhi aaj ke din woh aise hi hothe hain...chidchide se...woh aap par gussa nahi the...bas apne aap se naaraz hain...".
"lekin Rewa usne aisa kyun kiya?itna gussa...maine kabhi use itne gusse mein nahi dekha...aakhir baat kya hai?"She saw the tears in Rewa's eyes as she replied softly,"Bhabhi...aaj hi ke din Ma hum sab ko chod ke door chali gayi thi...aaj hi ke din unka car accident hua tha...bhaiya apne aap ko zimmedaar maante hain unki mauta ka...unhe lagta hai ki agar unhone us din zid na ki hothi toh ma aaj bhi hamaare saath hothi...main toh bahut choti thi,mujhe toh unka chehra bhi yaad nahi...phir bhi main unhe bahut miss karti hoon...toh sochiye bhabhi, aaj ka din bhaiya ke liye kitna mushkil hoga...us din se bhaiya ne apna janamdin manana chod diya...pehle hum bhi jaate the Baba ke saath pooja ke liye lekin bhaiya ko bahut takleef hothi thi isliye ab sirf Baba hi jaate hain akele...patha nahi bhaiya kab yeh samajh paayenge ki isme unki koi galti thi hi nahi...woh to bache the...unhe kya patha tha ki aisa ho jaayega...mujhe maa ke na hone ka gham itna nahi satata jitna ki bhaiya ka yeh dukh...please bhabhi aap unko galat math samajhiye...woh bas apne dard ko chupane ki koshish kar rahe hai jo kabhi kabhi gussa banke baahar aa jaata hai..."She started to sob unable to speak anymore.Gulaal held her in his arms and tried to soothe her as she replied,"shhh...Rewa...tum chinta math karo Rewa...kuch nahi hoga...main hoon na...main sab theek kar doongi...".
When Kesar had started the bike he had every intention to go to the office but somehow he took a different road and now here he was standing at his favourite spot near the lake.He always came here whenever he felt confused,lonely or in pain .Today he was feeling none of those things...there was only anger within him and it was directed towards himself.He threw a stone into the placid water.The stone caused a few ripples and then quietly sunk.A picture of a shocked Gulaal entered his mind and he threw another stone to get rid of the image.Everything was his fault .Gulaal had nothing to do with it.He had got so pre-occupied thinking about her the whole night that he actually forgot the day his mother was cruelly snatched away from.It was his fault that he had failed to mention it to Gulaal.It was his fault that he could not control his anger when he saw the kheer.He could still see her happy,childlike,expectent smile and the present which she had been trying to hide.Why couldn't he have just talked to her like an adult?Once again his childish anger caused pain to someone he cared about.Suddenly he felt a sharp pain shoot up his body and he just fell to his knees unable to control his tears any longer.It had been his fault that his Ma lost her life that day.If only he had not been so stubborn...if only he had not made her go out...his childish tantrums cost his mother her life.He was now openly sobbing, crying out his heart unable to bear it anymore.
Gulaal wanted to make things right.She kept calling him but he was not picking up his phone.Why would he?He was hurt and angry with her right now.He had every right to be.She had been so inconsiderate.If only she had known...She sighed as the message "the number you are trying to reach has been switched off"was repeated .Finally she decided to go to his office because she knew she would be restless until she apologized to him but to her dismay he was not there.No one knew where he was.She was now very worried.When she came back home she tried to hide her worry but Baba could make out that something was wrong.She tried to keep the incidents from the morning a secret but then Rewa came upto him and told him the entire story.Baba called her to sit beside him and held her hand as he spoke,"beta...main jaanta hoon ki tujhe bahut chintha ho rahi hai...par fikar math kar main apne bete ko achi tarah se jaanta hoon.woh theek thaak ghar pahunch jaayega.bachpan se hi aisa hai beta...apna dard kisi ke saath bhi nahi baantta.woh humein dukhi nahi karna chahtha isliye hamesha use chupake rakhta hai par woh yeh nahi jaanta ki main uska pita hoon uske bina kuch bole,bina kuch bayan kiye...uski har aahat ko samajh sakta hoon...uske har dukh ko takleef ko jaan sakta hoon.jab woh apne dard aur gusse par kaboo paa lega toh ghar laut aayega...tu darr math...use kuch nahi hoga...".Baba's words made her feel better but still she couldn't let go of the worry.She needed to see him in front of her only then could she rest easy.
It was almost 11 in the night when Kesar made his way into the home.He had a spare key.Everyone seemed to have to gone to sleep because the house was shrouded in darkness.He did not want to disturb anyone.He was just about to go to his room when he heard his father's voice call him,"Kesar...".Baba sounded tired and weary.A light was switched on and he saw his father sit in his favourite rocking chair.He walked to wards him feeling guilty with eyes downcast."jee Baba?...",he asked hesitantly.
"beta...kahaan tha tu ab tak?tere peeche hum sab kitne pareshan the tujhe patha bhi hai?...Gulaal ne subah se kuch bhi nahi khaya...woh tere office tujhe doondhte hue gayi thi par tu wahaan nahi tha...aur kitne call kiye ...lekin koi jawaab nahi...aur upar se tu itni der ko lauta hai...beta tujhe yaad hona chahiye ki teri chintha karne waale ghar pe teri raah dekh rahe hain...".
He falls at Baba's feet and holds onto his knee as he replied,"main jaanta hoon Baba...mujhse aaj bahut badi galti ho gayi...mujhe is tarah se pesh nahi aana chahiye tha...is tarah bina bataaye jaana nahi chahiye tha...main aap sab ko pareshan nahi karna chahtha tha...main bas kuch pal akele rehna chahtha lekin phir waqt ka patha hi nahi chala...main aap ko kabhi dukh nahi dena chahtha...mera vishwaas ki jiye Baba...main aage se aisa kuch nahi karoonga jisse aapko takleef ho...mujhe maaf kar dijiye Baba...maaf kar dijiye...".
Som Mehta sighed.He understood his son's pain.He kept his hand on his son's head and patted him as he replied,"beta main samajhtha hoon...tere dard ko...main jaanta hoon tujhe kitni takleef ho rahi hai lekin ab tu bada ho gaya hai...shaadi shuda hai...tujh par kuch zimmedaariyaan hain...tujhe apni patni ke samman ka khayaal hona chahiye...aisa kuch bhi nahi karna chahiye jisse use chot pahunche...main jaanta hoon ki tu ne aaj jo bhi kiya woh jaan bhoojkar nahi kiya phir bhi beta aage se khayaal rakhna...aur maafi mujhse nahi tujhe usse maangni chahiye...jaa beta...jaa...woh tumhara intezaar kar rahi hai...".
Kesar got up with a heavy heart as he replied,"jee Baba...".He started walking in the direction of his room when he heard Gulaal's voice from the opposite side,"Kesar...".He turned around to see Gulaal standing near the dining table.She spoke softly without meeting his eyes,"Kesar...tumne kuch khaya nahi hai...chalo aake kuch khaa lo".He walked towards her and to his surprise there was not a trace of anger on her face and her voice revealed only concern and relief...nothing else.He was ashamed as he tried to say,"Gulaal main..."but he was cut off by her reply,"abhi nahi Kesar...pehle tum kuch khaa lo phir baad mein baat karenge".He nodded silently not wishing to contradict her.As he smelt the aroma of food kept in front of him,he realized that he was indeed quite ravenous.He was about to attack his plate when he noticed Gulaal sitting nearby idly."Gulaal...tumne bhi toh kuch nahi khaya chalo tum bhi kha lo...".She replied without looking at him,"nahi ...mujhe bhook nahi hai...".He could make out from her voice that she was lying.He did not say a word instead he went on to fix a plate for her and kept it in front of her.At last she looked a him.He could see the tears in her eyes as he gestured her to eat.She smiled and quickly took a bite of the roti.It made him happy and then he started to devour the food kept in front of him.
After an enjoyable meal in silence Gulaal started to clear the plates.She felt a lot better now.Her head had been on the verge of exploding due to the events which took place today.The stress and worry had took a toll and she had ended up with a severe headache.One look at Kesar back home safe and sound,her headache had almost vanished and now with her stomach full it had disappeared entirely.Just then she heard Kesar's sheepish question,"Gulaal...tumne aaj subah jo kheer banayi thi woh hai kya?maine toh chak ke dekha bhi nahi ..."She looked at him with a wide smile as she replied enthusiastically,"hai...main abhi leke aat hoon"and she rushed into the kitchen to bring him the kheer.
Later as Kesar entered his room he thought about how Gulaal's face had lighted up when he asked for the kheer.That had made her so happy.His smile disappeared when he realized that he had not yet apologized for his boorish behaviour in the morning.Suddenly something bright lying on bed caught his attention.It was the beautifully wrapped present...his birthday present.He had a huge smile on his face as he took the present in his hands and tore open the wrapping curious to know what she had got for him.He could not help but let out a little scream.It was a beautiful watch...a watch he had been wanting to buy for the past several months but how did she come to know?
"tum yehi soch rahe ho na ki mujhe kaise patha chala...par main nahi bataungi...",He jumped a little when he heard Gulaal's voice ring out.He turned around to see her standing at the door with a naughty grin.
she had heard him scream in excitememnt and knew that he had opened her present.He could not resist opening it.He had not even waited for her.He was such a child sometimes.She shook her head and headed towards the room.She stood at the door,saw him wear the watch and admiring it.She could see a small frown appear on his face and could guess what he was thinking about.
Her answer had startled him but he couldn't wipe away the happy grin off his face as he replied,"thank you Gulaal...patha nahi tumne mere mann ki baat kaise jaan li...jo bhi ho yeh tohfa mujhe bahut acha laga...ise main hamesha sambhaalke rakhunga."Then he was reminded of his rude beahviour and his smile faded as he continued,"Gulaal...aaj subah jo bhi hua uske liye I am very sorry.Mujhe maaf kar do.mujhe is tarah se tumhare saath baat nahi karni chahiye thi.I am so sorry...".
He was avoiding looking at her eyes.So she walked upto him and said,"nahi Kesar tumhe maafi maangne ki koi zaroorat nahi thi...galti meri thi maine bina jaane tumhari zakhmon ko khured diya...maafi toh mujhe maangni chahiye na...yakeen maano Kesar agar mujhe patha hotha toh main ..."
He cut her off as he replied,"yehi toh baat hai na Gulaal tumhe patha nahi tha...aur maine tumhare upar apna saara gussa nikaal diya...phir tumhe poora din pareshan kiya...tumne aaj din bhar kuch bhi nahi khaya...meri wajah se...main bahut bura hoon Gulaal hamesha unhe takleef detha hoon jo meri parwaah karte hain...meri wajah se maa bhi...".He stopped talking unable to go on any longer.The heaviness in his heart spread to his limbs and suddenly he felt too tired to stand.He sat down on the bed and then his eyes fell on the photo kept on the bedside table-his ma was smiling at him but today it did not comfort him at all.He did not know when the tears started to stream down his eyes.He was embarrassed.He did not want to breakdown in front of Gulaal.He tried to wipe them away with the back of his hand but he just couldn't stop.
"jaanti ho Gulaal...main jab chota tha toh bahut ziddi tha...har baat pe zid...jo cheez mujhe chahiye hothi use haasil karne ke liye main kuch bhi kar sakta tha aur tab tak sab ko tang karta jab tak mujhe woh cheez mil nahi jaati...us din bhi yehi hua...meri birthday party chal rahi thi...dhoom dhaam se...mere saare dost aaye hue the...sab kuch acha chal raha tha lekin mujhe cake pasand nahi aaya...",he chuckled sarcastically
"...haan mujhe cake pasand nahi aaya kyunki woh mere favourite cartoon character ke shape wala nahi tha...main ro ne laga...Ma ne bahut samjhane ki koshish ki woh kal zaroor leke aayengi par main apne zid pe ada raha...mujhe cake tabhi chahiye thi...meri wajah se Ma khud us cakeshop tak jaane ke liye tayyar ho gayi.main maan gaya...Ma ko gale se lagaya...Ma ne aakhri baar mujhse love you beta kaha aur phir hamesha hamesha ke liye mujhse door chali gayi..."Now that the dam had finally burst open he was completely overcome with emotions.
For a moment Gulaal stood rooted to the spot.She did not know what to say...she did not know what to do and then her instint took over.She walked towards him and gently placed her hands on his shoulders.He looked up with tears in his eyes.He looked like a lost little boy.Her heart melted and she hugged him to her bosom without giving it any further thought.He wrapped his arms around her waist in a tight grip as he spoke hoarsely,"I miss her so much Gulaal...har din har pal...kaash woh aaj yahaan hothi...lekin meri wajah se unhe apni zindagi kho ni padi...meri bachkani zid ki wajah se...".Gulaal remained silent letting him pour out his pain and frustration.She just tightened her grip around him and tried to soothe him by patting his back.They both remained in that position for some time.
Kesar opened his eyes.The tears had come to a stop.He was now feeling very lighthearted.He realized that he was in a very compromising position hugging Gulaal around her waist but surprisingly it did not feel awkward.It felt right.He was thankful for the support and warmth he was getting from her but he knew he had to let her go sometime.He loosened his grip and he could feel Gulaal move back.He looked upto her and was surprised to see that there were tear tracks down her face.He cleared his throat as he got up,"Gulaal...kya hua tum kyun ro rahi ho?"She replied instantly,"main...nahi toh main kahaan ro rahi thi?...". "acha...toh phir yeh kya hai?",he wiped a tear from her eyes and showed it to her.She touched her face and looked at him in surprise,"mujhe toh patha hi nahi chala ki main ro rahi thi...".They both looked at each other for a moment silently and then they burst into laughter.
They never spoke of the moment again.Later that night Kesar looked at the watch and came to the conclusion that this had been the best birthday in a very long time...
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